Double Junk - 119

Another dream was serene and peaceful. Seokju sat on a courtyard chair, smoking a cigarette while reading a book, and Ajin was admiring the fish released in the pond. He even fed them. The way they only stuck their mouths out and moved sluggishly was fascinating, so Ajin watched them for a long time until Seokju suggested they go to bed.

The two of them walked back hand in hand to the room.

Another dream was accompanied by heavy rain, and the weather was quite chilly. Seokju sat on the porch, enjoying the cool breeze while smoking a cigarette. His breath mixed with the cigarette smoke billowed out.

Beside him, Ajin, wrapped in a blanket, sipped hot cocoa. Seokju had told him about how Westerners put chocolate in hot milk, and it was so delicious. They had been indulging in it for days.

Seokju told Ajin to go inside because it was cold, but Ajin shook his head. Then he smiled sweetly and snuggled up against Seokju’s side.

After muttering curses, Seokju tossed the cigarette he had been smoking into the rain-soaked yard. Then he carried Ajin, wrapped in a blanket, back into the room. Ajin had to tightly grip the cup of hot cocoa, fearing he might spill it on the blanket. And thus, the dream ended.

And the final dream was Seokju massaging Ajin’s feet.

Even in the middle of summer, with his feet feeling cold and sore, Seokju massaged them with his warm, large hands. What’s so pretty about a servant’s feet? Sometimes he even matched his breath to the arch of his foot and licked the instep.

The touch felt wonderful. So Ajin didn’t want to wake up. In this dream, in this fantasy, he wanted to live forever if possible. He wanted to repeat this rare happiness in his life many times over. Even if he were trapped in a dream or couldn’t be reincarnated, it seemed okay.

But Ajin eventually had to open his eyes. The warm sensation on his feet wasn’t a fantasy but reality. That warmth inexorably pulled Ajin up from the depths.

“…”

Ajin silently opened his eyes, staring at the crimson-flickering ceiling.

His mind felt foggy. It felt like an electric shock had run through his mouth, making it tingle, and his stomach felt empty. It was a familiar sensation. It was how he felt the day after Seokju gave him those round, white pills, always.

Ajin blinked slowly. The last memory was vivid. How he had twisted his wrist, what it felt like when the knife cut through flesh, how hot and sticky the bl00d was, how it splattered when it gushed out, and how it felt to see the red puddles spreading on the ground.

So. What did I gain from that action?

Was I swept away by angry waves, or did I escape from them?

Ajin could easily find the answer to that question. Because Seokju was right in front of him. Ajin stared at him in silence.

In that gaze, Seokju couldn’t say or do anything. He couldn’t. His mouth stayed shut as if sewn together. His eyebrows furrowed, and his cheeks twitched.

Ajin stared at Seokju silently for a while. Waiting. Waiting for Seokju to scold him. He would surely scold, hit, and blame him. How dare he try to escape death so easily? Did you think I’d let you die so easily? He would shout.

“…”

“…”

But even after waiting for a while, Seokju’s silence didn’t end. Ajin had to wonder if Seokju had lost his voice while he was dead. Maybe there was a problem with his ears.

Well, that’s a relief. I won’t be scared or hurt by Seokju’s harsh words.

Ajin struggled to get up. His vision swayed greatly. His head felt like it was spinning as if he were spinning a top. His eyeballs seemed to bounce forward, and his head felt heavy and numb.

“Uh…”

Ajin groaned weakly, clutching his forehead. Seokju quickly stepped closer. His hand moved around aimlessly, unable to find a destination.

“Where does it hurt? Your head? Your wrist? Is your wrist okay? We need to call a doctor. Let me call one right now.”

Seokju’s hand finally withdrew before reaching Ajin. He hurriedly said he would call a doctor and tried to leave the hospital room. In his busy movements, Ajin belatedly looked around. Before even realizing where this place was, someone caught his eye.

The sight of someone sleeping against the wall was very familiar. Although they had lost weight, and their hair had grown longer, they were still recognizable.

It was Auntie.

Ajin’s eyes widened. The sorrow that had hung over him like a shroud since his recent awakening from death washed away in an instant. Like a bright flower basking in sunlight on a dark night, she blossomed beautifully.

“Uh… Auntie….”

He moved straight towards her without hesitation. Bare feet dangled beneath the bed. The soles, warmed diligently by someone, touched the cold floor.

And in that moment, Ajin staggered and collapsed sideways. One leg was already disabled, and the other was weakened by the shackles. The weakened muscles that lay flat couldn’t support his legs either.

Ajin watched his body fall.

It’s okay. Falling isn’t a big deal. He hadn’t lived a peaceful enough life to fear it. If he fell, he could get up again. And if that wasn’t possible, he could crawl. And if that was too hard, he could roll.

But when he fell, the pain of colliding with the floor wasn’t welcome. Even after falling hundreds, thousands of times since his leg broke, pain was still pain.

“…”

As Ajin tightly shut his eyes, he felt warm hands grab his elbow and waist. As he plummeted, Ajin was instantly lifted back up. Ajin reflexively grasped that hand.

It was Seokju.

“You need to get up slowly.”

“…”

“Can you stand?”

Seokju carefully helped Ajin up. Ajin wobbled his legs a few times, wavered his knees, and finally managed to stand on both feet. One heel was slightly lifted, but he could still stand.

Ajin looked down at his foot. It felt light. The shackles that had tangled around his ankles were gone. There were still bandages and bruises, but their weight was not felt.

Ajin looked back at Seokju. Seokju didn’t respond to that gaze. He was too busy making sure Ajin was standing properly, able to walk. Perhaps he was deliberately avoiding Ajin’s gaze.

“…”

Ajin released the support he had on Seokju’s shoulder. Then he leaned against the cold wall. Then, swaying down, he bent his knees and squatted. Even that couldn’t maintain his balance properly, and he almost fell backwards. Then a large hand reached out from behind. It was hot, big, and firm. Even without turning around, he knew whose hand it was.

Ajin didn’t react to that hand, though it bothered him. Right now, Auntie was much more important.

Ajin stared fixedly at Auntie’s face, illuminated by a dim light. He confirmed over and over again that it was Auntie. Then he let out a small laugh.

“Really, Auntie.”

“…”

“Our Auntie. Auntie is here.”

Ajin laughed again, then suddenly bit his lower lip hard. His nose wrinkled, and his vision blurred.

Even in the dim light, Auntie’s condition wasn’t good. Her cheeks were sunken, the area under her eyes was dark, and her lips, breathing heavily, were cracked like a barren land.

Is it still hurting? Even though she’s been in the hospital, why is she still in pain? Was the surgery botched? Why is she so thin again? Did she not eat well during her time at the hospital? She said the hospital food was delicious. Was that a lie?

Ajin had many questions. There were many things he wanted to ask. No, actually, more than anything, he wanted to see Auntie who had just opened her eyes.

He hoped she would be glad to see him, to embrace him. He wanted to confirm that she was alive, healthy, and that we were no different from before. He wanted to confirm that we could go back to how things were.

He hoped Auntie would tell us that with her special ability, we wouldn’t have any pain or sadness in the future.

Then, it seemed like we could live well. Even if Seokju locked me up in that narrow hell again, even if he hated me bitterly, I felt like I could endure it.

“Auntie….”

Ajin gently placed his hand on Auntie’s shoulder. His fingers touched her frail shoulder. Ajin’s eyebrows suddenly furrowed. He was scared. He was afraid that Auntie might be in a lot of pain, that she might leave his side.

Ajin’s hand tightened. He was trying to shake Auntie awake. Then, Seokju sat down beside Ajin. Supporting Ajin’s back with one arm, he gently held Ajin’s thin wrist with the other hand.

Ajin stood still. The deep voice settled heavily into his ear and resonated.

“Don’t wake her up.”

“…”

“You must have been exhausted taking care of her all day. It’s almost morning, we’ll see her then.”

Ajin’s lips trembled. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to hear Seokju’s words, whatever they may be. He just wanted to see Auntie right away.

But contrary to his heart, his hands fell away. Despite his resentment and rebellion, he couldn’t wake her up. Seokju’s words were probably true; he must have been by her side all day long. He must have been tired.

Ajin stared at Auntie for a long time with his hands clasped together. Then he reached out and pulled up her blanket. But somehow, his fingers didn’t move well.

Ajin belatedly realized that his wrist was heavily bandaged.