Bondage and Marriage - 68

“Noah?”

Hearing Ian’s voice, Noah quickly pulled his hand back and flattened himself against the ground, trying his best to stay out of Ian’s sight. Thanks to this effort, he managed to hide behind the sofa without being noticed. Well, at least his body did… Ian, who had expected Noah to be in the study, found no sign of him and began looking around. His gaze soon landed on a pair of pants carelessly tossed and crumpled on the floor.

“……”

Noah, sweating nervously, tried his hardest not to make a sound as he pushed the box containing his used items under the chair. Suddenly, he recalled an event from his childhood. It was during his elementary school days. On a rare day when Tanner, his father, managed to make time to visit the school for parent-teacher conferences, Noah’s strict and brutally honest teacher, who despite their bluntness was a genuinely good person, had said this:

“Your child is exceptionally polite and kind-hearted for his age. However, he has a bit of a habit of giving in to temptation and lacks patience, which sometimes leads to mistakes or missteps.”

Back then, Noah had often been caught snacking on candy or chocolate during class or playing games when he couldn’t resist the urge. Though the teacher’s feedback was sincere and meant well, it left the other teachers pale with worry. They feared Tanner, the chairman of Frost Corporation and a member of the school board, might take offense. But contrary to their concerns, Tanner, already a father of three, chuckled warmly as he held Noah—who was wide-eyed with fear—close and said:

“Well, there’s no such thing as a perfect kid. He’s still young, so with proper guidance, he’ll improve as he grows.”

I’m sorry, Father… Actually, I think I’ve gotten worse as I’ve grown up. Noah wished Ian would either leave without noticing him or at least give him time to put his pants on. But that was a hopeless wish. The study wasn’t large enough to make hiding difficult, and Ian already had Noah’s pants in hand. Sure enough, Ian, walking steadily closer, soon found Noah crouched behind the sofa.

In an incredibly embarrassing situation, Noah couldn’t think of anything to say. He simply squirmed and tried to cover himself as much as possible, while Ian silently stared at him. Though Noah enjoyed moments of humiliation, he thought to himself that this particular kind wasn’t his favorite…

“Hold on…”

Ian, equally at a loss for words, suddenly noticed something. His brow furrowed as he grabbed Noah’s arm. Before Noah could react, Ian had pulled him up and looked behind him. Although the bleeding had mostly stopped by now, there was still an unmistakable trace of bl00d. Feeling embarrassed, Noah wriggled his toes, aware of the increasing grip on his arm as Ian held him.

“What is this? What happened here?”

“Well… um…”

Noah’s initial thrill at Ian’s rough and stern demeanor quickly faded as he hesitated, unable to find an explanation. What could he possibly say? That he’d been overwhelmed by frustration and ended up pleasuring himself while Ian was away, only to overdo it and hurt himself? Even if it meant his rear end splitting into two… No, wait. Isn’t it already in two parts? But four would definitely be too much…

“Answer me! What happened here?”

Ian pressed for an answer, his gaze growing darker as he noticed Noah’s hesitation. What on earth was Ian thinking? Noah genuinely didn’t know what to say. Should he claim it was hemorrhoids? No, that would be too far-fetched. Besides, Ian would know it wasn’t true, having seen that everything was fine just a few days ago. Left with no other options, Noah finally decided to speak up.

“Well… It’s just that you… haven’t been… doing it much lately…”

He stammered, blurting out the truth before trailing off in embarrassment. His words implied Ian’s lack of intimacy had left him frustrated, though he didn’t elaborate further. Glancing at Ian, Noah wondered if he’d gotten the point. Slowly, Ian’s grip on Noah’s arm loosened, and his expression darkened, leaving Noah confused and flustered.

“Damn it, Noah… You didn’t need to do this.”

Not understanding what Ian meant, Noah blinked. The next words Ian said left him even more bewildered.

“I should have told you earlier… Whatever Gabriel said to you, it’s all wrong. None of it is true.”

Gabriel? Why is he bringing up Gabriel now? What does that have to do with this…? Ah… Wait, could it be…? Slowly, Noah began to piece together Ian’s words.

“I’m not avoiding intimacy with you because I don’t like you. It’s actually the opposite, Noah. So you don’t have to do things like this anymore.”

But that’s not it… That’s really not it… Noah realized Ian had completely misunderstood the situation. Sure, Ian’s lack of intimacy was the reason behind his frustration, but it wasn’t because Noah felt insecure or hurt. It was purely out of physical need. It wasn’t self-harm or an attempt to prepare himself for Ian—it was just… what it was.

Still, seeing Ian’s gaze, Noah couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Feeling a pang of guilt in his chest, he started to speak but stopped when Ian pulled him close, saying, “Come here.” Ian guided him to the rocking chair where Noah had spent his earlier “time.” Blushing slightly at Ian’s unusually gentle demeanor, Noah followed his lead, resting one leg on the armrest. Ian carefully examined him.

“It doesn’t seem too serious.”

“I… I can do it myself.”

Feeling embarrassed, Noah tried to take control of the situation, but Ian ignored him. He left briefly and returned with some healing ointment. Despite having shown Ian far more embarrassing sides of himself, Noah found this situation oddly unsettling and couldn’t stop his gaze from wandering. Ian carefully cleaned the dried bl00d and applied the ointment, his brow furrowing in suspicion as he worked.

“You didn’t just use your fingers, did you?”

“Well… uh…”

Ian had worked so hard to torment Noah all this time. Though he caused Noah plenty of pain, he never left any injuries that bled. This meant Ian had been careful, tormenting Noah while still being mindful of his condition. He clearly knew where to draw the line.

Now, the box of instruments had been stashed under the chair. When Noah hesitated, Ian clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Fine, you don’t have to explain. It’s not that important anyway.”

Ugh… This was unbearable. Noah had experienced countless embarrassing situations before, and Ian had a remarkable talent for creating scenarios that were humiliating yet safe—both physically and socially. But this time, it was the most humiliating of all. Actually, until now, it hadn’t even felt that embarrassing… Suppressing the urge to cover his face, Noah let Ian carefully apply the ointment. As always, the sting and pain faded away almost immediately after the ointment was applied. Ian helped Noah sit upright again, handed him his pants, and said calmly:

“I forgot to mention earlier, but there’s a dinner gathering tonight. If you’re not feeling well, you don’t have to go.”

“Oh, no… I can go.”

Ian glanced at Noah’s ears, which had turned a bright red, then reached out his hand. As Noah widened his eyes in surprise, Ian gently stroked him for a moment before leaving the room, telling him to get ready and come out. After the door clicked shut, Noah stared at the closed door for a long while before collapsing onto the rocking chair. He could no longer avoid the truth he had been stubbornly ignoring until now.

Ian Miller not only liked him, but he had no intention of tormenting him anymore. Noah finally admitted this to himself. He wanted to stay slumped over like this, but the thought of the evening gathering made him force himself to get up. Even as he changed clothes, his mind was consumed with thoughts of Ian.

He had enjoyed being tormented. No, he even married Ian with the assumption that Ian hated him and would torment him enough to drive him away, leading to a divorce. That would fulfill his father’s wish for him to get married, let him enjoy Ian’s torment, and then move on to a happy single life post-divorce. That had been the plan all along. But the fundamental premise—that Ian wouldn’t like him—had been wrong, and Noah was beginning to regret realizing this so late.

When did Ian start liking him? Noah pondered this as he dressed for the dinner. Perhaps it was when Ian’s attitude toward him completely changed, like when he abruptly disposed of the android and took him on a honeymoon for the first time. Or maybe it was even earlier…

Logically, the right thing to do would be to confess to Ian that he had married him with certain intentions and preferences and then proceed with a divorce. But that logical option felt purely theoretical. For one, Ian seemed to have no intention of divorcing him, as he had repeatedly made clear. And honestly, Noah was a little afraid of Ian’s reaction when he realized he had been deceived all this time.

Yes, that was it. Noah had never once taken their marriage seriously. He had simply enjoyed Ian’s torment. After all, both he and Ian had seemed to be on the same page about eventually divorcing. Since Ian disliked him, they were practically strangers despite being married. But things couldn’t stay that way anymore.

He couldn’t come clean to Ian, and Ian didn’t seem likely to agree to a divorce either. Even if they did divorce, it probably wouldn’t be a clean break. Noah no longer saw Ian as just someone he could comfortably enjoy. Even if they separated, Noah wouldn’t be in a cheerful mood for a while. But staying married and continuing like this? Selfishly, Noah valued his preferences over his feelings for Ian. When he considered divorce, one problem led to another, like an endless chain.

He didn’t dislike Ian, but Ian wasn’t worth suppressing his own preferences for. Ideally, Ian would accept the truth about Noah using him, without getting angry, and they could both enjoy life together. But that was just Noah’s wishful thinking. There was no way Ian wouldn’t be furious. The fact that Ian was treating him so kindly now was already surprising and unfamiliar. Noah was so sure Ian would explode with rage that he’d bet his entire Tear seasonal collection on it. Maybe Ian would even hit him like Gabriel had…

Noah told himself that Ian’s anger would only last for a while, but even so, he hesitated, unable to make a decision. Even though Ian had used him to get revenge on Tanner, and Noah had used Ian for his own enjoyment, he felt more like the perpetrator somehow. Maybe it was because Ian had been treating him so well lately…

Lost in thoughts about Ian, Noah didn’t realize how much time had passed until he glanced at the clock. There was no more time to waste since there was a dinner to attend. When Noah finally finished getting ready and came out, Ian gently took hold of his arm. That single touch made Noah’s heart twinge with guilt.

Alex was right. Marriage wasn’t something to be taken so lightly… Sighing softly, Noah followed Ian.

That evening, after a certain incident at the gathering, Noah finally made up his mind. A few days later, he cautiously approached Ian to bring up the topic of divorce. But Ian’s reaction was far beyond anything Noah had anticipated.