After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 15

I’m actually not much of a cryer, but recently I might be under a lot of stress.

With these constant hallucinations coming and going, my tear ducts have become shallow. Hearing a story that clearly sounded like a ‘be’ (bad ending/tragedy), I immediately became emotional.

Sigh, someone I’ve never met, never known; hearing Ai Jiaxin talk about it, I actually felt sad for that person.

However, she looked even sadder than me.

Just mentioning it, her eyes were full of tears, on the verge of a tear-duct collapse, crying non-stop.

I quickly handed her a tissue. The little girl lowered her head and wiped her eyes, her expressions full of touched sadness and uncontrollable helplessness.

“I’m sorry, Xin Jie, every time this matter is mentioned, I can’t help but cry.

Mom says that older sister is sad, and tells me not to think about it often, so as not to let down the gift from that sister.”

Such words sound a bit unsettling. Anyway, I can’t imagine such a thing, even though I know regaining sight is more important than anything.

I didn’t have much curiosity. Seeing how sad she was, I nodded in agreement with her.

“Yes, your mom is right. Since that sister donated her eyes to you, you should take even better care of them.

You mustn’t disappoint this kind intention. You have to see more of this world for her and love this world a little more.”

“If she were still here, she would definitely want to live happily every day.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the shadow standing quietly.

She looked at me, her long dress slightly swaying, as if a breeze blew through her world, yet it inexplicably made me feel sad.

Ai Jiaxin didn’t continue the topic. She held the tissue soaked with tears in her hand and looked at me.

She suddenly said softly, “But even if I see it, it’s me seeing it, not that sister seeing it.”

This remark was so blunt I didn’t know how to respond.

According to physiology or practical terms, it actually counts as the other person seeing it.

It’s just that whatever is seen is ultimately transmitted to the brain. Strictly speaking, it really doesn’t count as being seen by the other person anymore.

I’m not good at comforting people, so I could only awkwardly change the subject.

“Hmm… Does the nearby park have any special features?”

The little girl sniffled and apologized to me, “I’m sorry, Xin Jie, I usually don’t…”

She stammered and gestured, trying to excuse her behavior of getting too personal too quickly.

I didn’t mind, but she was very anxious.

“I don’t know why, but the first time I saw Xin Jie, I felt very close to you, and unconsciously I said too much.”

“I’m sorry, did I affect Xin Jie’s mood this way?”

I waved my hand, genuinely indifferent, “It’s okay, it’s not a problem, you don’t need to be so serious.”

“Let me treat you to bubble tea, okay?” she asked, her eyes looking at me expectantly.

Meeting her eyes, my heart softened, and I nodded.

“Sure, I think I saw a highly-rated one nearby on the review app. But since you’re local, you definitely know where the good one is. You lead the way.”

Out of the corner of my eye, the shadow quietly followed me, walking forward just like me, but not looking at me.

I must be crazy, I actually felt a little disappointed in my heart.

There was a very light sound of wind in my ear, the wind blowing through the leaves, making a rustling sound. In a trance, I thought someone called my name softly.

“Lulu.”

Wistful and pitiful.

I stopped in my tracks. Under Ai Jiaxin’s puzzled gaze, my eyes flickered for a moment, and then I shook my head.

“Nothing, just thinking.”

My chest was suppressed with too heavy an emotion, causing me to almost forget to breathe.

I saw the shadow finally turn and look at me. In the gaps of the sparse tree leaves’ shadows, a paler shadow, belonging to me, appeared on the ground.

I don’t know what I was thinking. Anyway, I raised my hand.

My hand under the light was pale and transparent, with purplish-blue veins protruding. The previous car accident was not without consequences for my body; I was constantly unable to maintain a healthy physique.

Then I saw my shadow join hands with Her shadow.

Light flowed through the palm of my hand. The two shadows holding hands, as if they were going to walk to the end of time together.

I can’t describe my mood at this moment.

I only know that this kind of mood, similar to having a dream come true, last occurred when I received the admission notice for my top-choice university.

Many people call me “Lulu,” but I can confirm with absolute certainty that the voice in the hallucination, although it felt familiar, had never been heard in reality.

The little girl continued to talk enthusiastically about her school, her plans and intentions after graduation.

“I want to rent a small apartment, a small one, not too big, and then adopt a kitten or a puppy from a rescue station.”

The shadow was left far behind, and only now caught up.

I personally watched Her melt into other shadows, moving between them, and then coming to my side.

The little girl took me to buy bubble tea. When she asked for my flavor preference, I looked at her clear eyes and felt inexplicably sad.

“No ice, and no extra sugar, please.”

There was a knot in my heart that made me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. I didn’t know why I was being so sentimental.

Isn’t it good that someone is treating me to bubble tea?

The dark shadow climbed onto my hand at some point. A cold wind blew across my wrist.

I should have been afraid, but the emotions at the moment were too distressing, making me disregard everything else.

Since waking up from the car accident, for a period of time, I always felt that the world shouldn’t be like this, and my consciousness was once confused.

Later, it was with the help of various friends that I was able to return to a normal life.

Optimism aside, everyone has their low points.

I said I was going to stroll through the park with the little girl Ai Jiaxin, but actually, the sun was quite strong at the moment. After finishing the bubble tea in the tea shop, I found an excuse to leave.

Actually, I also noticed that apart from me, no one else seemed to notice the oddity of the shadow.

Whether the world is real or absurd has become an unavoidable life question for me.

Are what I see and hear hallucinations, or facts?

This kind of thing might need to be asked of Guan Lan; she’s a professional.

However, Guan Lan seems very busy lately, so I won’t bother her.

I’ll try getting an early appointment first. But even if I go without an appointment, I know that if I explain honestly, I’ll probably be prescribed a bunch of tests and given a bunch of questionnaires.

In the end, I’ll definitely be diagnosed with a disorder.

After all, even I think I’m ill.

But the hallucination is so real…

I returned to the guest room belonging to me at Xi Rong’s house.

I should be scared, but out of the need for verification, I turned on the bathroom faucet.

The water flow was clear, and a few drops of water splashed onto my face, hanging on my eyelashes, as if I had shed tears.

I looked up and saw myself in the mirror, with a dense, ink-like shadow cast on my face.

It was probably the shadow of my finger falling on the corner of my eye. Then a cool breeze blew, and that drop of water fell and disappeared.

Is all this really a hallucination?

Did I imagine this existence because I lack love, and thus created a non-existent lover for myself?

What is She?

Thinking this, I asked out loud.

“Who are you?”

Asking such a question to myself in the mirror probably looks like a horror movie scene.

Yet I didn’t feel anything at the moment, quietly watching the familiar face in the mirror gradually become strange, even frightening.

When I blinked and looked again, I vaguely saw a blurred shadow standing next to me, taller than me, looking down at me.

I also looked down at the floor and, sure enough, the familiar shadow was gone.

The bathroom door was shut by the wind. I heard the wind howling in through the small window, the glass pane banging “bang bang” loudly.

Perhaps from fatigue, I felt a loss of strength, supporting myself on the sink, staring unblinkingly at the shadow beside me.

“Who are you?”

I asked Her.

The faint, elusive shadow in the mirror faded. I reached out to try and hold it, but only saw my frightened face in the mirror.

Why?

It’s back again.

This feeling of being unable to grasp anything, unable to keep anything.

Xin Lu, have you gone completely insane?

I looked at myself in the mirror, pale, confused, without any answers.

Perhaps the fact that I’m even thinking this means I really am insane.

I was staring blankly when the faucet suddenly malfunctioned, twisting open bit by bit, tilting upwards.

Something had opened it.

A familiar smell of bl00d, thick, bright red water surged out, but instead of flowing down, it boiled right there in the washbasin.

A hand stretched out from the boiling bl00d water. As more and more water surged out, a bl00d-colored waist, chest, shoulders, neck, and finally a head with long hair like seaweeds appeared.

She was still like a bl00d-colored statue, with an artistic appearance, her empty eye sockets facing me, her bl00d-colored lips opening and closing silently.

I know what She is saying.

“Lulu.”

She always stubbornly repeated my name over and over, as if I could hear her.

She reached out to wipe away the tears on my face. Those transparent tears melted into the bl00d water, becoming a part of Her.

My distance from Her was too close, close enough that I could count her bl00d-colored eyelashes one by one.

It’s strange, this time I don’t feel panicked.

Maybe because everything feels like a dream, but this dream is bloody and enchanting.

In the unknown fear, I found my heart beating out of rhythm.

So sometimes a palpitation might not necessarily be fear.

“Who are you?” I asked Her.

She seemed not to understand, still stubbornly looking at me with empty eye sockets, silently repeating over and over.

“Lulu.”

“Do I know you?” I asked Her.

The bl00d-colored beauty tilted her head slightly, her seaweed-like long hair brushing my face.

I saw only myself in the mirror. Bl00d water dripped from the cheek that was brushed.

“Can only I see you?” I asked Her again.

She shook her head, her eyelashes fluttering, her eye sockets empty and terrifying, her bl00d-colored lips opening and closing repeatedly.

“Lulu,” She said.

If there’s revenge for enmity, or redress for grievances, did She seek me out because there’s unresolved karma between us?

Speaking of karma, perhaps it’s only that incident.

“The car accident three years ago, were you the one driving me?”

The lady, the only driver who died instantly at the scene of the accident, whose name I still don’t know.

If She died because She accepted my order, then it would certainly make sense for Her to seek retribution from me three years later.

Bl00d-colored tears fell from Her cheeks, drop by drop.

Can a body made of water also cry?

She leaned over, her forehead almost touching mine.

Looking at the bl00d-colored figure gradually becoming clear in the mirror, I quietly closed my eyes.

The tongue formed by water was as agile as a swimming fish. My mouth was filled with a dense, bloody smell.

Amidst the sweet-and-sour taste, I tasted a hint of bitterness.

Who exactly is She?

The wind blew past my ear. The wind said.

“Lulu.”

“Forget me, and live on.”

Familiar yet strange, the tone was so gentle it made my heart tremble.

Bl00d-color occupied my vision.

She reached out and covered my eyelids. The water was a little cool, making me shiver from the cold.

“Lulu.”

I vaguely heard someone say.

“Forget me.”