Double Junk - 122

“Hey?”

“You’re going to apologize, admit you were wrong, right?”

“Ajin…”

“And then you’ll give me money again?”

“…”

“₩5,000? No, this time… ₩1 million? Are you going to give me that much?”

“…”

“And then, as if asking when did it happen, you’ll kindly call my name again, right? Ajin, Ajin—like that?”

“…”

“You’ll also give me an apology.”

Remembering the apple he received in the bucket someday, Ajin curled the corners of his mouth.

“The apology now would taste better than the summer apple you gave me before. Should I enjoy it as deliciously as before?”

It was a clear sarcasm. If he were a shameless person, he might have been angry, saying he gave it as an apology, but Seokju chose silence.

Then and now. Apologizing and making a fuss like that was not a trivial matter. I’m a petty enemy. If I go back, I wouldn’t act so lightly.

While Seokju couldn’t find words to answer and swallowed his dry saliva, Ajin’s dry breath became moist. Seokju quickly looked at him. Ajin, with reddened eyes, looked at him with tears filling his eyes.

“Then… If there’s any misunderstanding… Will you hit me again? Treat me like a servant…?”

“Ajin.”

Don’t cry. That’s what he wanted to say, but it was too selfish as the one who caused him to cry. Seokju quickly lowered his head.

“No. There won’t be such a thing again.”

“How can I believe that! No, why should I believe it! When tomorrow comes, how do I know it’ll be different?”

“I… I know I’m not honest enough to ask you to believe me. But still…”

“But still what!”

“Don’t cry…”

Seokju couldn’t help but say it. It was his tears every day when Ajin misunderstood him. Today it was particularly painful and bitter. Then, trapped in misunderstanding, he couldn’t see Ajin properly, and now he was looking at him with both eyes.

It was agonizing to see Ajin cry. His sadness seeped into me like a sharp knife, suffocating me. Saying I don’t know what to do with my body. I’ve never felt it even for a moment in my life. But now, I was feeling it piercingly.

“…”

At the words telling him not to cry, Ajin opened his eyes wide. He bit his lip. Yet tears kept falling incessantly. The tears falling onto his dry palm were so heavy and painful.

Seokju knelt down under the pavilion. Standing in front of Ajin, he knelt on the rough stone. And he sincerely apologized to Ajin.

“Ajin. I’m sorry, it’s me.”

It was just words, but it was a necessary word, and at the same time, it was the beginning of my atonement.

“I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Ugh, h-huh…”

“What I can do right now is just talk, so I’m even more sorry.”

Ajin looked down at Seokju. Even in the dark night, his distorted expression was clearly visible. So, it was not difficult to judge whether what he was saying now was sincere or not.

But well, if it’s sincere.

Ajin couldn’t accept it as a genuine apology. It shouldn’t have been, and he didn’t want it to be.

Ajin clenched his fist tightly. His balled-up hand trembled. A painful cry burst out from between his clenched teeth.

Seokju looked up at him, furrowing his brow in torment. His dry lips listed his own sins one by one.

“I should’ve trusted you. I should’ve listened to you. I’m sorry for closing my ears, shutting my eyes, and living. I’m sorry for pushing all the pain I should bear onto you.”

“Ugh…”

“I’m sorry for saying bad things, for treating you rudely, for treating you like a servant. I’m sorry for not letting you see the florist, for locking you in the room, for forcing you to take medicine you didn’t want to take. I’m sorry for everything.”

“….Hu, ugh….”

“I’m just sorry for all those moments. I’m ashamed and regretful.”

Seokju carefully took Ajin’s hand and unfolded his clenched fingers, pressing his own cheeks against Ajin’s hand. He could feel Ajin’s cool temperature. Even in that moment, that temperature felt good beyond words.

As if offering his neck to Ajin, as if offering his life, Seokju rested his head on Ajin’s small hand and continued speaking.

“You can hit me. You can kill me. I’ll accept whatever punishment you decide.”

At those words, Ajin’s eyes widened. Tears fell heavily beneath his enlarged eyes. He shouted in a choked voice.

“How, how could I kill you, sir!”

Even with such a difference in strength, even if I were to beat Seokju to a pulp, he wouldn’t die in my hands. Perhaps I might collapse first. Or my wrist might break.

Ajin gritted his teeth. He wondered if Seokju was teasing him. His sorrowful emotions turned into anger.

As Ajin’s eyes became clearer, Seokju tilted his head slightly to the side. He welcomed Ajin’s anger. He hoped he wouldn’t cry and would get angry instead. I couldn’t accept the tears he shed, but I could accept his anger.

Trying to soothe Ajin, Seokju spoke gently.

“Do whatever. Anything at all. If shooting is too difficult, stab with a knife, and if that’s too hard, throw a rock. I’ll die as easily as you think.”

“….”

Ajin tightly shut his mouth. He chewed his lower lip, glared at Seokju, turned his gaze to a distant city, closed his eyes tightly, and pondered something.

Seokju silently waited for his verdict.

How much time had passed? Ajin slowly raised his hand. Then with a clang, he slapped Seokju’s cheek. Though it was weak, the impact was quite substantial. Seokju’s jaw turned slightly to the side.

“….”

That was all. Seokju didn’t feel pain or shed bl00d. Ajin sighed nervously. Seokju had only hit him once before, breaking his lip, causing his nose to bleed, and making him fall. But the weak Ajin couldn’t even leave a scratch on Seokju.

Ajin felt a surge of anger. He hit Seokju’s cheek again. Clang. This time, the sound was louder than before.

“….”

A faint smile played on Seokju’s lips. But it was still an improvement compared to before. Maybe he could hit better next time.

Seokju raised his eyebrows, expecting further punishment. Ajin, wrapping his hands around Seokju’s, groaned softly.

“Ah….”

It was strange that Ajin, who hit Seokju, was groaning. But it was understandable. Seokju was a thug who made a living fighting, while Ajin had spent his life as a pot washer or dishwasher at best. On top of that, he hadn’t eaten for days. His weakened body felt pain even though he wasn’t hit.

“Does it hurt?”

Seokju, who had been hit, asked with concern. He held Ajin’s hand and examined the palm. Ajin irritably pushed his hand away. Then Seokju made a sound of discomfort again.

“Then kick me.”

Ajin chuckled softly at that remark. In response, Seokju rolled his eyes, then belatedly noticed the bandaged ankles. There was his left leg, struggling to walk, and his right leg, full of wounds from the shackles. Ajin couldn’t even kick Seokju.

Seokju, seeming frustrated himself, let out a long sigh. Then, out of nowhere, he picked up a large rock. It was lying among the pile of stones separating the flowerbed from the path, so large that it filled Seokju’s palm. It wasn’t too sharp to hurt Ajin’s hand, which is why Seokju chose one that was suitably rounded.

He offered it to Ajin.

“Hit me.”

“….”

Ajin stared at the rock. It was a much better weapon than his slender hand or imperfect legs. With this, he could beat Seokju to a pulp, shatter his clean, handsome forehead. There would be plenty of bl00d, plenty of wounds.

But strangely, he couldn’t readily accept it.

Whether it was a primal aversion to violence, a dislike of bl00d, or some other reason, Ajin couldn’t understand his own feelings.

Seeing Ajin’s lack of response, Seokju casually tossed the rock aside. Then, he knelt down and leaned closer to Ajin. He asked in a gentle voice.

“Why. Won’t you take it? If you don’t like that, what should I do? How can I help?”

Seokju was frustrated, annoyed, but to Ajin, it felt like pressure, coercion. Ajin, who had briefly stopped, started crying again.

“Huu, hic, huueee….”

It was rougher, more intense crying than before. Tears flowed endlessly. He sobbed so miserably, gasping for breath, even choking on his tears. Seokju felt a pang in his heart and lungs at the irregular heaving of Ajin’s dry shoulders and chest.

“Ajin… please don’t cry…”

“Huung, ugh, huueeeung….”

“Please. Ajin. Don’t cry…”

Seokju rested his forehead on Ajin’s trembling knee. He closed his eyes tightly, as if to hold back tears. He didn’t deserve to cry, but he felt like he might burst into tears at any moment. But he gritted his teeth and held back. And he thought about the future.

What should I do? What can I do?

But nothing came to mind.

I don’t know either.

Truly irresponsible and clueless. I don’t know anything.

Even if I did my best, it would only end in my death. It might relieve your pain, your anger. Dying would be good for me alone. In the end, it would be me abandoning you again.

But if killing me would even slightly alleviate your anger, then I could die over and over again.

I’d rather you just ordered my death.

Seokju closed his eyes tightly in unbearable anguish. Over that, Ajin’s crying continued to wash over him. It persisted until the late dawn, relentless and unyielding.