After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 18

“Lulu?”

I faintly heard Xi Rong speaking.

“She wasn’t feeling well last night, it’s all my fault, she said she was fine so I really thought she was better and dragged her here to sing karaoke.”

Someone helped me, laying me back on the sofa, and covered me with a jacket. The movements were gentle and careful, seemingly practiced countless times.

Xi Rong was so anxious she was almost crying, her voice choked. It was the first time I had heard her so utterly distraught.

I wanted to tell her, don’t cry, I’m fine.

But the scene before my eyes was blurred by tears, and the swollen images gradually faded and disappeared from my mind.

My fingertips nervously curled and trembled. I wanted to hold onto the images that hadn’t had time to disperse.

But I couldn’t move, and could only hear Xi Rong’s crying more and more clearly.

“It’s all my fault, she’s clearly been unwell ever since… that incident, and she’s not like before… how can she take good care of herself alone? I should have taken her straight to the hospital.”

Listening to Xi Rong’s whimpering, I wanted to tell her I really was fine.

If I had to be sent somewhere, it should be a psychiatric hospital; a regular emergency room wasn’t right for me.

Yet, my body was cold, like an iron statue in winter. A cold wind blew over me, seemingly trying to invade my body and merge with me.

I heard the wind wailing as it swept past my ears.

The wind said, “Lulu.”

My head felt like it had been struck by a heavy hammer, combined with the sharp, dense pain of fine awls pricking it. Amidst the continuous pain, I finally regained a little mobility.

I covered my head and heard my own faint voice magnified countless times.

“It hurts… so much.” My head hurts so much.

I heard one shout after another, from Xi Rong, from Zhang Ruo’an, and from… that strange yet familiar, ear-catching voice.

“Lulu.”

“Lulu, Lulu.”

“Lulu…”

One sound layering over another, one connecting to the next, heavily overlapping, incessant, making me dizzy.

I should have been in pain in my head, but with each call, my heart felt like countless fragments were being peeled away piece by piece.

“Lulu.”

Who was calling my name?

“I’m sorry.”

Who was apologizing to me? Why?

She was crying so sadly, as if she were about to faint, but she still said.

“Forget me.”

The last sentence, like those repeated calls, lingered by my ear, constantly repeating, then the sound grew lighter and lighter until it vanished.

My breathing became more rapid. I wanted to catch this cloud, but forgot that clouds have no physical form.

I heard a voice crying in my heart.

Using my voice, it said: “Why? I still can’t hold onto anything.”

Who is it? Who is speaking?

I opened my eyes blankly. My head no longer hurt, but my chest felt empty, as if a large hole had been torn open, and something had left my body.

My feeling at this moment was more like a ragdoll whose cotton stuffing had been pulled out, even though, even though I had nothing to be sad about.

I opened my eyes. Perhaps due to my poor state, the first thing I saw was a black shadow almost filling my vision, distorted by the lights.

The long-haired shadow was stretched out in the colorful lights. It lowered its head from the high ceiling beam, and its outstretched hand-shadow was twisted by the light.

After that came Zhang Ruo’an and Xi Rong. They were very close, and the moment they saw me wake up, they both bent down to ask about me with concern.

“Lulu, are you okay?”

“Lulu, what’s wrong?”

My ears were buzzing. I slowly reached up to cover my ears.

My face was cold and wet, and I realized I was crying.

How strange, why am I crying? What did I just see?

I can’t remember anything.

I felt a bit cold. I opened my mouth, and the first thing I said was: “It’s so cold, could you turn up the air conditioning a bit.”

Xi Rong somehow managed to get a cup of hot water, and Zhang Ruo’an helped me sit up.

“Lulu, here, drink something hot to feel better.”

The steam brought warm heat. I slowly reached out, trying to take the cup myself, but found my hand was trembling.

Zhang Ruo’an started crying before Xi Rong and I could even exchange words.

Perhaps her long-standing melancholia gave her a sorrowful look, and her eyes were deep-set. When she cried, it seemed like immense sorrow and pain, with large tears falling continuously, making it hard not to be moved.

No, why is she crying?

I stared at her blankly as she cried. After exchanging glances with Xi Rong, I noticed Xi Rong’s eyes were distinctly red and swollen.

“Um… Are you okay?”

I asked Zhang Ruo’an, while fumbling to pull a pack of tissues out of my pocket and opening it. I handed one to her and one to Xi Rong, feeling like a kindergarten teacher.

Zhang Ruo’an took the tissue to wipe her tears. Xi Rong asked me when I handed her the tissue.

“What are you doing? I don’t need this, I wasn’t crying.”

Tch, so stubborn.

I firmly pushed the tissue into her hand.

Maybe the sight of a 37-year-old woman shaking her hands was too pitiful. Xi Rong reluctantly took it, wiped her face with her back to me, and continued to argue.

“You weren’t feeling well just now, so I turned off the air conditioning, and I sweated a bit. I’m wiping it off.”

Fine, fine, I won’t expose this stubborn woman.

“Sorry, I lost my composure.”

Zhang Ruo’an said calmly, then gave me a faint smile.

“Haha… It’s okay, it’s really okay.”

Although I thought her smile was sadder than her crying, she was acting as if nothing was wrong, and since we weren’t close, it was inappropriate for me to say anything more.

I held the cup of water. The water in the cup kept shaking, always on the verge of spilling but not quite. I avoided reality and took a sip of water, wondering if I might have low bl00d sugar, or if I was heading for premature Alzheimer’s. How would I live if I got Parkinson’s?

Is the money really enough?

Maybe I should find a job after I solve this trouble.

“Lulu, are you feeling better?” Zhang Ruo’an asked me again.

Facing her concerned gaze, I couldn’t say much. I wanted Xi Rong to help me, but the woman didn’t dare to turn back, still wiping her “sweat.”

I didn’t know where she worked up a sweat in this cold.

“Uh, I’m okay, I’m fine. It was just an old problem acting up—neuralgia, it’s nothing serious.”

Without Xi Rong’s help, I could only manage a few perfunctory replies.

Zhang Ruo’an frowned, her brow furrowed into a knot. She asked me worriedly.

“Haven’t the after-effects of the car accident been cured yet?”

Neuralgia is basically incurable. There are tons of folk remedies, some of which I looked at and felt that enduring the pain was better than the treatment. Those treatments were either disgusting, bizarre, or looked very painful.

“It’s neuralgia, we’ll wait for future medical developments, haha…” I didn’t know how else to show my friendliness, I could only give an awkward laugh.

“Is the money enough…” Zhang Ruo’an wanted to say something more, but Xi Rong pulled her away.

I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Xi Rong conveniently turned off the mood lighting and turned on the normal lights, but since it was a KTV, the lighting was still dim.

I looked down and saw countless overlapping shadows staring at me, reaching out to me.

Alas, it’s just an illusion.

Xi Rong and Zhang Ruo’an talked about something, and after they finished, they came over to me.

I glanced at the shadow from the corner of my eye and saw the shadow’s hand seem to rest on my head, withdrawing it as they approached.

My head didn’t hurt anymore. I took a sip of hot water and marveled at its versatility.

“Lulu, why don’t we go to the hospital together?” Xi Rong said.

Zhang Ruo’an seemed to have been persuaded by her and also urged, “Whether the neuralgia can be cured or not, we should try. If it can be cured, Lulu, you won’t have to suffer like this anymore.”

The chance of a cure is one in ten thousand, which means there are nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine chances that it won’t be cured. I really don’t want to go to the hospital. I hugged the cup and drank another sip of hot water, trying to pretend I couldn’t hear.

“Xin Lu! You’re playing dumb again!” Only Xi Rong would speak like that.

She sounded a little angry. I glanced at her guiltily and continued to look down at my water cup.

Hey, this hot water is really hot water, and this cup…

In the dim light, I saw a beautiful face in the water’s surface, delicate and lovely.

It wasn’t me.

A trace of light red appeared in the transparent water. The red grew thicker and a faint, sweet, metallic smell began to spread.

Hardening my heart, I drank the water in one gulp, nearly choking to death.

“Cough, cough, cough—” I covered my mouth, afraid of throwing up.

I felt like I didn’t drink water, but a living, slippery, and organic thing.

An illusion, all an illusion.

I coughed so hard I was nearly vomiting. The hot water traveled down to my stomach, but instead of bringing warmth, a coldness spread through my limbs and veins.

“Lulu.”

Someone called my name, so clearly it was almost right next to my ear.

I suddenly looked up. This was neither Xi Rong’s nor Zhang Ruo’an’s voice.

Whose voice is this?

“Lulu.”

The voice continued. It was laced with a smile, satisfied and joyful.

I gave a weak smile amidst Xi Rong’s and Zhang Ruo’an’s astonished looks. “It’s nothing, I choked on the water.”

If this were on a normal day, and I heard a voice like this online, I would not only like it but also comment, “Mommy~ Where is my seat? My body feels so strange. What did you add to my water?”

However, since the hallucinations started, because I always feel like I’m being watched, I haven’t made any flirty remarks online for a long time.

And now this voice is too close to me. No matter how mature, captivating, or alluring it is, I only feel terror.

The cost of psychiatric treatment is too high. My small savings are nothing compared to the price of a VIP room.

Furthermore, I absolutely do not want to adopt a healthy routine of sleeping early and waking up early.

Being too healthy reminds me of junior and senior high school, and then the dark, endless high school years of nothing but test-prep, with the only escape being the College Entrance Exam.

Xi Rong and Zhang Ruo’an were still persuading me to see a doctor. I could only adopt a stubbornly uncooperative, feigned-ignorance attitude.

Sure enough, they finally gave up on me. Xi Rong took a step back, and Zhang Ruo’an reached out to take the cup from my hand.

“Lulu, give me the cup. I’ll throw it away for you. Then let’s go to Xi Rong’s house together, okay?”

I looked at the cup. There was only a thin layer of transparent water at the bottom.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I casually handed the cup to her, only to realize that my hand had stopped shaking at some point.

That’s great, I don’t have Alzheimer’s yet, saving me another expense.

The relief lasted less than two seconds, as that voice emerged again.

“Lulu.”

“We are together now.”

“So intimate.”

I shivered. The icy liquid filling my stomach was almost surging out.