Double Junk - 179

Ajin could easily guess what was on the tray. It was something that had marked the beginning of all his misfortunes, misunderstandings, and pain. He couldn’t not know it. When he held his breath, he fled to the back of the sofa.

No one was forcing him to eat, and the medicine didn’t have legs to walk on its own. There was no reason for him to swallow it again unless he put it in his mouth himself, yet he was scared.

While Ajin remained stiff and frozen, his friends eagerly sought the drugs. Someone crushed a round pill into a drink and swallowed it, while another friend sprinkled powder on the table and snorted it. Juhyeok was among the latter.

Ajin held his breath and stared at them. The friends he had begun to recognize suddenly became unfamiliar. He wanted to avoid them. He wanted to leave this place. He felt like the memories he had tried to bury would resurface. The nightmare that had ended decades ago seemed to creep back up.

It wasn’t certain whether the white pill was the same one Seokju had made him take. No, even if he made a hundred or a thousand concessions, it might not be a drug.

But still, Ajin didn’t want to be in the same space as something similar. His stomach churned. The heat that had constantly been scratching at his solar plexus rushed away. His body felt cold. His bones creaked as if they were frozen.

The phone tightly gripped in his hand, Ajin was trying to stand up when Juhyeok, who had just snorted a large amount of powder, collapsed backward onto the sofa, blocking his way. His eyelashes quivered, turning a strange shade of blue.

“Hah…”

Juhyeok sighed deeply. Ajin, looking at him with frightened eyes, realized that the Juhyeok he had seen at the birthday party was not threatening. He had been mischievous and playful, but also kind. There was no need to be nervous then, but now his mouth was dry.

Did Juhyeok know how Ajin felt? As he stared into space, Juhyeok’s eyes slowly rolled and locked onto Ajin. Ajin flinched, his shoulders trembling.

Seeing Ajin like a scared puppy, Juhyeok chuckled, suddenly leaning close to his face. He let out a breath through his nose, and in that moment, the white powder inside his nostrils dispersed like smoke. The small particles entered Ajin’s retinas, nose, and slightly open lips.

The pungent, stale smell made Ajin hold his breath, but Juhyeok, giggling, patted his shoulder.

“Don’t do it. Seokju hyung, no matter what you do, will let it slide. But he won’t let drugs slide. He doesn’t like stuff like illegal entertainment. He was planning to send you home if you came today, so we could do this separately, but now… since he’s not here…”

“…”

“Remember when you were twenty-three? You took some drug from a weird pervert at a club and passed out. Damn, Seokju hyung was really, wow…”

“…”

“If you take drugs, I might burn this place down. So just drink, Ajin baby.”

Juhyeok’s pronunciation was slurred, his words lengthening, making it obvious that he was heavily intoxicated.

Juhyeok poured whiskey into a glass that had been lying around. It was the glass his girlfriend, who had been sitting next to Ajin, had left after drinking. At the bottom of the glass, there was a faint white powder, which was covered up by the yellowish light of the pouring whiskey.

Juhyeok’s shaking hand only stopped pouring when the glass overflowed. He offered the glass to Ajin.

“…”

Ajin didn’t take it, just staring at it. Juhyeok shook the glass.

“Drink. You like this drink, right? I specially ordered it for you. But you didn’t even drink one sip, damn it. That’s so disappointing…”

Juhyeok pouted. Ajin had no choice but to take it. If he didn’t drink, Juhyeok would probably keep pestering him.

Ajin swallowed the drink. Juhyeok clapped his hands, praising him. Ajin, struggling, placed the empty glass on the table with a thud.

Ajin, leaning back on the sofa, slowly blinked. His body felt heavy. It was so heavy that it was hard to sit up, and his limbs hung limp.

His mind was fuzzy. His ears were numb, and his breathing was labored. His wrists and ankles felt as if someone had cut them off. The glistening chandelier light spread like it was soaked in water. It was beautiful, but also frightening.

Ajin knew that this feeling, this mood, was wrong, that something was wrong.

“Hah…”

He exhaled deeply and struggled to tilt his head. He looked around at his friends. Juhyeok was in a distant corner, on a separate sofa, kissing Dahyun. Another friend was lying on the floor with half-closed eyes, while someone else was casually drinking and fiddling with their phone. Yet another person was hurriedly eating snacks, as if they were suddenly hungry.

It wasn’t completely strange, but it wasn’t peaceful either.

Ajin sat there for a long time, lost in thought, before he decided that he needed to leave this place. He squinted, looking at the short hand of his wristwatch, which had already passed eleven.

“I have to go…”

Ajin mumbled, but no one paid attention to him. The staff were nowhere to be seen either.

Ajin sluggishly lifted his body. He waved his hand lightly at the air and staggered toward the door. Even then, he felt thankful that his legs were still working. If one of them were lame, he wouldn’t have been able to take more than a few steps before falling.

Ajin pushed open the heavy metal door with his shoulder. Unlike the room, a dim hallway unfolded in front of him. The hallway was slightly warm, probably because the air conditioner wasn’t turned on strongly. It felt damp because of the rain pouring outside, and the silence was thick.

“Whoo…”

Ajin took a deep breath and focused his eyes. As he looked around, he found the elevator sign hanging from the ceiling. It was marked with a symbol similar to the one in his company, so he was able to recognize it easily.

Ajin was relieved; he gave a slight smile. Then He began to walk down the corridor, swaying side to side, shaking his body as he moved.

How much time had passed? The smile that had been on his lips faded. It was just walking, but it felt very difficult. His vision was strange; the wall he thought was far away was right in front of him, and the corner he thought he had turned had another corner. The dimly painted space made it hard to tell what was ceiling and what was floor.

The light gradually faded. The sound of his footsteps, irregular at first, began to fade too. His body, which had cooled from the medicine, was now burning again. He exhaled, trying to shake off the effects of the alcohol, but his breath felt hot.

Ajin turned around the corridor again and kept walking. But the elevator was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t escape this corridor.

He started to feel nauseous. His stomach churned, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

Ajin, rubbing his shoulder against the wall, collapsed to the floor. He couldn’t walk anymore. He was hot, sleepy, dizzy, scared, and tired. All these emotions pressed down on him, and his eyebrows dropped.

Suddenly, he wanted to see Seokju. If Seokju were here, he thought he would feel less anxious. No, it would be true. Even if he collapsed like an idiot, Seokju would surely help him up and take him home. He would clean him up and hold him in his large, warm arms, then put him to sleep. With that big, warm, no, cold, hot, cold… anyway, Seokju would brush his hair with that hand.

“I want to see you…”

He missed him. The sound of footsteps on the floor, the soft rustling of Seokju’s robe, the smoky breath from his cigarette, filled his mind.

He had never thought about Seokju like this. Was it because of the alcohol? Or because of the white pill? Or maybe it was because he had seen Seokju’s ghost earlier today? He kept seeing Seokju, the Seokju from that time, in his mind.

Ajin hit his head against the wall.

Where are you? Did you fall to hell after leaving me behind and dying first? Do you still remember me there? Maybe, just maybe… are you looking for me somewhere in this world?

No, that couldn’t be. Seokju’s name and face were already here with me.

But the person here wasn’t the Seokju I knew. Then the real Seokju, no, that doesn’t mean the Seokju next to me is fake, it’s just…

“Ah…”

He just wanted to see anyone. He didn’t care who, he just wanted someone to take this loneliness, this pain away.

Ajin let out a long breath. Then, suddenly, his eyebrows lifted. He fumbled around and found his phone. Fortunately, it was neatly tucked in his pocket.

He pressed the home button and tapped the phone icon. It was the first time he was making a call, so his fingers fumbled. Still, he somehow managed to get to the dial screen. With his chin tucked in and his eyes half-lidded, he searched for the numbers.

“Number 5. Number 5…”

After struggling, Ajin found the number and pressed it down long. He remembered Seokju’s words, “Don’t press it quickly. You have to press it down long until the screen changes.”

The screen turned black. Ajin quickly held the phone to his ear. The dial tone rang. Strangely, his anxious mind began to calm down.

Soon, the dial tone stopped, and the voice he had been waiting for came through.

• • Yes, sir.

“…”

Ajin swallowed hard. Hearing Seokju’s voice through the machine felt unfamiliar. He stared blankly for a moment. Then, once again, he heard Seokju’s voice from the other side.

• • Sir?