Double Junk - 131

I should have realized sooner how much I love you. Being new to feelings like this, a heart like this, a body like this, a situation like this, I cannot act maturely.

Seokju hugged Ajin a little tighter. And quietly, yet loudly, he savored Ajin.

Of course, amidst all that, he did not neglect attending to Ajin’s needs. He would occasionally wet Ajin’s feverish arms or cheeks with cold water, rub his arms or back to soothe him when he was gasping for air, and drain and refill the bath with fresh water once it became lukewarm from their body temperatures.

How long had it been like this? Ajin twisted his body sideways and muttered.

“Throat… so dry…”

Seokju quickly reached for the small side table next to the tub. He poured the lukewarm water into a cup and brought it to Ajin’s lower lip. Though Ajin parted his lips slightly, he did not swallow the water. The water that entered just flowed back out. He coughed painfully from time to time as it got caught in his throat.

Seokju furrowed his brows. What should he do about this…? After pondering, he gently cupped Ajin’s chin and inserted his index finger about two knuckles into Ajin’s mouth. As the moist insides touched him, Ajin’s warm, soft tongue brushed against his fingerprint. Seokju’s eyebrows twitched sensitively.

“Huh…”

Despite the sudden, rude intrusion, Ajin’s tongue did not push Seokju away. It just lay limp, seemingly too weak to do so.

Seokju pressed down on Ajin’s tongue and chin, slowly letting water trickle down along his finger into Ajin’s mouth.

At first, Ajin could not adapt and twisted his head. But soon realizing it was water, he began weakly swallowing, gulp after gulp. The way he sucked on Seokju’s finger resembled a baby drinking from a bottle.

Each time, Seokju’s Adam’s apple sank inwards, then protruded outwards.

Fortunately, Ajin emptied the whole cup without issue. Seokju set the empty cup on the side table and slowly pulled his finger from Ajin’s mouth.

To be honest, the act was not exactly tidy. He focused all his mind on his finger, pulling it out painstakingly slow.

The sensation of Ajin’s tongue, saliva and lips against his fingertip drove him insane with the desire to kiss him, to ravish his senselessly dazed body.

But Seokju vowed to no longer behave like a beast – no, though born a beast, to be human before Ajin.

Swallowing dryly, Seokju withdrew his finger. And as he pulled Ajin back into an embrace, his posture askew from drinking the water, Ajin tilted his head back absentmindedly and mumbled,

“My throat keeps… getting so dry…”

His lips, moistened from the water, quivered slightly. Despite being submerged in water, his thirst seemed unquenched. Ajin’s body craved not water, but something else to quench its thirst.

Seokju let out a thin sigh and brushed Ajin’s hair back, planting a damp kiss on his round forehead.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. That thirst will go away soon.”

His whispered words in Ajin’s ear sounded so sweet. Ajin nodded obediently like a good child and nuzzled his cheek into Seokju’s chest. And just as Seokju thought he might fall asleep like that, just as he thought they’d overcome this wave,

Ajin’s brow furrowed again. The body pressed against his grew colder by the second, and Ajin arched his neck like a giraffe, raising his shoulders. Then with bluish, pale lips, he spoke of the chill.

“Cold…”

Upon those words, Seokju rose without hesitation. As expected – chills followed by fevers were basic withdrawal symptoms.

The water splashed loudly as it fell. Seokju sat Ajin on the floor and stripped off his soaked pants. Then he carefully dried Ajin’s nude body with a towel. Even for that brief moment, Ajin could not endure, shivering violently.

“So cold… Ugh, so cold…”

“Yes, I know. Just a moment.”

Seokju gently soothed him as he dried him off with a towel. He toweled his hair dry and wiped away any water caught between his fingers. After that, he casually stripped off his own soaked clothes and tossed them aside. With just a towel draped over his shoulders, he carried Ajin out of the bathroom.

In the room, there was a thick, quilted blanket left by Myeongjin. It seemed he had taken the thoughtful measure of heating the floor, which felt toasty warm.

Seokju sat cross-legged, holding Ajin face-to-face in an embrace. He then wrapped the blanket around both of them. On the warm floor, with the thick quilt and Ajin’s nude body pressed against him, Seokju’s body temperature began rapidly rising.

Instinctively, Ajin clung tightly to Seokju. He nuzzled his firm, broad chest, hugged his waist, diligently seeking warmth from Seokju against the chill seeping in from within.

It was merely an act of survival, but because it was Ajin, it seemed excessively endearing. With a faint smile playing on his lips, Seokju stroked Ajin’s dry back soothingly. He rubbed Ajin’s cold feet and used the back of his hand to wipe away the water trickling down his nape and Adam’s apple.

As Seokju did his best to warmly envelop Ajin,

“Boss…”

Ajin’s thin voice drifted out.

“…”

Seokju froze. He did not welcome Ajin recognizing him. If Ajin froze to death, so be it – he would never allow them to stay huddled like this. Ajin would surely thrash about violently, trying to escape his embrace. Seokju watched him with a fearful gaze.

But Ajin’s eyes looked strangely askew. Though his narrowed eyes clearly gazed at Seokju, it seemed he saw something else. Perhaps a dream version of Seokju, or Seokju from the past, or maybe…even Seokju from the future. His eyes held a vacant, faraway look despite being right here.

Tears welled up in Ajin’s eyes. He raked his nails down Seokju’s chest as he lamented,

“Boss, I’m in so much pain…”

“…Ajin.”

“Ugh, so much, so much pain… It hurts…”

Though tears streamed down, Ajin did not pull away from Seokju. As if aware the root of his suffering stemmed from Seokju, his arms clung tighter around Seokju’s waist.

Ajin had not taken any drugs, yet was intoxicated – no, better described as intoxicated by agony.

“It hurts… Aaahh…”

Saying it hurts… Ajin twisted his shoulders irritably. As if vexed, he knocked his head against Seokju’s chest repeatedly.

“…”

Seokju quietly endured Ajin’s feeble reproach, adjusting the blanket whenever it slipped. His expression looked so fragile, as if made of delicate porcelain about to shatter.

Ajin sobbed softly, then abruptly broke into raucous wails.

“Ugh, hic, huuuaah… I’m scared…”

Seokju stiffened. Ajin’s nails felt like they clawed into his very heart. A chilling illusion gripped him, as if his heart crumpled in Ajin’s grip. If this went on, his heart might burst from Ajin’s anguished grip.

But he did not mind. It was a heart long since offered to Ajin – no longer his own to claim.

Another issue proved more troubling, however. He could endure his heart being torn apart in Ajin’s hands, even unto death. But Ajin’s cries, he could not bear. Ajin’s tears seemed to scald his body. Their waterlogged bodies made it feel as if he had drowned in Ajin’s tears.

Seokju held Ajin in an embrace, bowing his head. And to Ajin’s trembling ear, he strung together a weary apology, a trifling apology, a useless apology.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Ugh, it hurts…”

“Ajin, I was wrong.”

“Uhk, hic, huuuh, hic, huuuh…”

“So don’t cry…”

Seokju whispered desperately. But Ajin’s sobs showed no sign of stopping.

Though so intimately close, chests pressed together, breaths intermingled, the distance between them felt as vast as the ends of the earth.

So it seemed Seokju’s pleading could not reach Ajin at all.

Spring had fully arrived across the land. The winter that conceded defeat each spring had put up a slightly more tenacious fight before disappearing this time. The world, caught in the intense battle’s crossfire, was in a daze submitting to the victorious spring.

Flowers bloomed, trees became lush, clouds puffed up cottony, the breeze caressed softly like down feathers, and the sunshine felt gentle.

As all of nature burst into full bloom, Ajin only wilted further.

Sitting on the threshold with the paper door open, Ajin gazed vacantly at the blue sky. His eyes resembled when he used to stare at the wave painting hung in Seokju’s room.

Ajin had lost some weight, his body terribly aching for the past few days from drug withdrawal symptoms. Though no one told him what illness he suffered or why he was in pain, he realized it himself – that round, white pill and the nauseating pleasure it brought kept surfacing in his mind.

Fortunately, that twisted craving soon dissipated. He just had to endure.

However, Ajin could not seem to escape the lingering torment. He fell silent, losing all energy. His perpetual dazed state made it impossible to discern his thoughts.

It was as if his soul, long accustomed to an icy chill, had partially burned away from the sudden searing heat.

Then one day, as Ajin absently gazed at the sky, he called out in a soft murmur,

“Auntie.”

At his call, Flower Lady, seated on the bed, looked over at Ajin. Ajin gave her a faint smile.

“When you die, Auntie, they’ll hold your funeral, bury you nicely in a sunny spot, and then… will I die too?”

“…”

“Not for any particular hardship or sadness. Just… living doesn’t seem too fun anymore.”