A Love Longed for the Tiger Lily (GL) - Chapter 12
I was left alone on the sofa.
Ever since Sayo came to live here, my heart’s been constantly shaken—and now, my emotional pendulum has finally swung too far.
My head still hasn’t caught up with everything that’s happening.
When we reunited, she called me disgusting.
And when I asked why, she told me she was afraid of women.
So even though we were going to be living together—if only for a short time—I tried my best to avoid anything that might make her uncomfortable.
Even when I asked why she became that way, she wouldn’t tell me.
So I had no choice but to give up and wait for this arrangement to end.
That’s why… I just can’t understand why she did something like that.
Because of all the thoughts swirling through my head, I couldn’t sleep. It was already three in the morning.
Maybe a bit of exercise would wear me out and help me fall asleep.
With that thought, I stepped outside.
In the deep summer night, not even the insects were chirping.
The world felt even quieter than usual.
Because of that silence, even the short walk to the nearby convenience store felt strangely long.
When I entered the store, the only clerk was standing idly behind the register with a blank expression.
With no one else around, I wandered the aisles at my own pace—and that’s when I noticed the fireworks display beside the magazine rack.
When I was little, my family used to buy these sets and go to the beach to light them.
I thought—I want to do fireworks with Sayo.
The reason was simple.
In the little time we have left together, I wanted—just a little—to help her change.
Even though I don’t have the strength to truly change her, I went and made a bold promise anyway.
Maybe that makes me an idiot.
But somehow, for the sake of seeing her smile like she used to… I feel like I can give it my all.
Sayo always tries to act mature, so it’s hard to imagine her liking something as childish as fireworks.
That’s exactly why fireworks seemed like the perfect idea.
She might have forgotten by now, but when she was little, she once did fireworks with my family.
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“Wakana-chan, look!”
That small girl looked up at the sparklers with sparkling eyes. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked in that moment.
“They’re pretty—just like you, Sayo.”
“Wakana, don’t say stuff like that. You sound like an old man.”
That’s what her mom said, and we all laughed.
Sayo probably didn’t even understand what it meant, but she laughed too—so happily.
“Wakana-chan, let’s do fireworks again!”
“Let’s do them next year too.”
“Yeah! I can’t wait!”
That was the last time we ever did fireworks together.
Once I started college and moved out of the prefecture, I had fewer chances to come home—and I stopped seeing Sayo altogether.
It’s not like I’m trying to fulfill some childhood promise or anything.
But back then, she definitely had a sparkle in her eyes and a big smile on her face.
And maybe—just maybe—if we did it again, she might smile like that once more.
I don’t even know why I’m going this far for someone who’ll soon be gone from my life.
Maybe I just want to see that beautiful smile again.
That’s the kind of person I am.
Before I realized it, the fireworks set had already been scanned at the register.
What kind of adult comes to buy fireworks by themselves in the middle of the night?
It’s ridiculous.
It should’ve been a funny sight—but the store clerk rang me up with a completely disinterested look.
When I stepped back out, the silence was just as deep as before.
Of course, there was no one else around.
Even though I know it’s not true, I can’t help but feel like everyone has left me behind—that I’m the only one left.
When I’m alone, an unbearable tightness grips my chest.
I hate this part of me—this weak, needy side that can’t handle loneliness.
Lately, Sayo’s always been around, so I haven’t had this kind of feeling in a while.
But now, suddenly, I felt like I was all alone again.
I found myself walking faster and faster—desperate to be somewhere… anywhere with someone else.
To wherever someone is—
That feeling pushed me forward.
When I got back home, the house was completely dark, as expected.
Sayo must be asleep by now.
Instead of going back to my room, I left the lights off and sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the black, unlit television screen.
Sayo should be in this house.
And yet, for some reason, an overwhelming sense of loneliness swelled in my chest. My heart began to pound again.
In this world, I’m all alone.
That irrational, foolish fear hovered like a cloud over me.
As I sat in silence, I heard the front door open.
Sayo…?
She didn’t seem to notice me at all. She headed to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.
Into the lonely, silent world I’d just been drowning in, a warm breeze suddenly flowed.
To hide how happy that made me, I called out to her casually.
“Sayo, you’re up early. Morning.”
After what happened yesterday, I’d been scared she might not even talk to me. But surprisingly, she responded—her own way, but she responded.
I was so relieved that she didn’t say something like, “I’m leaving.”
It genuinely lifted a weight from my chest.
Right now… my heart feels fragile.
Yesterday, just getting scolded by my boss at work was enough to break me down—and I ended up being selfish toward Sayo.
That’s why, even if she’s younger, even if she’s my cousin, just having her nearby means everything to me.
After Sayo went back to her room, I returned to mine, slipped under the covers, and set my alarm to go off in two hours.
I used to sleep until ten on days off like this.
But now, I have to get up early—to make Sayo breakfast.
Thinking that this new rhythm would continue for a little while longer, my breathing softened.
And the anxiety that had gripped me so tightly just moments ago melted away.
Then I drifted off to sleep.