Before Going on a Variety Show, the Actress Lost Her Memory - Chapter 10

“Yu Wenyu, are you worried about me? Didn’t your White Moonlight return to the country? So, why aren’t you divorcing me to go find her?”

“Focus…”

“Come on, look at yourself right now.”

“……”

Since Xi Xiuyun’s car accident and the fragmented memories she experienced, she was no longer surprised by these episodes.

This time, however, she wasn’t a passive observer. Instead, she watched the memories unfold like a slideshow with full clarity of mind.

What exactly had she done in the past week or so?

All the dark, repressed aspects of herself that she desperately tried to conceal had been laid bare before Yu Wenyu, who had even experienced them firsthand.

Her carefully guarded secrets, her crude, impatient nature, and the mask of false tenderness she wore had been stripped away completely.

Xi Xiuyun sorted through her thoughts from before and after this period, unable to face Yu Wenyu.

Moreover, though her consciousness was awake, she couldn’t control her awakening. She could only strategize in her mind.

Sitting by Xi Xiuyun’s bedside once again, Yu Wenyu’s heart was tormented.

She couldn’t understand why Xi Xiuyun had to endure these ordeals repeatedly, always by accident.

Today, under Xi Xiuyun’s guidance, Yu Wenyu had also been stirred by that memory, evoking unpleasant feelings.

In truth, ever since Xi Xiuyun’s car accident, Yu Wenyu had sensed the same forceful presence in her that she had witnessed four years ago.

She had also begun to understand why Xi Xiuyun had become so gentle.

Four years ago, Yu Wenyu hadn’t resisted out of aversion, but out of fear.

Later, Xi Xiuyun never mentioned the incident again, transforming into a completely different person. Yu Wenyu assumed she had reacted poorly and kept silent as well.

She had considered clarifying things with Xi Xiuyun, but each time she saw the deep, restrained affection in Xi Xiuyun’s eyes, she couldn’t bear to reopen old wounds.

Thus, that day’s experience became a taboo between them.

Afterward, Xi Xiuyun became restrained yet tender, considerate and meticulous. Their relationship flowed like a gentle stream, marked by mutual respect and courtesy.

Three years of marriage seemed to have faded the memory.

Yet the incident remained like a fishbone lodged in Yu Wenyu’s throat. She couldn’t understand why Xi Xiuyun had treated her that way, only to withdraw so abruptly.

Gradually, Xi Xiuyun’s crazed, almost deranged demeanor from that night began to haunt Yu Wenyu’s dreams.

In her dreams, Xi Xiuyun was clingy and passionate, just like the Xi Xiuyun she had first known.

Yu Wenyu found herself drawn to these dreamlike visions, yet she dared not mention them to Xi Xiuyun, lest she appear overly desperate.

She had always yearned for Xi Xiuyun, coveted her.

After Xi Xiuyun’s “amnesia,” Yu Wenyu undeniably cherished the way Xi Xiuyun behaved.

Constantly plagued by anxiety and fear of loss, Yu Wenyu found Xi Xiuyun’s possessiveness—deemed “abnormal” by others—strangely comforting and reassuring.

And now, despite their supposed intimacy, why did they feel so distant?

Hiding from each other, restraining themselves, drifting apart…

“Xi Xiuyun, how did we end up like this?” Yu Wenyu murmured to herself, her gaze lowered to conceal the exhaustion and helplessness in her eyes.

Xi Xiuyun had been unconscious all day. The doctor assured her there were no serious complications, but warned that Xiuyun might take longer to wake up.

Yu Wenyu sat vigil by the bed all day, until she finally collapsed from exhaustion and fell asleep at Xiuyun’s bedside.

Four years earlier…

Under the pretense of a marriage contract, they had concealed their true feelings, cautiously drawing closer.

Restrained yet fervent, innocent yet passionate.

One day, Xi Xiuyun vanished without a trace. Yu Wenyu searched tirelessly but couldn’t find her.

She eventually learned that Xiuyun had fled overseas alone. Yu Wenyu couldn’t understand why Xiuyun had left without a word.

Still, she obtained Xiuyun’s address from Mother Xi and traveled abroad alone to find her.

As Yu Wenyu approached Xiuyun’s residence, she imagined Xiuyun’s surprised and delighted expression.

But what greeted her was a dark, suffocating atmosphere. The curtains were drawn tight, and the dimly lit room reeked of bl00d and alcohol.

The overwhelming stench made Yu Wenyu dizzy, but she couldn’t afford to hesitate. She frantically switched on the lights and began searching for Xiuyun.

By the floor-to-ceiling window, Xiuyun lay as if asleep, surrounded by countless wine bottles—a terrifying sight.

She wore only a nightgown, her wrists and thighs wrapped in bandages. A shocking pool of bl00d stained the floor beneath her.

Yu Wenyu’s breath caught in her throat, her heart tearing apart. It was the first time she had witnessed such profound suffering.

Trembling, she approached Xiuyun, calling out softly, though no sound escaped her lips.

A stone seemed lodged in Yu Wenyu’s throat, pressing down with suffocating weight, causing a dull ache in her chest.

Yu Wenyu refused to accept the scene before her.

She had called out so softly, as if afraid to disturb Xi Xiuyun.

Tears blurred her vision as Yu Wenyu nearly knelt in the bl00d, reaching out to touch Xi Xiuyun, dreading the coldness of her skin.

Warm…

Yu Wenyu’s eyes widened. She frantically checked Xi Xiuyun’s breath.

Alive!

Yu Wenyu fumbled for her phone, desperate to call an ambulance, but a hand stopped her—Xi Xiuyun’s.

Yu Wenyu looked up and met Xi Xiuyun’s gaze. She had never seen such a look in Xi Xiuyun’s eyes before.

Dark and intense, suppressed, like a wild beast staring at her with fierce possessiveness.

Xi Xiuyun’s face was deathly pale, her eyes icy enough to freeze the soul as they locked onto Yu Wenyu. “Why are you here?”

Yu Wenyu froze, her voice trembling, her eyes rimmed with red like a wounded animal protecting itself with a snarl.

“If I hadn’t come, were you planning to die here? Xi Xiuyun, what do you mean by this? What couldn’t you tell me? Why would you do this?”

Yu Wenyu’s emotions surged uncontrollably, but Xi Xiuyun watched coldly, her eyes devoid of emotion.

Yu Wenyu’s eyelashes trembled slightly. This version of Xi Xiuyun felt foreign and unsettling.

Finally, Yu Wenyu asked Xi Xiuyun, her voice lacking confidence, “Xi Xiuyun, in your eyes, what am I to you?”

Xi Xiuyun didn’t answer. She rose from the ground and gazed down at Yu Wenyu.

Then, she pulled Yu Wenyu to her feet and led her toward the piano across the room.

Animals possess an innate sense of danger, and humans are no different.

“Xi Xiuyun! What are you planning to do?”

Yu Wenyu felt a sudden, inexplicable panic. She struggled, but mindful of Xi Xiuyun’s injuries, she dared not move too violently.

Roughly and urgently, Xi Xiuyun forced Yu Wenyu to sit before the piano.

Xi Xiuyun’s snake-like, icy eyes fixed on Yu Wenyu. Yu Wenyu felt as if the snake’s tongue were probing her neck, poised to strike a fatal blow at any moment.

Yu Wenyu looked at Xi Xiuyun with unease, but received no pity in return.

“Ayu, play ‘Qingqing’ for me, just once. Will you?”

“Qingqing” was an original piano piece Yu Wenyu had composed and performed during her high school stage debut—a song dedicated to the person she secretly loved and admired.

Xi Xiuyun leaned down, her head resting gently against Yu Wenyu’s, and pressed a reverent kiss to Yu Wenyu’s slender neck.

She lingered at Yu Wenyu’s collarbone, then placed Yu Wenyu’s hand on the piano keys.

The icy touch of Xi Xiuyun’s fingertips jolted Yu Wenyu awake. She tried to push Xi Xiuyun away, but the woman remained unyielding.

Yu Wenyu’s resistance struck at the core of Xi Xiuyun’s deepest fear: Yu Wenyu would never play “Qingqing” for her. Qingqing, a song for one’s beloved, was not meant for Xi Xiuyun.

A suffocating despair enveloped Xi Xiuyun, a lifeless hopelessness that nearly choked Yu Wenyu.

Yu Wenyu hated seeing Xi Xiuyun trapped in such vulnerability.

The ethereal, crystalline notes of the piano flowed slowly through her heart, conveying the girl’s fervent, unrequited love.

Joyful at the sight of her beloved, yet consumed by longing in their absence.

The girl, caught between hope and fear, languished in secret adoration.

She cherished the girl’s youthful bloom and spirited grace, yet resented her ignorance of love, leaving her own heart’s joy unacknowledged.

Desperate to escape this tormenting infatuation, she found herself unable to even find the path to leave.

Yu Wenyu’s tears slid down Xi Xiuyun’s cheek, cold and bitter.

In truth, she had once written another poem, also titled “Qingqing,” but never had the chance to send it.

Peach blossoms bloom and fall in drifts, A curtain veils a dream’s hidden depths. Where has my beloved gone? No place to ponder her absence. Her gaze sweeps across, brows knit, Twilight’s golden hues fade, Longing pierces my bones as I watch her fading silhouette.

A gentle breeze stirs my heart, The setting sun casts shadows on my soul. My yearning transcends the passage of time, Reflected in the lingering afterglow. Her dark hair is coiled, her youthful beauty fades, Osmanthus blossoms scent the glazed tiles, A foolish child, I sever the threads of fate, refusing to turn back.

Yu Wenyu was lost in memories, but Xi Xiuyun simply kissed her lightly, the movement straining her wounds and causing fresh bl00d to seep out.

Xi Xiuyun rose on the tips of her toes beside the piano and began to dance for Yu Wenyu.

She danced the choreography Yu Wenyu had created for “Qingqing,” danced the sorrow of begging to hear the song like a lowly dog.

She danced the secret thoughts Yu Wenyu dared not reveal, now claiming them like a thief in this dream.

She danced the anguish of her youthful heart, broken yet drawn to Yu Wenyu like a moth to a flame.

Bl00d stained Yu Wenyu’s vision crimson. Xi Xiuyun’s dance was beautiful, but it was not what Yu Wenyu wanted to see.

The pain was unbearable for Yu Wenyu; even witnessing it brought tears to her eyes.

Xi Xiuyun refused to let Yu Wenyu stop. Yu Wenyu choked back sobs as she finished playing “Qingqing,” after which Xi Xiuyun finally stopped as well.

Without looking at Yu Wenyu, Xi Xiuyun began unwrapping her bandages. Yu Wenyu watched her desolate figure from behind.

The anger gradually subsided, replaced by a deathly silence.

Unable to restrain herself, Yu Wenyu rushed forward and embraced Xi Xiuyun, her heart throbbing with the suffocating pain of impending death.

A massive, irresistible force dragged her toward the abyss.

Drunk and disoriented, Xi Xiuyun could no longer distinguish reality from dreams.

Except for Yu Wenyu in real life, she treated everyone cruelly, even the phantoms in her dreams.

“Don’t act like I’m the one who made you cry…”

The woman’s suppressed, hoarse voice delivered the final verdict: Yu Wenyu had been sentenced to death.

This callous disregard for her feelings, this lack of tenderness, made it impossible for Yu Wenyu to deceive herself any longer.

The truth she had long feared, the truth she had dared not confront, had finally surfaced.

The outcome was inevitable.

“You don’t love me, do you? Then why were you so kind to me before? Why did you pretend to love me?”

Yu Wenyu gazed at Xi Xiuyun, desperately seeking a trace of her former tenderness.

Xi Xiuyun glanced at Yu Wenyu’s pale face, her eyes devoid of their past warmth.

A wave of revulsion surged through her heart. Everything that dared to imitate Yu Wenyu deserved to die, even her own dreams.

Her eyes burned with a terrifying desire, and the words she spat out sent a chill down Yu Wenyu’s spine.

“To possess you,” she hissed, “to entwine with you day and night, to revel in our intimacy.”

Yu Wenyu felt as if she had plunged into an icy abyss, her heart shattering into a million pieces.