After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 23

I wanted to stop her action, but her grip on my wrist was gentle yet firm, making it difficult for me to move.

“Lu Lu.”

I couldn’t see the woman’s face, but I felt that the hand restraining me was somewhat familiar.

A hand equally beautiful and perfect, almost a work of art, to the extent that it could get a hefty insurance policy if she were a hand model.

Some people are born with a gift from heaven, but could you please not grab my hand? Although it doesn’t hurt… eh?

I vaguely felt like I was dreaming, but wasn’t quite sure, and now I didn’t have a chance to pinch myself to verify.

She was quite strong; she could catch both my hands with just one of hers. She’s so strong, she probably wouldn’t be afraid of a chicken flapping its wings and flying away if she went to slaughter one. It felt a bit like overkill using that strength to catch me.

Also, sister, please stop unbuttoning my shirt, I’m scared.

We haven’t gotten that close yet, have we?

I can’t lucid dream, so the dream is not under my control. I could only watch helplessly as my clothes left me.

Before I could mourn my body being forced to liberate its nature and quickly return to the free-spirited primitive era, she very thoughtfully helped me cover my chest.

Wait? How does she have three hands?

She already has one hand holding each of mine, so where did the third one that caught me come from?

Perhaps I usually pay more attention to related things. I forgot that a weakness was in her hand, and I focused entirely on whether having an extra arm counted as a disability.

The time for puzzling didn’t last long; I was immediately distracted by her.

When did my underpants fly off?

I was a bit confused, had no impression of it at all. I remembered I was wearing them properly before I went to sleep.

She was still calling my name, one after another, with a startling obsession.

“Lu Lu, Lu Lu.”

Sister, when saying hello, please don’t make such intimate gestures. Even for speed-dating, you don’t go straight from the match-making corner to the big hotel room this quickly.

I’m not that kind of casual person!

I had a pile of unspoken thoughts, but I didn’t dare say a single word.

Her tone was very gentle, but this gentleness hid a frenzy, like a release before destruction, or like a desperate maniac clutching at the only hope, unwilling to let go easily.

I didn’t even dare to give her any response, just listening to her call my name repeatedly, calling slower and slower.

“Lu Lu.”

My wrist was gripped tighter. I didn’t dare to look down. Her other two arms were really presumptuous, very impolite at a first meeting, and now they were impolitely exploring freely.

Although I’m quite fair-skinned, I’m not snow after all, and this technique of ‘rolling snowballs’ is very—

I didn’t have time to think about why there was pleasure without pain. I squeezed my legs together, wanting her to understand my rejection.

I haven’t even seen her face yet; is it too fast to jump straight to this step?

“Lu Lu.” She called my name, with a hint of a smile.

Because of my arousal, dampness permeated and grew in the confined space of the quilt.

A faint scent, which I couldn’t quite name myself, spread out.

She happily picked up a bit of the crystal clear substance, held it above my head, released the hand that restrained me, and examined it seriously.

As if it were the most sacred and precious thing.

That’s an exaggeration. I was so embarrassed by this scene that my face flushed red, and I wanted to take this chance to run away.

Perhaps my intention was too obvious.

After I finally broke free from her embrace, she didn’t stop me immediately. But just when I thought I was about to leave, she caught my ankle.

That’s a tough break. I feel like I don’t currently have a hobby of cooperating with forced actions.

Since things have gotten this far, I should at least see who is doing this to me.

I looked back at her and found she was a graceful woman. I couldn’t see her face, but I could perceive her beauty.

How could I not see clearly?

I tried hard to stare, but could only see her elegant and smooth facial contours; her features were hazy and blurred.

Yet, even so, I could still discern her expression.

That’s too subjective, not very logical.

The time for internal mumbling was cut short; she pulled me back by the ankle.

I felt like a fish caught by a cat by its tail; no matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t escape.

Although that was the case, I still had to try.

I grabbed the bedsheet. She seemed stunned for a moment, then smiled.

“Does Lu Lu like this?”

No, what do you think I like?

I feel like her thoughts and mine have never been on the same frequency; we’ve constantly been talking at cross purposes.

I can’t say that either. Silence is golden, and sitting on a mountain of gold, I haven’t said a single word to her.

After struggling a couple of times, I was lifted like a plastic bag, with my two legs smoothly acting as handles.

At this point, I still had the presence of mind to check if she had three heads and six arms. Otherwise, how could she have an extra arm just now?

But no matter how much I looked, I couldn’t find where the extra arm from before had gone.

Two arms and two legs, she looked exactly like me, no chance of claiming local benefits.

I, who loves money as much as my life, felt a bit sorry for her, and finally remembered that I could still use money to avert disaster.

“What do you want…”

How much money do you want to let me go?

The moment I spoke, I clashed with her.

“Lu Lu.”

The woman’s cool fingertips moved up from my ankle, much more flexible than my wildly struggling big carp fish.

She looked at me, more like a celebrity who should be at a fashion show or an awards ceremony than a burglar committing a crime.

Moreover, because her expression was gentle and her features were blurred, as if shrouded in soft light, for a moment, I was reminded of the indispensable goddess in Wuxia fantasy dramas.

The next second, I changed my mind and thought that even if she were a goddess, she had to be the blackened and fallen demon version, with purple-black eyeshadow so heavy that everyone would know she was the villain.

She pinched my waist, leaned down towards me, and pressed against the side of my face.

My earlobe felt cold. I shivered, not expecting her kiss to be so icy and chilling.

That’s why I say it’s better to wear more clothes. It’s normal for her, being completely unclothed, to be a little cold with a lower body temperature.

I kindly wanted to share some of the blanket with her, but my hands were restricted again.

It was then that I belatedly realized that I was the meat on the chopping block now; no matter how she chose to arrange me, all I could do was accept it.

It’s strange. Logically, I should resist, as I really am not a casual person.

But facing her, all those feelings of resistance and defiance turned into subconscious submission, and my skin, moreover, broke out in goosebumps from these intimate touches.

“So cold.” I bit my lip and twisted my body uncomfortably.

Even though I had been having many illusions lately, and my body had spontaneously prepared itself, already a complete mess, ready to strike the next melody without any prelude, I still wasn’t quite used to doing this with an actual person.

Her hand was too cold, like ice that wouldn’t melt, yet insisting on reaching towards hot lava.

A beautiful woman’s actions are always more easily forgiven, and I happen to be particularly good at forgiving beautiful women, even if she’s doing this to me right now.

I’m being too unprincipled, I internally condemned and despised myself.

But there’s no way around it; I can’t control being greedy for money and lustful.

Seeing her beautiful face (even though I couldn’t see clearly), and then her sharp, sculpted shoulders, delicate collarbone, and smooth waistline…

I admit that what’s happening now is somewhat a matter of half-hearted consent.

The soft quilt trapped most of the moisture.

It would be even better if it wasn’t so cold. I had warmed myself for so long, but I didn’t feel her hand getting warmer.

I don’t know when she returned my freedom to me. I clung to her neck, my hand unconsciously scratching a mark on her back.

So cold, so…

I shivered and gasped. The pervasive mist obscured my vision. The flood of arousal was overwhelming, and this time, I had no extra thoughts to distract me.

Because I was suppressed, I was virtually immobile. She gripped my waist, maintaining absolute dominance over my every reaction.

My breathing had to follow the intense rhythm.

The rapid breaths and the increasingly humid and hot space under the quilt made me feel like I was in a wet park during the plum rain season.

The hot and humid air smothered my skin, and the atmosphere was saturated with this dampness. My gaze lost focus, as if more water could flood in from all directions at any moment.

“Lu Lu.”

Her voice brought a sense of familiarity, but I couldn’t recall where I had heard it.

I only heard her gentle and moving voice, full of deep affection, leaning into my ear, saying to me over and over again.

“I miss you, I miss you so much.”

“All these years, did it miss me?”

The finger deeply buried inside hooked lightly, and I lost my senses in an instant.

I’m not quite sure, but in the middle of the night, I actually saw lightning and thunder in my bed.

A white light flashed across my eyes, then turned into a blankness in my mind.

She clung to me, holding me closer. A chill arose from our tightly pressed skin; I was a furnace, she was an ice cellar.

This cold was like the extreme chill of the Arctic, which I couldn’t melt, but I wasn’t frostbitten either. Instead, I softened into a puddle of water in her arms.

“Lu Lu, I miss you, I miss you so much.”

She confessed tirelessly, the love overflowing from her words, and also reflected in her passionate actions.

In the fragile time after the aftermath calmed, I hugged her back. For some reason, tears easily fell.

Was the longing she spoke of for me?

I turned my head to look at her face. The mischievous clouds blurred my vision, and then the mist condensed into tears, dropping one by one as I blinked.

“Who are you?” I asked her.

Are you someone I know?

Why do I have no impression of you at all?

Why do you appear in my hallucinations?

If you are so important, why did I forget you?

She silently kissed away the tears on my cheeks. Her lips and tongue were even colder than the tears. Those repeated words of longing seemed to be blocked by this single question.

“Lu Lu, you must miss me.”

She transformed all her loving words into action. I turned into a small boat in a raging storm, only able to cling to her shoulder, as if that were the only rudder I could control in this tempest.

The confusion in my mind was shattered by the surging tide, and then broken apart with the waves, until I could no longer remember what I had originally intended to ask.

I woke up very tired from this sleep. My lower abdomen was sore, and the unspeakable place between my legs felt slightly uncomfortable. The soreness made me secretly grimace.

Reaching out to hug the person beside me only to find the space empty, I realized that what happened last night was just an absurd and enchanting dream.

I sighed in relief, yet felt a little regretful. Fortunately, my sense of morality came online in time, letting me return to the right path before going astray.

It would be too much to do that kind of thing with a stranger.

It’s a good thing it was just a dream, and indeed, it was just a dream.

In reality, I have met women of this caliber… actually, yes. My social circle isn’t very large, but the few close friends I have were all scouted by talent agents when they were young, and even I have encountered unreliable professional managers.

Wait, the name Zhang Ruo’an.

I suddenly had a vague impression. I dimly remembered that during my student years, there was a love song that swept the globe, the debut work of an emerging singer. It became a classic right after its release.

A massive crowd of reporters rushed to surround the school, but the school blocked them outside. There were also managers who tried various means, including climbing walls, to get in and sign her first.

Back then, everyone used their own cunning methods. The way the school intercepted these people every day was a hot topic in the entertainment tabloids for a whole month.

What were the search keywords?

I have a bit of a headache; my brain stalls exactly when I need to use it, totally unreliable.

Classic love song, singer, surname Zhang, emerging… She should be an established, powerful singer by now, right?

Zhang is a common surname, and love songs are an eternally relevant creative theme.

I only remember that the media at the time were practically hailing her as a goddess, calling her a genius singer-songwriter, a voice gifted by God—

After a flurry of typing, I searched using “voice gifted by God” and indeed found her.

It really was Zhang Ruo’an.

Her resume was so rich and splendid. At 19, she released her original love song “Handwritten Letter“, which dominated global music charts. In the same year, she held a concert for ten thousand people, and her popularity soared ever since, never falling from the pedestal.

What’s even more surprising is that she donated most of her creative income to charity organizations, living a simple and plain life herself.

What a great philanthropist, I sighed with emotion. I truly cannot reach that level of virtue. Although I’ve also made donations over the years, they’ve been sporadic. Even with an inheritance and savings, I’m not that generous.

After expressing my sentiment, I continued reading, scrolling past a string of musical achievements—

It was quite hard to skip; there were too many words, pages and pages of dense text, which shows that her life has not been in vain, completely unlike someone like me who’s just coasting by.

My eyes fixated on one line.

Three years ago, Zhang Ruo’an suddenly announced her retirement and took over the family business.

I frowned, suddenly remembering that the car accident also happened three years ago.

Scrolling down, I saw that she wrote a song called “Amber” last year and released a new song called “Sleepless” a while ago.

I’m familiar with that song “Amber“; it’s played everywhere in the streets. I can sing it even without having officially searched for it to listen.

She’s truly a genius, I clicked my tongue. Fortunately, everyone has different pursuits. My pursuit is a peaceful, stable, and affluent retirement life, and I’ve already achieved half of it, just waiting to get old.

The picture in her personal encyclopedia is Zhang Ruo’an’s photo. I hadn’t expected her to have this identity, which explains why Xi Rong felt I would regret it at the KTV.

The voice gifted by God—can anyone really compare?

Once she starts singing, who else can continue? After her, ordinary people like us sound grating and hard to listen to; we should all pretend to be mute.

To become a classic of an era all by oneself, it’s just amazing to think about.

However, her song “Amber” is too depressing. Although it’s played everywhere, every time I hear it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t remember all the lyrics, so I always hum the tune vaguely.

I vaguely remember the theme is eternal love, and the general meaning of the lyrics is that if time could solidify like amber, and the good moments were frozen in that instant, there would never be any sadness.

A new message popped up on my phone, and I realized there was a pile of unread messages on WeChat.

Oh no, I quickly clicked on Xi Rong’s messages.

As soon as I opened it, a new message popped up, pushing all the previous ones she sent further up.

[Xi Rong: Lu Lu, are you still not awake?]

[Xi Rong: Remember to text me when you get up. If you’re not up by eleven, I’ll have to take some special measures to confirm your safety.]

She’s totally capable of doing that.

Two years ago, when I insisted on living alone after being discharged from the hospital, I once fainted from low bl00d sugar at home. She couldn’t contact me for a day, got so anxious that she called a locksmith to break the door down and rushed me to the hospital.

Although we haven’t met much since then, she has to confirm whether I’m alive every day.

With this level of care, I feel like recognizing her as my godmother, but unfortunately, she’s unwilling, even accusing me of taking advantage of her, so we can only maintain a friendship on equal terms.

I quickly replied to her.

[Awake, awake. No fever, still alive, bouncing around, better than ever.]

[Your bed is too comfortable to sleep in.] Hmm, actually, it wasn’t that comfortable to sleep in. After thinking about it, I recalled this message.

Next, I glanced at the remaining unread messages. Guan Lan sent eight, and Zhang Ruo’an sent two.

The total of these numbers makes a perfect ten, I mused with my compulsive disorder.

[Guan Lan: Lu Lu, I’ll be back in Xizhao on the 23rd. When are you coming home to stay?]

[Guan Lan: I brought you some souvenirs. I think you’ll like them, but I won’t tell you what they are yet. It’ll be a bigger surprise for you to open them yourself then.]

[Guan Lan: I haven’t seen Lu Lu for so long on this business trip, I miss you.]

[Guan Lan: Is Lu Lu asleep?]

[Guan Lan: Good night]

[Guan Lan: Good morning, is Lu Lu awake?]

[Guan Lan: I’m a bit worried since you haven’t replied for so long.]

[Guan Lan: Remember to let me know when you wake up, I’m very concerned.]

Guan Lan is as gentle as ever. Her style is different from Xi Rong’s. Xi Rong never talks about missing someone; she only asks if I’m still alive.

If she weren’t so careful about the word “dead” after my car accident, the most frequent word in our chat history would probably be “dead.”

“Where have you been? If you’re dead, say so. If you’re alive, squeak.”

This is what Xi Rong used to love saying.

I would send her high-definition pictures of a big southern rat and an audio recording of the rat’s “squeak.”

After receiving her “get lost,” I would be satisfied and stop my foolish behavior.

I must be getting older; I don’t do that kind of thing anymore.

[Morning, Lan Lan. Are you at work now?]

I looked at the time; it was past ten o’clock. Guan Lan is also a second-generation heir who resigned to inherit the family business, unlike me who purely inherited an estate. Both she and Xi Rong are very busy.

Employees have weekends off, bosses don’t, but bosses have money.

Guan Lan’s replies are always very timely. Sometimes I wonder if she keeps her phone in her pocket at all times and grabs it the moment it vibrates to reply.

She is so gentle and thoughtful that I, who used to put on a bit of a show, have completely dropped the act and just talk comfortably now.

[Guan Lan: Yes, I’m at work.]

[Guan Lan: Lu Lu, why did you wake up so late today? Did you not sleep well again? Last time I asked a teacher for a calming flower tea recipe; I’ll brew it for you when I get back.]

Aww, they are so good to me, making life extra enjoyable for a good-for-nothing like me who can’t even move my limbs.

Maybe this is the reward for kindness and the blessing for laziness.

[No, I slept quite well last night.]

I felt a little guilty mentioning that. Fortunately, no one can crawl into my dreams to watch a live broadcast; otherwise, it would be so embarrassing.

No, I need to find a topic to move past this.

[Lan Lan, you’ve been on this business trip for so long. I miss you.]

These words were so mushy that my eyelids twitched and I grimaced. My waist felt a cold sting. I looked down and saw that the Shadow had cast its hand-shadow on me again, I don’t know when.

For some reason, my intuition told me to look back, and I was almost scared out of my wits.

The Shadow had somehow moved behind me, a dense, inky blackness. It was looking down at me, hair fluttering, its hand-shadow resting on my waist, glowering menacingly.

I noticed the angle allowed It to see my phone screen.

Seriously, can you please respect my personal privacy?

Can a hallucination be this lawless?!

Well, yes, it can.

I didn’t dare to send any more sappy messages back to Guan Lan, afraid that this hallucination would act up regardless of time or place.

After that dream last night, I feel very clear-headed. I temporarily have no worldly desires, and my period is probably coming soon. I don’t want to have more adult-themed hallucinations when I’m all bloody.

[Guan Lan: Lu Lu is always like this.]

[Guan Lan: Aren’t we good friends? Lu Lu is being untruthful again.]

[Guan Lan: But even knowing that Lu Lu is just humoring me, I’m very happy.]

For some reason, chatting with Guan Lan in front of the Shadow feels strange, as if I’m cheating or juggling multiple relationships.

I wasn’t surprised that Guan Lan found out. She knows me too well. I always feel that even Xi Rong might not know me as well as she does, plus her past professional background means I have almost no secrets from her.

Except for the matter of the Shadow. I mentioned it to her at the beginning, and she told me that I might be anxious due to work, which caused me to misinterpret some everyday things.

No need to worry, don’t overthink it. Once the pressure lessens after a while, I’ll naturally be fine.

I’ve always trusted her words. After all, when I woke up from nightmares back then, it was always Guan Lan who came over to give me water and medicine, helping me get through that difficult period.

It’s just that, perhaps my condition this time is too complicated to evaluate, which is why she hasn’t noticed.

Before the Shadow appeared, I was indeed under too much stress for a period, always feeling like someone was monitoring my life. So, I shared my worries with Guan Lan. She gently kept me company, chatted with me, helped me sort out my feelings, and even moved into my house to stay with me.

That room, originally intended as a guest room, almost became Guan Lan’s exclusive space. In contrast, Xi Rong rarely came over after that, even though I specifically reserved an exclusive room for her.

Thinking of the two of them, I couldn’t help but sigh.

Xi Rong told me to stay away from Guan Lan, saying Guan Lan wasn’t a good person, while Guan Lan also suggested I should have healthier and more positive social interactions, subtly implying I should keep my distance from Xi Rong.

I’m stuck between them, caught in a dilemma, trying to appease one after the other.

Fortunately, even though Guan Lan and Xi Rong don’t get along, her thoughtfulness is almost ingrained. Noticing my difficulty, she proactively took a step back, stopped bringing up the issue, and tried not to appear at the same time as Xi Rong, which was a relief for me.

[I’m not humoring you! I really haven’t seen Lan Lan for a long time. I’ll move back home too when you return.]

My neck felt cold, like someone had stroked it with a finger. I shrunk my neck and wrapped myself up in the blanket like a cocoon.

[I haven’t seen Rong Rong for a long time either, I need to spend more time with her recently, lest she keeps worrying that I’m not doing well.]

[Guan Lan: Hmm, Lu Lu should just follow her own inner decision, you don’t need to explain to me.]

[Guan Lan: I heard Zhang Ruo’an is back in Xizhao. Lu Lu, be careful, don’t interact with her, she’s not a good person.]

Uh oh, I held my phone, unsure how to reply.

How should I reply to this? I don’t really want to lie to my good friend, but if I tell the truth, I feel like Guan Lan will definitely be unhappy, and I don’t want her to be unhappy.

[Okay, got it. I definitely won’t actively look for her; we’re not close anyway.]

Relying on my previous shared antagonism towards Zhang Ruo’an, Guan Lan seemed to believe me, and the topic was passed over.

[Guan Lan: Lu Lu, remember to eat breakfast. You must take care of yourself even when I’m not around. I would be heartbroken if you lost weight.]

[Guan Lan: It’s not easy to put some weight on Lu Lu.]

When she’s home, there’s nothing I need to do. Thinking of the storage cabinets full of instant food and the inevitable weight loss due to her absence, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Not receiving my timely reply, Guan Lan apparently figured out my situation.

[Guan Lan: Lu Lu, really… You treat yourself this way when I’m not home?]

[Guan Lan: You mustn’t do this anymore, I’ll be angry if it happens again.]

The temperature is a bit low today. The wind is a little chilly. Did I leave the window open too wide?

I checked the window; it was tightly closed. I also checked the air conditioner; it was off, and the display was dark.

The gap in Xi Rong’s door still isn’t tight enough; this wind is blowing in from outside. It seems the wind is very strong today, capable of blowing this far.

I wrapped myself up like a silkworm cocoon, exposing only my face and hands.

[Got it, next time for sure.]

Will definitely dare to do this again.

The honest me, I replied obediently.

I didn’t turn my head, so I couldn’t see the Shadow’s long hair flying. The dense, black shadow was dancing on the wall behind me like countless swimming snakes.

Guan Lan had just said not to interact with her, and I opened Zhang Ruo’an’s messages in sequence.

Replying to her messages shouldn’t count as interacting, right?

[Zhang Ruo’an: Lu Lu, get a good rest.]

This one was from last night, and there was another one she sent me early this morning.

[Zhang Ruo’an: Xi Rong told me that you have some misunderstandings about me because of Guan Lan. I don’t quite know what she said, but you absolutely mustn’t believe her words. You are a very important friend to me, and it’s impossible for me to be against you.]

This isn’t just about being against me or not. Guan Lan said that Zhang Ruo’an had a crush on me and, after failing to woo me, turned her attention to her. It’s too awkward to bring up, and I don’t know if I should even ask Zhang Ruo’an for confirmation.

Even if I did confirm it, it wouldn’t help. I can’t distinguish between truth and lies.

I’m done for. My brain is already insufficient, and now these few people are playing Werewolf with me.

Where is the Seer? The Villagers desperately need your help.

This messy life should at least give me a hint!

Whose words are actually true?