Diamond Dust - 12

Kwon Juhan. Age 22 at the time.

Though not attending a top-tier university, he was enrolled in a reputable art school’s Western painting department. However, his obsession with the ‘Sex Pistols’ led him to neglect his studies and focus on the guitar. Eventually, he joined an underground punk band and began living in the band’s practice room, having left home.

The reason Juhan left home wasn’t because his parents opposed his band activities. They had changed their plans early on, from his middle school years, to get him into a four-year university in Seoul. They enrolled him in a famous art cram school and hired a skilled instructor for private lessons, achieving their goal.

Although his father broke two guitars and his mother cut off his allowance in opposition to his band activities, these were not the decisive reasons for Juhan ending up on the practice room sofa. His parents would have been somewhat satisfied as long as he graduated from college, regardless of what he did afterward.

However, they could not accept their son engaging in perverted homosexual acts. During his time at the art cram school, he dated an instructor for about a year. This instructor had been stalking Juhan for several years, even during his military service. When his repeated proposals to reunite were rejected, he retaliated by destroying Juhan’s life.

He sent the evidence he had gathered from stalking to Juhan’s parents. While this evidence was proof of stalking from Juhan’s perspective, it was proof to his parents that their son was a homosexual with perverted sexual tastes. The evidence included photos taken during their relationship, photos of Juhan engaging in intimate acts with a one-night stand at a club, and even screenshots of extremely private dirty talk exchanged in messages.

With a note that read:
“Your son is a perverted homosexual who likes to insert himself into the anus of a man nearly twice his age and make him cry with obscene words. I am a person whose life was ruined by your son. Please guide him at home so that no more victims are created.”

It was true that Juhan liked men in their late thirties who were lethargic and timid. He got excited seeing them cry, overwhelmed by the unprecedented pleasure. But who ruined whose life? Juhan was the one who had given the instructor liberation and salvation by fulfilling his repressed perverted desires.

These were words Juhan did not want to hear from the person who had once passionately participated in those acts.

While Juhan technically left home on his own, it was practically a severance from his family. His mother vomited on the sofa, unable to reach the bathroom, and his father, who had never laid a hand on him despite breaking his guitars twice, lost his sanity and beat Juhan indiscriminately.

No matter how much Juhan argued that consensual sexual relations between people with the same sexual preferences were not wrong, and that even parents had no right to interfere with their child’s sex life, he understood their shock.

Seeing photos of their son’s sexual acts and dirty talk with a same-aged lover would have been shocking, but seeing him being orally serviced by an older man would have felt like the sky was falling.

Even if he said he was still the same Kwon Juhan they knew, his parents’ eyes were filled with contempt and anger. Living in the same house was hell. Until they calmed down and could reassess the situation, keeping distance seemed best.

To find a place to live, Juhan worked three part-time jobs daily, but the jobs he found in a hurry didn’t pay well despite the hard labor. Every night, while sleeping uncomfortably on a sofa he had picked up that someone had discarded during a move, Juhan thought.

Right, it wouldn’t be easy to find another young guy who would say, “Why is our uncle so lewd? Do you still wet the bed at your age?” while inserting a cotton swab into their urethra. His desires must have built up, and he must have been very angry.

If he thought Juhan would understand, he was mistaken.

Juhan had changed his number several times to avoid stalking. When he last changed his number, the stalker sent a masturbation video congratulating him on the new phone. Juhan just deleted the message and blocked the ID.

The stalker attended every live performance of the band and had knelt outside Juhan’s house, crying and begging to reunite multiple times. It wasn’t out of love. They had both just enjoyed each other, and the stalker couldn’t find another partner who satisfied him like Juhan did.

Thinking of him as an annoying overzealous fan was a mistake. Juhan underestimated him, thinking he wouldn’t cause much trouble due to his timid personality.

Timid people don’t wield knives like this in others’ lives. He was just a sinister and cowardly bastard. Juhan could forgive being sinister but not cowardice.

For about a month, while staring at the mold stains on the practice room ceiling, Juhan thought about how to get his revenge.

Yes, nothing else mattered. He needed to vent his anger. Until his anger was completely burned out, he had to unleash that passion on the bastard to sleep at night. Juhan, who was once a pampered son from a wealthy family, was prepared to live with a criminal record for life. That was the punk spirit.

The day his first paycheck was deposited, Juhan visited his regular vintage shop. It was one of the few stores in Korea selling punk items. He finally found the combat boots he had been eyeing.

“Hey, what’s this? I was going to buy those!”

“Sorry… But you know we don’t have the luxury of keeping stock indefinitely. You didn’t come for a month, and we didn’t know when another buyer would appear… I had no choice. Please understand.”

Hearing that the boots he had asked not to be sold had been sold just five minutes ago, Juhan felt desperate. It felt like his revenge plans were hindered.

“I really thought about those boots while surviving on cup noodles and triangle kimbap for a month!”

“We have many other nice boots. It doesn’t have to be that pair.”

“To me, they’re not just shoes! Do you have the buyer’s contact information?”

“Uh….”

The owner scratched his sparse beard and rolled his eyes. Juhan leaned over the counter.

“What? Do you know? If you do, please tell me! I’ll pay extra… No, I’ll beg them to get them back!”

Suddenly, someone tapped his shoulder from behind. The touch was gentle and playful, as if teasing.

“How much extra are you willing to pay?”

“……”

A petite woman was looking up at him. She had jet-black, short bobbed hair that was cut precisely, and she was wearing sunglasses indoors in the middle of winter, which left an impression. Although she wasn’t very tall, the heels of her lace-up boots brought her lips to about the level of Juhan’s nose.

From head to toe, with piercings through her eyebrows and cheeks, and a tartan check coat, she was punk through and through.

“Her style is killer,” Juhan admired, even in that situation.

“Did you… buy that?”

The woman nodded.

“What? Those won’t even fit you! Just sell them to me, okay?”

“Do you always buy shoes just to wear them? Why are you acting like a rookie?”

As Juhan stepped forward aggressively, the woman squinted her eyes at him.

“Sister, brother. Please, sell them to me. I’ve been enduring a tough month with only the thought of getting those shoes. Right now, those shoes aren’t just shoes to me. They’re like a symbol of my resolve.”

The woman looked at him carefully, as if trying to measure the sincerity of Juhan’s plea from behind her sunglasses.

“Why? What happened?”

“My life is a mess right now because of some bastard. I promised myself that if I got those boots, I’d go take revenge on him.”

She lowered her sunglasses to the tip of her nose and stared at Juhan. Her large, heavily smoky eyes stood out clearly.

“I studied aesthetics, and I want to study abroad and become a curator in Europe. But my parents want me to go to a teacher’s college and become a teacher. They want me to wear the clothes they pick, go to the academies they choose, and hang out with the friends they approve of, just like my well-behaved younger sibling. But I secretly applied to XX University’s aesthetics department, and I got in. My parents said they wouldn’t pay for my tuition unless I went to the teacher’s college. So, I couldn’t go to the university I worked so hard to get into, and now I’m living in a tiny 1.5-pyeong gosiwon. I even took a job at a gallery to build some experience in the field I love, but I work more than 15 hours a day and barely get paid for it. There’s a line of people waiting to take the job even for that low pay, and I’m constantly worried about getting fired.”

Juhan frowned, puzzled by her sudden confession. Was she trying to start a “misery battle”? Did she expect him to give up the boots if she won?

“So? Is your life more messed up than mine?”

As if he had expected her question, Juhan answered without hesitation.

“Outing.”

“……”

She stared at him silently for a moment. Then, crossing her arms, she asked her next question.

“……Who outed you?”

“My parents.”

“……And who did it?”

“My ex. An art academy instructor I dated when I was in high school. He was 37 at the time. He’s 41 now.”

This time, she scrunched up her face with all the muscles in her face.

“What’s up with your taste?”

“I know, my taste sucks. But he’s the jerk who outed me to my parents.”

“Yeah, he’s a real bastard.”

“Right? I’m going to put him in the gutter this time, wearing these boots. I’ll make sure he can’t ever shit again. Even if I get dragged to the police station afterward. I can’t live with debts hanging over my head. So please, let me have them.”

“Let’s go.”

The woman readjusted her sunglasses and started walking toward the entrance, passing by Juhan.

“Where? Aren’t you giving me the shoes? Didn’t you agree he’s a bastard?”

Juhan shouted as he followed her. When she opened the door, the cold winter air rushed in as if it had been waiting.

“Do you think that would be revenge? An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Social disgrace should be repaid with social disgrace.”

■ ■ ■

The bar was in Hongdae, but it didn’t seem to be doing well. Even though it was Saturday evening, there were only a few customers, and the table closest to the entrance seemed to be occupied by acquaintances of the owner.