After Saving the White Moonlight, the Black Moonlight Went Crazy - Chapter 23.2

Chapter 23.2: Today is Yan Sui’s Birthday

[6]

After all, this wasn’t a formal live broadcast, just an initial test between the two sides.

As soon as the phone call connected, Yan Ye’s heart-wrenching cry came through. “Jiejie, come back quickly! The house, the house is on fire!”

Yan Sui’s body stiffened, and she immediately asked, “Has the fire truck arrived?”

“It has, but they can’t put it out… Jiejie, Mom ran into the house…”

Yan Ye was only an eleven or twelve-year-old girl at the time. She was completely helpless in this situation.

Yan Zhi had told Housekeeper Li and the others not to contact Yan Sui, saying that she could handle this small matter. She never expected that the seemingly most obedient and timid Yan Ye would secretly contact Yan Sui.

The house is on fire… and her little bird is still in its cage.

The cage is locked. The little bird can’t fly out.

Will anyone save her little bird?

This thought completely occupied Yan Sui’s mind. She couldn’t think about playing Go anymore.

She had to go back to see her little bird.

Yan Sui asked, “What about Little Bird? Was it saved?”

Yan Ye cried, “I don’t know, I don’t know…”

The unease in Yan Sui’s heart grew stronger, so she made a move that Yan Zhi would have severely reprimanded her for—

She placed her pieces on the board and forfeited the match.

Yan Sui urged the driver to get home as fast as possible.

The once classical and elegant large house in the garden was now a scorched ruin.

Everyone in the family: Yan Zhi, Yan Ye, Housekeeper Li, and the other servants, were all covered in soot.

Yan Zhi was holding a stack of ancient books. Although she was dirty, the books were completely unharmed.

Perhaps going into the house to get the books had consumed too much of her energy, so Yan Zhi didn’t notice the person approaching from behind.

Yan Sui heard her mother say to Housekeeper Li in an incredibly calm voice:

“That parrot of Yan Sui’s couldn’t be saved. It’s dead. She has something to do in another city and probably won’t be back until tomorrow. Housekeeper Li, go to the flower and bird market immediately and buy an identical one.”

“Mom.” Yan Sui’s voice trembled uncontrollably.

Yan Zhi turned around in disbelief. It was the first time Yan Sui had ever seen panic on her mother’s face.

She didn’t even realize that her tears were already falling. “What did you just say?”

Her smile was terribly forced. “I didn’t hear you clearly. Could you say it again?”

Yan Sui was praying with all her heart to the heavens that she had heard wrong.

Yan Zhi’s lips moved, and she finally turned to anger out of embarrassment. “It’s just a little animal! It’s dead, so it’s dead! If you’re so sad about it, I’ll have Housekeeper Li buy you a better and more expensive parrot!”

Yan Sui opened her mouth, her vision blurred by tears. “But, Mom… in your hands, you’re holding that stack of ancient Go books from my room.”

This proved that Yan Zhi must have gone to her room—

And between the precious Go books and the living, breathing little bird, she had chosen the former.

An unnatural look flashed across Yan Zhi’s face. She rarely gave in, but she did now. “This is my fault, but you know that these ancient books have been passed down for hundreds, even thousands, of years. I couldn’t let them be destroyed on my watch.”

At the time, the situation was urgent. Yan Zhi risked her life to save these Go books. She had gone in and out several times, and finally she went to Yan Sui’s study.

She heard the white parrot calling.

“Yan Sui, Yan Sui.”

Black smoke had already filled Yan Sui’s bedroom, and Yan Zhi’s vision became distorted and blurry.

There was no time.

In that moment of crisis, Yan Zhi made the instinctive choice she most wanted to make—

She picked up the heavy books, intending to leave.

Hesitating for just a second, Yan Zhi decided to open the birdcage. As for whether the parrot could fly out, she’d have to leave it to fate.

She put down the books, but her right hand was burned as soon as it touched the birdcage, and she recoiled.

Yan Zhi cried out in pain and, without thinking about it any further, simply left with the ancient books.

But she would never tell Yan Sui any of this.

Regardless, in the end, she had abandoned the parrot, hadn’t she?

After hearing what her mother said, Yan Sui suddenly turned and ran toward the collapsed ruins. Housekeeper Li, with her quick reflexes, stopped Yan Sui. “Young Miss, don’t go! The building is unstable now! You can’t go in!”

Yan Sui’s strength was surprisingly great at that moment. She broke free from Housekeeper Li’s grasp, but more servants came and held her down.

Everyone was telling her to calm down.

Everyone said it was just a little bird and that they could buy a new one, a better one, with prettier feathers, that was more obedient and well-behaved.

Yan Sui finally gave up struggling.

It wasn’t that she chose to give up, but the dizziness in her head made her lose her strength.

Everyone released their hold on her. Yan Sui sank to her knees, dizzily reaching into her pocket.

In her pocket was a small bag of black beans that she had bought at a supermarket when she first arrived in the city next door.

…

When Yan Sui woke up again, she was lying in a clean white hospital bed.

It was an absurd story. In a fire, everyone who was in the Yan family’s house was safe and sound, yet she, who had rushed back from out of town, was the one who ended up in the hospital.

Housekeeper Li was relieved to see her awake. She took out her phone. “Oh, that’s right, Second Miss, your sister is awake. Come over quickly.”

Then Housekeeper Li rang the bell for the doctor to come and check on her.

As a VIP room in a private hospital, the doctor naturally arrived as quickly as possible. The conclusion was that Yan Sui had fainted due to emotional distress, but she was fine now.

Yan Sui didn’t say a word the entire time. Her eyes were blank, like a soulless puppet.

Yan Sui felt that she must be dreaming, that she was having a very, very terrible nightmare.

But dreams were fake, and as long as it was a dream, she would wake up…

“Jiejie.”

Yan Sui heard her sister’s crisp voice.

Yan Ye was carrying a birdcage and looked a little uneasy. “Mom told me to buy this. She said she was going to give it to…”

“Take it away!” Yan Sui shouted.

In the cage was a white Quaker parrot that looked almost identical to Little Bird.

Housekeeper Li quickly tried to smooth things over. “Young Miss, Madam Yan meant well.”

Yan Sui turned her head. She looked at the blue sky outside the window and gasped in pain. The immense grief once again turned into a physical blade that pierced her heart.

“It’s not the same…” Yan Sui’s voice was almost a whisper. “It’s not the same… This isn’t my Little Bird.”

Her Little Bird could never come back.

[7]

There were three days until Yan Sui’s eighteenth birthday.

Yan Zhi had been busy for the past two days. She was investigating the cause of the fire at the old house, having people deal with the saved Go books, and arranging for the Yan family’s servants to move into the new residence.

After the fire, everyone was busy—

Except for Yan Sui.

Ever since she woke up, she hadn’t had a single drop of water.

It wasn’t that she was deliberately starving herself, but that whatever she ate or drank, she would eventually throw up.

Yan Zhi interpreted this as Yan Sui being rebellious and challenging her.

So Yan Zhi decided to let Yan Sui suffer a little before talking about anything else.

Yan Sui sat on the hospital bed, staring blankly at the IV needle on the back of her left hand. It had only been two days, but her face already looked gaunt.

Yes, it was just a little bird.

That’s what everyone said.

But it was also a life.

Since she brought it home from the flower and bird market, she should have been responsible for its life until the very end.

Yan Sui imagined countless possibilities. What if she hadn’t gone to play against the AI? What if she had brought Little Bird with her? What if she had never bought Little Bird in the first place?

Unfortunately, there were no “what ifs.”

But could she blame Yan Zhi?

She didn’t think so. After all, to Yan Zhi, the most important thing was always Go, and the only reason Yan Sui was a daughter Yan Zhi was proud of was because she was a Go genius.

“Young Miss…”

Housekeeper Li had come in at some point. She carefully handed her phone to the pale-faced girl in front of her. “This is the video clip you asked for.”

There were no cameras in Yan Sui’s room, but there were some in the hallway. Yan Sui deduced that after Yan Zhi left, the door to her bedroom must have been left open.

“Thank you,” Yan Sui said in a low voice as she took the phone.

She tapped the screen, and the video began to play.

It was only a video of a little over ten seconds.

In the frame, black smoke was already swirling. The camera showed Yan Sui’s bedroom and the white birdcage.

In the birdcage, a tiny figure was constantly flapping its wings up and down.

Yan Sui’s heart felt a sharp pang. She unconsciously held her breath, staring intently at the tiny figure on the screen.

But the little bird’s figure was so small that even when Yan Sui looked closely, all she could see was a blurry, flapping shape.

The little bird must have its mouth open.

Yan Sui knew it must be saying something.

“Housekeeper Li, why doesn’t this video have any sound?” Yan Sui asked after watching it three times.

Housekeeper Li stammered. “Because of the fire, the camera was damaged, so there’s no sound. I asked the repair person, and they said it can’t be fixed.”

Yan Sui watched the video more than ten times.

She looked at the pure white figure and murmured, “Little Bird, what did you say?”

Were you saying, ‘Yan Sui, why aren’t you back yet?’

Or, ‘Yan Sui, why didn’t you save me?’

Or maybe, ‘Yan Sui, I hate you?’

Yan Sui would never know the answer.

And that unknown sentence, in the sleepless, anxious, and painful nights of Yan Sui, would become whatever she imagined, constantly tearing at her heart.

She returned the phone to Housekeeper Li, and her vision went black as she lost consciousness.

[8]

Today was Yan Sui’s eighteenth birthday and also the day she was discharged from the hospital.

She was finally able to eat a little, and Housekeeper Li was relieved. After telling Yan Zhi about it, Yan Zhi was dismissive.

“I don’t know what she was being so stubborn about. Isn’t she the one who feels terrible? She’ll forget this pain in the end anyway, so why go through all that in the first place? Alright, Housekeeper Li, bring her back.”

Housekeeper Li would never dare to say these things to Yan Sui. She just smiled and told Yan Sui to come back to the new house.

Yan Sui hummed. “I left something at the Go dojo. I need Uncle Wang to take me there first, and I’ll go back later.”

Housekeeper Li thought Yan Sui had really come to her senses. She was relieved. “Okay.”

But when Yan Sui got into Uncle Wang’s car and arrived at the dojo, she changed her story. “Uncle Wang, I haven’t practiced Go in a few days, and my skills are a bit rusty. You can go back first. I’ll call you when I’m done practicing.”

Uncle Wang nodded and drove away.

Yan Sui watched Uncle Wang leave, then got on a public bus without looking back.

It was a bus headed for the suburbs. It had very few routes and very few people on board.

Yan Sui sat by the window. She opened the window, and a not-so-gentle wind blew in her face.

A nauseous feeling surged in her stomach again. Yan Sui pressed her lips together, fighting the discomfort.

Almost there. Just a little longer. Just a little longer.

Thinking about what she was about to do, the joy that came from the thought of it overshadowed the original pain. Yan Sui actually felt her spirits lifting, and her body no longer felt uncomfortable.

“The bus is about to arrive at the final stop…”

The bus announcement sounded, and Yan Sui stood up to get off.

This was a sparsely populated suburb. Yan Sui walked to a convenience store by the road and bought a lighter.

She walked for about half an hour, her legs feeling a little weak, until she finally arrived at a river.

Yan Sui sat on the riverbank, toying with the lighter in her hand.

She had been a woman of few words in the hospital room these past few days, but now her words were fast and numerous.

“They all called my style ‘The Holy Mother.’ I was so arrogant and conceited back then to actually accept it…”

“I couldn’t even protect my own Little Bird. What kind of Holy Mother am I?”

Yan Sui’s tone was calm and desperate.

“Little Bird, were you in pain back then?”

Yan Sui lit the lighter, watching the dancing flame.

“They say that after you die, you go to another world. I’ve seen other cats and dogs who have passed away visit their owners in their dreams. But Little Bird, you haven’t come to me in my dreams at all these past few days.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“You have every right to be mad at me.”

Yan Sui held the lighter in her right hand. The flame was getting closer and closer to her left arm. Yan Sui could even feel the scorching heat.

A gust of wind came, carrying a faint scent of lychee. It extinguished the flame and messed up Yan Sui’s hair.

“What?” Yan Sui laughed to herself, then she suddenly realized. “Oh, right, I forgot about this.”

Yan Sui took out the small, unopened bag of black beans from her pocket and carefully opened it, placing it on the stone steps next to her.

“Little Bird, these are your favorite black beans. Want to try them?”

There was no response, of course.

“If there’s a next life,” Yan Sui’s voice became choked with sobs, “don’t choose me to be your owner.”

She roughly wiped away her tears. “Never mind. Let’s not talk about sad things. Little Bird, you were the first treasure I ever chose for myself.”

Even though Yan Sui had lost her treasure now.

“Today is my eighteenth birthday. I’m going to give myself a birthday gift, a gift that I really like.”

Yan Sui continued talking to herself. “Actually, ever since I woke up in the hospital, I knew I could never play Go again.”

Let alone play Go, she would probably shake just from holding a piece now.

Whenever she played, the image of Little Bird being consumed by fire would involuntarily appear in her mind.

“I will lose all the glory I have now, but the more I think about it, the more I feel a strange and morbid sense of relief.”

“I can finally… let go of all this. To my mom, I’ll finally be a useless child.”

“She doesn’t need useless children.”

Yan Sui felt a sense of relief. “I can finally have other choices, too. But it’s so sad. I still don’t know what I like. I was actually starting to like Go a little.”

“But now, I don’t like it at all.”

Yan Sui would not allow herself to like Go, and she would not allow herself to be happy anymore.

If she were happy, she would feel like she was letting down the little bird that had trusted her completely.

The little bird had died in extreme pain, so she, Yan Sui, also had no right to be happy.

It was fair.

Yan Sui stood up. She picked up the lighter, and the flame appeared again.

She held the lighter closer to her skin as she walked into the river. The water was already up to her ankles.

“Burning myself to death is too attention-grabbing. I can only feel a little of what you felt back then. I’m sorry, Little Bird.”

As soon as Yan Sui apologized, another gust of wind blew out the flame.

She frowned. “What’s go…”

A white object appeared in her peripheral vision.

Yan Sui instinctively looked in that direction, only to see a single white feather floating in the air on the other side of the river.

Yan Sui’s heart trembled. Ignoring the cold river water, she walked straight into the river and reached out both hands, trying to catch the feather.

And the feather also floated toward Yan Sui.

In an instant, the feather landed softly in Yan Sui’s palm.

Yan Sui had once been an atheist. At this moment, she said with hope in her trembling voice, “Is that you, Little Bird?”

A sweet, lychee-scented breeze was her only answer.

Yan Sui carefully held the feather, clutching her hands to her chest. “Little Bird, I miss you so much.”

“Don’t be afraid, Little Bird. I’m coming to join you.”

Yan Sui held the feather and walked deeper into the river. There were no people around, so no one noticed her unusual behavior.

The river water was already up to Yan Sui’s waist.

Although it was a clear and windless day, a gust of wind once again blew around Yan Sui. This time, the wind was so strong that it stung her skin.

Yan Sui had a strange feeling that this wind seemed to… be angry?

But she cried tears of joy. “Is that you, Little Bird?”

“It must be you, it must be you.” Yan Sui laughed through her tears. “Okay, I won’t kill myself. I’ll live. I’ll live well.”

“Please, come see me in my dreams, okay? Please.”

There was no response.

And Yan Sui, clutching the feather like her last lifeline, came out of the water, soaked.

It must be her Little Bird who came back.

Eighteen-year-old Yan Sui did not give herself a gift, but she received the salvation to live.

Much later, she would also find out that the feather was indeed Little Bird’s feather…

But the gusts of wind were Lu Shutian.

So she knew that she could never let go of this person.

[9]

It was another quiet night.

Nineteen-year-old Yan Sui lay on her bed in her university dorm. The lights were out, and everyone was quiet.

She closed her eyes, her breathing calm. She looked as if she were asleep.

On her eighteenth birthday, she had originally planned to go and join Little Bird, but a feather floated down from the sky, and a few gusts of wind blew her out of the river.

She began to try to live a good life.

Yan Sui started her communal university life and would rest at the single apartment Yan Zhi bought her on weekends.

Yan Sui learned many things on her own that she hadn’t known how to do before she turned eighteen.

She then realized that even without Little Bird, she could still live.

But she could never pick up a Go piece again, and she could never fall in love with anything or anyone again.

All her joys and sorrows had turned into a calm, long, and wet sorrow.

Although she was in the prime of her youth, Yan Sui was like a stagnant pool of water.

Her once bright and lively eyes were now vacant. After she started university, not a single one of her classmates who saw her thought she wasn’t pretty—

But not a single one said her beauty was lively.

Beautiful, but soulless.

Yan Zhi was at first unwilling to give up, thinking Yan Sui was just throwing a tantrum. But it wasn’t until she forced Yan Sui to pick up a go piece again, and Yan Sui’s hands shook so much she couldn’t hold it, and even fainted right next to the go board, that Yan Zhi finally had to give up.

Her main account was ruined, but she still had her secondary account.

Yan Zhi completely gave up on Yan Sui and placed all her attention on her younger daughter, Yan Ye.

Everyone’s evaluation of Yan Sui changed to pity.

And Yan Sui, who was once a rising star in the Go world, a genius girl known to all, became just another ordinary adult.

The person in question didn’t care about any of this. Her obsession changed from hoping Little Bird would visit her in her dreams to what exactly Little Bird had said in the video recorded by the camera during the fire.

Little Bird’s vocabulary was limited, and it couldn’t say long sentences.

But Yan Sui just wanted to know.

Carrying this obsession, she muddled through until her junior year of college, when a car accident completely derailed her life.

When she realized she was in a car accident, Yan Sui felt a moment of relief.

She thought, This time, it wasn’t me actively trying to die. It was an accident.

Little Bird couldn’t possibly stop me from coming to see it this time.

Then she was told she had transmigrated into a book.

Thanks to the “influence” of her college roommate Lily, Yan Sui was quite familiar with the concept of transmigrating into books. But she had absolutely no interest in doing tasks to save other people—

She couldn’t even save her own Little Bird.

But the system said it could let her hear that sentence.

The system even took on the appearance of her Little Bird.

How could Yan Sui say no?

[10]

Yan Sui was nice to Jian Liyun at first because Jian Liyun was the person she needed to save for her mission.

But slowly, she realized that she was being nice to Jian Liyun not just for the mission, but because she genuinely wanted to be nice to her.

Although the first time they met, the cold beauty had an aura that screamed “stay away from me,” or rather, “stay away from all living people,” the more she got to know her, the more Yan Sui realized that Jian Liyun was a very gentle person.

Yan Sui was a Go genius, and Jian Liyun was an excellent actress. They were both geniuses among geniuses in their respective fields.

The difference was that Jian Liyun loved acting, while Yan Sui could no longer love Go.

So Yan Sui was actually a little envious of Jian Liyun for finding a career she loved and was good at.

One could say that Jian Liyun had no flaws other than being a little too focused on romance.

How could such a good person end up with a fate of depression and suicide?

Yan Sui hoped she could get better and become a magnificent film queen.

Jian Liyun did eventually become a film queen, but one who was unrequited in love—

Yan Sui finally found out that the person Jian Liyun had unrequited feelings for was not that disgusting male lead, but herself.

But, it seemed Yan Sui no longer had the ability to reciprocate anyone’s love.

It was too late.

[11]

As the female lead of the novel, to be honest, Yan Sui’s first impression of Lu Shutian wasn’t good.

On the surface, she looked pure and sweet, but in reality, she was very scheming and prone to going crazy. She had threatened to kill both the supporting female lead and the male lead after only meeting them a few times.

Yan Sui didn’t like people like that.

That is, until Yan Sui learned about Lu Shutian’s true past…

After being tormented by the so-called “world consciousness,” it was actually quite impressive that Lu Shutian was still in this mental state.

Yan Sui’s “Holy Mother” complex acted up again. She, who was already in a difficult position herself, still wanted to protect Lu Shutian as well.

Later, Lu Shutian said to her with red eyes:

“Jiejie, you’re a really good person with a soft heart. No matter how bad I am, no matter how stubborn Jian Liyun is, you can save us without any prejudice.”

“But why are you so cruel? You can forgive everyone, so why can’t you forgive yourself?”

“Please, let me love you.”

[12]

When Yan Sui used to play Go, she would do everything she could to protect every piece she placed.

Life is like a game of Go. There will always be pieces that are discarded and captured.

In this transmigration, she was both the player and the piece.*

Yan Sui put herself into the game, making herself the last line of defense.

In this war without smoke, if someone had to be sacrificed, if a piece had to become a forsaken pawn—

She would be that forsaken pawn.