A Love Longed for the Tiger Lily (GL) - Chapter 10

Right now, I’m sitting on the sofa next to Taniguchi-san, watching TV.

That’s all there is to it.

And yet, I can’t believe that’s all.

Ever since we had okonomiyaki together a few days ago, she hasn’t brought up my fear of women again. We’ve just been having small talk, and she seems content with my curt replies.

Normally, I get palpitations and feel sick when there’s a woman nearby.

Even when we stayed at Taniguchi-san’s family home, her aunt—though very kind—still made me feel uneasy when she was close or touched me. I couldn’t bear staying in the same space.

It doesn’t matter how kind or good-hearted they are—it always ends up like that.

I hate this about myself.

If I could fix it, I would.

It’s obvious this will be a huge obstacle in my life moving forward. I can already see the problems it will cause. At this rate, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to function properly in society. If I can’t work normally, I feel like my mother will drift even further away from me. I don’t want to give her another reason not to come back.

It’s been years since I started struggling with gynophobia, and yet something unbelievable is happening.

Up until now, I would unconsciously avoid talking to or being touched by women.

I thought Taniguchi-san would be no different.

But ever since the day we reunited, I’ve started to notice—compared to other women, my symptoms around Taniguchi-san are milder.

First of all, the day we reunited, we ended up sleeping on the same bed. Sure, we weren’t exactly clinging to each other, but still…

It’s unbelievable.

No—it’s something I don’t want to believe.

That’s why I kept pretending not to notice.

When I’m near Taniguchi-san, I don’t feel as suffocated or tongue-tied.

That’s not to say the symptoms are completely gone.

But I’ve realized that small touches—like our hands brushing—don’t affect me as much. If she were to get even closer, it might be a different story. Even I find this all hard to explain.

I want to understand myself better.

But whenever I try to think about it, I remember things I’d rather forget. It makes me sick, so I stop.

Lately, this cycle keeps repeating.

Beside me, Taniguchi-san looks relaxed as she watches the TV.

She always curls her chestnut-colored hair and has the kind of beauty people call refined. She’s so kind and capable—it’s hard to imagine someone breaking up with her.

I can’t help but wonder just a little—what kind of person would reject someone like her?

……

Today isn’t a good day.

I’m starting to worry not just about myself but about Taniguchi-san too. If I stay with her any longer, I feel like this strange curiosity inside me will overflow, so I decide to head back to my room.

“Already heading to your room?”

“Yes. I’m going to bed.”

“Stay a little longer? Let’s talk more.”

Taniguchi-san looks disappointed. Maybe she’s just good at being playful, but her way of asking feels a little unfair. She looks at me with those eyes—like if I say no, I’d be the bad guy.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Defeated by her sly demeanor, I sit back down on the sofa.

“Wanna do fireworks together?”

“Fireworks…?”

The question was so sudden, it caught me completely off guard. I had no idea why she brought up fireworks, and I must’ve looked totally blank as I turned to her.

“It’s not like I’m treating you like a kid, okay? I just thought it’d be fun to do fireworks again after so long. If you don’t want to, I’ll go by myself.”

She smiles at me, lips curved so high her teeth almost show.

Taniguchi-san really is unfair.

She makes it seem like I have a choice, but I really don’t. If I refuse, I know she’ll go do the fireworks alone.

“Wouldn’t it be kind of sad to do them alone?”

I doubt fireworks would change anything. Honestly, I never expected someone several years older than me to make such a childish suggestion.

“Fireworks are beautiful even when you’re alone. But I thought it’d be more fun if you were there too, Sayo.”

Her mischievous expression fades, replaced by a gentle smile. Seeing that face for some reason makes my heart start talking to me again.

Honestly, no matter how guilty I feel, I should’ve gone back to my room earlier. If I stay any longer, I’ll lose any way out—and I won’t be able to move.

Taniguchi-san is leaning in closer than before.

My heart starts to race slightly, and I feel a bit short of breath—but strangely, I don’t feel uncomfortable.

She’s waiting, eager for my answer.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Think positively, alright?”

I felt like if I stayed any longer, I really wouldn’t be able to move again. Determined to finally leave, I stood up—but then she grabbed my arm.

My body flinched instinctively.

I couldn’t tell whether I was reacting simply out of surprise or because I didn’t like being touched by her.

“It’s summer break, so you’re off tomorrow, right? Stay with me a little longer.”

Her voice was uncharacteristically fragile.

Even though I should be focusing on myself, that tone of hers completely threw off my rhythm.

“Taniguchi-san… please let go of my hand.”

“If I let go… will you stay a little longer?”

Taniguchi-san is the one at fault. She always acts mature, always puts on the air of an adult—but the moment she shows a vulnerable side like that, I can’t bring myself to be cold.

My heart had started pounding again, and I didn’t like that feeling, so I gave in and did as she asked. As I quietly sat back down on the sofa, she let go of my hand, which had been tightly gripping mine.

The spot where she held me is burning hot. My heart has been pounding nonstop since a while ago.

Why is it that being touched by Taniguchi-san doesn’t feel as unpleasant as it does with other people?

Maybe… it’s because we were close when we were kids?

Even with my best friend Kaede, it was difficult at first, but over time, I was able to interact with her normally.

Could it be the same with Taniguchi-san?

I want to understand myself better.

I want to know exactly when my symptoms start to worsen around her—and how close I can be before it becomes too much.

Taniguchi-san keeps talking about random things, but my mind is elsewhere.

“Sayo, are you listening?”

She leans in to look at my face, and our eyes naturally meet. Her beautiful brown eyes look like they could pull me in.

That’s it.

It’s this sofa’s fault for being so small.

Because of that, I’m forced to sit close to Taniguchi-san—and now I’m thinking all these things.

I lean toward her, as if being drawn in. The sofa creaks under my hand, the sound making me move toward her even faster.

Yes.

It’s all this sofa’s fault.

My heated lips touched the soft lips of Taniguchi-san.