Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 13

Sitting on a bench with Shuri between them, Ayaka and Fujino both stared down at the ground. Kyoya had left earlier, saying he would go back to the classroom because he thought his presence would be a hindrance.

Ayaka knew she had to say something, but she also knew that if she opened her mouth now, she would probably just force a smile and say, “Sorry,” without meaning it. She understood that wasn’t the right thing to do.

Perhaps this was the consequence of avoiding facing things head-on all this time. She didn’t know what to say or how to look.

But—Ayaka was sure that Fujino was feeling the same way.

Ayaka quietly glanced over at Fujino. Fujino was sitting with her fists tightly clenched in her lap, looking down at her feet. What was she thinking right now?

No, that didn’t matter. It wasn’t about what words Fujino was hoping to hear.

Taking a small breath, Ayaka opened her mouth.

“Fujino.”

At that moment, Fujino’s shoulders jerked slightly, and Ayaka could see that she had been startled.

“About what happened earlier…” Ayaka began.

“Ah…” Fujino muttered in response.

“I…”

“Wait!” Fujino suddenly stood up and cut Ayaka off. Surprised, Ayaka looked up at her. Fujino stood before her, then bowed her head.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Fujino…?”

“I was frustrated because the teacher scolded me, and I let my anger get the better of me. I said too much. I’m sorry.”

Ayaka hurriedly stood up in response. It wasn’t Fujino’s fault. It was Ayaka who had let Fujino say those things.

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“What for?” Fujino asked, meeting Ayaka’s gaze directly.

Ayaka didn’t look away. She answered, her voice shaky.

“I’ve always hidden my true feelings, and covered them up with safe, meaningless words…”

It was terrifying to admit her own faults to someone else. Just imagining what the other person might think made her heart race.

But Fujino and Shuri were important friends Ayaka didn’t want to lose. She couldn’t keep hiding anymore. She didn’t want to run away from them.

“I’m sorry I didn’t express my feelings properly to you two.”

She didn’t bow her head. Ayaka wanted to face them, to see their expressions clearly—whether they were angry, sad, or disappointed. Accepting whatever came her way, she knew that was her first step forward.

“I…”

Fujino murmured quietly.

“I tend to say whatever’s on my mind, and sometimes my words come off as harsh. I’ve had trouble making friends because of it, and sometimes I’ve made people cry without meaning to. I’ve always thought that making friends was hard.”

That was something Ayaka had never heard from Fujino before.

“So when I entered high school, I thought I’d probably be the same. Then I met you and Shuri… When I told you I didn’t know what you were thinking, I was really just depending on you two. I took advantage of how you always smiled and forgave me, Ayaka. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to—!”

“I do!” Fujino cut her off.

“I do! But I still said all that stuff… I told you I didn’t understand you, but it wasn’t right for me to say that when I was the one who was depending on you.”

Fujino bit her lip and seeing that made Ayaka’s heart ache. She never would’ve guessed that Fujino was carrying these thoughts all along.

“I also noticed when you were hiding your true feelings and just smiling through things. But I thought if it was working for you, maybe it was okay. I knew there was something behind those smiles, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to cause trouble. I’m sorry.”

With each apology, Ayaka’s head spun, and she shook her head vigorously. Words failed her. But her tears kept flowing, one after another.

Normally, she would’ve forced a smile and used empty words, but now, she realized just how easy and comfortable that was. Speaking her true feelings, expressing what was really in her heart, was so much harder, scarier, and more embarrassing than she had ever imagined.

“I…”

She still wanted to speak. Fujino and Shuri were important friends to her. She wanted to stay friends with them forever.

She wiped her tears away, then lifted her head.

“I hate causing trouble or fighting with people… and I’m terrible at it. When I think I might make someone mad, I can’t bring myself to say what I really think…”

She slowly began saying the things she had never been able to say before. Both of them listened silently. She was still so scared.

But she knew that Fujino and Shuri would accept her no matter what she said. They always had, after all. Still, Ayaka had lacked the courage until now.

Now, though, she wanted to take that first step—to truly become friends with them.

“I’ve become really good at hiding my feelings, pretending that everything’s fine. I started smiling through everything and waiting for things to pass. I got so good at hiding my feelings that I stopped facing them head-on. And I honestly thought that would make things work out.”

But it didn’t.

“I’m sorry for everything up until now… And thank you for getting mad at me.”

She had wiped her tears, but they just kept coming, soaking her cheeks. However, she wasn’t the only one crying. Both Fujino and Shuri’s eyes were red from crying as well.

They looked at each other, and then all three of them burst out laughing.

“Heh, heh, you two are crying too much, you know?” Fujino said, still chuckling.

“You’re no better, Fujino. You’ve got rabbit eyes from crying so much.”

“I didn’t know Ayaka even cried like this. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Fujino’s makeup had mostly rubbed off, and Shuri’s usually smooth hair was sticking to her face because of the tears. Ayaka’s eyes were probably swollen from rubbing them too much.

But it felt so much better than the fake smiles they had all been wearing before. It felt so much more refreshing.

“My fake smiles have become like a habit—more like a trauma, really.”

That’s why there were things Ayaka had to tell them.

“I’ll try to stop doing it, but sometimes it’ll probably happen without me realizing. So, if I do that again…”

She looked directly at them, her dear friends, who were looking back at her.

“I want you to get mad at me. I know it’s a bit much to ask, but…”

Her voice trailed off, growing quieter. She was suddenly worried about making them angry, but…

“Ah, thank goodness.”

Fujino’s voice rang out brightly, cutting through the tension.

“I was about to get mad if you said something like, ‘Please forgive me.’”

“I get it. Don’t worry. Next time you try to fake a smile, I’ll tickle you so hard that you won’t even want to do it anymore.”

“Yeah, we won’t stop until you say what you really mean.”

Fujino and Shuri laughed, easing Ayaka’s fears.

She was so glad to have them as friends. She was so happy she had come to love them.

“Yeah!” Ayaka nodded, then leapt at both of them, hugging them tightly. They were her beloved, important friends.