Double Junk - 125

“……”

Ajin didn’t answer. He didn’t want to act friendly, saying things like “What did the boss do wrong?”, “It’s okay”, or “It’s no big deal.” He had also cried and apologized to Seokju for something he didn’t do, so he thought, why not be a little petty this time?

“Bear with the cold water for a bit. Let’s cool it down and see a doctor.”

Seokju carefully examined Ajin’s fingers as he spoke. The kitchen was dark, the only light coming from the narrow window where moonlight peeked through, making it hard to see how badly his hand was hurt. But it must hurt. Even a single drop of hot water would bother him all day. Moreover, since it was his fingers, it would be easy for blisters to form.

Seokju’s face became more and more distorted as he imagined Ajin’s pain multiplying. Ajin tried to pull his hand away from Seokju’s grip.

“Why would I see a doctor for something like this?”

“Still. Let’s go.”

“That costs money, you know.”

“I’m not telling you to pay for it.”

“……”

Ajin shut his mouth tightly. When was Seokju so demanding when he told him to pay back 1 million won? Now he’s saying this. Even though he knew it stemmed from a misunderstanding, he felt irritated.

Seokju, noticing the irritation in Ajin’s breathing, met his eyes. And he said in a soft voice,

“Never again. I won’t do that. I won’t ask you to pay me back, even if you burn down my entire house.”

“……”

“So don’t worry about money and let’s see a doctor. What if it gets infected?”

Ajin turned his head in reply. He was tired of arguing with Seokju. He knew Seokju wouldn’t back down. It was easier for him to concede first.

Seokju carefully rinsed Ajin’s hand. His hands were overly gentle as he caressed Ajin’s nails, palmed his hands, stroked his knuckles.

Whenever Ajin flinched from the cold water, Seokju worriedly asked, “Does it hurt?” Ajin watched his focused side profile and asked,

“Why are you being so careful? It’s just a hand.”

To that, Seokju answered with a face that was neither smiling nor crying.

“I’m afraid…you might break.”

Ajin slowly blinked his eyes. Then he slightly curled the corner of his mouth into a faint, mocking smile.

“Boss.”

“Yes?”

“I’m already broken.”

“……”

Seokju froze. His steady breathing also came to an abrupt halt. His black pupils seemed to scatter in disarray.

Ajin calmly gazed at him.

I’m already shattered and broken beyond repair, unable to accept your kindness as kindness. Your apologies make me uncomfortable. It pains me terribly to face you, the weight of your heart burdening me like a load.

My shattered fragments are all sharp and jagged, endlessly pricking and stabbing you. Over time, the sharply fractured edges may dull from wear.

But even so, I can never return to when your embrace was the most comforting in the world, when just looking into each other’s eyes and smiling made us happy. I will tumble through the world in my broken state until I die.

But then again, I don’t know. If I’m reborn, I might become whole again. The Jade Emperor may take pity on me, whose bl00d he has turned upside down, and sculpt me well. So a day may come when I can accept your sincerity and heart as they are.

However, in this lifetime at least, that is not the case.

“Do you want to go?”

Ajin pulled his hand away from Seokju’s. Then he roughly wiped his cold, wet hand on his pants legs. The chilling sensation on his thighs was…unpleasant.

Ajin made coffee and returned to the hospital room. Seokju practically begged to carry the tray himself this time, so Ajin handed it over pretending he couldn’t refuse. He didn’t want to stubbornly carry it himself and risk spilling it, only for Seokju to nag him again.

Trudging back to the room with difficulty, Ajin opened the door.

“Auntie, I’m back.”

Saying that, he turned and extended his hand to Seokju, meaning to take the tray. But for some reason, Seokju didn’t budge. Ajin frowned and clicked his tongue.

“Give it here.”

“……”

Seokju gave no answer. His gaze was fixed somewhere over Ajin’s shoulder. Ajin absentmindedly followed his line of sight and turned his head. There lay Flower Lady, crumpled on the cold, hard floor.

“…Auntie?”

Ajin called out to her in a dazed voice.

*

“Her condition is critical. She won’t last much longer.”

The doctor pushed up his rimless glasses with his index finger as he spoke. His overly bleached white doctor’s coat stung Ajin’s eyes.

So Ajin had to keep frowning and blinking. The doctor’s words also irritated him. Already illiterate, he could barely understand what the man was saying with his roundabout way of talking – it made his head feel like bursting.

“What do you mean she won’t last long?”

“It means she’ll soon pass away.”

“Why? Can’t you just operate? This is a hospital. Operate, give her medicine, and it’ll be fine, right? I heard even big diseases can be cured nowadays. So why are you saying she’ll die? Are you not treating our auntie properly because she’s not a noble?”

Ajin glared fiercely at the doctor and fired off his words. His flushed cheeks were tinged with indignation. The doctor waved both hands.

“No, no. Please don’t get excited. We can perform another surgery, but…I can’t guarantee she’ll recover even after that.”

Ajin took a deep breath. Straightening his back, he stared directly at the doctor and said:

“Operate her.”

The doctor’s lips twisted unpleasantly at those words. He seemed disinclined to operate on Flower Lady. Pushing up his glasses again, he said:

“Surgery isn’t cheap, you know. I can’t give you an exact number, but you should expect at least 30,000 to 50,000 won.”

At the mention of money, Ajin nonchalantly turned his head to where the well-dressed Seokju was sitting.

“Boss, you pay.”

Ajin demanded shamelessly and with full confidence. 50,000 won was an enormous sum – an amount Ajin could never hope to earn working. But to Seokju, it would be pocket change. Moreover, Seokju had committed such a grave wrong against Ajin that he could not refuse to pay that money.

Ajin thought he could demand this much. If Seokju refused, he planned to inflate and demand back every bit of the fee he had forcibly taken from Ajin’s body, multiplied. His memories were fragmented, so he wasn’t certain, but he seemed to recall being violated to the point of soreness, so 50,000 won should cover it.

Seokju silently studied Ajin’s resolute expression, then nodded without much thought.

“Alright.”

Ajin arrogantly raised his chin and looked at the doctor, as if to say “See? Got it? We’re loaded.” But the doctor didn’t budge so easily. Folding his hands on the desk, he calmly murmured in contrast to Ajin’s bluster:

“Still, I cannot recommend surgery.”

“Why not?”

“Given the patient’s age and condition, she may die during the operation itself. She may depart without a chance for final farewells.”

“……”

“What I mean is, imagine dying splayed open by a scalpel on the cold operating table. No one in this world wants to die like that.”

Ajin froze at the doctor’s blunt words. His large pupils fluttered like a butterfly’s wings wavering in the wind and rain.

Sitting beside him, Seokju looked at Ajin with concern. Ajin’s body and mind were already fragile – his soul torn to rags by Seokju himself. And now he was being pummeled by this shocking news on top of it all… He must be agonizing beyond imagination right now.

Ajin’s hands twitched restlessly. Seokju wanted to hold his hand, to be his rock to lean on, but he did not have that right, so he remained still.

After a long contemplation, stubbornness set in Ajin’s lips. Clenching his fists tightly, he stated firmly:

“Still, I want the surgery done.”

The doctor let out a deep sigh.

“…It’s not a decision the guardian alone can make. Let’s discuss it again if the patient wakes up.”

“If we have the money and can do the surgery, we’ll do it. Why does the aunt’s opinion even matter?”

Ajin hotly protested. Flower Lady would surely refuse. She would make up all sorts of excuses – that she didn’t want the pain, the expense was too high, hospitals were suffocating – and flatly decline. Ajin had no confidence he could overcome her stubbornness. So he had to force her into surgery, one way or another.

Because that was the only way to save Flower Lady’s life. He couldn’t just let her go like this.

His eyes wide open, Ajin glared at the doctor as if trying to incinerate him. But the doctor, having reached some enlightened state after witnessing countless deaths, didn’t even blink. He simply appeased Ajin in his trademark calm, monotonous tone:

“Even as her guardian, you don’t have the right to decide where the patient takes her last breath. That is for the patient herself to choose.”

Outside the consultation room, Ajin scratched his head vigorously. His brain felt like it had rats scurrying around. His throat was tight, his heart pounding like he was at a race’s starting line.

Seokju followed close behind the distraught Ajin. The gang members waiting outside, curious about Flower Lady’s condition, approached but were waved off with a curt “Later.”

Ajin shuffled towards Flower Lady’s room. Each step made his knees and ankles throb dully, but such things didn’t matter at the moment.

“Since when has our auntie been in such poor health?” Ajin asked, his eyes fixed ahead. The question was directed at Seokju.

“…From the beginning.”

Seokju readily told the truth. Ajin whipped around to face him.

“The beginning? What is that?”

“From when she first came to the hospital. Her heart was very weak. The doctor said something similar to now. But Flower Lady asked that you not be told.”