The string of balls - Final Chapter

Dressed in his uniform, he opened the heavy front door.

It’s Sunday and school is closed, but there are still students in session, so there are a few on the main street.

Feeling disgusted by the sky, which was not a single cloud in June and was the complete opposite of what I was feeling, I pressed the intercom at Fumie’s house. I heard a hectic sound, the door slammed open, and my beloved childhood friend peeked in.

“Good morning, Koto.”

“Good morning, Fumie.”

Seeing Moon’s smile makes my heart feel lighter.

No matter how hard he tried to act tough and say she was “mine,” the fact was that Kotone was holding hands with someone else, and that was quite damaging.

If just holding hands was this bad, then how Kotone must have felt after being shown the kiss, and even having seen something like that… couldn’t compare to how I felt.

I hate my childishness. But I can’t pretend that what I did never happened. I want to apologize for hurting her.

Even though I think that…it’s scary.

What if he doesn’t come? What if he doesn’t forgive me? What if he says he doesn’t love me anymore?

“Let’s go!”

He squeezed my hand tightly, and I realized I was feeling depressed again.

And for trying to cheer me up without saying anything.

“……Yeah”

She shook Fumie’s hand tightly and took a step forward.

He inserts the spare key into an empty classroom that Kotone had given him and opens the door.

The empty, silent space made me feel lonely.

The curtains were closed, and the thin light filtering in made the dust floating in the air sparkle.

Have you received a reply from Kawasaki-san?

“No, but I’m coming.”

I quickly opened the curtains, and the soft morning light filled the room.

Since we’re not going to be talking about happy things, we need to at least keep the classroom bright, otherwise the students will get carried away and end up in a gloomy mood.

He continues speaking as he arranges the three chairs in a circle.

“I didn’t get a read receipt, but I’ll come.”

“What would you have done if I hadn’t come?”

See, you see.

I turned around at the sound of my lover’s voice coming from behind me, but he was looking down at an angle, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Kotone loves me so much, you can’t just ignore me, right?”

“…I just thought it was inappropriate for a person to ignore me. Romantic feelings have nothing to do with it.”

“It’s related. That’s the reason I came here today… so please, sit down.”

I walked over to Kotone, who was still standing at the entrance, and took her hand.

He didn’t push it away, but he didn’t grab it back either.

Usually, she would intertwine her fingers with mine and smile.

I realized how much distance had grown between us, and my chest ached.

“You’re… angry, aren’t you? This farce is–“

“Sorry!”

He bowed deeply to Kotone, who was acting as if she were avoiding him.

Before I talk, I have to apologize first.

“……picture?”

“I did terrible things. I hurt Kotone with my selfish and childish feelings. I knew it would hurt Kotone… I’m sorry.”

“…I wasn’t angry… I thought you hated me…”

“It’s not like I hate you. I love you very much. So, let’s talk properly.”

…I’m a little angry, though. He was holding hands with a woman I didn’t know.

“…I understand. I also… have something I want to talk to you about.”

Kotone answered in a tone that sounded serious, as if she had made up her mind, then she took her hand off me, walked briskly to a chair, and sat down.

Fumie sat down after Kotone, and the two of us waited for me to take my seat.

I wanted to talk, but I sensed an unpleasant atmosphere and couldn’t move my feet.

I was scared that if we started talking, our relationship would completely shift.

“Koto, it’s okay.”

A gentle voice gently pushes me forward.

…How pathetic, I have to rely on Fumino for encouragement again.

It was a problem I should have solved on my own, but he got Fumie involved too.

That’s right, nothing will happen if we don’t talk. There’s no point in being scared if things haven’t even started yet.

Take a deep breath and cheer yourself up.

To suppress the urge to run away, I sat back in my chair and began the conversation.

“Sorry for bothering you so early in the morning. I wanted to talk to you.”

“You’re talking about what happened yesterday, right? … I won’t make any excuses. Just like you said, that person was my first love.”

I kind of understood it, but putting it into words weighs heavily on me.

I did the same thing to Kotone… no, I did something even worse to her. But she still forgave me.

Even though he was angry and in pain, he said he loved me.

To add insult to injury, he hurt Kotone. I could blame him, but I can’t.

“…Have you started to hate me?”

　He forced his body, trembling with fear, to act, and looked Kotone straight in the eye as he asked.

“Hehe… how I wish I could hate you…”

Kotone laughed sadly, as if mocking herself, and looked away from me.

I don’t know what you were doing with that guy, but you still love me.

…good.

“me too–“

“Yesterday I was… happy. Just holding hands made my heart beat faster, and I had no worries at all.”

“……picture?”

What are you talking about?

Kotone, you like me, don’t you? I wasn’t there yesterday.

We’re not holding hands or anything.

“I was as excited as a young girl who had just fallen in love for the first time. We went shopping and treated each other to lunch.”

“Stop it… I don’t want to hear it.”

“I will always feel what you feel now and what you felt yesterday.”

I don’t know anything about that.

I said Kotone was nice, so it’s a bit late to say that now.

I know it was bad to show it off, but it was Kotone who said it was okay to like Fumi too, right? Because I like you, I want to kiss you and do naughty things with you.

You knew that I wouldn’t say anything twice, didn’t you?

I swallow the words that were about to come out of my throat. Kotone’s behavior is different from usual. There’s no way she doesn’t know.

“Can you imagine how I feel while I’m alone? My house is next door to my first love, the one I was so in love with, and I’m constantly wondering what you’re doing, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m constantly worried that you’re lying about loving me, and that you find me annoying…”

I felt that if I didn’t stop her, Kotone would continue to spill the feelings she had been hiding, so I quickly raised my voice and told her how I felt.

“That’s not true! I love Kotone! I love you!”

“…I like you too. I love you…but…”

With a fragile smile on her face, Kotone continues.

“can’t stand it.”

“…No. I’ll never break up with you.”

“In that case!! … Break up with Hayama-san.”

Kotone’s scream shook the air, and the classroom fell silent.

He clenched his fists and glared at the floor, waiting for my answer.

“…You know the answer, right?”

“I know… No, I knew it. You can’t erase your feelings for Hayama-san from your heart. But even so, I dreamed… I clung to him, hoping that one day he would only look at me.”

“It was Kotone who didn’t believe me, right? I wanted to give up on Fumi. I thought I’d be okay as long as Kotone was there. But it was Kotone who decided that I couldn’t do anything without Fumi. Right?”

“…You would have been fine with breaking up with Hayama? Are you trying to say that I misjudged you?”

Perhaps feeling that he was being criticized, he frowned and questioned me.

“I don’t know, that’s it. I just wanted Kotone to believe me back then. That’s all.”

I might have become distant from Fumie. If I had been unlucky, we might have even lost contact.

Even if that were to happen, I hoped that someday we could become friends again as childhood friends. Even if that wasn’t the case, I thought that as long as Kotone was there, I could move forward.

It was Kotone who denied that future.

“It’s Kawasaki’s fault for trying to look cool, isn’t it?”

“…What did you say?”

Aya, who had been listening to the conversation in silence, suddenly spoke up. Her tone was blaming Kotone.

　Kotone was suddenly interrupted and glared at Fumie with open hostility.

“Instead of just telling me to look at myself honestly, you acted all cool. Why did you stop me when I tried to give up on you?”

　Undaunted by the sharp, blade-like gaze, he cuts straight through.

Seeing the anger between the two of them, so strong that it seemed as if sparks were flying, I intuitively knew it would be useless for me to say anything.

I know they’ll probably say things like, “Keep quiet about Koto” or “Keep quiet about Kotonoha.”

These two always argue and leave me out of the loop. Do as you like.

If it looks like it’s about to explode, I’ll step in.

“…It’s for Kotonoha’s sake. I thought that Kotonoha would be crushed without you, so I was forced to allow you to date me.”

“That was just a pretense. It was Kawasaki who ran away, right? If something similar happens again, you’ll have to admit it this time, right? That you chose me over Kawasaki. That’s what scared you, right?”

“No! I am… I am for Kotonoha…”

As Kotone was flustered and hesitant to speak, Fumie pressed on her as if to deliver the final blow.

“It’s unfair to blame things for your weakness. Well, I didn’t give up even after I got rejected.”

After he finished speaking, he looked at me and winked.

You were crying so much it felt like the world was ending…sigh.

I think Kotone truly cared about me, and that’s why she told me that I could date Fumiko too.

The reason I kept quiet…maybe it was because I had a slight feeling like that.

Even if that was the case, it was I who caused that anxiety.

“Fumi, that’s not true. I don’t want to blame Kotone, and I know that she cares about me. She did cheat on me, so it’s only natural that she’s worried.”

“Koto is so kind. But your silence is proof of that, isn’t it?”

Kotone doesn’t offer a retort and just hangs her head, seemingly a completely different person from her usual dignified demeanor.

Fumie slowly stood up and stood in front of Kotone, grinning and speaking as if to declare victory.

“Yesterday, after that, right? Koto made me feel good many times.”

One moment he’ll be having a serious conversation, and the next he’ll suddenly start talking candidly about his affair.

“A little bit!?”

“…Stop it.”

“Even though I told him to stop, he got so into it that he licked and sucked my pvssy and made me cum a lot.”

…But I did!

“Letter?!”

“I told you to stop!”

Kotone cried out in a trembling voice, so weak that she sounded like she might cry.

Moon continues to shower the reader with merciless words in a calm manner.

“Why? Isn’t this what it means to be with two people? Did you think you could just ignore him and be happy if he didn’t say anything? That’s not true.”

He laughed in exasperation, then lifted Kotone’s chin, who was looking down, and faced her directly.

“I’m prepared. I’ll accept it whether he kisses you or has s3x with you. Because he loves me too. Of course I’ll get jealous and I can’t say I’ll accept it happily though…”

After a beat, he opens his mouth.

“Because I love you, Koto. What about you?”

His words conveyed a strong will, and my heart warmed.

To be honest, I know he wouldn’t like it, but he trusts me.

Without any regard for the atmosphere, he was pondering the words of the sentence to himself, but Kotone’s reply quickly turned his feelings into false joy.

“…I’m…not as strong as you…”

“Well, do as you like. I’m lucky that I have fewer rivals. I’ll be satisfied even without you. Thanks for giving it up.”

He quickly took his hand off his chin, came in front of me, and shrugged his shoulders dramatically.

“But you heard what was going on, right?”

…I wish I could have asked that.

Moon said nothing wrong. He just stated the facts.

As long as you’re with the two of them, it’s unavoidable.

Standing in front of Kotone, he looks down at her beautiful whorl and vents his anger.

“Kotone said she loved me, and you’re running away? It’s your fault that I fell in love with you. You always told me you loved me, and you wooed me over and over again. You told me, ‘I’ll always be by your side, no matter what,’ right?”

You’ll have to take responsibility for making me fall in love with you.

Run away from me and go after another girl? I wouldn’t let that happen, would I?

Yes, that’s what I thought.

“I’m… weak… every time I see you smiling next to Hayama-san, I feel anxious. Every time I see you two kissing, my heart breaks and screams…”

Kotone looked up and was laughing while quietly shedding tears, as if she had reached her limit.

Like a soap bubble that pops and disappears with a pop the moment you touch it, it has a fleeting, melancholic quality to it, and once broken, it will never return to the way it was.

Seeing Kotone with that expression, I couldn’t say anything.

“I don’t think I can keep that promise…. I’m sorry, Kotonoha.”

She said goodbye in a weak voice and kept smiling until the end.

Unable to stop or chase after his weak back as it left the empty classroom, I just stood there and watched it leave.

As the two of them are left alone in an empty classroom, he is devastated by the fact that he has been pushing Kotone to this extent.

I was so carefree that I thought Kotone loved me and we would be able to make up. I was so ashamed and pathetic that I didn’t realize this, and I just wanted to disappear.

I’d casually said things like “I like you” and “I love you,” but in reality, I was just pushing the other person into a corner and making them feel sad. I’m the worst.

The kindness of Moon as he silently embraced me seemed to highlight my ugliness, and it hurt.

At the same time, I feel reassured that Fumie will be by my side no matter what, and I feel sick at myself for silently enjoying her warmth without pushing her away.

There’s no way I could have a guilty conscience when I saw Kotone’s weakened expression. There’s no way I could have felt such pleasure that my whole body trembled.

Who the hell do you think you are, wanting to destroy Kotone with your own hands? It’s horrifying even to think about it.

Kotone has helped him so many times up until now, but will he repay her kindness with evil?

I was able to date that sentence I had dreamed of. That’s enough now.

Kotone would be happier if she were with her first love, the man she saw yesterday. I would only make her unhappy.

I have to put an end to making Kotone suffer because of my selfishness.