The String of Balls -

Episode 10: Now I just can’t stop thinking about it

“Kotonoha, what do you want to do?”

“Just let me go home.”

When Kotone asked, I answered immediately.

There’s no way that’s such a convenient story.

“I see… then–”

“No! You said you wanted to be with me! Don’t run away!!”

She clung to me again and started screaming like a disobedient child.

There’s no point in letting them throw a tantrum. Some things can’t be helped, and we’re not children yet, are we?

“Writing… you understand, right?”

“I don’t know!!”

“Tsk… Hayama-san, can you please get away from me?”

“No!!”

Every time I throw a tantrum he hugs me tightly, refusing to let me go.

Even though he wanted me so much, my heart grew colder in inverse proportion to his feelings. I was happy, but that wasn’t what I wanted.

“Text…”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t like it!!”

“Haa… I get it. Kotonoha, please don’t be stubborn and listen to what I have to say. That much won’t bother you, right?”

The words just won’t go away…

The conversation won’t move forward unless I nod…

“…I get it. I’ll just listen.”

It’s just a farce anyway. Let’s get this over with and go home.

“Hayama-san is…”

“…I’d do anything to be with you.”

“Hehe… I see. Well then, for now, can you please stay away from my Kotonoha?”

“……Why?”

“I need you to do it now. Don’t worry, Kotonoha won’t run away.”

Kotone glanced at me and asked with her gaze, “Isn’t that right?”

“I told you I’d just listen…”

“…Okay. That’s a promise.”

With that said, Fumie released her arm and retreated dejectedly.

She felt just a little sad that the warmth she had felt earlier had disappeared, but she shook her head to clear away any silly thoughts and gave Kotone a look to urge her on.

“I’m going to do my best for you guys, knowing full well that it will put me at a disadvantage. You understand what that means, Kotonoha, right?”

If I could be with Fumie, that would be…

But that’s impossible. It’s impossible.

Even if, by some chance, that were to happen, I couldn’t abandon Kotone. She’s my only best friend. I’m not sure yet if I can reciprocate her feelings, though…

“Besides… I can’t bear to see Kotonoha crying…”

Kotone looked sad and lowered her eyes, clutching her arm tightly.

…For my sake…Kotone is trying to mediate between me and Fumie for my sake.

In that case, I had to listen to him seriously. There was no way I could sulk and ignore him.

I stood up, dusted myself off, and turned to face Kotone. Inspired by me, Fumie also stood up, with a serious expression on her face.

“Phew… well then, let’s get to the point. Hayama-san, do you like boys? Or do you like girls?”

Fumie’s sexual awakening was just slow, but she’s a love-struck girl who loves to talk about love.

To begin with, homosexuality is rare, so it can’t be a coincidence. I know this better than anyone, having been by his side since I was little.

“…I don’t know. I’ve never had my heart race like everyone else says…well…with a boy or a girl…But I like hearing about other people’s love stories. I think it’s wonderful, and I’d like to have a love like that too…”

“I see… then what do you think when you see this person?”

The image displayed on the smartphone Kotone handed over was of a popular handsome actor. I didn’t know his name, but he often appears in dramas and movies, so even I knew him.

…The man is semi-nude. Why?

“Hmm… I think it’s cool, but…”

“Hmm… then who’s next…?”

The next person to appear on the screen was a famous former gravure idol.

…Nude. Completely naked. Ah, that’s it…

“Nothing… I just thought she was naked.”

“Do you ever watch shoujo manga or dramas? They make your heart race and make you feel lustful…”

“I read manga and watch dramas, but I just think they’re nice, just like love stories… I don’t think they make my heart flutter or anything.”

It’s kind of like counseling.

I guess I’m doing something similar…

“Hayama-san, have you ever masturbated? Onanism, masturbation, handjob…whatever you want to call it…that kind of thing. You probably haven’t had s3x though…”

“I know, but… I’ve never done it. I’ve never had s3x.”

Even though there are a lot of dirty words flying around, it’s not erotic at all…

Are you having health and physical education classes?

…Well…I knew it, but I was relieved to hear that Fumie was a virgin. On the other hand, if she had been with someone else, I would probably bite my tongue and die right here and now.

“Maybe… you’re asexual.”

“Asexual?”

“I don’t know the details, but… it’s a term used to refer to people who don’t have sexual desire for others. There’s another term for that too… how’s it called… right, there are people called aromantic who don’t have romantic feelings.”

Is that why you thought I was waking up late?

And yet, I unilaterally force my feelings on him…

“So… does that mean I can’t fall in love with anyone?”

“No, it’s not decided that way. It’s possible that they just haven’t awakened to their sexuality yet, and even if they are asexual, they may not have sexual desire but still have romantic feelings. Either way, it’s not something you can easily assume.”

That’s right, as Kotone said, nothing has been decided yet.

Fumie loves to talk about love and wants to fall in love.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t like me, but I want a love that makes my heart race like everyone else’s. Saying that I have no feelings for you is too cruel to Fumi.

“So, I’m going to do a little experiment… I’ll ask Kotonoha to help me out, okay?”

“What? Me? What? What are you doing?”

I was confused at being suddenly dragged into the conversation, but Kotone looked at me with a creepy grin on her face.

I have a bad feeling about this… He doesn’t have anything good in mind.

“Hayama-san… could you please sit in that chair over there? Ah, no… what should I do… hehe… he was hugging my Kotonoha so tightly… maybe I should give him a special seat… Yeah, let’s do that.”

You’re muttering but I can hear you all.

What? A special seat? Fumie is also tilting her head…

“Um, Kawasaki-san?”

“Oh, sorry. You can sit in that chair. And then…”

He quickly pushed aside the several desks that were lined up in a row and cleared them away, then placed another chair right in front of Fumie, who was already sitting in the chair.

What’s with that positioning… not facing the text, but facing the side of your body… what’s the point of putting the chairs at a right angle? Aren’t they for discussion or something?

Aya is sitting alone in a vast space, with a chair in front of her. What is this, modern art?

“Fuu… Kotonoha, can you come over here?”

“Is this a great idea? I have no idea what you want to do…”

With each step we get closer, my instincts tell me that this woman is dangerous.

I’d say he was grinning…he was grinning from ear to ear…

There’s no point in saying anything, so I just did as I was told…

“Maybe I should let Hayama know about it.”

“What?” Fumie tilted her head, and Kotone continued speaking.

“You may have noticed, but… I like girls too, just like Kotonoha.”

“Eh, ah… I see…”

Kotone… You’re so slow… You haven’t even noticed my feelings until now, you know? You can be strangely sharp in some ways, but when it comes to love, you’re at the level of a kindergartener.

“You are… haa… that’s understandable…”

“What? Something wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just disappointed that I was competing with such an opponent.”

“…Are you making fun of me?”

“Not at all. I apologize if I offended you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine if that’s not the case though…”

Even the slightly pouty sentence is cute…

Oh, again. Ah… I wonder if these feelings will disappear someday. Well, I’ve always liked him, so I don’t think it’s right now, but… how many times has this happened? I can’t say that someone is in love.

Well… Whatever. There’s no point worrying about it. Cute things are cute. If I blame myself every time I’m moved by a sentence, I’ll be crushed. Until the day it disappears, it’s fine to just think about it in my heart.