A Love Longed for the Tiger Lily (GL) - Chapter 18

“Sigh…”

Ever since I came to live here, I haven’t had to worry so much about being on edge around people—but the number of sighs and overthinking I do has definitely increased.

On the pillow beside me sits a small, well-worn stuffed rabbit, about the size of my palm, its frayed seams staring back at me.

It’s too small to really hug, so I pulled my thin blanket in close instead, curling up with the both of them.

My breathing had been irregular for a while, and it was getting hard to catch my breath.
So I took a deep inhale and slowly exhaled every last bit of air from my lungs.

That one deep breath… eased the tightness in my chest, just a little.

I was so hurt—crushed—when the person I liked rejected me.

Even now, I don’t know if I hate her exactly… but I know that experience is one of the reasons I became like this. At the time, I thought she was the worst.

And yet, I did something similar to Taniguchi-san.

I can’t forget the look on her face yesterday.

She looked… so incredibly sad.

I regret it more than I can say.

It’s not that I hated it.

But… I was scared that if I didn’t reject her, she’d think I was okay with that kind of thing.

And that scared me even more.

No more excuses.
I need to apologize.

I took a deep breath and slowly stepped forward.
Then I opened my door.

“Ah—! Sayo!? …Good morning.”

Taniguchi-san was standing right outside, looking uncharacteristically startled.
The surprise hit so hard, I couldn’t even speak.

“Want some breakfast?”

“…Yes.”

“I already made it. Come eat.”

We made our way to the living room in awkward silence.
But strangely, that awkwardness only lasted for a moment.
Once we sat down, she acted like nothing had happened.

Like always.

Just like that, she went back to being her usual self—like yesterday’s incident never occurred.

She always does that.

No matter what happens, by the next day, she’s back to normal.
Maybe… that’s what it means to be an adult.

Or maybe… she’s just forcing herself to act like everything’s fine.

“…Taniguchi-san.”

“What is it?”

“After breakfast… can we talk for a bit?”

“…Sure?”

I rushed through the dishes and made my way to the living room, where she was already waiting on the sofa.

I sat beside her.

Just sitting there, in that same place where everything happened yesterday, made my chest ache.

“Um…”

“Yeah?”

“…………”

I’ve never really had chances like this to speak honestly about my feelings.
So I didn’t know how to say it, and the words just wouldn’t come.

I know what I did was wrong.

All I needed to do was say sorry.
But even that was hard for me.

I hated myself for it.

Before that feeling could swallow me whole, I forced the words out.

“…About yesterday… I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I couldn’t tell if she genuinely didn’t remember, or if she was just pretending.

It would’ve been easier to let her play dumb and drop it, but I knew I couldn’t.

My conscience wouldn’t let me.

“I think… I hurt you yesterday.”

“Yeah. You did.”

My heart pounded in my chest like an alarm going off.

So she was hurt after all.

Some part of me had hoped—hoped I was just overthinking it.

“I didn’t… hate it.”

“Then why did you react like that? Was it on purpose?”

“No—it wasn’t on purpose.”

“Then tell me why.”

I’d gone through most of my life without trusting anyone.
It was normal to keep people at a distance.

But now, even though it’s only been a short time, I was starting to trust her.

I felt lonely when she came home late.

And even though I’m supposed to be afraid of women… I didn’t resist when she held me.

I can’t say that out loud.

If I did, my already fragile pride would completely shatter.

Just as I clammed up again, she spoke.

“Then… prove it to me.”

I looked up, startled.

She was smiling at me.

Is she teasing me again?

But… I couldn’t explain this properly with words.
If I couldn’t say it, then the only option left was to act.

I couldn’t take back what I did.
But if this could even slightly make up for it—then so be it.

I moved forward—and sat across her lap, straddling her thighs.

We were so close, our bodies practically touching.
This kind of proximity normally would’ve triggered my fear—made it hard to breathe.

“Sayo…?”

Taniguchi-san was the one who initiated this, yet she looked at me with a puzzled expression.

One way or another, Taniguchi-san is kind—she never does anything cruel to me.

I want to rely on that kindness, but now is the time to prove my remorse. No matter how painful or difficult it is, I have to keep moving forward.

When I looked down at her, she stared back at me, wide-eyed and confused.

Usually, I’m the one being looked down upon. So just this once, being the one looking down feels… fitting.

Without saying a word, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, pressing us together.

My whole body is hot, aching, and no longer functioning properly. I felt like I had reached my limit and tried to pull away, but she wrapped her arms around my waist as if to say, “I won’t let you go,” pulling us even closer than before.

Staying this close any longer seems impossible.

“…Did I manage to show you that I didn’t hate it?”

“I’m still not entirely convinced.”

It seems she’s still not ready to forgive me. Honestly, Taniguchi-san is being really unfair today.

“You’re such a pervert, Taniguchi-san…”

“Call me whatever you want. But the truth is… I was hurt.”

Her words made my chest throb with guilt.

Knowing how deeply I hurt Taniguchi-san only makes this harder. Even if she doesn’t say it outright, I already understand what she wants from me.

It’s okay—really.

I’ve done this countless times with someone I used to love.

Even with Taniguchi-san… we did it once before.

“Close your eyes.”

“No way.”

“You’re doing this on purpose, knowing how bad I am at this, aren’t you?”

“You’re the one who’s going to prove it didn’t feel bad, right?”

Apparently, every escape route I could’ve taken today is firmly shut. I gave up resisting, ignoring the pounding in my chest, and slowly began closing the distance between us.

Even though she had just refused, when I moved closer, she actually closed her eyes. I pressed my lips softly against the smooth part of her face. When I tried to pull away, I felt her arms wrap around my neck, stopping me.

Her lashes were close enough to brush against mine.

Though her eyes had been closed just moments ago, they opened slightly and looked straight at me—warm, intense, unwavering. That gaze made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.

I understand.

This is my penance for yesterday.

That’s why—no matter how painful or unpleasant it is—I must never reject her here.

I can’t even remember who reached out first anymore.

No… it was me. I was the one who sought her warmth first.

I don’t want to admit it, but I have no choice. This is repentance—nothing more.

Our body heat blended together, and even when I wanted to run, Taniguchi-san wouldn’t let go—her tongue entwined with mine, holding me in place.

My breathing became shallower, harder to control.

I don’t know how much heat passed between us, but eventually, we pulled apart. Despite not being in love, despite not even being in a relationship, I did this with Taniguchi-san.

She has to forgive me now. Surely.

My body was burning from the inside out. I just wanted to get away from here as soon as possible.

“You’re so stupid, Taniguchi-san.”

“Sayo, you’re adorable.”

That ridiculous comment made my face flush instantly. I tried to slide off her lap, desperate to escape, but even that was stopped.

“Just a little longer… stay here?”

Taniguchi-san clung to my clothes, gripping them tightly. Her voice—unusually small and fragile—made me feel the weight of what I’d done.

Even an adult like her could be shaken by something this cruel.

I was afraid she might hear how fast my heart was beating, but even more afraid of the fear she must’ve felt. So, I held her gently, trying to ease it, even if just a little.