After Breaking the Ice-Beauty's Heart - Chapter 23.1

Chapter 23.1: “I Just Wanted To See You Quickly.”

Zhou Nianzhi picked up one of the letters and slowly read the words on it—

“To Chenggang (Zhi Zhi can also read)”

It was her mother’s handwriting.

Small, elegant, and written with great care.

In the afterglow that the sunset gifted her, she opened the first letter.

“Chenggang:

I’ve been feeling a bit unwell lately, so I thought I’d leave a letter for you and Zhi Zhi… Wait, I think I forgot to write ‘I hope this letter finds you well’! But I only bought two pieces of paper, and the other one is for Zhi Zhi, so you’ll just have to make do. “

“Chenggang, as I write this letter, we’ve been married for twenty-four years, but we’ve known each other for longer than that. Including this year, it’s been a full thirty years.”

“In young people’s words, you confessed to me when you were eighteen. Oh my, why am I still feeling a little shy? It wasn’t really a confession, you just told me that you wanted to earn money so I could live in the best big house.”

“I asked you why you liked me, and you said you were superficial and just thought I was pretty, so you wanted to marry me. I continued to ask, ‘Then why didn’t you go like the factory beauty? She’s so pretty, even I’m jealous.’ “

“I laughed for half a minute before picking up my pen again. I still remember your answer. You said those people had no taste, and that the factory beauty was nothing compared to Sheng Ning. You even said you wouldn’t eat with those people who had no taste, just because they had complimented the factory beauty a couple of times.”

“Oh my, my stomach hurts from laughing. How did I write so many words just about this one thing? This won’t do, I need to be more literary, so I don’t waste paper.”

“Later, the day I agreed to marry you, you couldn’t stop smiling and didn’t sleep at all that night. Actually, I couldn’t sleep that night either. I went out to look at the starry sky and fantasized about our future.”

“After we got married, I couldn’t get pregnant, and I was anxious, but you comforted me. ‘So what if we don’t have a child?’ Back then, some of our neighbors were whispering about me, and I could only silently accept it, thinking I’d save up money to go to the hospital and get it checked out.”

“Not many days later, I heard that you got into a fight with someone. I saw you were injured, and I scolded you for being so impulsive when you were usually so calm. You didn’t say anything, you just let me scold you, and you told me not to get too angry so I wouldn’t hurt myself.”

“It was only later that I found out you had gone to fight the man who was talking behind my back about me not being able to have children.”

“To this day, I still remember what you said—’If we can’t have a baby, it’s my problem. I won’t blame you. Besides, so what if we can’t have a baby? Life still has to go on.'”

“Thankfully, in the sixth year of our marriage, we had our first precious daughter. When it came to naming her, you stayed up night after night thinking about it. You had to take care of me during my confinement, you were busy working, and you had to find a fortune teller to ask what names were good. At first, you wanted to name her ‘Zhou Nian.’ Just two characters so it would be easier for our daughter to write. Then you were told our daughter was lacking wood, so you added the character ‘Zhi’.”

“Zhou Nianzhi, what a beautiful name.”

“Our baby just came into our world like that.”

“We later found out how lively she was. She didn’t have a maternal grandfather, grandmother, or a paternal grandfather, and her paternal grandmother was sick. In the end, it was just the two of us who took care of her. You told me that I didn’t need to go to the factory yet and that I should just focus on taking care of Zhi Zhi. You always said you could handle the family on your own.”

“I was worried that you were too tired, but you just gave me a silly smile and said, ‘It’s not tiring for my wife and daughter.'”

“You were so foolish. So foolish that it broke my heart.”

“How could it not be tiring? If it wasn’t tiring, what were those medicated patches on your back, the injuries on your hands, the blisters on your feet, and you tossing and turning in pain in the middle of the night?”

“You often complained about ‘still not being able to let you and the baby live in a big house.’ Although I said it was okay time and time again, I could still hear your sighs. The you who stood so tall in our wedding photo was still crushed by the burden.”

“I’ve already written so much without even realizing it. It’s like our whole lives. In the blink of an eye, we’ve spent so many years together. It’s almost half our lives. And look at our Zhi Zhi. She’s also grown from a little girl into a beautiful young woman.”

“Zhi Zhi is really pretty. Every time I say that to you, you say Zhi Zhi gets her looks from her mom. I say that people always say daughters look like their fathers, not their mothers. Then you say that if she really looked like her father, would Zhi Zhi have grown up to be so well-behaved?”

“I often look at your back, I look at your long hair, I look at your new wrinkles, but it’s always you who feels bad for me first. You’d save money and tell me to buy some expensive skincare products, but you’d also tell me that I’d be a beautiful woman even in old age.”

“I laughed for a long time that day. I scolded you for being so sweet, but I was so happy inside because you weren’t all talk and no action. I once mentioned something I wanted, and you immediately went and bought it for me. I asked you why you were in such a hurry to buy it, and you said you were afraid that one day you’d be gone, and there would be no one to buy me things.”

“I told you to shut up immediately and said, ‘Bah, bah, bah!’ We’re still so young, how could we be gone? “

“Besides, it might be me who goes first… “

“Ah, I accidentally wrote all this. I’ll leave a few lines, so I can write more if I think of anything later.”

Zhou Nianzhi, seeing this, was sobbing uncontrollably. She knelt on the ground, the letter in her hands trembling along with her. She saw the date at the bottom, which was five years ago, when Zhou Chenggang was still alive.

When she was a child, she didn’t understand the love between her parents, because Sheng Ning and Zhou Chenggang were just ordinary mom and dad. She felt like she could find many parents just like them in ten thousand families.

It was only now, as Zhou Nianzhi looked at these words, that the letters on the paper suddenly had a life of their own. They vividly described scene after scene. Through the words, she saw two people who loved each other, doing their best to love each other in their own ways.

They probably didn’t say “love” every day back then. Just saying it was too abstract.

She saw the unwavering companionship of her parents over the years.

She saw the massage machine her dad bought for her mom, and every bowl of soup her mom made for her dad.

She saw her dad carrying her mom for miles, and her mom helping her dad walk all the way home.

Zhou Nianzhi felt that her dad probably didn’t love her mom’s appearance, but that he loved Sheng Ning, every single part of Sheng Ning.

So why?

Why did two people who loved each other so much have to be separated by death?

Her mom would worry so much that she couldn’t sleep even if her dad just drove a little further to make a delivery.

There were also times when an auntie would tease Zhou Nianzhi and mention that when her parents were young and not yet officially married, they would secretly meet up even if they were just a little far apart.

Now, her mom and dad were too far apart.

So far that they could never see each other again.

Zhou Nianzhi pursed her lips and steeled herself. She saw the date at the bottom, so she already knew what came next, but she still wanted to read on—

“Zhou Chenggang, you’re a liar. You’re a cheat.”

“When you married me, you said you’d be with me for a lifetime, but what are you doing now? You left me all alone, by myself.”

“Zhi Zhi’s maternal grandparents passed away early, before she even turned eighteen. And now, Zhi Zhi doesn’t have a dad anymore.”

“You’re so heartless, really. I should never have married you, I should never have had a child with you. I should have just found some other random person to marry and had a litter of kids.”

“Are you angry hearing this? Then wake up quickly! Wake up and scold me, I just want you to wake up and look at me again.”

“Didn’t you promise you’d dye my hair for me next week? Didn’t we say we’d go out for a big meal together when Zhi Zhi came back? Look, Zhi Zhi is back. Let’s go, let’s go eat a big meal. Hurry up and go, it’s going to get crowded soon. Don’t dawdle.”

“I beg you, don’t pretend to be asleep. The day is already so bright. Why aren’t you waking up? Don’t sleep anymore. Let’s go for a walk, hand in hand. I’m not shy anymore. I’m going to proudly show off my ring to everyone and point at you and tell them that you’re my husband.”

“How does that sound? Does that make you happy? Wasn’t that what you wanted me to do so badly? Wake up and see!”

“Chenggang, my Chenggang… “

“Why can other people get into car accidents and still survive?”

“But you just went to sleep and never woke up again.”

The date at the bottom was three years ago, when Zhou Chenggang was in a car accident and died on the spot.

Death.

What a terrifying word.

Zhou Nianzhi was a timid person and didn’t even dare to watch scenes of dead people in movies.

But the Grim Reaper had taken her father.

Without mercy.

Zhou Nianzhi gently caressed the paper. Every word on this page was a little blurry, probably because Sheng Ning was crying as she wrote, soaking the paper and smudging the ink.

How could her heart not ache?

When Sheng Ning received the phone call that day, she was online looking for a new recipe, planning to make a new dish for Zhou Chenggang after his long day of work.

After answering, her anticipation turned to dust, falling to the ground along with her phone.

Zhou Nianzhi couldn’t even begin to imagine how much pain and despair her mother must have been in that day.

She was so happy, waiting for her husband to come home.

She didn’t expect to be greeted by the news of his death.

Zhou Nianzhi tilted her head back, trying to hold back her tears.

She had cried for too long, and her limbs were already numb. She couldn’t cry anymore.

At this moment, the sunset was completely gone, and the night was coming.

Zhou Nianzhi picked up the other letter, holding it close to her eyes so she could read the words on the cover—

“To Zhi Zhi”

She carefully opened it and held it in front of her.

“Zhi Zhi:

I hope this letter finds you well.

My dearest Zhi Zhi, my most beloved daughter.

You said you love literature and all things romantic, so I decided to learn from what you love. I awkwardly picked up a piece of paper and used your old notebook to make draft after draft so I could write you a letter that you might like.

This letter is not about anything else, just a simple chat.”

“When I gave birth to you, you were all wrinkled and small, but so, so cute.”

“Later, you slowly grew up and got taller, and you were still so cute.”

“Please forgive your mother for being so uneducated that the only word I can think of is ‘cute.'”

“I’m only able to read when you’re at school and there’s nothing to do at home. I actually loved to read when I was a child, too, but my family didn’t have money, so I couldn’t fulfill my dream.”

“But, Zhi Zhi.”

“I’m not saying these words to force you to fulfill my dream or to always go for the top.”

“More than anything, your health, your happiness, and becoming your own person are the most, most, most important things in my heart.”

“I actually knew that Chenggang took you to buy ice pops.”

“I was just afraid that you would get sick from eating them, so I said some harsh things.”

“But after I said those things, seeing the hurt in your eyes, my whole heart melted.”

“I’m sorry, daughter, my darling.”

“I love you so much, but I can only write it on paper to express my affection.”

“Please believe your mother.”

“You are the baby your mother carried for ten months and struggled to give birth to.”

“Even though your mom might scold you and blame you sometimes, your mom also regrets it and feels sad along with you.”

“Since you came, your mom has revolved around you.”

“But you are different.”

“You can go to a wider world and live your life freely and unburdened.”

“So, Zhi Zhi.”

“You just need to remember that your mom loves you.”

“And then, keep walking forward. Don’t look back.”

“Your mom might also play hide-and-seek someday.”

“Hiding in your paintings, to see a sun that looks like tomatoes and eggs.”

“Don’t be afraid.”

“Go ahead and passionately and freely love life.”

The date at the bottom was five years ago.

The sky had completely turned dark.

Zhou Nianzhi gripped the letters tightly, kneeling on the ground in despair.

So what she was holding in her hands right now was a farewell poem.

So her mom had started feeling unwell five years ago.

But why hadn’t Zhou Nianzhi noticed at all?

If she had found out earlier, they could have started treatment sooner.

All of her anger had nowhere to go. The pain spread through her heart, and she kept blaming herself—

Why was she so clumsy? So careless?

In this seemingly endless night, Zhou Nianzhi hated herself countless times.

…

She couldn’t quite remember how she walked out of the cemetery. She just felt weightless. Every step she took didn’t feel like it was on the ground. She felt no sense of reality.

Zhou Nianzhi walked aimlessly on the streets, blending in with the crowd, pretending to be one of the people enjoying the cool summer night and embracing the gentle evening breeze.

But roads have an end, and people eventually return to their homes.

As she saw fewer and fewer people on the road, Zhou Nianzhi stopped. To be honest, she didn’t know where to go.

Home?

That wasn’t her home anymore.

She had no home here.

After her father, Zhou Chenggang, passed away, her family lost its pillar of support. People who used to be her father’s colleagues took the opportunity to kick her mother while she was down, bringing up old debts and demanding that Sheng Ning deal with them one by one.

If Zhou Chenggang were still here, they would never have dared to come. But now that there was only an easily bullied Sheng Ning left, those people wouldn’t miss the chance to try to get some money.

Although they had received some compensation money from Zhou Chenggang’s car accident, someone noticed Sheng Ning’s eagerness to make money. They tricked her with some “money-making” counterfeit products, conning Sheng Ning out of all her money and putting her in debt.

After it happened, people called Sheng Ning “stupid” and “gullible.”

Even Zhou Nianzhi, upon hearing the news, was shaking with anger.

How could she have been tricked out of so much money?

Why did she so easily believe what others said?

She had a belly full of questions and wanted to go back and get answers from Sheng Ning. But when Zhou Nianzhi rushed home, she saw that Sheng Ning’s hair had turned completely white in just a few days.

She stopped and watched from a distance as her usually strong mother curled up in a corner, crying and trembling.

In that moment, Zhou Nianzhi didn’t care about her anger or resentment anymore. She only had one mother, and she was her mom’s only child.

She knelt down and hugged the trembling Sheng Ning, comforting her bit by bit, just as her mom had comforted her when she was little.

“Zhi Zhi…” Sheng Ning kept her head down, like a child who had done something wrong. “Mom knows you have big ambitions… I was just afraid that you wouldn’t go to graduate school or continue pursuing your dreams because of the money… I just wanted to earn some money to pay for your education…”

“Zhi Zhi, your Auntie Wang was my best friend… I didn’t think I would be tricked, but I still wanted to believe her. Why did she still trick me…”

“It’s all Mom’s fault for being so careless. Mom is sorry…”

Sheng Ning cried for a long time. She stopped looking at Zhou Nianzhi, looked down at her knees, and said in a low voice, “I wish you weren’t my daughter.”

Zhou Nianzhi was so sad that she couldn’t speak. The emotions were stuck in her throat, a bitter pain. But she still shook her head, denying it. She opened her mouth. Even if no sound came out, she wanted so badly to tell her mom, the person who loved her most—

I just want to be your daughter.

Zhi Zhi will always be your daughter.

Later, to survive, the mother and daughter had no choice but to sell their house, the house that was full of precious memories.

They were initially very happy when they heard that someone was willing to buy it.

Who knew that after Zhou Chengqi made his request, the hope they had fantasized about turned into a bubble.

“As long as Ning Ning agrees to marry me, this house will still be yours. What do you say?”

Ugh.

How disgusting.

They would rather leave their hometown than live under the same roof as a devil.

And so, they left, and they hadn’t returned in two years.

Zhou Nianzhi walked down the streets that were deep in her memories. Unconsciously, she arrived at the entrance of her high school.

It was a little past nine at night.

High school students were leaving their night classes. Girls walked hand in hand, and boys walked with their arms around each other’s shoulders, laughing and talking as they walked toward their homes.

Their smiles were even more radiant under the streetlights, but the heavy schoolbags on their backs swayed and bobbed, probably thinking, why is there so much homework?

Zhou Nianzhi didn’t stand in the light. She watched from a distance, like a bystander, quietly observing their radiance and happiness.

Two or three students walked past her, wearing familiar school uniforms, still muttering—

“I’ll have to stay up late to do my homework again tonight.”

“Hehe, I finished my homework during night class.”

“What? How did you have time to finish it?”

“Time is a funny thing. You can get more of it if you save up.”

The youthful feeling that came rushing toward her made Zhou Nianzhi a little dazed. A person’s memory was like a program. As long as a certain command was triggered, it would start running in their mind, forming images, connecting them into a video that would play instantly.

Zhou Nianzhi used to feel that even if she didn’t have enough time, she could get more of it if she saved up.

So, as long as she finished her homework a little faster, she could go play with Lin An and Qin Yunyun. Without phones, they would play with all kinds of weird things. After all, when they were little, they were the kind of people who could spend an entire afternoon blowing bubbles with soapy water.

If Lin An and Qin Yunyun had other plans, Zhou Nianzhi would go and tease her little iceberg of a deskmate, Song Yuli.

To be honest, although Zhou Nianzhi had heard of this iceberg before transferring to the science class, they became deskmates by “a strange coincidence.”

Okay, Zhou Nianzhi would admit that it wasn’t really a “strange coincidence.”

It was just because Zhou Nianzhi used to talk so much. She could talk to almost any girl in her class. Even if she didn’t have much to do with them before, as long as they became deskmates, they would become good friends who couldn’t stop talking in less than a day.

For Zhou Nianzhi, even if she was assigned to sit next to the trash can, she could still chat with the students who came to throw their trash away. And then it would get worse, and gradually a group of people would gather around the trash can to chat.

The teacher would sometimes get so angry that she would laugh. She would stand in front of the group and say, “Does the trash can smell that good? Why are so many people standing there? Get back to your seats and study!”

Later, the teacher realized that this couldn’t go on. A group of people gathering around a trash can every day was just ridiculous. So she thought about moving Zhou Nianzhi to sit next to the lectern.

Hey, that made things even worse.

The students in the first row also started gathering around.