The String of Balls -

Episode 12: Why is this all so chaotic?

“Um… should I start it…?”

I’ve made up my ind, but, well…

I guess, well… I want to be led… It’s not the right word to say I want to be led, but taking the lead myself is a bit…

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed… That’s fine. I ‘ll go first .”

What do you mean, first? There’s no way I’d want to do it first!

Even Kotone said it was her first kiss today! She wasn’t particularly good at it! She was acting like she had experience..

It’s annoying…at Kotone who gets carried away, at Fumie who doesn’t get jealous, and most of all, at me who doesn’t mind kissing in general!

“Fufu… I love you, Kotonoha. My… my own adorable Kotonoha…”

Don’t get so excited! I loved Fumie… I loved Fumie…

But why is my heart beating so hard? I should be in pain from a broken heart, and yet he’s kissing someone else right in front of me, so why am I…?

“Hmm…

Our lips touched and a sigh escaped.

Kotone’s lips are on mine for the umpteenth time today. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but the soft touch and the warmth I feel on her body tell me that she loves me.

…Ahh…I’m being watched.

Even with my eyes close, I feel like someone is staring at me from the right side.

…I don’t know. Just shut up and watch. I don’t care.

“Kotonoha… I love you, mmm… I love you, mmm… mmm…”

Maybe I’ve gone crazy and can’t make rational decisions in an abnormal situation.

Our lips met again and again, and each time we parted the loneliness grew in my heart.

I want you to do it more, I don’t want you to let me go, I want us to stay connected like this forever.

Every time Kotone says she likes me, I feel happy and my heart warms. Every time our lips touch, my body heats up. The hole in my heart is filled by Kotone.

He pecked at me with soft kisses, and growing restless, I opened my eyes slightly to see the face of a beautiful woman staring at me with a nasty grin.

“…Why are you stopping?”

“Hmm? Hehe… I thought I’d take a little break. You see, I get tired when I’m the one doing everything…”

“Shut up. Mmm… mmm… pfft… Kotone, tongue.”

“Ahh… you’re forceful as well–”

“Shut up and hurry.”

It’s been a mess for a while now.

It’s enough if it feels good. I want to keep feeling this goodness forever.

“Ree… mmm… mmm… more… more… Kotone… Kotone…”

“Kotonoha… mmm… Kotonoha, Kotonoha….. mmm… Ree…”

My head feels hot.

The sound of our tongues entwining and squishing feels good. I don’t know how to do it well, but I just instinctively pursued Kotone.

I pressed the tip of my tongue against hers and slid it in a circular motion. As I enjoyed the slippery, smooth sensation with my whole tongue, my brain went numb with a sweet sensation, and my arousal grew even more intense.

My breathing is irregular and I can only think of one thing…I don’t want to think.

As I was devouring Kotone’s tongue with all my heart, the depths of my eyes suddenly began to heat up.

Don’t think about anything else, it feels good… If I give myself over to this pleasure I’ll forget all the pain.

But why won’t it go away… why won’t it say anything!!

“Sniff… do it more vigorously… it feels good… you love me, don’t you?! If so… make me feel so good that I can’t think about anything else… Kotone… please… I’m begging you…”

It’s Fumie’s fault…It’s Kotone’s fault…I…I’m not at fault…

Because Fumi left me. Because Kotone asked me to kiss her.

That’s why…that’s why I…

“Kotonoha…”

“Uhh…sniff…hmm! Why won’t you do it…?”

…No. I know. It’s because I fell in love with Fumi. That’s what’s wrong. Kotone told me she loved me like that…But I hit her without considering her feelings…

I’ve had enough…

“Kotonoha… if you’re having a hard time, rely on me. Rely on me.”

“…Why are you being so nice to me…Why don’t you hate me…Even though I said such terrible things…Why…”

“I know that’s not what I think. I know that I’m the one who’s hurting myself by saying it. You’re a kind person, after all…”

“I’m not nice at all! Even though I like Fumi, I went out with Kotone! And in the end, I was hoping that she’d help me get them back together… I was hoping that maybe Fumi would like me! Even though I know that Kotone likes me! I’m such a terrible person…”

You were disillusioned, weren’t you? You started to hate it, weren’t you?

I hate myself, so there’s no way other people could like me. How could anyone like a person like me?

“I asked you to go out with me because I couldn’t. I told you I knew you liked me, Hayama-san, right? I acted on my own accord, so everything is my fault. So please don’t blame yourself like that…”

“It’s not… Kotone’s fault! It’s all my fault!”

“Don’t cry… I didn’t mean to make you suffer… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize! I told you Kotone it’s not your fault!”

Why don’t you understand?

Why is Kotone apologizing?

“As long as you continue to blame yourself, I will never be able to forgive myself. Please, Kotonoha… stop blaming yourself in the hopes of helping me…”

“If you say it like that… it’s unfair… I won’t be able to say anything…”

I hurt Fumie too…I hurt Kotone too…

“See, you’re kind after all.”

“Sniff… I’m not the kind of person Kotone thinks I am…”

“I love you, Kotonoha. I love you so much.”

“Hmmm… Stop… Don’t be nice to me… Hmmm! Hmmm…”

Why is Kotone doing this to me…?

“Kotonoha… do you hate me?”

“…I don’t like it, or anything…”

“Hehe… maybe that was a bit sneaky. Maybe I should ask it differently…”

He opened his mouth with an awfully serious expression on his face… Stop it, don’t listen.

“What do you think of me, Kotonoha?”

His big eyes capture me and won’t let go.

Even if you instinctively look away, you’ll find yourself drawn in again.

It feels like someone is looking into my soul.

“How… what…?”

“Please tell me. Tell me your true feelings, without any lies.”

“…I can’t say…because…”

“There’s nothing sneaky about it. The fact that you’re worrying like that is proof more than anything that you’re a kind person. That’s why I fell in love with you.”

No matter how hard you struggle, the shameful feelings you’ve been hiding deep inside have long ago been seen through.

He knows how I feel and still says he loves me.

“Uhh… hiccup… Kotone… Kotone…”

“Kotonoha, tell me?”

“Sniff… But… I have no right to say something like this…”

“I want you to tell me. You don’t have to worry about the details. So, okay?”

I see…that’s what Kotone wants.

That’s why I have to teach you.

“…I love you. Kotone…I love you…I like you…I’m sorry for being so sneaky…?”

“Hehe… You finally said it. I’m so happy, Kotonoha. I love you too, I like you.”

“Didn’t you… come to dislike me…?”

“I don’t want you to strangle me. Do you think my feelings for you will be shaken by something like this? Far from hating you, I’ve grown to like you even more.”

“Kotone…”

My broken heart is being embraced.

Kotone is always straightforward and never rejects me.

When I was worried about liking girls, he assured me that I wasn’t wrong. He laughed and said that he felt the same way.

She always listened to my stories with a smile, even though I’m not good at talking. I was so happy that I ended up talking fast. But she always smiled and responded without showing any signs of displeasure.

When I called, they came right away.

When I was crying, he would hug me openly and comfort me until I stopped crying.

Kotone has always…been by my side.

“How much I like you… it seems I haven’t been able to convey that.”

I understand. I get it.

I don’t know when he started to like me, but now I know it so clearly.

She had always been there to give me advice about Fumie. I was constantly worrying and thinking about it, and I knew I was doing some very cruel things, but she always gave me the push I needed.

Even now…he’s trying to make up with Fumie for my sake.

“I’ll be by your side, no matter what. I promise you that.”

“Sniff… Really…? Will you stay by my side forever?”

With someone as terrible as me?

Kotone…only Kotone…

“Of course. A woman never gives two hoots.”

“Are you leaving me behind?”

“Yeah. I won’t.”

“Definitely? You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“You’re being repetitive, Kotonoha. Do you not trust me that much?”

“I’m sorry… so, um… please don’t hate me…”

What should I do if Kotone hates me?

“Fufu… There’s no way I’d hate you because of something like this, right? But… it’s my fault for making you feel uneasy.”

“That’s right… so please tell me properly. You like me, Kotone, right? You won’t hate me, right?”

Let me feel at ease.

Stay with me.

“I love you, Kotonoha. I want you to be by my side.”

Kotone needs me like this.

Not only do you want to be by my side, but I want you to be by my side.

It feels so good to be needed by someone you love. I’m so happy I can’t stop grinning. Even when I hold my hands down, the corners of my mouth turn up involuntarily.

When he stares at me with those loving, gentle eyes, my head goes blank.

I wonder if my face is bright red. It’s embarrassing, but… I can’t worry about that right now.

“Ehehe… I love you… mmm… mmm… I love you, I like you… Kotone, Kotone… mmm…”

“Kotonoha… mine… mine alone… ngh…”

I’m so happy… kissing someone I love feels so good…

I can feel my heart becoming filled. A feeling of happiness spreads from deep within my chest throughout my whole body, making my body feel warm and cozy.

I see, so this is how Fumie and I can be together…

Kotone…my Kotone…hehe…