Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 34

Ayaka and the boy were each taken to different hospitals, and after that, they never saw each other again. Ayaka wanted to ask her parents if the boy was okay, but whenever she mentioned the accident, her parents would make sad faces, so she gradually stopped bringing it up.

Things that should not be remembered, things that should not be spoken about. By convincing herself of this, Ayaka locked away the memories of that day deep inside her heart.

She never expected those memories to resurface in such a way.

“What should I do…?”

Her mind was in turmoil, unable to calm down.

Kyoya surely didn’t remember that they had met before. If he did, he wouldn’t treat her the way he did. He must have forgotten everything, the painful memories, and even Ayaka herself.

“He’s forgotten everything.”

The thought crossed Ayaka’s mind.

She had once said that tears could cause you to forget sad memories. Could it be that the events of that day were the reason for Kyoya’s memory loss? Maybe, in an attempt to forget the overwhelming sadness and shock, young Ayaka had said that forgetting everything, both the sad and the painful, was the way to heal. And maybe that’s why Kyoya…

“It’s all my fault.”

If only Ayaka hadn’t said those unnecessary words that day. No, more than that, if she had never played with him in the first place, Kyoya and his parents might not have had to go through that horrible experience.

It was Ayaka who had destroyed everything about Kyoya…

But now, could Ayaka still stay by his side? If she stayed, would her presence bring back the unbearable pain he had to forget to survive?

A cold sensation ran down her spine, and her hands shook as she held the newspaper.

She shouldn’t stay near Kyoya. The thought mixed with another part of her that feared that leaving would only cause Kyoya more pain, and she didn’t want that either.

But maybe, if she left, he could forget her completely and the chance of him remembering the accident would be lower. Perhaps that would be better for Kyoya’s future happiness.

Her mind continued to circle around unanswered questions, endlessly.

When she suddenly realized, someone tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around in a panic to see a librarian with an apologetic expression on her face.

“I’m sorry, but it’s already closing time.”

Ayaka looked around, and she noticed that she was the only customer left. The clock on the wall showed it was 5:15. It seemed she hadn’t heard the 5:00 closing announcement.

“I-I’m sorry!”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m sorry for disturbing you while you were so focused on your reading.”

The librarian must have thought Ayaka was a diligent high school student doing research, so she smiled kindly and said, “We’re open tomorrow as well, so feel free to come back if you want.”

Ayaka gave a vague smile as she started to put away the newspaper. As she straightened the pages, she saw the faces of Kyoya’s parents. Their faces reminded her a little of Kyoya.

“Sigh…”

She sighed deeply as she left the library. Ayaka didn’t have the right to sigh. But she couldn’t hold in the heavy feeling inside her heart any longer. If she didn’t let out a sigh, she felt like she wouldn’t be able to move at all.

She had made up her mind. She had to leave.

Now that she knew the truth, she couldn’t stay by Kyoya’s side anymore. If that was the case, maybe the best thing she could do was hurt him completely, push him away as harshly as she could, and make sure he would never remember her again. That might be the only thing she could do for him.

“It’s… so painful.”

The words that slipped out of her mouth slowly reached her ears and then her mind, turning into tears that rolled down her cheeks.

It was painful. So painful that she couldn’t bear it.

She had met someone she could love this much, and because of him, she had been able to change. She had wanted to keep smiling naturally by Kyoya’s side, to stay with him forever.

But now, she had to leave him. It was only natural when she thought of what she had done to him, of the pain Kyoya had endured, but still, her chest ached as if it were being torn apart, and it was hard to breathe, like her throat was being squeezed shut.

Could she really pretend none of it happened? Could she really be happy by Kyoya’s side, pretending nothing was wrong, smiling like everything was fine?

“Ugh… huff… huff…”

She knew it was impossible, but she couldn’t help desperately searching for even the smallest chance to stay with Kyoya, because she loved him so much, more than she could put into words.

“Why… now?”

Why did she have to realize it now? If only she had known earlier. If she had known before she fell in love, she could have chosen to leave before the pain became so unbearable.

“Ugh… ugh…”

Her legs, which she had been forcing to move, stopped, and Ayaka collapsed right where she was. Tears streamed down her face, falling onto the concrete, making dark stains on the ground.

The stains were as dark as the sin that weighed on Ayaka’s heart.