Divorce Application - Chapter 28.1

Chapter 28.1: Breakup

“Why must you demand a result?” Li Jinping’s face showed clear signs of fatigue, and her hands were trembling a little. “I’m not sick, nor do I have any of the accidents you’re speculating about.”

“Then please explain why you designed that watch for her,” Liu Sinan’s eyes were stubborn and her voice was tearful. “How did you meet, and why does she have a photo of you with tubes all over your body?”

Li Jinping had been alive for thirty-seven years, and no one had ever dared to question her like this to her face.

Even the Liu Sinan before the divorce, at her most arrogant and uninhibited, was still afraid of her.

Liu Sinan wasn’t an aggressive person, but now she was forcing an explanation out of her, looking so dejected and sick with grief that she was a completely different person.

It was all because of her.

Li Jinping’s dark brown pupils were filled with sorrow. She avoided Liu Sinan’s gaze, finding it hard to speak. “Years of high-intensity work took a heavy toll on my brain. I needed to undergo a regular ‘cleansing.’ Meeting Lan Ling was a complete accident. The reason I designed that watch for her was because she had something that was a threat to me. At that time, Lan Qi had already become your agent and knew too much about you. Going head-to-head with Lan Ling would have made it hard for both of us to come out unscathed.”

What did “cleansing” mean? To what extent was the damage to her brain? Was it serious? What were the long-term effects?

What exactly was the “thing” Lan Ling held that was a threat to her?

Liu Sinan felt like she was going crazy. Back then, she had desperately wanted an explanation from Li Jinping. Now that she had it, she heard the words, but she didn’t want to believe them.

Li Jinping let out a deep, long sigh. “Sinan, what do you really want?”

Liu Sinan knelt on one knee on the back seat, straightened up, and looked at Li Jinping. “I don’t want anything. I just want to know the things I’m supposed to know. I want you to stop treating me like a caged bird who knows nothing and needs to know nothing.”

“You’ve divorced me. You don’t have to take care of me anymore, and you don’t have to worry about anything. So now you’re willing to tell me a little bit of the truth? What kind of role did you see your wife in?”

Li Jinping raised her hand, as if to comfort her, but it stopped halfway in the air. A trace of struggle appeared on her face, and then she quickly stopped herself.

In the end, she just said softly, “I’m sorry.”

Liu Sinan hadn’t expected to hear those three words.

She blinked, and a silver tear streaked across her face. She raised her hand to her cheek, realizing she had been crying without knowing it.

It felt ridiculous for Li Jinping to see her in such a pathetic state.

“I didn’t want it to end up like this,” Liu Sinan choked out. “I really wanted to say goodbye to you with dignity.”

“You protected me very well during these seven years. Even if I’m ungrateful, I shouldn’t continue to argue with you,” Liu Sinan unconsciously used the formal “you,” her head lowered and her body trembling slightly, her voice cracking. “But, I thought I understood you. At least in those seven years of marriage, you were the person closest to me.”

“Every time, you were used to giving orders, not allowing me to resist or refuse. On the surface, you indulged me in many small things, but once it touched your principles, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”

“I don’t think our relationship was equal or normal.”

Liu Sinan’s lips were pale, and she was speaking in broken sentences. It had been a long time since she had such a great emotional fluctuation.

It was all because of Li Jinping.

She wasn’t her “ex-wife,” nor was she the “benefactor” or “sugar mommy” in the eyes of others. Li Jinping was a living, breathing person, a “relative” and “lover” who had occupied seven years of her life from the age of 18 to 25.

She had grown into the most important part of her heart, to be respected and cherished.

Li Jinping was her first everything. Her first experiences with life, work, growth, and even s3x—all her firsts were with Li Jinping.

Yet, this person she saw as family, the person closest to her, had so many things she was hiding from her.

For Liu Sinan, it wasn’t so much disbelief or an inability to accept it as it was the complete collapse of her entire faith.

“And Lin Xia appeared in your life,” Liu Sinan’s face was pale, and she spoke haltingly. “We’ve been divorced for less than a month, and you already have an admirer by your side.”

“Wife, you are so smart and wise. I don’t believe you can’t see Lin Xia’s affection for you. Why would you keep her by your side?”

“You just asked me if I was suspicious of you cheating,” Liu Sinan grabbed Li Jinping’s hand, which was hanging by her side, with great force, clenching it so hard that she could almost hear her knuckles cracking. “Yes!”

She stared at Li Jinping’s eyes, her pupils reflecting Li Jinping’s unreadable face. She gave no room for compromise and demanded, “Did you, or did you not, get together with her?”

Li Jinping remained silent the entire time, but when she was pushed to this point, she gently tried to pull her hand away and said in a low voice, “What do you mean by ‘get together’?”

Li Jinping finally answered her question, but with clear impatience. “Falling in love with her, or sleeping with her?”

Liu Sinan froze. A few seconds passed before she opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

How could Li Jinping say those two words so casually? She hadn’t been without this possibility, but every time the thought came up, she would push it down with all her might.

They had a process of getting to know each other and falling in love. Li Jinping was never in a hurry to have her body. It was only on the night of their wedding that it happened naturally and smoothly. Around Li Jinping, let alone a lover, there wasn’t even a single person who was close enough to make Liu Sinan jealous or overthink.

In this regard, Li Jinping had always had a conservative and traditional sense of cleanliness and insistence.

But what did she just say…

“I’ve always felt that I owe you,” Li Jinping sighed, looking out the window. “Seven years ago, it was my own decision to forcefully bring you back to the country and marry you. I wanted you to always be happy, free from worries, and to never grow up. I loved seeing you unrestrained and doing as you pleased.”

“You’re right. I can see Lin Xia’s admiration for me, and that’s because,” Li Jinping turned her head, her downward gaze landing on Liu Sinan’s hand, which was still holding hers, “I can see myself from back then in her eyes.”

“Liu Sinan, I once loved you for a very, very long time without any hope.”

“I was 30 when I met you,” Li Jinping’s voice suddenly became distant and ethereal. Or maybe her voice just dropped, and her breathing lost its vitality. “I used all my courage to try and love a person.”

In thirty years, Li Jinping had never known what it felt like to be moved. Perhaps there had been a brief moment of breathtaking beauty in her youth, but they were like shooting stars crossing the unchanging galaxy, leaving only a fleeting silver light that vanished in an instant.

But Liu Sinan was like a small asteroid flying through the unfathomable cosmos, just passing by Li Jinping, an aging star.

Li Jinping knew that she had already begun to collapse and would burn out soon, but she was still uncontrollably drawn to her.

She loved the shape of that small asteroid, carrying a body full of scars but still delicate and beautiful, rotating and flying along a strict, predetermined path, drifting through the boundless universe.

So she made a bold decision to use her own gravity to forcefully capture this free-drifting satellite.

And then, she made her rotate around herself along a predetermined path, never to leave her orbit again.

At that time, it wasn’t just the people around Liu Sinan who didn’t understand. Everyone around Li Jinping was laughing at her.

Everyone loves young, fresh flesh, but that’s just a brief moment of indulgence. Their emotions were too barren to support a full and meaningful romance.

To love a person is to burn oneself out.

Li Jinping used up all her energy to expand and burn, forcing herself to return to innocence with a battle-worn heart and have a pure, honest relationship.

She was the little deer she had picked out from hundreds of millions of people with a single glance.

She was the unextinguished firework when her inspiration ran dry, igniting her again and again.

Loving once was already enough to exhaust her to her core. How could she possibly have the energy to love someone else?

“I can’t love anyone else,” Li Jinping said. “Lin Xia will never have my love.”

Liu Sinan watched her say these words, feeling no joy in her heart, only sadness. “So, you still slept with her?”

Li Jinping closed her eyes for a moment and did not deny it.

Liu Sinan instantly felt all her strength drain away, unable to even lift a finger.

Did she really care about Li Jinping’s infidelity?

It didn’t seem so.

Judging from the state of their relationship in the year leading up to their divorce, they were already estranged.

What she cared about was that Li Jinping, who claimed to still love her, could turn around and sleep with someone she didn’t love at all.

Li Jinping was not this kind of person. They didn’t have to end up like this.

“You rushed over,” Liu Sinan lowered her head, looking at her hand that was still holding Li Jinping’s. She immediately let go as if her hand had been burned and said incoherently, “You were afraid Lan Ling would hurt me. You still care about me.”

Li Jinping saw Liu Sinan’s state and felt a deep sense of pity. After a moment of silence, she said, “Whether I care or not doesn’t matter. Sinan, you shouldn’t have gone to see her today. You shouldn’t be putting your thoughts and energy into me. Without me, you won’t get hurt.”

“You have to learn to look forward. Your life is still very long,” Li Jinping paused, as if what she was about to say next was very hard to get out. “…Give me some time. I will slowly stop caring about you.”

Liu Sinan’s head was spinning, as if she had been doused with a few bottles of wine. Her eyes and ears were hazy, but Li Jinping’s words were like small knives, stabbing into her brain, giving her no escape.

She was drawing a line between them in a final and decisive way.

Liu Sinan no longer had any delusions that she could salvage anything.

The premise of salvaging something was either that two people were willing to get close and give each other a chance, or that one person was actively moving closer to the other. However, between them, there was no longer any possibility of getting close to each other.

“It’s completely impossible between us anymore,” Liu Sinan said, her voice sounding like she had swallowed a thousand needles. Her throat was raw, and her chest felt pierced. Every movement of the air around her felt like it was tearing through her heart. “Right?”

In the car, there was only a bone-chilling silence.

It was early autumn, but Liu Sinan felt a ten-mile radius of freezing cold.

Everything from the past was collapsing at the speed of a falling star, a shattered galaxy.

“Get out of the car.”

By now, the sky had darkened. The car was driving in the outer suburbs, a long distance from the city.

Liu Sinan asked to stop. The atmosphere in the car was suffocating, making it impossible for her to stay in it for even a second.

She was afraid that if she stayed a moment longer, she would break down, say irrational things, hurt Li Jinping, and hurt herself, making an already undignified breakup even more embarrassing.

Right now, in this second, she just wanted to get away from here completely.

She didn’t want to care about the “fellow patient” Lan Ling talked about, didn’t want to care about Li Jinping’s secrets, didn’t want to care about her moving on and her condescending “cutting her losses.”

She didn’t want to, didn’t want to, didn’t want to… she was about to explode!

Fck this world!*

Liu Sinan kicked a rock fiercely. The rock shattered against the guardrail on the side of the road, breaking into a million pieces.

She stared at the rock, wishing she could shatter into a million pieces with it.

That way, she wouldn’t have to face a life that seemed full of hope and could let her body rot away on the ground, inch by inch.

Li Jinping had once pulled her out of the stinking, murky darkness. Now was a good time to let go and let her blow up the entire world.

Let’s shatter with this messed-up life!

Liu Sinan’s mind was in a state of fragmented chaos. At the same time, a loud thunderclap sounded. Dark clouds quickly gathered in the sky, huge masses of them covering the last bit of the sunset.

And then, in the midst of the howling wind, a torrential downpour began.

Liu Sinan walked quickly through the wind and rain. The car behind her followed her, step by step, its headlights on.

The clothes she was wearing today were very loose. They felt fine when they were dry, but once they were soaked with water, they became thick and heavy.

Perhaps because her clothes were so heavy, Liu Sinan’s steps were deep and difficult.

But even so, she didn’t look back once.

These past few days, she had been in a daze, forcing herself to work, to take life seriously, and to plan for her future career development.

But as soon as she had a moment to herself, the softest part of her heart was always longing for one person.

But that longing was completely shattered today.

Just like the bubbles she stepped on, they were cloudy and fragile, scattered around the edges of a small puddle, and broke into nothing.

She shouldn’t have been this sad. If she had known this would happen, she shouldn’t have come back to the country with Li Jinping.

The rain started to get heavier, and Liu Sinan could no longer see the road ahead.

Amidst the sound of the rain, the sound of a car braking suddenly sounded beside her.

The window of the car behind her rolled down, and Li Jinping’s voice came out, with a hint of urgency. “Sinan, the rain is too heavy. Get in the car.”

Liu Sinan ignored her and kept walking with her head down.

“Do you want me to get out and get soaked with you?” Li Jinping, seeing that she couldn’t be persuaded, opened the car door, about to get out.

Liu Sinan stopped in her tracks and turned around to look at her expressionlessly. “Don’t come over. I don’t want to see you right now.”

Walking on the road in such heavy rain, Liu Sinan seemed absolutely insane to anyone else.

The way she turned was very odd. Her shoulders were tilted forward, and she only turned a slight angle. Her gaze was directed downward, cold and sharp, like a guarded and defensive posture.

At this moment, she seemed to have gone back to the years after she turned 14, to the grimy, murky swamp that a normal person couldn’t even imagine. She was sinking into it with the same breathing rhythm, slowly rotting away, yet with all her thorns bristling, exclusive and aggressive.

Li Jinping had witnessed her single-handedly smash a glass bottle over a drunkard’s head and had also seen her carry a gun with her, hitting the bullseye from thirty meters away in an instant. What left the deepest impression on her was Liu Sinan’s hands.

Her palms had layers of scars, one knife wound after another. Thin, sharp razor blades haunted her hands like ghosts. She had put in an unimaginable amount of effort to acquire this ability to protect herself.

In the long years of darkness, she had long since grown accustomed to it.

I’m in my own territory. Others need not enter.

From her eyes, Li Jinping read a genuine sense of rejection and distance, as if she were seeing the strange and distant Liu Sinan from seven years ago. She froze in place, her entire being feeling as if a sledgehammer had been brought down on the top of her head, shattering her guts and incinerating her insides. She was unable to speak for a long time.

There was a gas station two hundred meters ahead of Liu Sinan. Her figure turned into it and disappeared.

A few minutes later, Li Jinping caught her breath and told the driver to park the car at the gas station exit. She called Wu Haoxue and briefly explained the situation.

Wu Haoxue didn’t even finish listening before she started walking out, her tone full of fire. “Ms. Li, Liu Sinan is an idiot with a brain no bigger than a walnut. And you’re going along with her nonsense?”

“It’s raining so heavily. If she’s crazy, she should go get help. What’s she doing walking in the rain by herself?! My phone hasn’t even hung up yet, and the sound of Wu Haoxue’s car tires rubbing against the pavement was already audible. “You tell Liu Sinan that I have night blindness, and I’m going to pick her up right now… No, I’ll call her myself.”

After saying that, she hung up. Less than a minute later, she called again.

“Ms. Li, I think my brain is waterlogged too. I can’t get through to her phone at all. Are you with her right now? Give the phone to her.”

Li Jinping told the driver to take her phone to Liu Sinan. Liu Sinan was standing in front of the gas station’s convenience store, water dripping from her entire body, completely still.

The driver turned on the speakerphone, and Wu Haoxue’s roar instantly drowned out the sound of the rain. “Liu Sinan! I’m coming to pick you up right now! Remember, I have night blindness, and it’s pouring rain outside. If you don’t see me in half an hour, turn on the local news on a TV, and you’ll definitely see a police report about a car crash in the heavy rain!”

Liu Sinan moved her lips and swore. “Idiot.”

“You’re the f*cking idiot!” Wu Haoxue was furious. “You wait for me!”

Liu Sinan paused for a few seconds, then took the phone. “Don’t come. I’ll rest at the service station for the night. Seriously, I’m not throwing a fit. I don’t want to see anyone right now.”

Wu Haoxue’s side went quiet. Liu Sinan was about to hang up when a tired voice came from behind her.

“You take her back,” Li Jinping said, getting out of the car. She was holding one umbrella in her hand and another in the other, which she handed to the driver. “I’ve already called for a car. It’ll be here soon.”

Li Jinping handed the umbrella to the driver. Her eyes seemed to be filled with sadness and even a hint of pleading. She looked at Liu Sinan and said, “Your wrist is still injured. Go with him.”

Liu Sinan confronted her for a few minutes, then her stiff body moved. She took the umbrella and left without looking back.

After getting into the car, the driver glanced at the rearview mirror and silently turned the heat up to the max.

The water on her body had soaked a large part of the expensive blanket in the back seat. Liu Sinan took out her phone from an inner pocket. The screen was shattered into a mosaic of snowflakes. Water had seeped in along the cracks, making it unusable.

She took out the SIM card and held it in her hand, remaining silent the whole way home.

The driver knew her address and drove her straight back to her community.

When Liu Sinan opened the door, the sudden bright light made her feel dazed for a while. Behind her was Wu Haoxue’s voice, who had followed her in.

Opening the door, closing the door, changing into slippers.

“Oh, Xiao Nan, why are you all wet from the rain?” Aunt Sun, hearing the commotion, came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. She was stunned. “You’re so wet. Go take a hot bath and change your clothes.”

Liu Sinan nodded to her and walked silently to the bedroom.

Aunt Sun saw Wu Haoxue behind Liu Sinan, and her tone became a little more reproachful. “Why are you all wet too? Your hair is soaked!”

Wu Haoxue grabbed her hair indifferently. Her hair was shoulder-length, and she might have gotten it wet from the rain on the edge of the umbrella when she got in and out of the car. She glanced at Liu Sinan, wanting to say something but then closing her mouth. “I’m fine, Aunt Sun. Sinan forgot her umbrella. Can you make some ginger tea to warm her up?”

Aunt Sun nodded quickly. “I’ll go right away.”

The heater in the house was on high. When Liu Sinan entered the bedroom, the bone-chilling cold that had been enveloping her dissipated a lot. The crazy, obsessive thoughts she had also calmed down a lot on the way back in silence.

She opened a drawer, took out another phone, and swapped the SIM card.

The phone vibrated with dozens of messages, the frequency of the vibrations like a massage gun.

Liu Sinan took off her wet clothes and threw them into the laundry basket. She then opened her messages.

The earliest messages were from Li Jinping. After her phone broke, she had been trying to contact her. The nine missed calls were all from her.

The next were from Lan Qi.

Lan Qi’s messages had started to become frequent in the last hour. Maybe Li Jinping had said something to her, or maybe it was Lan Ling, or maybe Li Jinping had said something to Lan Qi with Lan Ling present, but she didn’t want to know any of it.

But Lan Qi was her agent, and her work depended on her.

Liu Sinan sent a message to Lan Qi.

nan: I’m home.