Can I still be saved? [Transmigration] - Chapter 42.1

With the lead Fu Hanzhou provided, the police immediately launched an investigation.

Those thugs all had criminal records, and since the police database had been recently updated and partially networked, they quickly uncovered some promising information.

Sure enough, one of the gangsters had been released early for “good behavior” in prison.

His name was Gu Xiaoliang—the very one Fu Hanzhou had fought and crippled by breaking his leg. His registered household was in a township under Henglin’s jurisdiction.

Gu Xiaoliang was now a prime suspect.

After three days of field investigation, the police finally tracked him down at the home of a fellow villager and arrested him.

That same day, he confessed everything.

After Gu Xiaoliang was released, the nightclub he used to work for had been raided and shut down, and his boss had been sentenced to over ten years in prison.

Failing to make anything of himself in the city, Gu Xiaoliang returned home and got a job as a sysadmin in an internet café. It let him slack off, play games on the side, and still make enough pocket money for himself.

One day, he overheard some students gaming together, chatting about Fu Hanzhou.

At first, Gu Xiaoliang thought it was just someone with the same name. Out of boredom, he checked Henglin No. 2 High School’s online forum.

There, he found students had secretly posted photos of Fu Hanzhou—and realized it really was ‘that bastard’. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became, and he decided to teach him a lesson.

He hadn’t intended to kill Fu Hanzhou, only to get revenge for the beating from over a year ago. Since Fu Hanzhou had broken his leg, he figured stabbing him once in the arm would make them even.

After the arrest, Su Yunjing finally let out a sigh of relief.

But Fu Hanzhou’s mood hadn’t improved. In fact, ever since that night, his emotions had stayed unsettled.

Su Yunjing decided that this weekend, he would take Little Tsundere out for some fresh air.

Before the incident, their weekends had been spent quietly at home studying. But after what happened, they went out even less, for the sake of safety.

On Saturday morning, Su Yunjing dragged him out of bed early and hopped on a bicycle to ride around outside.

Just a few days earlier, there had been a light snowfall, and now the temperatures were dropping again. Fu Hanzhou’s body constitution was unusual, his hands and feet stayed icy cold, and it took a long time for them to warm up.

Passing by a gift shop, Su Yunjing spotted some rechargeable hand warmers on display and went in to buy one for Fu Hanzhou.

The store was filled with creative little trinkets and accessories, all very cute, reminding Su Yunjing of how the girls in high school loved exchanging such things.

“Do you want anything else?” Su Yunjing asked Little Tsundere.

Fu Hanzhou wasn’t interested in these flashy knickknacks. He followed along behind Su Yunjing without much enthusiasm.

On one shelf sat a row of teddy bears. One of them, a cream-colored bear, was wearing a little tulle skirt with a bow on its head.

Su Yunjing approached and took the bear, chuckling softly, “Chuan Chuan, how about another bear? It can match your big one. Let’s make a pair.”

A male bear who loved to wear pajamas paired with a delicate little princess in a tutu skirt.

Fu Hanzhou raised his pretty phoenix eyes and pulled down another bear from the shelf— dressed in a blue knitted sweater, which was clearly a boy bear.

“This one,” he said.

Su Yunjing blinked at him in surprise. He had only been teasing, never expecting Little Tsundere to actually want another bear to bring home.

In the end, Su Yunjing paid for a rechargeable hand warmer and a bear plush the size of a throw pillow at the counter.

But even after getting the bear, Fu Hanzhou’s mood didn’t improve. Sitting silently on the back seat of the bicycle, he hugged the bear with his chin resting on its head. The cold wind blew against his pale skin, making him look like snow in the dead of winter.

When they reached an uphill stretch, Su Yunjing began to struggle a little with the pedaling.

Fu Hanzhou suddenly hopped off the bike and pushed from behind until they reached the top.

As they prepared to go downhill, Su Yunjing called back, “Sit tight, I’m going to speed up.”

He slightly arched his upper body, and his back muscles tightened all the way, outlining a thin and smooth line on his waist and abdomen.

The bike naturally picked up speed as it went downhill, but Su Yunjing kept pushing it faster.

Leaves scattered in the wake of the wheels, swirling in the air.

Wind roared past their ears, and Su Yunjing’s camel-colored coat billowed carried away by the wind.

Fu Hanzhou’s pupils contracted sharply. A sudden, uncontrollable fear surged in his chest.

He suddenly wrapped his arms around Su Yunjing, clutching tightly at his waist.

Su Yunjing was almost breathless under Fu Hanzhou’s stranglehold. He hit the brakes and turned around to ask. “What’s wrong?”

Fu Hanzhou only held him tighter. The bear he had been carrying fell to the ground, but he didn’t even glance at it. His long, thick lashes lowered, casting shadows across his face.

Su Yunjing knew he was having another episode. He reached out and gently stroked the smooth nape of Fu Hanzhou’s neck, offering silent comfort.

There was still no clear pattern to Little Tsundere’s episodes. Su Yunjing never knew when he would become as extremely depressed as he was now.

The author of  ‘Shining Starlight’ had never specified exactly what kind of mental illness Fu Hanzhou had, only that it was hereditary.

From the symptoms, Su Yunjing sometimes suspected it might be something like depression—his mood would be low for no reason, or he sometimes would fall into a complete breakdown.

But when Fu Hanzhou was fine, he seemed perfectly normal. And when coaxed, he could be cheered up easily.

“Not sleeping well at night?” Su Yunjing asked as he smoothed his hair down. “How about tonight you sleep with me?”

Negative emotions spread like flames through Fu Hanzhou’s body, leaving him with a twisted feeling of self-loathing.

He was in a terrible mood, extremely bad.

But Su Yunjing’s words somehow smoothed away most of that darkness. Fu Hanzhou’s phoenix eyes lifted slightly, and when he looked at Su Yunjing, there was nothing but longing.

He buried his face into Su Yunjing’s neck again and murmured a soft “Mm.” This time, the sound carried the faintest trace of joy.

Fu Hanzhou finally cheered up. On the way home, he pedaled the bicycle with Su Yunjing riding on the back.

Just before they reached their neighborhood, Fu Hanzhou suddenly stopped in front of a mid-sized supermarket.

At the entrance, there was a promotional stand for chocolates. On a pink-lettered signboard, it read—“Follow your heart, silky delight.”

Fu Hanzhou went over and bought several boxes of Silky brand chocolates.

Su Yunjing thought he just wanted to eat some chocolate. Who would have guessed that Little Tsundere was staring him down, and the moment Su Yunjing opened his mouth, Fu Hanzhou would shove a piece of chocolate inside.

After being stuffed with three bars of chocolate, Su Yunjing couldn’t take it anymore. “Why did you buy it if you don’t want to eat it?”

Fu Hanzhou didn’t answer—he just pushed another piece into Su Yunjing’s mouth.

Su Yunjing: “…”

At night, Fu Hanzhou hugged his pillow and slipped into Su Yunjing’s bed.

The bed Wen Huaishan had bought for them was a lot wider than the standard bunks at school, but even so, it was still a bit cramped for two teenage boys.

The quilt was thick in winter, so the two of them could only sleep in the same bed.

But Fu Hanzhou was afraid of the cold, so Su Yunjing would let him cover himself with another layer of his quilt.

The bed was so crowded that every time they turned over, their arms brushed against each other.

Su Yunjing’s body was always warm, and Fu Hanzhou especially liked clinging to him as he slept.

Fu Hanzhou lay on his side, looked at Su Yunjing in the dark and asked, “Have you ever thought about the future, for you and me?”

Su Yunjing had thought about it. His dream of getting into Beijing University was tied to the fact that the school had one of the country’s top psychology programs.

Beijing University was also one of the earliest institutions to promote psychology, and its programs were excellent.

“If you don’t mind repeating a year, we can apply together. I’ll take psychology, you can do business management or any other major you want.”

Su Yunjing hadn’t thought anything beyond that.

According to the novel’s setup, Fu Hanzhou was destined to become a celebrity. He’d stumbled into the entertainment world by accident, but shot to fame overnight.

With his striking looks and extraordinary family background, he had vaulted straight to the very top of the industry, amassing legions of diehard fans.

As those fans liked to say, Fu Hanzhou was the only star in the entertainment world who didn’t have to pretend to be an aristocratic young master.

Because he was one. A true heir of a top-tier family, born and bred.

Whether or not Fu Hanzhou became a star in the future, he felt that having more skills was never a bad thing. What if one day he decided to go back and inherit his family’s billions?

Then learning business management wouldn’t be a waste. If Little Tsundere wasn’t interested, he could study something else.

Either way, whether or not he took over Shen Nianyun’s empire, Fu Hanzhou was destined to live life on easy mode.

Fu Hanzhou asked, “You chose this major because you want to cure me, didn’t you?”

Su Yunjing didn’t hear any rejection or displeasure in his tone, so he answered honestly: “You always see bugs, and you keep having nightmares. I just want to see if there’s a solution.”

In both Western and Chinese medicine, as well as psychology, treating one’s own family or close friends was generally avoided.

Su Yunjing never intended to become Fu Hanzhou’s personal psychologist. But at the very least, studying this field would let him better understand Fu Hanzhou’s mental state.

“Alright.” Fu Hanzhou lowered his gaze, ripples spreading in the spring-water depths of his eyes. “I’ll wait for you to treat me.”

Seeing that Little Tsundere didn’t shy away from doctors, nor resist being seen as someone with psychological problems, Su Yunjing felt relieved.

The truth was, what Fu Hanzhou didn’t shy away from was Su Yunjing. He liked that Su Yunjing’s thoughts were always on him.

Even more, he loved that in Su Yunjing’s vision of the future, he was always included. That gave him a deep sense of security—But there was also a hint of fear.

He wanted to cut open his chest and show Su Yunjing his heart, but he was afraid. Afraid that once Su Yunjing saw the cruel, violent, bloodstained side of him, he would be disappointed, even want to stay away from him.

So he could only hide it carefully. Because he really, truly liked this person.

He wrapped his arms around the sleeping Su Yunjing, wanting to bury himself in his warmth completely.

Perhaps the hold was too tight, Su Yunjing frowned, shifting as if he were about to wake.

Fu Hanzhou quickly let go.

Su Yunjing, who was free again, turned over, facing the wall with his back to Fu Hanzhou.

Only after he was sound asleep again did Fu Hanzhou press himself close from behind.

He rested his forehead on the back of Su Yunjing’s neck, gently inhaling the clean, faint scent of soap that clung to him. But in his heart, countless dark thoughts churned.

He wanted to possess him.

He wanted to possess him alone, hidden from anyone else’s eyes.

The truth was, that night he hadn’t had a nightmare at all. He’d lied to Su Yunjing.

When he unconsciously kissed him, then leaned on him like usual, Su Yunjing had clearly felt awkward and unnatural.

So Fu Hanzhou could only lie to him. That way, Su Yunjing wouldn’t dwell on it, and the matter was covered up.

But in that moment, he had felt suffocated, panicked, because their intimacy seemed to have limits.

Beyond that distance, Su Yunjing would become uncomfortable.

More and more dark thoughts churned violently inside Fu Hanzhou. His teeth clenched hard, yet his eyes grew misty, the corners reddened with dampness.

Rubbing against the strands of hair at the back of Su Yunjing’s neck, he felt both aggrieved and restless.

It seemed… their feelings weren’t the same.