After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 26

Only the “rustle, rustle” sound of a gentle breeze brushing the leaves was audible by my ear. The sunlit leaves reflected an overly bright and dazzling light.

The sparkling leaves gradually transitioned into a shimmering lake surface, as if countless crushed diamonds were floating on the water. Black and white swans were entwined by the neck in the middle of the lake.

The hallucination had appeared again.

A bouquet of flowers, large purple Forget-Me-Nots, appeared before my eyes.

“Ta-da! Whose present is this?”

The person speaking only entered my view after the bouquet appeared. The contour of her profile was graceful, slightly blurred by the light.

I tried to get a clear look at her face, but her features remained indistinct. Her long hair was lifted by the wind, stirring a stunning, heart-pounding sensation.

Rather than a hallucination, it felt like a classic scene from a youth idol drama.

“I” reached out to take the bouquet, forced to hold it close to my chest because of its large size.

“Did Ruo’an tip you off again?”

This was my voice. This tone sounded somewhat new to me: faint, like holding a grudge against someone but unwilling to speak it aloud, which perfectly matched the current scene.

How youthful~

“Lulu~”

The long-haired beauty smiled at “me.” Though I couldn’t clearly see her eyes, I felt they must be very gentle.

The “me” in the hallucination glanced at her, giving a soft, extraordinarily proud snort.

“If it weren’t for you, I’d definitely be arguing with her.”

Said this unusually young and impulsive “me.”

The long-haired beauty tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a simple but seductive gesture. Her voice was very tender, “Good. I knew Lulu was the best, never taking out frustration on innocent bystanders.”

It seemed the soft petals of the Forget-Me-Nots brushed “my” cheek. “I” wanted to move the bouquet slightly, but couldn’t because it was too big. “I” actually stamped my foot, the sound full of grievance, like a spoiled child.

“Your sister is bullying me, and now even your flowers are bullying me!”

Wow, what a plot? I was intrigued.

The woman reached out and took the bouquet, first coaxing softly, “Then it’s its fault. I’ll hold it for Lulu, so it won’t be too heavy and tire Lulu out.”

Then she continued, full of guilt and apology: “I’m sorry. It’s all because I didn’t handle things well that she managed to find you through my social contacts… I never knew she felt that way about me…”

I felt this voice was incredibly familiar. Hallucinations dull one’s thoughts, and it took a while before I vaguely remembered.

Isn’t this the voice of that… bloody entity?

I used the hallucination’s image to look at her long hair, which was only past her chest—far from the Shadow’s waist-length hair.

I still couldn’t see her facial features. Memories related to the Shadow and bl00d water resurfaced. I looked at the outline of the woman in the hallucination, and it nearly overlapped with the Entity in the bathroom.

No, that’s not right.

The Entity is thinner, and Their cheeks aren’t as full, but the curve of their chins is very similar, and Their slender necks are almost identically graceful.

The “me” in the hallucination was still speaking, her tone awkward but caring.

“This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have expected your sister, whom you raised, to be like this.”

Then the scene shifted abruptly. My line of sight lowered. The bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots was placed beside us, and our clasped hands were raised towards the sky.

The shimmering lake surface transformed into a crystal-clear sky, and both of our intertwined hands wore a woven grass ring made of Forget-Me-Nots.

“…Will we always be together?” This was “me” speaking, with uncertainty about the future in my tone.

I listened carefully but still couldn’t clearly distinguish the pronunciation of the two words that seemed to be a name at the beginning of the sentence.

“Of course we will. Why would Lulu think that?”

The gentle female voice said to “me”: “We will always, always be together.”

“I” turned my head and saw her high nose bridge, like a beautiful mountain range. We were sitting on a patch of green grass below.

This kind of lush, velvety grass stretched out in a field. Not far away, many people were setting up tents or playing frisbee.

Where is this? It looks vaguely familiar.

My mind suddenly recalled the post I saw while flipping through Zhang Ruo’an’s moments.

[The green grass on Tianwai Mountain is still as beautiful as when we had a picnic together that year.]

The accompanying picture’s green grass looked very similar to this place. If I remember correctly, there was also a shimmering lake in the photo, with swans flapping their wings, preparing to take flight.

Tianwai Mountain? I remember that’s a famous scenic spot in the Lishan suburbs, where many people go camping.

Smoke curled up in the hallucination. I initially thought it was mist rising from the lush green mountains, but on closer inspection, I realized someone had set up a barbecue stand, heavily grilling vegetables, fruits, and meat.

I subconsciously sniffed, but smelled nothing.

This hallucination isn’t realistic enough; it lacks the sense of smell.

She seemed to know that “I” was spacing out. She lowered our raised, joined hands, and her face suddenly moved closer, her magnified features right in front of “my” eyes.

What the heck!

Suddenly pulling a stunt like this while I was immersed in the viewing experience is really startling!

“I” was clearly startled as well, complaining in a low voice, “What are you doing! Scaring people can scare them to death!”

The woman smiled at “me,” her voice gentle and pleasant, “I was wondering if Lulu had lost confidence in me, to think such a thing?”

“No, I’m just a little… um, a little unhappy, as if being with me means you have to give up everything you had before.”

“I” spread my palm and peered at the sky through my fingers. A white cloud happened to drift leisurely past, completely at ease.

My sight was dominated by the face close to mine, but I still couldn’t make out her features. She seemed to kiss “my” cheek.

“Y-You, why did you do that suddenly!” I heard my own voice stammering with shyness.

If I hadn’t known I had never dated, I would have almost believed this was my memory. Thankfully, I knew, so this could only be a hallucination caused by my over-imagination.

“Lulu, don’t think like that. Even if I weren’t with you, separating from my mother and my family is a necessary challenge I would face in life.”

The woman’s voice sounded gentle and reliable, enough to make even me feel a little moved.

If someone like this actually existed in reality, I feel like I might be open to dating.

While romance is expensive, the experience of being a dog for a woman is truly unique.

This kind of activity, where you can both suffer losses and be tricked, aside from those often appearing in public legal programs and anti-fraud advertisements, only love can achieve it.

I suddenly couldn’t tell if it was me who shyly peeked at her, or “me”—

The hallucination abruptly vanished. I was face-to-face with the pitch-black Shadow. Their smooth, black long hair, beautiful yet intensely black three-dimensional features and torso, and utterly abnormal appearance brought a heart-dropping sensation.

Oh, They don’t have eyes. My apologies, I wasn’t being rigorous enough.

My body trembled. My natural instinct to scream was forgotten. I felt a bucket of ice water had been poured over me from head to toe, freezing me stiff.

Ten seconds, or perhaps longer, passed. It was only when I nearly suffocated that I realized I had forgotten to breathe.

Hey, how can this hallucination be a dream within a dream?

That’s a bit scary, sister.

I swallowed and stared motionlessly at the black shadow protruding halfway through the window.

I don’t know if my whole body was trembling, or if my eyes were shaking, or perhaps both. In any case, I was far from calm right now.

Duh! Who could be calm in this situation?!

My limbs felt numb. The paralysis brought by fear went straight to my brain, causing me to involuntarily shiver.

They moved, reaching out toward my cheek. I wanted to turn my face away, but my body had already betrayed me, sitting still in its original position.

I think I was stunned by the fright.

It wasn’t until Their fingertip touched my face that I realized They were more like solidified surface mist than a shadow, yet They didn’t bring any wetness of moisture.

As They touched me, a light, black mist dissipated in my peripheral vision, bringing a slight coolness to the touched skin.

I even had the spare capacity to think that it was a pity They weren’t entering the new energy air conditioning industry. Couldn’t They engage in a cross-industry collaboration to benefit everyone?

It’s a great loss that They only favor me. Everyone deserves a summer this cool.

It’s environmentally friendly, energy-saving, and generates no noise—oh, that last part is debatable, but the noise usually doesn’t come from Them.

They continued to lean forward. I then noticed Their edges were connected to my reflection on the windowpane. An intensely inexpressible emotion surfaced at this moment.

Why are You always hiding in my shadow?

I wanted to ask Them, but I dared not.

The Shadow is too profoundly dark. Even though I know Their features are three-dimensional, it’s difficult to discern Their expression within that thick blackness.

The light outside the window seemed to dim a few shades after Their appearance. I noticed the swaying tree shadows no longer projected into the room.

Or perhaps… they had all become part of Them.

I saw the dark shadow in the sunlight extending onto the windowsill. Countless intricate shadows of branches and leaves connected with Their nearly substantial body. They coiled behind Them, overwhelmingly engulfing me.

I was genuinely feeling a bit dizzy now.

I opened my mouth, but realized I made no sound. They continued to move closer, Their black, mist-like arm extending to grip my shoulder.

What should I do?

My mind was blank. I didn’t know how I should react.

Perhaps it was fear? Or maybe humans facing overwhelming danger lose all means of resistance.

“I…”

In the profound silence, I couldn’t hear my own voice, which was practically swallowed by the wind.

Outside the window, the wind picked up.

Countless small flowers were mercilessly swept up by the wind, and a colorful deluge rushed through the window.

It was then I realized Xi Rong’s garden was planted with so many Forget-Me-Nots.

The pinkish-purple flowers were gathered into a bouquet by the wind and held in the Black Shadow’s arms as I watched, dumbfounded.

“Lulu—”

The wind whimpered. I vaguely heard my own name carried on the wind.

Another auditory hallucination.

They reached out to me again, offering the bouquet of pinkish-purple Forget-Me-Nots.

The scene was incredibly similar to the previous hallucination, the images overlapping, causing inexplicable alarm.

I suddenly felt I couldn’t breathe, perhaps due to the excessive emotional fluctuations today. I heard my own deep inhalations and rapid gasps.

It wasn’t until drops of water landed on the tender Forget-Me-Not petals that I realized I was crying again.

The thick, inky Shadow silently watched me. I couldn’t see Their features, nor could I distinguish Their expression, yet I vaguely sensed Their sadness.

“You…” I opened my mouth, my lips moving imperceptibly.

But you are just my hallucination.

I looked down at the bouquet in my arms again, cautiously reaching out to touch the soft petals. The sensation was real.

The hallucination is quite convincing, actually. I’ll take back what I said earlier.

The light outside the window gradually intensified. Their ink-like black figure began to fade. For some reason, I reached out to Them, offering a single small flower.

It was one that the wind had carried in earlier.

“You…”

I didn’t know what to say to Them. I just felt They seemed a little sad too.

“Cheer up?”

I could barely hear my own voice, but I did say it.

The wind carried the flower away. The thick black shadow was also dissipated by the wind, vanishing without a trace.

I looked at the bright sunlight outside the window. Everything seemed to have been just a dream.

The scent of flowers was strong. I lowered my head and was astonished to find a bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots truly in my arms.

They were fresh, still bearing drops of water—my own fallen tears.

Was any of it real or a dream? I couldn’t tell the difference.

Just like Xi Rong, Guan Lan, and Zhang Ruo’an—each of them appeared kind and sincere in front of me.

Who was lying?

I don’t know.

Should I be in pain?

The delicate petals of the Forget-Me-Nots scattered as I stared blankly at the bouquet.

Am I in pain?

I’m not sure, maybe.

The complicated and chaotic reality made my thoughts muddled. Subconsciously, I wanted to escape all the surrounding troubles.

My phone on the desk vibrated “buzz-buzz.” I spaced out for a while, and it continued to vibrate non-stop.

I turned my eyes to the screen.

It was a call from Guan Lan.

I’m sorry, I don’t want to answer.

The phone scooted around the desk. The vibration and ringing started again just a few seconds after stopping.

In the end, I answered.

“Lulu, Lulu, are you alright?” I heard Guan Lan’s anxious yet gentle voice.

In the past, I would have certainly felt warm because of my friend’s concern.

But Guan Lan, how should I face you?

The you that Zhang Ruo’an described as obsessive, crazy, cruel, and indifferent—a you completely different from the one I know and see.

Are you still the same as before?

Can people truly not change their nature?

“I, I’m fine.” I felt my throat tighten, and the words I spoke were awkwardly stiff.

Xi Rong is actually my best friend, the friend I will always and firmly trust, the family member with whom I share no social, familial, or bl00d ties.

How did Guan Lan and I meet?

I can’t remember anymore. I only remember that when Guan Lan showed up, I asked her, and she looked at me with a heartbroken expression.

So, I didn’t dare to press further. My search for answers might bring secondary harm to the person who was forgotten.

Now, the past that I had already given up on has become bewildering, and the future, too, is shrouded in fog, making it impossible to see clearly.

I was glad this was a phone call, not a video call. With only my voice, Guan Lan couldn’t completely guess my feelings and thoughts.

“Lulu, is your throat inflamed from getting upset again? Did you buy a bunch of instant noodles and settle for that while I was away?”

I heard Guan Lan sigh, full of helplessness, her tone as intimate as ever.

“You just can’t keep neglecting your body like this.”

We’ve become so familiar over the past two years that when she said these words, I subconsciously shook my head, even though she couldn’t see it.

“No, I just woke up.” My voice was slightly hoarse. I casually offered an explanation.

“Lulu stayed up late again last night?”

Guan Lan’s gentle voice carried a note of dissatisfaction. I absolutely couldn’t imagine this side of her peeling a snakeskin and placing the bloody snake carcass in Zhang Ruo’an’s backpack.

When I don’t get enough sleep, I get a little cranky upon waking. Guan Lan knew this, and she probably attributed my coolness to a lack of rest.

I pursed my lips, unsure how to deal with Guan Lan, and just replied with a low “Mhm.”

Guan Lan is always gentle and considerate towards me, never seeming to get angry. Even now, she wouldn’t leap up in anger like Xi Rong and yell, “If you don’t go to bed earlier, you’ll be finished! You’re 37, stop acting like you’re 17 in puberty!”

She would only sigh softly, full of helplessness and indulgence, and ask me, “Can you try not to stay up late tonight, alright?”

I vaguely felt that this tone was familiar. I quickly recalled the hallucination I just had—the woman who offered the Forget-Me-Nots.

Taking a small breath, I was startled by my own thoughts. I can’t be so hungry for Guan Lan’s beauty that my brain uses her as a template for my ambiguous hallucination object, can I?

I secretly swallowed. I heard Guan Lan ask worriedly, “Lulu, what’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell anywhere?”

“No, I’m just feeling the delayed shock. I was startled by a nightmare I just had.”

I started talking nonsense with my eyes wide open, not even knowing what I was saying.

I heard Guan Lan’s soft laughter over the phone. Even her laugh was gentle and non-aggressive, capable of making anyone completely lower their guard.

‘Lulu, her mind isn’t normal. She only studied psychology to better disguise herself as a normal person. She was a lunatic from the start.’

Zhang Ruo’an’s words inadvertently rang in my mind again. My ears hummed, and I couldn’t hear what Guan Lan was saying to me.

I only knew that she seemed to be comforting me, just like before. Just like every time I was woken by a nightmare in the early morning or afternoon over the past two years, Guan Lan would rush over in time, staying with me, comforting, and counseling me.

My nostrils flared rapidly. I felt a stinging in my nose, and tears welled up in my eyes.

I don’t understand, why? Why?

The peaceful and beautiful life I once thought I had seems to have been a mere illusion. The world of black and white instantly flipped, making it hard for me to accept that I have always lived in a lie.

Was Guan Lan’s kindness to me all fake?

The intimate friendship we shared for two years isn’t false. In the end, I couldn’t hold back.

“Lanlan, are you… hiding anything from me?”

The words that came out were light, too light. I feared her answer, yet longed for her reply.

Tell me. Just tell me the whole truth. Even if you hate me, as long as you’re honest about everything, I’m willing to pretend nothing happened.

“Hmm? What’s wrong? Lulu, why are you asking this all of a sudden?”

Guan Lan’s voice was still gentle. Perhaps because I harbored doubts, I felt her attitude had cooled down a bit.

“I…”

I didn’t know what to say. After all, I couldn’t betray Zhang Ruo’an, who told me her ordeal, or Xi Rong, whose reason for their dispute I accidentally learned.

Like a drowning person grasping at a straw, I licked my dry lips and asked hoarsely, “Lanlan, does our relationship make you unhappy?”

The air suddenly fell silent. After a few seconds of quiet on the phone, I heard Guan Lan speak. Just by her voice, I could imagine her frowning and looking at me with gentle incomprehension.

“Did Lulu’s hallucinations worsen? You need to rest well recently.”

“You’re fine. Why would Lulu think about these things? Don’t tell me you’re overthinking things just because I’m not home?”

She avoided the question. My heart sank halfway.

I remember her telling me that if a person is unwilling to answer directly, that attitude is already the answer.

Was all that warmth and beautiful friendship that helped me through nightmares and loneliness all my own wishful thinking?

Then why would Guan Lan treat me this way?

Did she put in so much effort just to torment herself?

“I… I just suddenly thought of it and mentioned it. I met a young girl recently, and I just feel like I haven’t interacted with outsiders for so long that my speech and actions don’t quite fit in with the group anymore. I wonder if I’m making her uncomfortable.”

My mind was a mess, and I didn’t even know what I was explaining. My heart was chaotic, and I unconsciously clenched my jaw.

I heard the sound of paper being shuffled continuously from Guan Lan’s side. She seemed to be distractedly looking at some documents. It was only after this sentence that she stopped moving.

“Lanlan, are you busy? I’ll hang up first, and we can talk later, okay?” I wanted to end the conversation quickly.

Guan Lan, however, said smilingly, “Lulu is finally willing to start socializing again.”

Her tone was still gentle, but I detected a hint of hidden chill in it.

“May I know what kind of young girl it is? One who can make our non-social Lulu consider her feelings so much?”

Guan Lan said softly, her voice teasing.

For some reason, this made goosebumps rise on my skin. My brain immediately switched to Xi Rong’s passive-aggressive tone.

It vaguely carried a hint of sourness. I sniffed, but smelled nothing.

My phone screen lit up. I switched the call to speakerphone.

Ai Jiaxin had also sent me messages.

[Ai Jiaxin: Sister Xin, are you busy today?]

In my ear was Guan Lan’s curious question, “Lulu, why aren’t you saying anything? Are you sleepy again?”

I was caught between two difficulties, unsure how to reply to her.

“I’m not sleepy yet. Um… she’s a very lively young girl, too young, only in her junior year of college. How could someone like me, who is so old, possibly relate to a young child like her? I have to be somewhat considerate of the child.”

Straining my brain, I finally managed to squeeze out this explanation.

Guan Lan chuckled, her laughter very soft. “Is that so? Our Lulu is very considerate.”

The phone was still vibrating. Ai Jiaxin continued to send me messages.

[Ai Jiaxin: I heard from a friend that there’s a restaurant nearby, and their head chef cooks especially well.]

[Ai Jiaxin: But they require a minimum of two people for a reservation.]

[Ai Jiaxin: I can’t go alone. Can Sister Xin accompany me?]

Then she sent a pitiful-looking emoji.

I hugged my head. Life seemed to be spiraling into a mess. I looked up at the window glass and saw that delicate, pale beauty’s face again. The wind messed up her hair, obscuring her eyes.

She slightly moved her lips. Her perfectly shaped lips continuously opened and closed, but the expression on her face remained unchanged.

It was as if a gaze pierced through the void, heavily pressing down on me.

“Lulu, you’re mine.”

“Never to be separated.”

“We will always, always be together…”

I heard voices in my head, layered and echoing endlessly, making me dizzy and disoriented.