Crush's Cold Senior Sister is Actually Childhood Sweetheart - Chapter 31

Chapter 31: “But Those People Are Not You.”

“But none of those people are you.”

A deafening boom echoed.

The world built brick by brick over the years, the endless nights of tossing and turning, the pain of self-deception and the refusal to face this feeling, even the self-loathing that came with a simple kiss on the forehead—all of it came crashing down the moment An Jin’s words landed.

Ling Qi stood alone on the ruins and suddenly felt lost.

And with that lost feeling came a sense of helplessness.

She suddenly remembered what she had once said to Ying Huai Xu: “Xiao Jin has no feelings for me outside of our established boundaries, and it’s impossible for us to have any intimate relationship.”

She had also vowed to Wu Xu, “Your illusion will never be able to deceive me. I don’t even dare to dream that she loves me.”

When did it all start?

Ling Qi’s first reaction was to reflect, to think about what she had done wrong.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have brought Xiao Jin back to Chong Guang Palace that day.

Chong Guang Palace was a mixed bag of people. Yang Chongguang had always adopted a laissez-faire policy, and everyone had their own little agendas and was reluctant to show kindness to strangers.

So An Jin had no choice. Because she was the only one around, she could only rely on her.

Perhaps she should have let Xiao Jin have more contact with her old friends.

If she knew that she had many friends and more than one choice, she wouldn’t have treated her as her last resort.

The light from the oil lamp in front of the bed shone on the person’s face, making those eyes look especially bright, but Ling Qi felt a wave of regret surge in her heart, unable to stop it.

An Jin was still leaning against the bed in the same position as before. Whether it was due to nervousness or her illness, her cheeks were an unnatural red, making her look a little dazed. But she was still staring at Ling Qi with an unwavering gaze, determined to get an answer.

Ling Qi’s hand by her side curled up, froze for a few seconds, and then slowly relaxed. She let out a soft sigh and looked into An Jin’s eyes, saying, “…That’s not it.”

She was racking her brain for words, which made her speak very slowly: “It’s my fault. It was my stubborn decision to bring you back to Chong Guang Palace that led you to have these thoughts… If you meet more people and make more friends, it will be different. Really.”

“You’ll have many other people in your life… You’ll have elders who love you, friends who play with you, and junior sisters who listen to you. You’ll have everything… and then you’ll realize that I’m just the most insignificant one of them all.”

Ling Qi said these few words with great difficulty.

At this point, she suddenly felt a bit of self-loathing again. “I gave you a false impression… that I was the only one left in your life, but that’s not the case.”

“Your life shouldn’t revolve around me, Xiao Jin. It’s only because you don’t remember anything and were misled by me that you have this… unrealistic idea. There should be many people in your life. You just forgot all of them… Of course, I don’t know your past, but I think you must have grown up surrounded by love.”

Even at this moment, she still firmly remembered that in An Jin’s eyes, they had only met for the first time during the selection process.

“You should live a life surrounded by flowers, a carefree life, and be loved by everyone.”

“But none of those people are you.”

An Jin suddenly spoke, her tone a little rushed, and she coughed a couple of times. Ling Qi instinctively took a step toward her, then stopped and subtly stepped back.

An Jin bit her lower lip, struggling to find the right words: “I admit… I like it when you hold my hand and don’t let go. Every time you’re by my side, I feel so safe and secure. Sometimes, when you’re not in my sight, I even feel a little scared.”

“But I don’t want a protector, and I don’t want others to love me. I want to rely on you, and I also want you to rely on me.” An Jin was struggling to explain, as if she were flipping through a giant Chinese dictionary, but she just couldn’t find the right words.

In the end, An Jin gave up. She closed the huge dictionary and asked Ling Qi softly: “Senior Sister, do you know when I realized my feelings?”

“…When?”

“That time we were drinking in the gazebo in your backyard.” An Jin looked up at her.

Seeing the surprise on Ling Qi’s face, she smiled brightly.

“So can you believe it… Senior Sister, I also really want to protect you.”

“I don’t want to always be protected behind you, and I don’t want to always hide in your arms. I also want you to show your vulnerability in front of me. I want to touch all your pain and anxiety. And I want to hold you when you’re lost and helpless and say… You can cry in front of me. I’m always here.”

“Senior Sister, Senior Sister… Ling Qi.”

An Jin’s voice trembled, the blush on her face hadn’t faded yet, and she suddenly jumped out of bed barefoot, directly onto the cold floor.

Before Ling Qi could stop her, An Jin had already lunged forward, grabbing her wrist. Ling Qi was pushed against the wall by her lunge, and the back of her head hit it a little painfully. But her first reaction was to quickly hold her.

An Jin didn’t stand steady, but she was still holding Ling Qi’s hand tightly.

She shook Ling Qi’s arm and said with a tone of almost reverence: “I really love you.”

“Are you worried that what I’m feeling right now is just a delusion caused by my amnesia?”

Seeing Ling Qi’s body stiffen and her eyes lowered in silence, An Jin stopped pushing.

After thinking for a moment, she took a step back and said: “Then how about this… I’ll start pursuing you today and continue until the day I regain my memories. At that time, you can consider me.”

Her voice was still a little hoarse, but her bright eyes were staring unblinkingly at Ling Qi: “Can you?”

Ling Qi’s breathing clearly stopped for a moment. She opened her mouth, tried to say something several times, but swallowed it back.

Feeling that her attitude was a little more open, An Jin took another step back: “Senior Sister, you can take your time to assess me. If you’re not satisfied halfway through, you can just throw me away.”

“…Why would I throw you away?”

“So you agree?”

“…”

“You don’t have to force yourself to cooperate with me,” An Jin said softly. She let go of Ling Qi’s wrist and used her fingertips to gesture a distance that was almost negligible. “Just… cooperate with me just this little bit.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt a little guilty, so she secretly shortened the distance by half. Now there was truly no gap at all.

Ling Qi couldn’t help but laugh.

Her gaze was a little helpless. She didn’t agree or refuse.

But in An Jin’s eyes, her lack of rebuttal was tacit consent, and her laugh meant she was absolutely willing. So she happily made the first request of her plan to pursue her: “Then I want to go to the martial arts competition too.”

Ling Qi’s gaze scanned her back and forth several times, finally settling on her cold, sweaty forehead and her flushed face, and she raised an eyebrow.

She hadn’t said a single word, yet it felt like she had said everything.

An Jin felt uncomfortable under her stare and coughed a little guiltily: “I’m, I’ll be better soon. I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“If you can show up in front of me tomorrow, not only will I take you to the martial arts competition, but I’ll also take you to the pre-competition hellish training.”

…

Ling Qi clearly remembered that yesterday, An Jin was so weak she couldn’t even stand steady, was covered in cold sweat, and couldn’t walk in a straight line.

In the end, she had to be carried back to bed.

But early this morning, as soon as she stepped out of her bedchamber, she was blocked at the door by a spirited figure.

Ling Qi: “…”

An Jin asked her directly: “Where is the hellish training?”

“…”

Seeing that Ling Qi didn’t speak, she took another half-step forward: “Is it the training ground at Chong Guang Palace? How is it different from the usual mode?”

“…”

“When you said ‘back to my usual self,’ was that just a metaphor, or do you really want me to jump?”

Seeing An Jin stand on her tiptoes, about to jump, Ling Qi hurriedly reached out to help her.

“It’s at the Chong Guang Palace training ground.” Ling Qi pressed down on her eager shoulders. “Hellish training refers to a non-stop mode. Once you enter, you must stay inside for three full days. You can’t choose the intensity or the opponent. The illusion will adapt and change the intensity based on your training.”

“A while ago, a few junior sisters entered the hellish training together to compete for a spot with Wu Xu. One of them is still in bed.”

Ling Qi’s hint was very clear, but An Jin acted as if she hadn’t heard it: “Can anyone enter this hellish training?”

“…Just say hi to Senior Sister Cen. She’s always been very easy to talk to and won’t refuse you.”

“No.”

Outside the academy, the easy-to-talk-to Cen Xiyao listened to their request and immediately refused. Without giving any explanation, she turned around and was about to leave, walking past them.

But Ling Qi called out to her again.

“You have to give me a reason,” Ling Qi reacted quickly, blocking her way without hurrying. “Doesn’t High God Chong Guang hope that someone can make a name for themselves in this martial arts competition?”

“I heard that this time it’s not just Tian Mo Palace and You Han Palace—”

Ling Qi deliberately paused, observing Cen Xiyao’s expression. “Even many rogue immortals are craning their necks, waiting to laugh at Chong Guang Palace.”

Hearing this, Cen Xiyao’s body subtly stiffened, and she stood there in silence.

Although she knew that Ling Qi was deliberately provoking her, Cen Xiyao had to admit that her words hit the nail on the head of what she cared about the most.

Since Yang Chongguang’s ascension, Cen Xiyao knew better than anyone how many eyes were watching from the outside and how many people had malicious intentions in the shadows.

So for all these years, she had valued the reputation of Chong Guang Palace more than anything else, not letting go of any opportunity to prove to the three realms that they truly had the strength.

But…

Cen Xiyao looked at Ling Qi with a scrutinizing gaze, her eyes sharp as a torch.

“Reverse psychology won’t work on me. You know in your heart whether you’re doing this for Chong Guang Palace or for that sword.”

The sword?

What sword?

An Jin next to her was completely lost, while Ling Qi shrugged and admitted frankly: “I am doing this for the Qing Yuan Sword.”

Cen Xiyao gritted her teeth: “That’s Emperor Qing Yuan’s life sword…”

“So it’s even more important that it doesn’t fall into the hands of others.” Ling Qi interrupted her, her expression calm. “Since Shen Tianmo dared to use the Qing Yuan Sword as a prize, I naturally have to make her understand—”

“Some things are easy to take out, but once they’re out, whether or not they can be taken back is no longer up to her.” Ling Qi’s lips curled into a smile.

Cen Xiyao frowned deeply, looking at Ling Qi with a questioning gaze. She couldn’t understand where Ling Qi’s sudden hostility toward High God Tian Mo came from.

After thinking about it, Cen Xiyao’s brows furrowed, and there was a hint of doubt in her eyes: “Is it for your Vermilion Bird Dao Master again?”

“Why are you so devoted to her?”