The string of balls - Chapter 1 Honda Kotonoha

Episode 1: I Loved You First

I realized I was different from others in the fourth grade of elementary school.

The girls were going to get together during lunch break to talk about love, and I, who had been spending the time reading a book in the corner of the classroom, ended up getting dragged into joining in.

“Who does Koto-chan like?”

It was a childhood friend who asked me this question.

I didn’t realize how kind she was in including me in the group so that I wouldn’t feel isolated, and I spoke without thinking at the time.

“I like Fumie.”

I will never forget the looks I received from those around me at that moment.

Those eyes, as if they were looking at something disgusting. The girls glared at me, telling me to read the mood, and looked at me in shock. Not understanding why they were looking at me like that, I was just shaking with fear when Fumi spoke to me kindly.

“I like Koto-chan too, but this isn’t about that, I’m talking about the boy I like.”

“S… sorry… I guess she’s not here.”

Fumie, who was the leader of the class, stepped up to help, and the situation was resolved amicably, but it left me with a great sense of unease.

That’s right. Everyone else was talking about boys who were good at soccer, fast runners, popular boys in class, and so forth. They were talking about how cool someone was, how kind they were, and so on.

But none of them resonated with me.

The words ” the boy　I like” stuck with me so much that I couldn’t swallow them.

Afterwards, I went home and thought about it carefully and realized what the strange feeling was.

Dramas, movies, novels, manga etc., etc. Men fall in love with women, and women fall in love with men. That’s the way the world is, and that’s why the world has continued on.

Maybe it’s strange for me to feel the way I do about the sentence.

I thought that I would eventually fall in love with a guy and these feelings would disappear, but it was at my junior high school graduation that I realized that I was wrong.

“Hayama-san! I’ve always liked you! Please go out with me!”

I felt extremely irritated when I accidentally saw the confession.

She wasn’t jealous of Fumie, who was the captain of the soccer team, a handsome man who was good at both academics and sports, but rather she was jealous of him for confessing his feelings to her.

Even though I was suffering so much because I couldn’t be a normal girl, I loved Fumie much more.

At the same time, I felt a sense of urgency. I wondered if Fumie would accept my confession, because the guy I was talking to was so popular that even I, who didn’t have many friends, knew him. I couldn’t help but feel anxious.

“Sorry. I don’t understand that sort of thing.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when Moon rejected my confession.

My heart was pounding violently even though no one had confessed to me.

It wasn’t the loneliness of losing a friend, I was worried that the person I loved might be taken away.

At that moment, I realized I would never be normal.

Fumi and I lived next door to each other and were always together from the time we were old enough to understand things. We were the perfect childhood friends. Our personalities and appearances were opposites, and the only thing we had in common was our gender. I was gloomy and introverted, and Fumi was cheerful and extroverted.

We were opposites, but strangely enough, we never lost touch and still walk to and from school together now, as first-year high school students.

“Good morning, Koto.”

“Good morning, Fumie.”

A glamorous woman walked towards me as usual, her fluffy, light brown hair swinging back and forth with her right hand.

Unlike my skinny self, her feminine silhouette must be very appealing to men. More than just feminine, it’s sexual! Sexy!

She’s been cute since elementary school, but she’s become more and more attractive as she goes through middle school and high school.

She has wide eyes, long eyelashes, a small nose, and plump lips. She’s cute, just like my childhood friend. It’s no wonder I like her.

“Have you made any friends yet? Are you okay without me?”

“…I have friends too, so don’t talk like I’m your mother.”

By some miracle, we ended up in the same class in elementary and middle school, but in high school, we were finally separated into different classes, with me in 1-A and Aya in 1-B.

We go to and from school together and often go out together on weekends, so I don’t mind, but Fumie is always worried about me.

I guess he’s worried that I’m a gloomy person and that I might be being bullied because we’ve never been apart before. It’s rude of me to say this…but I’m happy.

“It’s been almost two months since you started school, but I’ve never seen you out with anyone. You’re with me in the morning, right? Do you eat lunch with your friends?”

“I told you not to come to the classroom to peek. You stand out a lot…”

I wonder if this girl doesn’t realize how cute she is, because every time we have a break, she keeps peeking her head out of the window in the hallway to check on us.

If someone did something like that, it would stand out, but what’s more, it’s the cutest woman in the universe doing it, so it’s more than just noticeable.

The boys became excited, swayed their bodies nervously, and suddenly began fixing their bangs.

The girls all started praising and cheering, saying how cute and beautiful she was, without even a hint of jealousy.

What’s cute about Fumie is that she doesn’t even realize this.

“Eh? Because…”

“Have I ever lied to you? I’m eating lunch with my friends somewhere else, not in the classroom, so don’t worry.”

“Hmm… that’s true. Koto never lies to me.”

Fumie smiled innocently, faced forward, and started walking.

I quickly stepped up next to him, matching my pace…or rather, Fumie matched my pace with his.

He’s a little taller than I, and on top of that, he has long legs. That’s strange… There shouldn’t be that much difference in our heights. God is unfair.

“Hmm, I feel a bit relieved. …Hey, Koto.”

“Yeah?”

Moon suddenly stopped and tilted his head in response, leaning forward.

What’s going on? There’s something strange in the atmosphere…

“I got a boyfriend.”

…What now?

Boyfriend? To whom? To Fumi? … Something like that.

Even though I could hear it.

Ah, at last this day has come.

I knew you’d come someday.

“I see… I’m glad for you. Congratulations, Fumie.”

Am I laughing well?

I wonder if she is smiling at Fumie to congratulate her best friend.

Is it not distorted and ugly with jealousy and pain?

If I weren’t a woman.

Unless Moon is a woman.

Even though I could have been by your side forever.

No… that’s not it, we can be close because we’re both women.

If I can stand the pain.