After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 19

Based on my experience, this is an episode (of my condition).

However, the problem is minor. First, it doesn’t affect my life; second, it has no social harm.

Treating it is expensive and not guaranteed to work. I’ll consider seeing a doctor when the impact becomes significant.

Xi Rong sat in the front passenger seat, Zhang Ruoan was the driver, and I consciously buckled my seatbelt in the back.

“Lulu,” the voice called out happily.

I originally intended to pretend I didn’t hear it.

Who knows what might happen if I respond to my auditory hallucination?

Verify if I have multiple personality disorder?

My body felt truly unwell. The thought of that strange water I drunkenly consumed, combined with the persistent noise in my ears, made my stomach churn and protest.

I couldn’t help but complain softly, “So noisy, I feel sick.”

She suddenly became quiet. Xi Rong and Zhang Ruoan looked at me through the interior rearview mirror.

“Lulu, take a nap. I’ll drive a little slower,” Zhang Ruoan said.

No one spoke for the rest of the journey. They were all considerate, letting me rest properly.

After the headache subsided, everything felt tiring. I was drowsy under the thin blanket, with no time to concern myself with the silent battle of glances between Xi Rong and Zhang Ruoan.

They seemed to be plotting something behind my back, having little secrets I didn’t know about.

Heh, heaven knows if they started dating behind my back. Why else would they hide it from me?

I’m not sensitive to people’s emotions, but I did notice that although Zhang Ruoan’s attention to me was excessively high, she didn’t seem to have romantic feelings.

She really didn’t look like she had been in love with me. Her gaze towards me was melancholic but clear.

It was more like after I nearly died, she was terrified I might kick the bucket again. Out of consideration for our shared history as classmates and roommates, she was so anxious about me.

Connecting this to her knowledge of my car accident, she is likely an overly emotional person.

Perhaps she felt worried for me because she knew about my near-fatal accident, and she was too kind. No wonder she looked so overly anxious at only thirty-seven.

I just don’t know what misunderstanding there is between Guan Lan and her. I have a slight headache. Given how truly uncomfortable the recent headache was, I decided not to keep thinking about it.

If they can’t get along, then they can’t. Although I usually side with my close ones over what’s right, Zhang Ruoan… seems to count as a close one too.

My memory of Zhang Ruoan is truly minimal, or almost non-existent. I barely remember who my university roommates were. Vaguely, I recall my roommates were all very nice, and we got along well.

But the faces in my memory are blurry, making it hard to distinguish which one she might be.

I do feel somewhat apologetic towards Zhang Ruoan.

The stark contrast between her warmth and my indifference makes me feel a little uneasy.

But I really don’t remember her, and that’s a fact that can’t be forced.

Time is truly cruel. It took away youth and those memories of laughter and joy. My brain, which was struck, repaired, and updated, is like a continuously upgraded computer system—each generation is worse than the last.

It’s actually normal for old parts restored to factory settings to be inferior to brand new originals.

I don’t like to criticize myself. Just being alive is hard enough.

When I was hospitalized, Xi Rong would push my wheelchair out to bask in the sun and often nag me.

“Lulu, besides life and death, nothing else is a big deal. You need to be well.”

She was always overly anxious then, always thinking I might have dark thoughts at any moment, just like Zhang Ruoan now.

I think Zhang Ruoan has simply had less contact with me in recent years. If she had more contact, she would realize that life has turned me into a stubborn, thick-skinned mess.

I don’t strive for success. I just want to drift through life until I die. I make people angry just by looking at me, and nothing anyone says helps; I treat scolding like background noise.

Xi Rong, for example, is very used to it. After long tempering, she only gets frustrated when I refuse to socialize and stay home playing dead, but she no longer pretends the wind is blowing sand in her eyes and secretly cries upon seeing me, as she used to.

Actually, I feel like there might be an indescribable sense of guilt mixed into Zhang Ruoan’s strange attitude towards me.

However, it’s also very possible I’m misinterpreting it. Intuition cannot be evidence.

I have no principles when it comes to friends. As long as someone isn’t intentionally malicious towards me, there’s basically nothing I can’t forgive.

She’s so emotional, what could she have possibly done to hurt me?

Furthermore, firstly, I’m single since birth, so emotional issues are ruled out.

Secondly, since I graduated from university successfully, it means we had no conflicts in our academics.

Finally, my work has no overlap with hers; otherwise, I wouldn’t have trouble remembering her.

That’s strange. What could she possibly feel guilty about towards me? It couldn’t be that the biggest hurdle in my life—

That car accident—could be related to her, could it?

If that were the case, Xi Rong wouldn’t even wait for me to act; she would have torn the person to shreds first. Seeing them today, their relationship seems quite good.

If this were Guan Lan, Xi Rong would have started mocking her long ago. I don’t understand why these two people, both having good personalities, just can’t get along.

What exactly happened between Zhang Ruoan and Guan Lan? Why do they have such a misunderstanding?

I grabbed a cushion. I was very sleepy, but my brain was active and started to wander.

Once I started daydreaming, my thoughts had no boundaries.

I even wildly guessed, could the reason Zhang Ruoan and Guan Lan don’t get along be that their relationship didn’t work out because Guan Lan misunderstood that Zhang Ruoan liked me?

Sighing, I looked up and met their tense eyes, as if I could be scattered by that breath.

It’s not that serious. I’m not that fragile.

Zhang Ruoan was indeed driving very slowly and deliberately took a detour, choosing a less crowded and quieter route.

The often-excitable Xi Rong was looking down at her phone, probably texting someone.

When we got out of the car, they both scrambled to open the car door for me. I saw them look at each other, pause, and then wait, one on the left and one on the right, to help me out.

It was complicated.

I’m not eighty yet, am I?

These two legs should still be able to walk. There’s no need to be as careful as helping an old lady cross the road.

“Hey, can you two stop this?” I said.

They insisted. Zhang Ruoan just looked at me melancholically. Seeing Xi Rong open her mouth, I knew her old habits were flaring up.

To prevent her from becoming sentimental again, I could only roll my eyes listlessly and let her support me.

Since I let her help, it wouldn’t be right to leave out Zhang Ruoan, would it?

I tried very hard to maintain balance, but the new life realization was that having them escort me was more tiring than walking by myself.

At this point, I was practically being carried by them. I’m not even in a Mary Sue script, so why does this scene look like a cheesy drama?

Due to their lack of coordination, sometimes my feet couldn’t even touch the ground. It looked less like a cheesy drama and more like a hostage being held in a cop film.

Thankfully, the car stopped directly in Xi Rong’s parking lot. Otherwise, anyone seeing us would probably call the police.

Walking was truly awkward and uncomfortable, so I had to speak up for myself.

“Can you let me down? I really can walk by myself.”

Being supported by the two of them for this short distance made me break out in a sweat.

I was just feeling emotional and sick earlier, but now I just want to walk independently, putting everything else aside.

Well, I can’t put everything aside. I looked down and saw the shadow facing me.

Fortunately, the sun was bright, so I didn’t feel too cold, but the cool breeze also joined in, occasionally blowing across my arm, seemingly helping to support me.

Can you please not add to the chaos right now?

The one on the ground couldn’t be reasoned with, but fortunately, the two three-dimensional people could hear my opinion. Seeing I was truly unhappy, they both let go.

Both pairs of eyes nervously stared at me, as if I was about to melt under the sun.

“Actually, you don’t need to be this cautious.”

I said, “I had a full physical exam a few months ago. There were no issues. That was really just nerve pain. I’m not going to die.”

Xi Rong disagreed. I rarely saw her this serious.

“You were in so much pain last night. Do you think I’m a fish with a memory of only seven seconds?

Since it’s not severe now, I’ll indulge your willfulness. But if you pass out from the pain later, I’ll take you and Ruoan to the hospital for a checkup, even if you don’t want to go.”

Well, last night… the discomfort wasn’t necessarily discomfort, but that’s hard to explain publicly.

My memory cut out several times, but the embarrassment of last night was firmly imprinted in my mind, making me stammer and unable to speak.

I didn’t expect to have an episode in the KTV, but I genuinely wasn’t sick last night. I was just getting older and had a bit of an overactive libido.

The hallucination had switched to an adult channel.

“Oh, if I’m really sick, I’ll definitely go to the hospital. I’m not stupid.”

I was in the wrong on this one. My eyes darted around, afraid to look at Xi Rong. I quickly argued and walked a few steps faster, moving ahead of them.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the shadow happily playing with Her long hair, curling a small strand around Her fingertip.

How could this hallucination be so wicked?!

Fuming, I ground my teeth and quickly entered Xi Rong’s house. Xi Rong and the other one followed behind me like two tails.

“It’s okay not to go to the hospital. Lulu, walk slower. Don’t rush.”

Zhang Ruoan’s tone, like consoling a child, grated on my nerves.

After she said that, the shadow seemed to be held in place and didn’t immediately follow. I had to wait for Her a little.

I couldn’t help it. Since there were other people present, it would be strange if my shadow was separated from me.

Although no one seems to have noticed this anomaly yet, I’m not sure if She is an illusory friend visible only to me.

Normally, no one pays attention to other people’s shadows, but I’m cautious by habit and concerned about Xi Rong’s cowardly feelings and my own ears.

I don’t want to endure her ear-splitting high notes right after my headache has subsided.

Fortunately, the shadow only paused for a moment and quickly caught up. This made me feel a bit relieved.

A wisp of cool breeze brushed over my fingertips and palm, bringing a slight chill.

I inadvertently glanced at the shadow of the long hair on the wall. She naughtily extended her pinky finger, making a pinky-promise gesture.

The child who needs consoling is right here, in my hallucination.

Lost in thought, I walked straight towards the guest room. The two tails persistently followed until I opened the door and turned back, and they startled me.

“What are you doing! Suddenly appearing here without a sound!”

I covered my chest. My heart was pounding wildly. They almost scared me to death prematurely.

Xi Rong rolled her eyes. “You’re like this. We are a little worried about you, escorting you. Don’t just suddenly collapse on me. Don’t say it’s impossible. You’ve often suddenly fainted and scared people before.”

I frowned, I ground my teeth, I refused to endure such slander. I looked up and saw the shadow on the wall nodding, as if agreeing with Xi Rong.

Whose side are you on, please tell me?