A Love Longed for the Tiger Lily (GL) - Chapter 17

Taniguchi-san has been doing her best to help me overcome my phobia,
so I’ve started trying a little harder myself too.

I still don’t really understand why she’s doing all this for me.
Someone like me—who bites, pushes, lashes out—it wouldn’t be strange if she suddenly told me to leave.

Anyway, I’ll be going back to my normal life next month.

I know that. I’ve known it from the beginning.

And still… I kind of wish this life, where I don’t have to constantly walk on eggshells, could continue a bit longer.

Sigh…

I was curled up on Taniguchi-san’s bed.

It was already time to get up. Time to go to school.
When I first came here, her scent lingered in the sheets like a soft cloud, but lately, it’s been fading.

Her scent is comforting.

I’ve always had trouble sleeping in unfamiliar places—hotel rooms, class trips, even relatives’ houses.
But for some reason, I could fall asleep right away in her bed.

Maybe she uses some kind of fabric softener laced with sleeping pills.

I tossed that ridiculous thought out with the covers and dragged my heavy body toward the living room.
Like always, I greeted her, ate breakfast, and prepared for the day.

“Here, Sayo. Almost the end of the week—hang in there, okay?”

She gave my head a gentle pat, and then her hand lingered on my cheek.

With Taniguchi-san, I don’t get as startled by things like that anymore.
Still, it caught me off guard, and my body flinched.

She’s always so sudden and unpredictable.

My heart couldn’t keep up—it pounded wildly in my chest, and I stood there frozen.

“…Pervert.”

“Fine, I’ll be your pervert. But try to get used to it little by little, okay?”

That mischievous look again.
She always makes that face when she pulls stuff like this.
I still have no clue what she’s thinking.

“I’ll be home late tonight, so go ahead and eat without me, okay?
I left something in the fridge—just heat it up.”

“…Okay.”

Apparently, she wouldn’t be home tonight.
Honestly, that was a bit of a relief.
I felt a little lighter as I left the house.

As usual, Kaede was the first to talk to me at school.

“Sayo, wanna study after school today?”

“Yeah.”

“Yay! Let’s do it together!”

“Sure.”

“You’ve changed a bit lately, haven’t you?”

Changed?

That was a rare, cryptic comment coming from Kaede.

“What do you mean?”

I didn’t think I’d changed at all—recently or ever—so I was curious.
Kaede tapped her chin and furrowed her brow as if searching for the right words.

“Hmm… You seem brighter now, I guess?
That’s the best way I can put it.
Haven’t you noticed anything yourself?”

Maybe I was just smiling more today because Taniguchi-san wasn’t going to be home.

“Just today, probably.”

“Hmm… I don’t think that’s it, though.”

Kaede looked unconvinced, but I didn’t really care, so I let it drop.

Clack.

It was close to 8 p.m. when I finally got home after studying,
but the lights were still off.

After washing my hands and putting my things away, I remembered what Taniguchi-san had said and checked the fridge.

Inside was a serving of Chinese rice bowl, along with a note stuck to the lid.

“Heat this up, okay? And take a nice long bath afterward!”

Something about that note made my chest tighten unexpectedly.

I hit the button to draw the bath and started heating up the food.

The house was silent, save for the occasional clink of dishes or the hum of the microwave.

Of course it was. I was the only one here.

As I waited for the microwave to finish, I found myself reaching for two sets of dishes—chopsticks and a cup.
Out of habit, I almost set the table for both of us.

Ugh… What am I doing?

Maybe… I really do like this life.

I set out just one cup and one pair of chopsticks.
Then I waited.

Whatever Taniguchi-san makes, it’s always delicious.
She must be busy with work every day, and yet she still manages to prepare meals like this.
When does she even find the time?

I could’ve just grabbed something on the way home and eaten alone.
She didn’t have to go that far on days when she’s running late.

Sigh…

Being alone has its perks, but it’s probably not great if I end up thinking about her anyway.
Every night, when I eat dinner, Taniguchi-san is usually right there in front of me.

But now she’s not.
And even though that should be fine—it felt strangely wrong.

After finishing my meal, I cleaned up, did the laundry, and soaked in the bath.
By the time I finished everything, it was already 11 p.m.

She did say she’d be home late, but since we’ve started living together, she’s never been this late.
I didn’t even know why she was late.

I remembered a time when my mom came home late,
her legs scraped and bloody because she’d fallen on the way back from work.

That memory crept into my chest like a cold whisper.

She’s an adult, right?
Maybe she’s just out drinking?

But… do people really drink this late?

Episode 17: Lonely…

Overtime, maybe?

Why am I thinking about Taniguchi-san so much?

It makes me hate myself.

I should just go to bed without worrying about her. And yet, I was sitting there, waiting for her, without even realizing it.

This life we have now—it’s easy, comfortable. I don’t want it to end.

That’s all it is. I just want it to last until the end of the month.

So I need Taniguchi-san for that—nothing more.

There’s no deeper meaning.

If something happened to her, I wouldn’t be able to stay here anymore.
That’s the only reason I’m waiting up.

I kept telling myself that, over and over, as I waited for her to come home.

I leaned against the table in the living room. I could’ve turned on the TV to pass the time, but I wasn’t in the mood.

The only sound in the house was the steady tick-tick of the clock.

I glanced up at it, thinking maybe thirty minutes had passed, but it had only been ten.

“…I’m lonely.”

The words slipped from my lips before I could stop them.

I startled myself.

What am I even saying?

This is how things have always been. Nothing unusual.
We’ve only lived together for, what, two months?

And I’m already like this?
That’s pathetic.

If I was going to think about this stuff, I should’ve just gone to bed.
No—if I had, I probably would’ve felt the same.

So instead, I lay my head on the table, trying not to think about anything at all.

But the ticking of the clock, once comforting, now just grated on my ears.

Click.

The sound of the front door opening made me jump to my feet.

“Sayo? Why are you still awake?”

Taniguchi-san stood there with flushed cheeks, clearly tipsy—just like the last time she drank.

I immediately regretted staying up.
There was no good excuse I could think of.
No way I could tell her I’d been worried about her.

“I just wasn’t sleepy tonight.”

“High schoolers should get to bed early.”

“So should you, Taniguchi-san.”

“Adults don’t work that way.”

She laughed carelessly, and somehow that made me angry.
All that time I spent feeling anxious—what was it even for?

“What were you doing today?”

“Drinking with a friend. Her name’s Koharu.”

“I see.”

“You asked, but you don’t sound very interested.”

I didn’t even realize I’d stepped closer to her and was now glaring at her.

I was the one who worried.

I was the one who waited.

But she just brushed it off like it was nothing.
And even knowing that, I couldn’t stop myself from glaring.

“Were you up because you were worried about me?”

…No way she can tell.

But I froze—because what if she could?

“…No.”

Taniguchi-san kept barging into the parts of my heart I didn’t want her to touch.

And even though I hated that…
Today, for some reason, I wanted to stay near her.

Because I had let myself feel lonely, for the first time in a long time.

This is her fault.

She needs to take responsibility and help me figure out what to do with this feeling.

Before I knew it, my hand had reached out and grabbed the hem of her shirt.

“Sayo…?”

Her concerned voice brought me back to my senses.

How could she act so normal, so kind…
When last time she was drunk, she said weird things to me?

Why is she like this?

Why do I keep acting strange around her?

“Next time, tell me what time you’ll be back. And your plans, too.”

Taniguchi-san chuckled softly.
She didn’t know what I was feeling.
She was mocking me.

“What’s so funny?”

“You were worried, weren’t you? Thank you. Were you lonely?”

“I wasn’t worried. And I wasn’t lonely.”

I’m not lonely.
This is normal.

I turned to leave—because if I stayed with her any longer, these feelings would only grow worse.

But her voice stopped me.

“…It’s okay if I’m a little forceful, right?”

…What?

She grabbed the arm that was still holding her shirt, and pulled me into a hug.

I froze for a moment, but her arms were warm. Gentle.
And… it felt nice.

I looked up at her.
The woman holding me had the calm, mature face of an adult.
I didn’t know what emotion I was reacting to, but my heart thumped wildly in my chest.

Then, the embarrassment hit me.

What are we doing?

I pushed her away with all my strength.

This wasn’t right.
I have a fear of women.

Letting this happen was wrong.

I needed to reject it.

“Don’t do weird things like that.”

I shoved her hard, making sure my words made it perfectly clear I meant it.

But the second I saw her face, I regretted everything.

She looked more hurt than I’d ever seen her—like her heart had been shattered.

I couldn’t bear it.
I turned on my heel and ran for my room, leaving her behind.

It’s all Taniguchi-san’s fault.

I want her to always be out late.

Don’t have days like this, where you come home and make me feel like this.
Because then I start to miss you.

I had to deny the part of me that was okay with her holding me.
So I lashed out.
I hurt her.

This is your fault…

A dark, crushing feeling swirled in my chest.
I couldn’t breathe.

No—it’s my fault…

That unbearable mix of guilt and the lingering warmth of her embrace gnawed at me, inside and out.