After the Breakup, the Possessive Heiress Regretted It - Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Even If It’s Only a Fantasy.

In the blink of an eye, it had been five years since Ji Wanmian first met Pei Jinyue.

That spark of infatuation that started in the autumn when she was nineteen had continued all the way to the winter of her twenty-fourth year—long and profound.

She had written the same words countless times in her love letters—

“Is it because I’m a girl that I’m destined to never be with Pei Jinyue?”

It was a question.

A question forever etched into her heart.

If she hadn’t struggled with her gender identity, maybe that year when she called out to Pei Jinyue, she would’ve boldly confessed her love.

It was precisely because her love was different from others that it appeared especially cautious and delicate. Compared to Pei Jinyue’s other admirers, she was the most unique one.

She could stand beside Pei Jinyue, she could touch her directly—even hold her hand—without raising eyebrows.

Because they were friends.

But Ji Wanmian gradually developed a feeling of discontent.

On long, restless nights filled with longing, she often thought—what she wanted was far more than this. She wanted to possess Pei Jinyue.

Not as a friend.

As a lover.

So on the day she fully recognized her feelings, she wrote another love letter.

It was long, very long—so long it felt like the endless depths of her love.

After reading it again, Ji Wanmian was once more moved by the words inside—

“I hate you. I hate you for being so perfect that it makes it impossible for me to love anyone else. My heart is so full of you, there’s no room for anyone else.

I truly hate you. Of all the people I’ve ever met, I only hate you. I hate you every second of every day for disturbing my life.

If I had never met you, I think I would be so happy every day—no need to miss you, no need to get jealous over nonsense, no need to waste time writing these sentimental words.

You should never have appeared in my life—because I can’t hold onto you.

I hate you. I hate myself too.

I hate that I love you so much.”

Ji Wanmian quickly tucked the letter away, afraid that if she read another word, she’d lose control of her tears.

She moved so hastily that one letter slipped from her hands.

She picked it up and, feeling the crumpled texture, immediately remembered what was inside.

There was no need to open it—the words were already etched into her mind—

“Who is Nian Nian?
Can you tell me, who is Nian Nian?
You’ve used that name as your online alias for so long—who is it?
I once imagined maybe it was a pet of yours. But it’s not—not when you shut down every time I ask.
And why is it that whenever we’re being intimate, you unconsciously whisper that name?
Why!!
Is it because I remind you of her?!
Can you tell me!
If that’s true, your heart is too cruel!!
No… no, you wouldn’t do that…”

Ji Wanmian’s fingers trembled, and she nearly threw the letter into the drawer in panic.

She stood up at once and left the room, brushing her teeth in a rush before diving under the covers.

She wrapped herself tightly in her blanket, desperately trying to fall asleep quickly—so she wouldn’t have to think about the “Nian Nian” Pei Jinyue called out in her sleep.

As long as she didn’t think about the pain, she could continue living in the beautiful fantasy of being Pei Jinyue’s girlfriend.

Even if it was only a fantasy.

Late at night always brings too many thoughts.

At this very moment, Ji Wanmian wasn’t the only one thinking about “Nian Nian.”

At the Pei residence.

After sending a message to Ji Wanmian, Pei Jinyue made a phone call to Qi Wanwan. “Have you found her yet?”

Qi Wanwan responded on the other end of the line, “Pei-jie, we asked around the area you mentioned, but still haven’t found a girl matching your description.”

Pei Jinyue frowned, clearly displeased. “Keep looking. Try another area, but she’s definitely still in Su City.”

Qi Wanwan hurried to agree, “Okay, okay, will do.”

“If you find her, you are not to follow her. Don’t scare her. If you do and she gets frightened, none of you will get away with it,” Pei Jinyue said sternly, as if giving a command.

Qi Wanwan swallowed nervously. She had seen Pei Jinyue angry before—and it was terrifying. She raised her voice, “I promise not to scare her!”

Pei Jinyue continued, “I’m asking you to find her just to see how she’s doing now. I’ll go meet her in person later.”

Qi Wanwan struggled to respond, unsure of what to say. After a pause, she blurted, “I promise I’ll keep her safe until Pei-jie comes!”

“Qi. Wan. Wan,” Pei Jinyue gritted her teeth. “How many times have I told you—don’t let her notice you. Do you not understand?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Qi Wanwan could feel Pei Jinyue’s rising anger and didn’t dare say another wrong word.

“That’s all. Go to sleep now,” Pei Jinyue’s tone softened a bit. “Keep looking tomorrow.”

She hung up and was just about to toss her phone aside when another call came in. She glanced at the screen—and was met with a name she deeply loathed.

“Pei Siche”

She was supposed to call Pei Siche “older sister,” but she refused.

Because she hated Pei Siche—hated her to her core.

She wasn’t like most people—her emotions were often flat. Whether it was experiencing something in real life or watching emotional movie scenes, she struggled to empathize with others.

Others cried, others laughed—her heart remained unmoved. Sometimes, she even felt confused by it.

And yet, despite being this way, two people stirred powerful, extreme emotions within her.

First was her half-sister Pei Siche—born of the same mother but a different father—whom she hated for inheriting their father’s despicable, hypocritical, ruthless nature.

The second was a girl who had briefly appeared in her life—Nian Nian. Even though she didn’t even know her full name, she loved her. Loved her even though she was also a woman. Loved her more with each passing year—deeply and endlessly.

Only thoughts of these two could evoke emotions in her.

Mentioning Pei Siche would send her into a rage. Mentioning Nian Nian brought an overwhelming sorrow.

How could she describe that sorrow?

Perhaps it was like the way Ji Wanmian looked when she cried.

Pei Jinyue recalled the look on Ji Wanmian’s tear-streaked face. Her own lips curved downward, eyes squinting—she tried everything, but no tears would come.

How does one cry?

She wanted to learn how to shed tears—because when she found Nian Nian, she wanted to use tears to show her just how much she missed her.

If she expressed her love like that, maybe Nian Nian wouldn’t think she was a bad person. Maybe she’d trust her love more.

But Pei Jinyue gave up the attempt.

It’s okay—as long as Ji Wanmian stayed by her side, she could learn.

At first, she had feared Ji Wanmian’s love was genuine. But after hearing her confess it out loud, she thought—why not take advantage of that true affection?

When Ji Wanmian tearfully said those bitter words, Pei Jinyue’s mind was already calculating: as long as she spent time with Ji Wanmian every day, maybe she could learn how to love someone like a normal person.

In that case, she couldn’t let this person go.

Because meeting new people was exhausting. There was one right here—why not seize the opportunity?

What if she really found Nian Nian again one day?

Then she could use everything she’d learned to love Nian Nian properly—not worry that her extreme love would scare her away.

Extreme?

Let her think—when did she start using that word to describe her love?

It was only after re-reading her old diary entries that Pei Jinyue realized—

She had already missed Nian Nian to the point of madness.