Before My Memories With You Melt Away in Tears - Episode 43

When I woke up, the first thing I thought was, “Where am I?” The ceiling above me was unfamiliar, the room I was in was strange, and there was a scent that I vaguely recognized from somewhere. My face felt hot. As I tried to move my body, I sensed someone nearby.

“Ayaka? You’re awake?”

“H-Kyoya-kun…?” I said, still groggy.

Kyoya was right next to me, sitting beside me. Why was he here? And why was I lying down? The last thing I remembered was being at the theme park with him, and then…

“I’m sorry, I borrowed your phone,” Kyoya said.

“Phone…?”

“Yeah, your mom should be coming to pick you up soon. I really wanted to take you home, but…”

I suddenly remembered that we had never visited each other’s houses before. It occurred to me that I should’ve at least shared my address with him. That’s when I finally realized where I was. Could it be… here?

“This place…?” I started to sit up quickly, but my head spun, making me feel dizzy. Kyoya immediately supported my back to keep me steady.

“Don’t get up. You have a high fever,” he said, his voice full of concern.

“I don’t have a fever… I feel fine…” I protested, but Kyoya looked at me sternly.

“With that face, you really think you’re fine?”

I wasn’t sure what kind of face I was making, but my cheeks were flushed, and my thoughts felt jumbled. Maybe I really did have a fever.

Last night, I’d been so excited for today’s outing, but the goodbye was so hard that I couldn’t fall asleep right away. Maybe that’s why I felt off now.

“Oh, right. Here,” Kyoya said, handing me a sports drink. I gulped down half of it in one go. The cool liquid felt refreshing, easing the heat inside my body, and I started to feel a little clearer.

I looked around the room. It looked like Kyoya’s room. It was a tatami-floored Japanese-style room with a study desk, a dresser, and a large bookshelf. Half of the books were manga, and the other half were novels, with a bunch of picture books and encyclopedias.

“Kyoya-kun, do you like books?” I asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. They’re a great way to pass the time at home. Plus, I can read them while waiting for the train,” he replied casually.

I remembered the time we went to the bookstore together, but that day, we had only talked about the books I liked. I never really asked Kyoya what kind of books he liked. Back then, I didn’t know much about him. I had agreed to date him on a whim, not really understanding who he was. But now…

“What kind of books do you like, Kyoya-kun?” I asked, genuinely curious.

I wanted to know more about Kyoya. I wanted him to share his interests, his favorite things with me.

Kyoya’s face softened with a slight smile, looking pleased at my question.

“Well, I read both novels and manga, but lately, I’ve been reading more manga. I like sci-fi and historical stuff. Right now, I’m into…” He went over to the bookshelf and picked out a few books, both novels and manga, to show me. One of them was a book that had just been made into a movie, something I had seen in the news recently.

“Oh, I know that one!” I said excitedly.

Kyoya’s eyes lit up when I said that, clearly happy. He started talking animatedly about the movie adaptation, discussing the changes, the actors, what he was excited about, all while practically glowing with enthusiasm.

I couldn’t help but smile at his excitement. He looked so cute, so much like a kid talking about something he loved.

“Listening to you talk makes me want to watch the movie too,” I said.

“Really? Well, let’s go together next time!” Kyoya said with a grin.

“I’d love to!” I replied, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice.

I blurted out a promise for the future without thinking.

Why was I so weak-willed? Why couldn’t I keep my resolve?

I had promised myself that I would break up with him. I had planned to end things, but…

“Kyoya-kun…” I whispered, looking down at the blanket.

“How do you handle things that can’t be changed?”

“Huh?” Kyoya looked at me, confused.

I realized how disjointed my own question sounded as I said it. I quickly tried to explain myself.

“Well, um… if there’s something you can’t change, and it ends up hurting someone, then… I don’t know…” I stammered, trying to make sense of my thoughts.

The more I spoke, the more I realized how confused I sounded. It’s hard to explain things when you haven’t figured them out yourself. But Kyoya, despite my messy words, seemed to try his best to understand.

“Are you talking about something you did in the past that hurt someone?” he asked carefully.

“Yes…” I whispered. “I knew it hurt them, but… still, I prioritized my own happiness, my own joy, and that was… wrong, wasn’t it?”

As I spoke, a voice in my head told me it was obvious. I had hurt Kyoya in the past, and I didn’t deserve to be by his side. What if Kyoya remembered the past? What if he remembered what I had done? Even if he didn’t, the fact that I caused his parents’ deaths meant I didn’t deserve to be happy. I needed to suffer. I needed to be punished. That was the price I had to pay.

I gripped the blanket tightly, my hand trembling. I had clenched it so hard that I could see the veins popping up on the back of my hand.

“Is that so?” Kyoya asked, his voice a mix of confusion and concern.