Double Junk - 143

The atmosphere at home felt strange. It was oddly quiet and subdued. Ajin noticed this strange atmosphere even though he kept the door tightly closed and didn’t go outside.

The first strange thing he felt was that the doorbell hadn’t rung for two days. It was the bell that used to ring every time Seokju returned from work.

It seemed Seokju wasn’t coming home. It was unusual. Still, it wasn’t completely unheard of. Maybe he was busy with something, or another problem had come up. Ajin thought maybe he was just busy with work and that’s why he hadn’t come home.

But late at night, he heard the voices of the organization members. The members staying in the next room sometimes came out onto the veranda to smoke, and Ajin could occasionally hear their voices murmuring. That day was no different.

“Has Seokju hyung not come back yet?”

“Oh, um, he woke up earlier, but is there a problem? He still hasn’t come home.”

“Shouldn’t we go check on him?”

“Why don’t you guard the house? He has Myungjin hyung and his son there, so it should be fine.”

“No, how bad must it have been if someone like him collapsed?”

“Even the toughest can’t beat lack of sleep. Seriously, I was shocked when I went to report on the factory, and Seokju hyung collapsed. It felt like the pillars of my house were collapsing.”

“Don’t say that, don’t say that. It’s scary just to hear about it. There shouldn’t be any problems…”

“Not being able to sleep is a problem. Isn’t there medicine to help him sleep?”

“I heard he already took a lot. And Miss Flower brought medicine when she went to the hospital for Ajin. But still, he couldn’t sleep well.”

“Oh… But he used to take medicine or drink to sleep before. Now he doesn’t even do that.”

“Myungjin hyung really hates it when Seokju hyung takes medicine. But shouldn’t he try something to sleep better…”

“Gosh… Maybe he’ll sigh and vomit if he breathes.”

It was a short conversation, but Ajin could easily grasp Seokju’s situation.

He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep well. That was why he spilled coffee that day. That big man collapsed. How restless must he have been not to sleep well. He’s been sitting in the corner all day and letting go of his mind, so it’s not a big deal to sleep a little less. Seokju was a busy man from morning to evening. Rest is essential.

But it’s not his fault that he can’t sleep. Ajin had seen him for a long time. Seokju really wanted to sleep, but he was unable to. So he suffered. But he said this not long ago.

“It’s okay. It’s been a long time since I gave up wanting to sleep. Now I’m used to opening my eyes at night.”

“There are good things about not sleeping. Because of that, I can think about you for a long time.”

Based on those words, now it seemed like he didn’t even try to sleep. When was that conversation? Since then, he hadn’t slept.

Ajin chewed his thumb carefully. The scattered mind gathered toward Seokju.

And that night. Ajin couldn’t sleep either.

The next evening, the bell rang. It was a sound indicating Seokju’s return from the hospital. Ajin, who had been flipping through books, suddenly raised his head.

Had he been discharged from the hospital? Did he get some sleep? Is he okay now? In his mind, he wanted to open the door and go out to see him, but he held back because of pride, because it wasn’t that kind of relationship, and because it would be embarrassing for no reason.

Still, now that he had returned home, Ajin felt relieved. He must have slept a little at the hospital. The doctor must have done something. Thinking that, he calmed his anxious mind.

Someone knocked on the door. For some reason, Ajin went to open it himself. I don’t know why. It was Myungjinn, holding a dinner table, and –

“Ajin. Bring it.”

It was Minji.

“I bought meat at the market because Seokju hyung said he would give it to you on his way back.”

“……”

Myungjin hesitated with Ajin’s words and picked up his chopsticks. The piled-up meat looked tender even just to see. Ajin picked up the smallest piece and brought it to his mouth.

The meat tasted good. But it made his mouth feel uncomfortable.

That was why. Myungjin was one of the few people comfortable in this house, so sitting alone at the dining table like this was very uncomfortable for him.

Standing in front of the door, Myungjin asked if he could come in. Before Ajin could answer, he walked in confidently. It was almost like an invasion. Then he sat down briskly at the dining table and watched Ajin count the grains of rice.

Unable to bear it any longer, Ajin spoke up.

“Why… have you come?”

It couldn’t just be to watch how much I eat. Or to monitor whether I eat or not. By Seokju’s command. That made the most sense.

Ajin waited for an answer, poking the meat with the end of his chopsticks. Myungjin called Ajin very seriously with a low voice, a face like a general reporting on the war situation.

“Ajin.”

“Yes.”

“Please, save my brother.”

Clang. Ajin dropped one end of the chopsticks. Not because it broke, but the metal chopstick happened to slip between his fingers. Ajin collected the scattered chopsticks neatly beside the rice bowl. It seemed like he wouldn’t be able to eat properly after all.

“…”

“…”

There was a moment of silence. Ajin rolled his lips, repeating wetting and drying. Suddenly, Myungjin knelt down and sat. Ajin widened his eyes and also knelt down. Myungjin nodded to such Ajin.

“Ajin. Really, I’m sorry. Sorry.”

“…”

“I cherish you, but still, my brother is the most important to me. My brother is a father, a brother, a family, and so on to me. Like you liked Miss Flower. Do you know what I mean?”

“…”

“So…,” Myungjin took a deep breath.

“If my brother is in the room, shouldn’t he be there? Shameless, but a day, do you understand? One day, how can it not be?”

“…”

“How many days have passed since my brother couldn’t sleep now? I can’t spread my blanket.”

“…”

Myungjin breathed a sigh of relief and nodded deeper. There was a lot of power in the hand holding the floor. A few fingers were very vague because of the hand that had already been. It was so eager.

“In fact, my brother hasn’t been able to sleep for a day or two? My brother didn’t sleep well for the first time after meeting Ajin. He never slept well before.”

“…”

“But still, I wasn’t scared like now. I’ve been asleep little by little, and I’ve tried to sleep. It’s a fear of how to become, right?”

“…”

“But now, my brother seems to be waiting for something.”

“…”

“So it’s scary. It’s very scary.”

Myungjin shook his lips. His eyeballs are about to be pale. He looked really scared of what Seokju was.

Ajin couldn’t easily answer. Naturally, he should refuse. Are you crazy? Get lost. He should kick Myungjin out shamelessly. Strangely, his mouth didn’t move to say those words.

If he didn’t know anything, he would laugh, saying who would die just because someone couldn’t sleep? But he saw it himself. Seokju. That huge, strong man shedding tears. And collapsing.

No matter how much he resented Seokju, he didn’t wish for his death. No, before, he might have thought it would be better if he just died. But now, without Miss Flower. In this world where there isn’t a single person who loves him and takes care of him.

Seokju couldn’t die.

He shouldn’t abandon him with such a pitiful death.

Ajin splashed his face with cold water. He repeatedly opened and closed his mouth before sighing like this.

“I’ll… think about it.”

“…Okay.”

Myungjin nodded as if that was enough, as if asking where that was. Then he stood up abruptly.

“Finish your meal. I’ll go out because it’ll be uncomfortable if I stay.”

Having roughly straightened his clothes, he headed briskly towards the door. He opened the door, briefly made eye contact with Ajin, then left the room without any lingering regret.

“…”

Ajin looked at the closed door, then turned his head towards the dining table. The piled-up meat, which he hadn’t even eaten much of, felt stuck in his throat.

Spilling tears, collapsing, and being in the hospital. Amidst all that, he brought more meat.

“Annoying…”

Ajin kicked the dining table with his foot. With a sudden blow, the dishes trembled together, making a rattling sound.

* * *

Late at night approaching midnight. Ajin stood in front of Seokju’s door. Staring at the tightly closed door, he slowly raised his hand. And knock, knock. He knocked on the door.

After a short silence, Seokju’s voice came, “Come in.” The sound was thick and distant, indicating he was sitting in the study again.

Taking a deep breath, Ajin opened the door. With an uneasy step, about two steps, he pushed the chair with a creaking sound.

“…Ajin?”

Surprised, Seokju couldn’t hide his expression when he muttered Ajin’s name. Ajin greeted him with a slight bow.

“Hello, sir.”

“Huh? Uh…”

In response to the polite greeting, Seokju unconsciously took a step back. It was unclear why Ajin was acting like this. Awkwardly wandering around, he came out from behind the desk. Then he approached Ajin slowly.

“What… is it?”

With a question filled with deep concern, Ajin looked up at him.

“I… I came to sleep.”

At the unexpected words, Seokju blinked his eyes quickly. After a moment’s delay, he replied.

“…What?”

Somehow, Ajin chuckled at Seokju’s foolishness. He looked through him with his bead-like navy blue eyes.