After the Breakup, the Possessive Heiress Regretted It - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: But It’s Okay, I Love You.

Pei Jinyue returned to her desk, took out a key, turned it, and opened the drawer.

Inside was a delicate little notebook.

Even after years of use and a house move, it was still perfectly preserved.

She wouldn’t even let a speck of dust fall on it.

Rather than calling it a “diary,” it would be more accurate to call it a series of “letters to Nian Nian.”

Every word inside was her love for Nian Nian.

Normally, she didn’t experience any significant emotional ups and downs in a day, so her diary entries had always been dry—like a formulaic recount of daily events, devoid of enjoyment.

But ever since she met Nian Nian, she wanted to write about how different she felt that day. That was when she first realized she was capable of feeling emotion—faint, but precious to her.

Later, though, her emotions intensified.

More specifically, anything related to Nian Nian was amplified.

She still remembered their first encounter—

Thirteen years ago, in Su City, it snowed, a rare event.

“It was very cold today. My sister told me to wait for her in the park after school, so I didn’t get into the driver’s car and instead ran off to wait for her. But she never showed up—and some bad people noticed me. They said I looked rich and tried to rob me. I wasn’t that scared, since my bag only had homework in it. But I had a bracelet on my wrist that my sister gave me. The bad guys tried to take it, I wouldn’t let go, so I ran—ran and hid in a corner.

That’s when you showed up. You had probably just gotten out of school too and happened to be passing by. You stood in front of me and shielded me, and that’s the only reason they didn’t see me.

I didn’t even know your name. I only heard someone calling you ‘Nian Nian’ from afar, and then you walked away.

I wanted to chase after you, but I never saw you again.”

Pei Jinyue smiled faintly as she read this page, her fingers brushing over the childish handwriting. But when her touch fell on the word “sister,” a wave of disgust surfaced.

If this hadn’t been the diary entry describing her first meeting with Nian Nian, she would have torn the page to shreds—she didn’t even want to see a single scrap of it.

After all, she had been so young back then, completely fooled by Pei Siche, still calling her “sister.”

Forget it. Today she opened the diary to remember Nian Nian—she wouldn’t let others ruin that.

Pei Jinyue continued flipping through the notebook.

Unless something especially significant had happened, she wrote in it every single day.

Sometimes, she even resented growing up—because as she aged, she still hadn’t found Nian Nian again.

So every day in her diary, she wrote:

“It’s been xx days since I last saw Nian Nian.”

Her longing had become an obsession, and as the dates continued, the words grew more and more heart-wrenching.

“Nian Nian, is it because I moved away? Is that why you won’t let me find you?”

“Nian Nian, I miss you so much. So, so much. I didn’t know longing could be this painful.”

The person she couldn’t reach felt like a hallucination that kept appearing in front of her—yet when she woke up, there was nothing.

She lived in deep pain, with nowhere to release the nightly anguish.

But later, she met a girl.

Ji Wanmian.

On the day she first met Ji Wanmian, she wrote in her diary:

“Nian Nian, I met someone today who looks a lot like you. For a moment, I thought I had finally found you.

So I couldn’t help but walk up to her and say a few words.”

Later, she realized Ji Wanmian had been thankful to her ever since.

She didn’t push her away—because just seeing Ji Wanmian’s face made her feel as though Nian Nian was standing in front of her again.

But then guilt crept in. How could she so casually project her beloved Nian Nian onto someone else?

Besides, Ji Wanmian and Nian Nian weren’t exactly alike.

She had thought there would be no more to it—but Pei Jinyue eventually realized Ji Wanmian seemed to be falling in love with her.

She had actually heard Ji Wanmian’s confession clearly that day—and before rejecting her, she hesitated.

Not because she had feelings for Ji Wanmian—but because, in that moment, she thought of Nian Nian.

She was afraid she’d never meet someone so similar again.

Pei Jinyue flipped through the diary and found a few pages that mentioned Ji Wanmian’s name.

“Actually, I didn’t see your face clearly the first time we met. You only left me with a silhouette. I stood up, trying to get a better look. The only thing I saw clearly was when someone called your name, and you turned and showed me your side profile.

I clearly remember—a beautiful mole under your right eye.

But Ji Wanmian doesn’t have it.”

“Nian Nian, I miss you so much. Could it be you who sent Ji Wanmian into my life, to soothe my longing?”

“Nian Nian, I really miss you. So much that it hurts. If only I had called out to you that day. If only I hadn’t moved away later.”

Turning to the next page that mentioned Ji Wanmian, Pei Jinyue lowered her gaze.

“Nian Nian, I want to see you. I want to hug you. I want to kiss you. I want to hear you whisper my name—call me ‘Yueyue’ softly in my ear.

But I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I do see you again, I won’t be good enough.

So that day, I thought of Ji Wanmian. She’s very similar to you. And she’s in this city too. As if possessed, I went to find her.

I’m sorry, Nian Nian. I know this might be wrong, but I wanted to try kissing, hugging, even possessing her—so I could learn what might please you.

Maybe you’ll be angry with me. But it’s okay, I love you.

Nian Nian, I love you so much.”

Pei Jinyue’s fingers trembled slightly as she read those words. She closed her eyes, silently begging for Nian Nian’s forgiveness over and over again.