After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 28

What is so special about that apartment?

Why are both Xi Rong and Zhang Ruo’an so concerned about it?

I’m merely not clever, not an idiot. Their attitudes both indicated that the apartment must have some kind of special connection or significance to me.

But to me, it was just an apartment I lived in while I was at school. The only special thing about it was that it was the first adult gift my mothers gave me.

Did I often show a particular concern for it in the part of my memory I lost?

Hardly.

If we’re talking about emotional connection, the one I live in now, which I earned the money to buy myself, must be deeper.

I was still confused. The wind tapped on the desk, and the Shadow’s fingertip lightly tapped the desktop, as if reminding me of something.

Is this hallucination so omnipotent?

I saw Their shadow on the window. Their face was directly facing me. Perhaps the glass wasn’t clear enough, or maybe the light wasn’t dim enough yet; I could only see a hazy yet beautiful outline.

They looked at me, seemingly wanting to tell me something.

The window suddenly flew open, and the wind blew the gathered curtains aside, covering my eyes.

I vaguely heard someone speaking in the wind, the sound mournful and lingering.

“Don’t forge…”

The wind was too strong, blowing open my skirt and lifting my top. Even though I knew the night was dark and the courtyard empty, I couldn’t help but pull my clothes down in embarrassment.

However, the slightly cool wind had already slipped in, winding around my cuff, climbing my arm, and then brushing past my waist following my downward motion.

The chilling sensation, like condensed autumn dew, landed on my waist, making me shudder.

Since this is a hallucination, aren’t They one with me? Why can’t They discuss things properly with me?

The feeling of not being able to see anything is unpleasant. Darkness breeds fear. I wanted to pull away the curtain blocking my sight.

The Shadow solidified into a human form behind me. The black mist, appearing out of thin air, turned into chains and shackled my hands.

This wind is so cold.

My hand suddenly became immobile. I thought it was frozen stiff by the wind. I exerted force with my wrist and palm, trying to regain control.

The wind howled. My ears twitched, and I vaguely heard someone say:

“Don’t be afraid. It’s me. I’m here.”

My auditory hallucinations are getting worse and worse, I thought miserably.

A chill ran up my spine, prompting a cold sweat. Amidst the clammy coldness, I heard the sound of water approaching from the direction of the bathroom.

First, the “whoosh” sound, like someone rising from a full bathtub, followed by the “drip,” “drip” of water droplets hitting the floor…

Xin Lu, don’t be afraid. It’s an auditory hallucination. How could the sound of normal water travel all the way to your ear?

The room Xi Rong prepared for me isn’t big. Excluding the bathroom, it’s only about thirty square meters, and there isn’t much furniture.

And I’m sure the only place where water sounds could come from is the bathroom…

“Click.”

Perhaps it was too quiet, but the sound of the door lock opening was so distinct.

“Bang—”

Then came the sound of the wind blowing the door open. Something seemed to have left the bathroom.

I could still hear the “drip,” “drip” of water, along with the sound of the wind and footsteps.

The sound was getting closer and closer. Fear had practically rooted me to the spot.

Water vapor began to gather in the room, and the air I breathed became humid.

I smelled the sickly sweet scent of bl00d. I subconsciously took a sniff. The window was shut by the wind rushing in from outside. The gear slid along the stainless steel track, making an elongated, exceptionally eerie “creak.”

Yet, this gust of wind didn’t stop. It continued to circle the room, finally flipping open the curtain that was blocking my view.

I was finally restored to light.

My pale face was reflected in the glass window, and I saw another face in the reflection…

The bl00d-jade-like beauty, carrying water vapor, looked down at me. Her bl00d-colored lips curved into a brilliant smile. She looked like a goddess, yet one who had crawled out of a sea of bl00d and hell.

I stiffened and turned my head, meeting Their smiling face directly. Bl00d-colored eyelashes drooped, covering Their empty eye sockets.

They looked at me and moved Their lips silently.

I naturally knew what They were saying.

“Lulu.”

Just like countless times before, They stared persistently into my eyes.

Again and again, They called my name.

“Lulu.”

They reached out to me, looking imploring. I wanted to back away, but my body refused to obey my command. Fortunately, my head could still move freely.

I looked down and saw the handcuffs made of black mist binding my legs to the chair.

This is a bit bad.

I swallowed. I originally intended to beg for mercy. After all, one shouldn’t be too principled. Even when facing a hallucination, I should follow my gut instinct when necessary.

However, They watched me quietly, smiling as They pulled my mist-shackled hand and pressed it into Their chest again.

This bizarre experience was the second time. In reality, I neither work in medicine nor in a slaughterhouse, so I haven’t had the chance to experience such a gruesome scene of being disemboweled.

But it wasn’t as terrifying as all that. My palm passed through the layer of water film in Their chest, perfectly merging into Their body. Water wrapped around my palm without any gap.

That heart was still bursting with life force that elicited infinite emotion, beating vividly beneath my palm.

As if everything wasn’t just a hallucination.

How is that possible?

Such a bizarre scene cannot exist in the world. Only dreams can create such absurd visuals…

I secretly pinched myself with the hand that could still move. Hiss—

It hurts so much.

Can it really not be a dream?

Then it must be a hallucination.

I still need to seriously consider getting an appointment with a doctor early in the morning.

Otherwise, I’d have to ask Guan Lan to help me book the psychologist she knows, but I really don’t want to contact her right now…

I originally intended to use scattered thoughts to get through this scene, whose development I couldn’t predict. They noticed my distraction, and the beating beneath my palm slowed down.

Bl00d tears fell from Their cheeks. They seemed to want to tell me something, but I really haven’t learned lip-reading and couldn’t decipher those complex mouth shapes.

The only thing I could understand was Their final words.

“I, love, Lulu.”

They seemed to have seen my confusion. Silent yet speaking with precise enunciation, every word’s mouth shape was standard, and They deliberately slowed down so I could see clearly.

But even now, I still don’t understand where Their love comes from.

Just because They are my hallucination?

Humans are born to love themselves, and then others. For my hallucination to love me is unproblematic from the perspective of narcissism.

But Their expression… so gentle, so sad.

It makes it difficult for me to presumptuously claim this overly deep love.

Are They truly my hallucination? I dared not think too much, so I turned my head to avoid Their gaze.

A drop of water fell on my shoulder, ice-cold and piercing. I knew it was Their tears.

They pressed my hand deeper into Their chest, seemingly wanting to prove Their love to me. My fingertip was almost poking into that heart.

I saw Them wince in pain. My heart twitched, too, and I involuntarily retracted my fingertip, trying to pull my hand back.

Yet, They didn’t let go. Holding my hand, Their bl00d-colored hand also sank into Their chest.

A very strange sensation. My fingertip felt like it was sinking into real flesh and bl00d. My breathing became rapid, and my eyelashes suddenly brimmed with tears.

I held my ground against Them, unwilling to cooperate with Their frantic action.

Even if They are a hallucination, They seem like such a real existence to me.

If my finger pokes Their heart, will it cause Them too much harm? Will They be in pain?

But my strength was ultimately no match for Theirs. As my fingertip penetrated the outer membrane of the bl00d-and-flesh heart, the world suddenly became extraordinarily quiet.

My body was trembling. Their face mixed pain and joy.

It clearly hurts, so why?

My lips trembled. My mouth and nose felt numb. My vibrating pupils glared fiercely at Them.

“Lulu.”

I saw the colors before my eyes suddenly change. The world turned black and white, and only They were a vividly frightening bl00d-red.

The sound of water in my ear ceased. Only Their voice remained in my world.

Gentle, obsessive, carrying an entangled madness.

“You must miss me, love me.”

“You are not allowed to forget me.”

But I don’t even know who you are.

I dared not look at my hand submerged in bl00d water, nor dared to meet Their eyes. I lowered my head to look at the desk beside me.

They followed my gaze, as if remembering something.

“Lulu, over here.”

“I am here.”

The gentle tone carried the cheerful excitement of about to be noticed. I could feel Their contentment and happiness, simple and pure, like a child.

They handed the phone to me.

I didn’t understand Their intention. What did They want to do?

Did a hallucination also want to scroll through short videos to look at pretty sisters?

Or play some simple, mindless, idiotic mobile games like me?

This time, They finally let go of my hand. As the sensation of sinking into flesh and bl00d disappeared, my hand emerged from Their chest, and the world returned to color.

The noises in the environment, which I usually didn’t notice, rushed in all at once, becoming momentarily loud.

They moved closer, resting Their head on my shoulder. Bl00d-colored hair fell, and I saw tiny water droplets sliding off the tips of Their hair, wetting my clothes.

Such an intimate posture was a first for me.

We looked like a couple like this.

I didn’t look at Their face, but I could perceive Their anticipation.

Finally free, I held the phone with both hands, but my eyes were only filled with confusion.

What did They want to do?

What did They want me to do?

I don’t know.

I subconsciously sought Their eyes but coincidentally saw the empty eye sockets, stripped of the cover of the bl00d-colored eyelids.

Noticing my sudden stare, They closed Their eyes in panic. Bl00d-colored long eyelashes fluttered chaotically, like beautiful, eerie butterflies cursed with confusion.

“Don’t look. Lulu will be scared. Don’t look.”

So, They closed Their eyes because They were afraid of scaring me. A piece of my heart collapsed. I don’t know if it was the dam of my mental defense or some soul-level facade, but I knew for sure that I wasn’t as afraid of Them as I used to be.

If a hallucination, or an alternate personality, wanted to devour me, would it use such a gentle approach?

I don’t know. This is my first time being ill. Mental problems vary from person to person; everyone’s symptoms are probably different.

Doctor, is there a chance for someone with my level of illness to be cured in this lifetime?

I am a very kind person. I just can’t stand to see Them flustered and at a loss.

It’s strange. This look of Theirs always makes my heart feel complicated.

I attribute it to the fact that beauty makes people lose their principles. Otherwise, how could I repeatedly forgive Them, knowing what outrageous things the hallucination has done?

Never mind. They are so beautiful. What does it matter if I forgive Them?

It’s just that this beauty is slightly bloody and terrifying, requiring a certain amount of courage alongside being a face-lover.

Otherwise, one might not be able to appreciate it.

I couldn’t accept it at first, but after playing horror games for a long time, people become immune to sudden scary visuals. Moreover, I’ve personally experienced so many rounds of this that my courage has been somewhat trained.

But I am still very timid. I hope the hallucination will scare me less.

Sighing, I put down the phone and held Their seemingly misplaced hand. My gaze suddenly fixated on Their hair.

There was a small flower there, as if just picked from a branch. Bl00d-colored droplets rolled off the light blue petals.

Given Their body temperature, it’s normal for the flower to be this fresh.

The shelf life of timely cold-chain transportation is indeed longer.

“It’s okay. I’m not afraid anymore.”

A lie. When I held Their hand, my body was trembling. I was shaking non-stop as if I had Parkinson’s, and even my voice was trembling.

I didn’t expect Them to so easily believe such a poor lie.

I saw Their lips open and close. Since I was no longer holding Their heart, I couldn’t hear Their joyous thoughts, but I saw Their bl00d-colored lips curve high up.

They were likely happy.

To be so satisfied just because of a single sentence?

They handed the phone to me again, Their eyelashes still lowered, presumably still worried that Their empty eye sockets would frighten me.

I sighed softly in my heart.

I was startled by that sigh, only to realize that my attitude towards the hallucination had quietly changed.

I still didn’t know what They wanted, but I obediently unlocked the phone. They looked at me and smiled, as if proud of this clever riddle.

I’m truly too dull to guess anything. Curiosity won over everything. I shook the phone screen at Them, then pointed at the icons on the phone, shaking my head.

I forgot that They aren’t deaf and mute. Because I couldn’t hear anything, I subconsciously tried to use body language to make Them understand my meaning.

They tilted Their head in annoyance, and then Their bl00d-colored fingertip pointed to—

The goWhere App.

Seeing this familiar software, I suddenly remembered the driver whose identity is still unknown. I mumbled, wanting to seek an answer from Them.

In the end, the fear of death overcame my guilt.

What if, when I asked, They really were here for revenge?

My hand had already clicked on the flight ticket order, following Their instruction.

Somehow, I suddenly remembered that previous hallucination—

‘A lone smoke straight in the desert, the long river where the sun sets round.’

When I had just finished my college entrance exam, I made a long travel checklist. However, because I was too lazy, all plans were put on hold. A desert trip was on that list.

If I went to the desert, where would I go?

In a daze, I shifted my gaze to Them.

I saw Their exquisite brows, high nose, and even in bl00d-red, Their beautiful and full lips, an eerie, ghostly beauty like a hook-shaped knife chasing souls.

“Speaking of the desert, I most wanted to go to the Tengger Desert, nicknamed the Eye of Heaven.”

I heard my own voice, spanning many years of time, suddenly transporting me back to my school days.

The scene before me seemed to be the school again. This time, I clearly distinguished the boundary between the environment and reality. The two scenes overlapped, making me realize that time is irreversible and the old scenery is gone.

Someone should have been beside me, quietly listening to my chatter. I glanced sideways and saw the bl00d-colored Them.

“Okay,” that person said.

The voice was almost the same as Theirs, but much younger and more naive.

Was it a hallucination? Or a memory?

I couldn’t distinguish. My brain had already automatically searched for Kum City, where the Tengger Desert is located.

It’s a popular tourist spot. Every year, a large number of people travel to Kum City to see the vast and desolate grandeur of the desert.

In my memory, apart from when I was very young and my two mothers took me traveling everywhere, as I grew older, I didn’t want to be their third wheel. Besides, I was too lazy to travel and didn’t want to go out, so I let the two of them enjoy their freedom.

I shouldn’t have been to Kum City—

But the search record was different from what I thought.

Kum City -> Lishan City

Only one entry, yet there was such an order information.

I clearly, clearly hadn’t been there. Furthermore, the flight ticket order related to Kum City only had a return ticket, not a departure ticket.

I opened the order details to try and get more information.

There was only one passenger, which was me.

I don’t remember having any friends in Kum City, not even those temporarily residing there.

The bl00d-colored beauty suddenly moved. In this helpless and confused state, I subconsciously hoped They could provide an explanation.

They kissed my earlobe. The excessive coldness, instead, brought a burning sensation. Fire ignited from my earlobe, and I stared blankly at Them.

“Ding-dang, ding-a-ling—”

Crisp, pleasant camel bells rang in my ears, the sound awakening distant memories.

I felt like I was in the great desert. Yellow sand covered the sky. The procession of people and camels moved slowly forward. Heat waves rushed towards me, and the sand beneath my feet was brilliantly golden.

Someone was shielding me from behind. She held the reins while I looked forward.

“Sister~ When will we get there?”

I heard my own voice, but I am an only child. Neither of my mothers ever gave me a sister.

And that coquettish, affected tone—could that really have come from me?

The memory didn’t stop there. The scene shifted to a camping tent. The dense, brilliant stars that had long vanished in the city night appeared in the desert, where few humans tread.

I was chatting excitedly with someone, self-consciously adding skewers to the bonfire, while that person intently watched me. I only glimpsed her smiling lips in my memory: graceful, full, and naturally curved.

They look so similar.

Various fragmented memories flashed by. When I recovered from the memory, I noticed They had taken a tissue from somewhere. It was already stained with Their bl00d, yet They were using it to wipe my tears.

Actually, that wasn’t necessary, but I have something else I urgently need to verify right now.

I concentrated on Their lips. Bl00d-red is very far from rose-red. The former is startling; the latter is enticing.

The complete bl00d-red color made it hard for me to overlay it with the lips I briefly glimpsed in my memory.

But they are similar.

“Did… you go to Tengger with me?”

Perhaps They are the driver whose name I forgot, or perhaps the travel companion I left behind in my memory. I don’t know why They appear in my hallucination.

Maybe I had a crush on Their real-life counterpart?

Judging only from the lower half of the face that I briefly glimpsed in my memory, the person must be an astonishing beauty.

For a face-lover, being briefly confused and overwhelmed by beauty is a very common occurrence.

Other than this, I can’t find any other explanation.

They flashed a brilliant smile at me. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen Them smile, but only this time, the damp sadness and lingering melancholy were absent from Their eyes.

So bright.

Even though They are still an entirely bl00d-colored, eerie existence, They were dazzling enough that I couldn’t look away.

“Lulu.” They were very happy, calling my name again and again.

Their bl00d-colored hand took mine. They leaned closer and then embraced me.

This time, I heard a very, very soft sound.

“Lulu.”

They pressed my hand against Their throat, allowing me to feel the air passing through, causing the vibrating hum of sound.