After Being Watched by My Paranoid and Gloomy Deceased Wife - Chapter 30

I… don’t know.

My heart was beating faster because of Their closeness, each throb loud and tumultuous.

They were leaning on me, as if feeling the birth of a miracle.

“Is Lulu’s heart beating for me?” Their gentle voice was full of anticipation.

‘Of course not.’

Faced with Their bl00d-colored smile, which was even more strangely beautiful because of Their joy, I moved my lips, unable to say anything hurtful.

“Yes,” I said.

My heartbeat stabilized because of this sentence, thumping against my chest, steady and strong.

It’s strange that a dishonest statement like this came out so smoothly, without any psychological hindrance or burden.

The bl00d-colored strands of hair brushed against me, bringing a slight tickle. I slightly retreated, trying to put a little distance between us to calmly examine my inner self.

I started to not understand myself.

I seemed to be losing my way in the lies I had woven for myself. My thoughts were stirred up, and the boundaries between reality and illusion blurred.

They subconsciously followed my movement, leaning closer, looking up at me. Their bl00d-colored eyelashes still quietly drooped, covering Their empty eye sockets. Their neck was slender, and Their beautiful face was serene and lovely.

This posture, utterly reliant on me… even though They were a terrifying scarlet red, it was impossible to look away.

Because of Their proximity, ice-cold water droplets gathered on me. My already soaked clothes were dripping with bl00d water, a scene more bizarre than a horror movie…

The bl00d water constantly dripping from Them was like a sudden downpour, yet in the cold embrace, I vaguely felt a hint of warmth that seemed to be steaming.

My exhaled breath misted up. I looked at Their bl00d-colored eyes and brows through the white fog, staring blankly. I wasn’t thinking about anything, but my heart lost its rhythm.

My hand rested on the side of Their neck. Their brow was relaxed, and the sorrowful melancholy I had seen before was gone.

It seemed that every point of contact and every inch of intimate skin-to-skin closeness with me was precious to Them.

Why are They never wary of me?

They even regard everything I give as a gift from above.

Do we… really know each other?

Their posture was so natural and open, as if we had always interacted this way.

But I’ve searched my past and haven’t found any memory fragments related to Them.

Is the matter concerning Them just hidden in the memory I lost due to the car accident?

If I had really seen Them, with a face like Theirs, how could They have easily faded from my memory?

Even if They were a person with a reserved personality, based solely on appearance, They would leave a vivid mark on everyone who met Them.

Furthermore, when I was discharged from the hospital, representatives from my junior high, high school, and even university classmates came to send flowers.

Some even held graduation photos and taught me to recognize people, just in case I had forgotten.

How could I forget such a magnificent face?

If They had existed in my life, there shouldn’t be zero trace.

But the fact is, no one has mentioned anything related to Them to me. And based on the few clues I have, the only possibility I can infer is the unknown deceased driver.

Perhaps They have mistaken me for someone else.

My heartbeat slowly began to falter. I don’t know if my heart became suddenly weak because it knew my guess.

“Did you… mistake me for someone else?”

Are They looking for me, or another “Lulu”?

I looked at Their thick, raven-feathered eyelashes, which resembled an exquisitely crafted feather fan. With such a beautiful face, no one would guess there are no eyeballs beneath those thin, bl00d-colored eyelids.

If They can’t see, mistaking me for someone else is normal.

Although They are non-human and may not need to rely on eyes to perceive things like humans do.

But, what if?

Maybe They aren’t calling out to me.

My heart inexplicably sank to the bottom. I felt bitterness for my baseless guess, even though I couldn’t find the source of this feeling of loss myself.

Upon hearing my words, They abruptly opened Their eyes.

The empty eye sockets faced me, like bottomless, deep black holes, naturally possessing a terrifying, soul-shaking deterrence.

My words seemed to have provoked Them, which made me feel a bit regretful.

“It is Lulu.” Their gentle and pleasant voice carried a hint of annoyance at being misunderstood, and the force with which They spoke the words was greatly emphasized.

I was still at a loss. They straightened up, looking down at me, Their bl00d-colored arms tightly encircling me in Their embrace.

“No mistake.”

“Impossible to mistake. My only love, my beloved.”

A new arm extended from behind Them, lifting my face, forcing my eyes to only see Their shadow.

They watched me with Their empty eye sockets as I submitted.

Even though there was nothing there, I felt a sticky gaze licking my cheeks, scrutinizing my eyes.

Only when They confirmed that Their figure and only Their figure was in my pupils did They release Their hand with satisfaction.

“Lulu is good.”

Their bl00d-colored lips opened and closed. I vaguely glimpsed stark white teeth in the varying shades of red.

Every time we meet again, They seem to have new changes. I am unsettled by the unknown changes and confused by the unpredictable future.

“You are not allowed to think nonsense,” They said.

Then the newly grown arms joined the embrace, patting my back, like a gentle mother soothing a restless child.

This comparison made me feel both like crying and laughing.

The shift happened suddenly, completely unexpectedly.

The patting hand gradually changed direction. A chill shot down my spine. I gently inhaled, grasping that hand to try and stop it.

But They were displeased that Their movement was obstructed and clamped down on my head.

My mouth and nose were then submerged in the bloody, fishy water.

I was acutely aware that I was sinking into the bl00d water of Their chest. The slightly viscous bl00d water adhered tightly to my cheeks without any gap.

The bl00d color forced my eyes shut. I helplessly tried to reach out and push Them away.

This action thoroughly angered Them. The initially somewhat harmonious atmosphere immediately became tense again.

I heard Their gentle voice take on a hint of obsession, still carrying alarming madness and grievance.

“Is Lulu abandoning me?”

Huh?

I’m not?

Forget abandoning, I never even claimed you.

“Thump, thump… Thump, thump…”

My forehead bumped against something—sticky, alive, and constantly vibrating.

“Lulu.”

Their voice suddenly became very loud, like it had reverberation. For a moment, I couldn’t distinguish where this sound was coming from.

The sound was right next to my ear, yet it also came from above my head.

“You are not allowed to leave me,” They said again.

My head was completely pressed into the bl00d water of Their chest, yet I didn’t feel suffocated. I only felt the viscous water seemingly coming alive, clinging tightly to my face, pouring into my ears, and invading my senses.

This was an invasion, and I couldn’t refuse it.

The bl00d water surged out of Their chest, slowly flowing onto me until it completely enveloped me.

“Lulu is mine, belongs only to me.”

“No one can separate us, never, ever.”

They were lost in a chaotic delusion, Their obsession deepening. They hugged me tightly, gripping my shoulders relentlessly, pressing me deeper.

The scarlet liquid carried a pungent, bloody stench. I felt like I was lying in a pool of bl00d.

Slightly dazed, I saw bl00d everywhere. The freshly spilled bl00d was still warm, viscously flowing down the skin pressed against me. It flowed into the cracks of my lips amidst the silent cries, carrying the metallic, sweet smell of rust.

In the thirty-seven years of my life, the only event where I might have encountered such a bloody scene was that car accident.

Was it mine, or… the driver’s?

Did she protect me?

I don’t know, but since They exist so tangibly, then not everything is a hallucination.

What kind of story did They and I once share?

In a flash of realization, I recalled the green grass of Tianwai Mountain, the beauty whose features were always indistinct, and the person who repeatedly appeared in what I once thought were hallucinations.

Wait, if it’s not a hallucination, then—

“How many do you want to use today?” A smiling voice pierced through the memory and reached my ear.

Did I actually date someone? And… slept with them?!

If They were that woman with the consistently beautiful yet blurred features, according to the previous hallucination… memory, how could I bear to break up with someone so gentle and wonderful?

It couldn’t be that our night life was too harmonious, could it…

Could They be her?

And who exactly was that driver?

My mind was a mess. Those memory fragments, which I had dismissed as hallucinations, were jumbled up, making it hard to sort through and review them. At one moment, I thought of one thing, and the next, another.

The one who stood in line to buy me grilled skewers, the one next to me on the campus bench, the one whose features were blurred by the warm, ambiguous light…

I vaguely grasped the string of a pearl necklace, but Their next move cut the string and scattered the pearls. The pearls holding the memories and truth rolled away to an unknown place.

They almost completely melted my whole being into the bl00d water, which is also Their body.

In this almost drowning embrace, I tightly held Their hand, intertwining my fingers with Theirs.

I moved my lips, wanting to say something, but bl00d water surged into my mouth and nose, making me choke. My choking cough was submerged by the bl00d water, yet it never made me feel suffocated. As I coughed, the sticky, bloody water that encased me seemed to come alive, flowing down my throat, or being unintentionally swallowed by me.

“Can you hear it? Lulu, this belongs to you.”

“Everything about me belongs to you.”

I heard Their heartbeat, each pump strong and powerful, roaring in my ear, beating against my eardrum, resonating with my heart to a single frequency.

“Did Lulu remember?”

Besides the huge sound of bl00d pumping into the heart chamber, I also heard water droplets falling and splattering on the floor.

“Drip, drip…”

Remember what?

This is an open-ended question, with no clear reference answer given.

And I am the student waiting for the corrected assignment. Before the teacher’s red pen falls, I don’t know if my answer is correct.

I don’t remember anything, I don’t know anything. Encased in bl00d water, it’s even more impossible to speak an answer.

Faced with my silence, They also quieted down, murmuring softly, “Still don’t remember?”

I thought They would be sad, but Their already frantic voice carried a gentle, helpless chuckle.

“Lulu forgot, ah.”

“Then… let’s forget it.”

The bl00d water that was wrapping me up was withdrawn by Them. The bl00d water that had flowed all over the floor re-merged into Their body. The gaping hole in Their chest vanished, and I was finally freed from this strange but somehow comforting embrace.

Their beautiful, affectionate bl00d-colored long hair fell across my face. A smile played on Their lips, but sorrow once again crept onto Their brow, making Them look pitiful.

However, when They faced me with un-opened eyes, I once again felt that almost tangible, sticky gaze.

The bl00d-colored beauty’s face remained serene and lovely, but Their gentle and pleasant voice carried an unerasable obsession and frenzy.

“Lulu, don’t be afraid. We can create many more, better memories in the future.”

“This time, even death won’t separate us.”

“We will always, always be together.”

They leaned down, Their smile gorgeous and radiant, but I forgot to breathe, like prey being stared down by a viper.

“From now on, Lulu can’t forget me again.” They were so close, Their bl00d-colored long eyelashes nearly touching the tip of my nose.

“You must always love me, think of me.” As They said this, Their bl00d-colored lips approached. Coolness spread across my lips, like Medusa’s gaze, freezing me in place.

My breathing became heavy. I woke up in bed, my heart nearly leaping out of my chest. I gently patted my chest, slowly regulating my breath.

So it was a dream.

I knew it. All those were hallucinations, not to be taken seriously.

Thirty-seven years of being single since birth. I knew I couldn’t have had a relationship, and how could I have… cough, slept with someone.

In reality, if I were dating such a great beauty, I would cling to them even if they wanted to break up. Why would I ever let go?

The dream was so realistic, even rounding out the plot holes.

I almost believed it.

I sat up, unable to see the shadow beneath the bed coagulate and move, nor did I see the shadow behind me look down at me. In the dense blackness, a light blue small flower quietly blossomed.

I didn’t notice the scenery around me had changed.

“Knock, knock, knock.” Someone knocked on the door.

This wasn’t Xi Rong’s knocking habit, nor did it sound like Zhang Ruo’an. I was a little confused.

I got up and opened the door, only to see a completely unexpected person.

Guan Lan.

But her appearance was so young, with even a trace of childishness on her face.

“Hello, Sister Xin Lu.” Guan Lan tilted her head at me, her smile sweet and cute.

Her abnormality startled me.

What’s going on? Has Lanlan been possessed?

Could this person be some relative of Guan Lan’s? Why does she look so much like her?

Although a few years younger than me, Guan Lan has always been gentle, stable, thoughtful, and meticulous. I’ve never seen her look so playful.

Just as I was about to ask who she was, she suddenly shoved something into my hand.

It was soft, slippery, had fine scales, and it moved…

I lowered my head, my heart nearly stopping.

It was a blue snake. Its scales shimmered with a dreamy blue-green light, and it continuously flicked its scarlet tongue, dangerous and horrifying.

While I was stunned, the snake had already coiled around my arm. I was frozen in place, feeling like the world had been paused.

Before the snake could wrap around my neck, I inhaled, pinched its core, and violently flung it away. Taking advantage of its stiffening, I threw it far away.

Just as I was about to frown and reprimand her, the young girl, who looked almost identical to Guan Lan, smiled with narrowed eyes, her voice sweet.

“Wow, Sister is so amazing. Nice to meet you. This is a gift from Lanlan to Sister Xin Lu. Do you like it?”

I paused. Even her voice was almost identical to Guan Lan’s, only more childish. Even her name sounded the same as Guan Lan’s.

However… it’s probably just a coincidence.

Who gives a snake as a gift? I’m not a reptile lover. Even if I were, anyone would be startled to be shoved a live snake unexpectedly.

Before I could start lecturing her, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.

‘This is her sister. Maybe she is just young and thoughtless, not intentionally trying to scare me. It’s rare to have someone specially prepare a gift for me on our first meeting, even if she was a little rash. I shouldn’t condemn her for this. I just need to explain it clearly.’

“Lanlan,” I began, and then stopped myself.

Why did I feel that this Lanlan was the Guan Lan I knew?