Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 35

Several days passed as I struggled with how to tell Kyoya that I wanted to break up. Just saying that I wanted to end things wouldn’t be enough—he wouldn’t accept it easily. In fact, he’d probably start worrying that something was wrong.

Maybe I should gradually distance myself from him, but I was sure he’d ask if something had happened.

I kept going around in circles, but deep down, I knew the truth—I didn’t really want to be apart from Kyoya. I just wanted an excuse to stay close to him.

“What should I do?” I sighed while staring at the blackboard.

The second period was Classical Literature. But I couldn’t focus on the class, so I just copied whatever was written on the blackboard into my notebook without really thinking.

“Hey, Ayaka, what’s going on?”

During break time, Fujino and Akari stood in front of my desk, concern clear on their faces.

“Eh, n-no, nothing’s wrong!” I forced a smile, trying to hide my thoughts, but Fujino shook her head like she was scolding me.

“I’m not falling for that fake smile.”

“I’m not trying to fool anyone…” I hurriedly denied it.

Akari smiled awkwardly, as if unsure how to approach the situation.

“Recently, you’ve been wearing that fake smile again, haven’t you?”

“Eh…?”

“That smile of yours, Ayaka, is your way of protecting your heart, isn’t it? You use it to hide your painful thoughts and feelings from those around you. And maybe it’s kind of a kindness to pretend not to notice it, but…”

Akari trailed off, carefully choosing her words, and Fujino slammed her hands down on my desk.

“That’s not kindness!” she exclaimed.

At her loud voice, everyone around us glanced our way for a second, but then quickly lost interest and went back to their own conversations.

Relieved that no one asked further, Fujino continued.

“I can’t just pretend I don’t see it when you’re clearly struggling, Ayaka. If pretending not to notice is kindness, then I don’t want it. Because I can’t stand by and do nothing when a friend is hurting!”

“Fujino…”

“I agree with Fujino. If you’re suffering so much that you can’t hide it anymore, maybe you should try telling us about it. It might help ease the burden a little,” Akari added gently.

“Shuri…”

I could feel the kindness from both of them, and it made my chest tighten with emotion. I had always hidden my feelings, even from my friends. I never thought of myself as a truly sincere person. But now, hearing them say these things—it made me feel like I mattered.

I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill, my throat tightening.

“Thank you.”

But I still couldn’t find the right words to explain things. If it was just about me, I could maybe talk, but Kyoya’s past and the trauma that might be connected to it was involved.

I didn’t know if I should share any of that without his permission.

“U-um, sorry if I’m wrong,” Akari said hesitantly, noticing I had gone silent.

“Is the thing you’re struggling with related to that story I told you about Kyoya-senpai’s childhood?”

“…”

I inhaled sharply, my breath catching. Seeing my reaction, Akari seemed to think she had guessed correctly and muttered, “I thought so.”

“U-um, well…” I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. If I denied it, I’d be lying to them, but admitting it was hard too…

Akari smiled at me kindly.

“I won’t ask about it here. It’s not something other people should know, and I don’t want to make you talk if you’re not ready. How about we have lunch together later? You can tell us whatever you feel comfortable with, in your own time.”

Aki’s gentle kindness made me nod silently in response. At that moment, the bell rang, signaling the start of third period.

Fujino still seemed a little dissatisfied, but when Akari nudged her, she reluctantly went back to her seat.

Alone at my desk, I let out a quiet sigh. But this time, it felt a little lighter than the sigh I’d let out earlier during class.

Lunchtime came before I knew it. I sent Kyoya a message saying, “I’m having lunch with friends today.” His reply, with a cute raccoon sticker and a cheerful “Got it!”, made me smile just a little.

I was sure Kyoya had noticed how strange I’d been acting lately, just like Fujino and Akari had. But even though he must have noticed, he hadn’t said anything, choosing instead to stay by my side. His kindness made me think he was waiting for me to be ready to talk about it when I could.

I also felt the kindness of Fujino and Aki, who cared about me and wanted to listen. They wanted to help, and I could feel their concern.

That’s why I decided I was going to talk. I was going to tell them that I was thinking about breaking up with Kyoya. I was afraid that if I stayed with him, it would only hurt him more.