Cherishing You As Always - Chapter 11

And just like that, I found a place to live.

Since Zihui was only here as my companion, she could only stay in the servants’ quarters.

The weather in the mountains changed unpredictably. By evening, it already felt a little chilly.

Still, it was quite comfortable. For the first time, I felt that the academy my father had chosen for me might not be so bad after all.

Because I had come in such a hurry, I hadn’t bought many of the things I needed. Although the academy provided everything, it seemed the students found the provisions too shabby and refused to use them. Even the bedding and pillows distributed by the academy were given to the servants. Everyone preferred to use what they brought from home.

After settling into my room in the afternoon, I ran outside. Who would want to dive into studying on their first day at the academy? It was my first time away from home, so of course I wanted to explore.

The tutor tried to stop me, but I didn’t like being around him at all. Every time I looked at him so rigid yet inexplicably delicate I felt a panic rise in my chest. How could such a man exist?

Were all those girls blind? How could they fall for such a useless scholar? Blushing over every little thing?

As I passed the front of the academy, I saw Uncle Liu carefully wiping the plaque above the entrance. He was being so meticulous, pausing now and then to glance at the building with a smile. It seemed the academy meant a great deal to him.

That look of tender care reminded me of the expression on my brother’s face a few years ago, when he fell from the tree.

“Brother, you cherished your little sister so much, and yet I… I was busy thinking of ways to escape you.”

Every time I thought of my brother, memories of those events would resurface. I didn’t want to see him, but I still felt guilty. I wondered how he was doing now. My heart ached with sorrow. I truly owe him.

I stood absentmindedly in the open area of the academy, picturing my brother  small and thin, his face twisted and fierce, smiling like a demon crawling out of hell. And yet, that was my brother. He was injured because he saved me. How could I ever make it up to him?

Suddenly, I heard Uncle Liu’s voice beside me. I felt a hand pat my shoulder a few times. I snapped out of it and saw Uncle Liu’s kind, smiling face.

He asked warmly, “Child, now that you’re a part of the academy, would you like me to show you around?”

That warm and gentle smile struck a deep chord in me. Ever since my brother got hurt, I hadn’t seen that kind of smile on my father’s face. Mother rarely smiled anymore either.

If only I hadn’t been so foolish back then… maybe our family would still be happy. I might have a lovely sister-in-law now, and a husband who adored me. But instead my father busied himself with making money, my mother was constantly anxious about my brother, and my brother… was left needing care like that.

Everything was my fault.

Maybe Father sent me away because he couldn’t bear to see the troublemaker I’d become. Always causing problems. No wonder he didn’t like me.

I sighed quietly and turned to leave, completely forgetting what Uncle Liu had said. He patted my shoulder again, snapping me out of my thoughts. I remembered his earlier words and, not wanting to disappoint an elder, quickly replied with a smile:

“Uncle Liu, you’d be willing to show me around? That would be wonderful. I’ve been wanting to see more of the academy.”

I smiled at him, and he immediately put down what he was holding and led me off in another direction.

As we walked, he asked, “Child, I still don’t know your name.”

I absentmindedly replied, “My name is Song Lanlou.”

A simple answer, yet it made the old man smile. That smile pierced straight into my heart. A dull ache spread through my chest. Why did he have to smile so brightly? How many years had it been since I last smiled like that?

He walked with me, describing the academy’s scenery in detail  the trees, the flowers, the layout not skipping a thing. But I only gave them a passing glance, not really paying attention.

When your heart is troubled, how can you be enchanted by scenery? No matter how beautiful the view, it all feels tasteless like something essential is missing.

Eventually, we arrived at a bamboo grove. I looked back and realized we were now behind the academy. From here, the entire building came into view, bathed in soft sunlight. Everything looked so gentle, so classically elegant. The academy’s solemn architecture, the refined air, the drifting white clouds  it was so beautiful it made me dizzy. I couldn’t help but exclaim, “How beautiful.”

Uncle Liu chuckled and said, “I’ve always thought the academy looks best from here. There’s a saying, after all  ‘to be admired from afar, but not to be taken lightly.’ The academy is a sacred place, you know. What do you think, Lanlou? Do you agree with this old man?”

I didn’t expect such poetic sentiment from him. Yes, it was beautiful but it lacked a certain warmth. A sacred, lofty place… yet somehow cold.

But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I quickly replied, “You’re absolutely right. You have a fine eye, Uncle Liu. This spot really does offer the most stunning view.”

He laughed heartily, clearly pleased that someone agreed with him. I thought of the students from earlier. Perhaps Uncle Liu never got to talk with them like this. After all, he seemed like an ordinary man, and those noble young ladies and pampered sons of the wealthy typically looked down on people like him.

“Besides that child Yun Chi,” he said, “you’re the only other person who’s spoken with this old man for so long.”

Yun Chi again. Her image flashed in my mind  gentle, serene, utterly focused while reading. Quite different from the day I first saw her in the marketplace.

Thinking of her, I unconsciously reached into my robe and took out a red silk ribbon.

Facing the academy, I stared off in thought. Compared to the grandeur of the view, I actually preferred the tranquility and peace of this bamboo grove. Being slightly elevated, it felt like a secluded place few people would visit.

I fell in love with it at first sight. The rustling of the bamboo leaves in the wind brought an unexpected sense of calm.

Uncle Liu stood at the grove’s entrance, waving to me.

“I’ve shown you many places,” he said, “but it seems you like this one best.”

I couldn’t even remember all the places he’d taken me. As long as I remembered the path and the view from here, that was enough.

The sun was already setting. The mountaintop seemed poised to block the remaining rays. Uncle Liu, noticing how late it was, said hurriedly, “Lanlou, let’s head back. It’ll be trouble if it gets dark and we don’t have a lantern  we might not find the way down.”

I tucked the ribbon back into my robe. It was meant for Yin Yun Chi. I’d look for a chance to give it to her later.

A gentleman does not steal what another has claimed. Since she noticed him first, he should be hers.

So Lingyun Academy… this is where I’ll be spending the next two years?

I really don’t know… whether I’ll make it through those years in peace.