Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 29

The rumor that Ayaka and Kyoya made up—well, strictly speaking, that’s not quite right—spread quickly. By the time they headed to school the next day, it felt like nearly everyone there knew about it.

Ayaka was glad she had already messaged Fujino and Shuri the night before, telling them that she had made up with Kyoya. She figured that, otherwise, she’d probably end up fighting with them just like when they first started dating.

Fujino and… no, just Fujino.

“Hah…”

Ayaka sighed, letting out her heavy feelings.

Both of them had seemed normal in their messages, but what had been said in class the day before kept bothering her.

Fujino had said it with no ill intentions:

“I feel like I just worried for nothing.”

Ayaka had hoped that Fujino and Shuri, being the kind of friends who would understand her without needing words, would recognize that she was sad without her needing to cry.

She even secretly hoped they’d tell her, “It’s okay, you don’t need to force a smile.”

But it was all just Ayaka’s own expectations, and they had been wrong.

“…How embarrassing.”

She whispered to herself, realizing suddenly.

She had been setting her own expectations and then feeling disappointed when they weren’t met.

She had never said a word about how much Kyoya had saved her, how drawn to him she was, or how they spent their time together. She never spoke of how she fell for him. She just expected them to understand.

Wanting her feelings to be understood without saying anything was like a child crying because their mother didn’t understand them.

…I want to change.

She wanted to change from the way she had always been, running away with a forced smile. She wanted to face the important people in front of her.

She felt like if she didn’t, she might lose them.

When Ayaka arrived at class, she pushed the awkwardness deep inside and headed towards Fujino and Shuri. As soon as they saw her, they smiled as if nothing had happened.

“Good morning! I’m so glad things worked out with Ikeda-senpai!”

“Good morning! I was so worried at first, but I’m so relieved to hear that you two are really dating now!”

Fujino and Shuri acted as usual. If Ayaka just said, “Thanks! I’m really happy!” they’d go back to their usual relationship without any trouble.

But she didn’t want that.

“Um, hey…”

Fujino and Shuri tilted their heads, looking at her in confusion. Perhaps they were expecting a different answer.

“Yesterday, I overheard something. Fujino said, ‘Maybe you weren’t really that serious about it?’”

Fujino looked at her with a blank expression for a moment. Shuri, standing next to her, had an expression that seemed to say, “You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Ah, that… wasn’t what I meant.”

Instead of Fujino speaking up, it was Shuri who quickly tried to explain.

“It’s not what you think, Ayaka. Fujino didn’t mean anything bad by it. She just said it honestly.”

“Yeah, I think that’s right.”

“Huh?”

Shuri widened her eyes in surprise, and even Fujino looked stunned by her answer.

“I think Fujino didn’t mean anything bad by it. She was just being honest.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course, I understand. We’re friends, after all.”

Yes, they were friends, so they understood each other. But because they were friends, there were things that couldn’t be understood without being said aloud.

“You know, there’s something I want to tell both of you.”

“Something you want to tell us?”

“Yeah. So, can you please give me some time during lunch?”

Ayaka bowed her head, and neither of them said anything in response.

At lunch, Ayaka had already told Kyoya that she was going to eat with Fujino and Shuri. She might hear something from someone else, but she didn’t mind anymore.

As long as she knew what was true inside her, that was enough.

“So, what’s this all about?”

They sat down on a bench in the courtyard, and Shuri asked first. By the way, Fujino hadn’t said a word since this morning. Perhaps she was feeling guilty or awkward about what she had said yesterday.

“You know, I’ve told you before, but I really hate fighting with people. If it means making someone upset or angry, I’d rather just swallow my feelings and deal with it myself.”

Ayaka’s quiet words were listened to in silence by both of them. This was something she had shared with them before. But what came next was something she had only told Kyoya.

Would they accept it? Would they stay by her side, or…

“When I was younger, I cried so much that a stranger yelled at me.”

“Huh…”

Both Shuri and Fujino were shocked and turned to her in surprise. Ayaka could only manage a bitter smile.

“Looking back, I can see that man must have been under a lot of stress, too. But at that time, I was so scared. The boy who was with me at the time told me not to cry, to smile instead. Even though he must have been scared too, he held my hand tight.”

Both of them were silent. Ayaka wondered what they were thinking.

“So… I think crying has become a trauma for me. If I smile, I won’t get yelled at. I won’t make anyone angry or upset. I won’t be disliked. Everything will be okay as long as I smile. I think that’s how it ended up.”

Ayaka was staring at her knees as she spoke, but then she looked up.

And then, Fujino, with tears in her eyes, hugged her tightly.