Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 30

Fujino clung to Ayaka, crying uncontrollably. Meanwhile, the lunchbox that had been sitting on her lap was just about to fall when Shuri caught it.

“Ugh, ugh… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Ayaka.”

“Fujino? W-what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t know… I didn’t know, but… I… I…”

Ayaka had no idea what was happening as she was held tightly in Fujino’s arms. She looked to Shuri for help, her eyes filled with confusion.

“Fujino, Ayaka’s really confused right now.”

“But… but…!”

“…But, Ayaka, I’m sorry too.”

“Huh?”

Shuri, still looking at Ayaka, lowered her head in apology.

Ayaka didn’t expect an apology. She just wanted them to understand, to know how she felt. But seeing them cry and bow their heads made her feel guilty, like she was somehow causing them pain.

“No, no, you don’t need to apologize.”

“I know you might not think so, but we can’t feel okay until we do. Even though we didn’t know, we hurt our precious friend.”

“Shuri…”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

When Fujino finally looked up, her face was wet with tears. She grabbed Ayaka’s hand tightly.

Her hand was trembling.

“Fujino? Are you okay?”

“Trauma… it’s so hard.”

“Huh?”

Fujino spoke so quietly, in a tone that didn’t sound like her at all.

“I’m scared of dogs.”

“Dogs?”

“Yeah, when I was little, the family behind our house had this huge dog. It was way bigger than me. One day, the dog broke free from the leash and jumped at me.”

“No way…”

“That’s horrible…”

Both Ayaka and Shuri were stunned. It was the owner’s job to control the dog, but this had happened anyway.

“The dog didn’t bite me or hurt me, but after that, I was terrified of dogs. Big ones, small ones, all of them.”

“Even small ones…?”

Shuri asked before she could stop herself, and Fujino looked at her, her expression troubled.

“Yeah… people have said the same thing. I know small dogs wouldn’t hurt me, but just the idea of a dog makes me freak out. Trauma really is a tricky thing.”

“I see…”

Shuri nodded slowly, though it wasn’t clear if she fully understood. Even if others don’t get it, trauma stays with you and continues to hurt deep inside.

After a moment of silence, Shuri spoke up.

“I don’t have a dad.”

“Oh, right.”

“You’ve been living with just your mom, huh?”

Shuri nodded, her eyes a little downcast.

Ayaka remembered Shuri once saying, “I live with my mom and little brother, and I have to be the strong one.” Ayaka had always admired Shuri’s bright and positive attitude, even though she must’ve had a lot of hard things to deal with.

“My dad… he was really awful. When he drank, he’d get violent, yell, and sometimes even hit my mom.”

“That’s… awful…”

Ayaka didn’t know what to say. It was hard to find the right words, and her inability to comfort her friends made her feel awful. Next to her, Fujino’s fist trembled with anger.

“I think that’s why I’m so scared of loud noises, like shouting or fireworks. I can’t stand them.”

“So, that’s what happened…”

“I really want to go to a fireworks festival, but because of him, I can’t. It’s so frustrating!”

Shuri said this while laughing, but Ayaka could tell it was a defense mechanism. She was trying to hide how much pain she was in by pretending it didn’t hurt.

“Everyone has trauma they can’t talk about.”

Fujino spoke quietly.

“We all go through things, big or small, and we have to either face them or run away from them while we live.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Everyone has scars in their heart, no matter how big or small.”

Ayaka and Shuri both nodded in agreement.

It wasn’t just Ayaka. Fujino and Shuri were carrying their own burdens, too. And it wasn’t just them. All their classmates were probably struggling in their own ways, and even Kyoya…

Ayaka felt like it was okay to accept all of this, to accept herself and her friends as they were.

But…

“I… I want to stop pretending to be okay.”

“Huh?”

“When I’m with Kyoya-senpai, I don’t have to force a smile. And I think that’s because I’ve gotten too used to his kindness.”

Kyoya was kind. He would listen to Ayaka’s pain and accept her struggles. But she couldn’t always rely on that kindness.

“But with my true friends, I don’t want to hide behind a fake smile.”

Fujino and Shuri stared at her, wide-eyed. Ayaka, feeling embarrassed, forced a small laugh.

“Because fake smiles and pretending everything is fine isn’t something you should do with real friends.”

“Ayaka…!”

Fujino hugged Ayaka tightly. Shuri wiped her eyes, then looked at Ayaka and spoke up.

“I’m really happy to hear that. But, Ayaka, I want you to understand that smiling, even if it’s forced, isn’t a bad thing.”

Shuri said the same thing Kyoya had told her.