Expression of emotions - Chapter 1

1.

Kang-woo felt uncomfortable constantly running into Tae-young, someone he wasn’t close to and had no intention of getting close to. In fact, it might have felt even more that way because, if not for his friend Seung-jun, there would be no real reason for him to cross paths with Tae-young at all.

It was the first week of the semester after returning from a leave of absence, so there wasn’t much to do. As usual, Kang-woo received a message from Seung-joon asking to grab a drink. Feeling bored at the moment, Kang-woo thought it was perfect timing and quickly headed to the pub near the school gate where Seung-joon had called him. Since it had been quiet when Seung-joon called earlier, Kang-woo assumed he’d be alone. But when he arrived, Seung-joon wasn’t alone; he was sitting across from his friend, Tae-young.

Kang-woo felt completely comfortable hanging out with Seung-joon, whom he’d known for a long time. But it was a bit awkward when Seung-joon invited him to hang out with his department friends, people who had nothing to do with him. That was because Tae-young was often there at those gatherings.

So when Kang-woo saw the unexpected presence of Tae-young, he stopped walking and scratched his forehead awkwardly.

But usually, when he’s around, there are other department friends too, so why is it just him today, of all times?

Looking at the unwelcome face, Kang-woo shoved both hands into his zip-up hoodie pockets and approached the table with a slightly slouched posture.

“Oh? What’s this, Seo Kang-woo! If you’re here, sit down. Why are you just standing there?”

“You two look like you’re having fun. Why did you bother calling me?”

“You broke up with your CC and have no friends anyway. Be grateful I even called you.”

Seriously… did he really have to say something like that in front of a friend I’m not even close with, especially him?

Kang-woo glared at Seung-joon disapprovingly, then tapped his shoulder as a signal to move over. As soon as he sat down, he grabbed a handful of snacks that had been served and stuffed them into his mouth.

When Kang-woo looked up, he made eye contact with Tae-young, who had been sitting across from him without even exchanging greetings.

Tae-young was expressionless, but when their eyes met, Kang-woo scowled, recalling something Tae-young had once said to him.

“Are you a pushover?”

2.

Kang-woo had known Seung-joon since kindergarten, and graduated from the same elementary, middle, and high schools. They even ended up at the same university, though in different departments and colleges. So unless they intentionally took the same electives, they rarely saw each other on campus.

Tae-young, the guy sitting in front of him, was Seung-joon’s friend from the same department and a very close college friend.

Until high school, Kang-woo and Seung-joon had always hung out in the same group. Kang-woo’s friends were Seung-joon’s friends, and vice versa. But at university, where their lives diverged, their friend groups naturally changed. As a result, Kang-woo had no personal ties to Tae-young, who was very close to Seung-joon.

Moreover, while Seung-joon was busy adapting to his major and making new friends, joining group meetups, clubs, and enjoying campus life, Kang-woo had started dating someone right after entering university. And he focused only on that relationship.

In the end, it was a relationship that was worse than not dating at all. And to make matters worse, it was a CC from the same department.

After the breakup, nothing was left. He didn’t make many friends in his department because he was always with his girlfriend. And even the few classmates he was close to grew distant in an instant.

Because… she had cheated on him, with one of those classmates.

Before, people who didn’t know Kang-woo well used to say, “Oh, that guy? The guy who looks like actor Sa Gong-hyun?” But after the breakup, they said, “Oh, that guy? The one who was a campus couple and got cheated on?”

That’s why returning to school made Kang-woo feel burdened and uneasy. He didn’t like seeing classmates whose faces he vaguely remembered. It was also bothersome that attendance, which used to be called out before class, was now done through a mobile app. And the fact that the most expensive menu item at the cafeteria had gone up by a whole 700 won was annoying too.

But what bothered him the most was his ex-girlfriend. She was in her fourth year now, so there was little chance of running into her—but the mere possibility made Kang-woo feel constantly uneasy.

3.

Seung-joon, who understood Kang-woo’s situation better than anyone, contacted him almost every evening after their military discharge. Sometimes it was just the two of them drinking, but since the semester started, Seung-joon often invited Kang-woo to hang out with his department friends.

Since Kang-woo was living near campus and didn’t have much to do, he would drag himself out in slippers each time, awkwardly meeting Seung-joon’s friends.

But, today, of all people, the only one present was Taeyoung among Seung-joon’s friends, the one Kang-woo felt the most awkward around, and, on top of that, didn’t even like.

Tae-young had even served in the military with Seung-joon. They were close enough that Kang-woo could have been friends with him, too but he had absolutely no intention of doing so.

Seung-joon, who knew nothing about the situation, couldn’t understand why Kang-woo was only cold toward Taeyoung out of all his school friends. He secretly hoped the two of them would get along a bit better.

4.

In fact, Kang-woo had once shown tears to Tae-young, tears he had never shown even to his oldest friend, Seung-joon. And not just tears, but ones that literally fell drop by drop. Maybe it’s more accurate to say he got caught.

It was right before he enlisted in the army, during that miserable moment when he couldn’t even get angry at his girlfriend who cheated on him with a classmate, and instead clung to her, almost begging. That moment was the one Kang-woo regretted the most and wanted to forget more than anything. But every time he saw Tae-young, that memory would come back and make him uncomfortable.

At that time, when he was upset and his pride was hurt, and held on to her out of stubbornness, his girlfriend ended up coldly shaking off his hand and turning away. Kang-woo just stood there, unable to stop her, watching her back that looked determined, as if she had no regrets at all, while tears fell from his eyes, when Tae-young suddenly appeared in front of him.

“Are you a pushover?”

Kang-woo was already baffled by someone suddenly appearing in front of him out of nowhere, but he was even more confused because that person stood there with a slouched posture and an annoyed expression.

At that moment, Kang-woo had red eyes and was shedding tears like chicken-poop,¹ and his face was wet with tears in the cold winter. Tae-young looked at him like he was pathetic and stepped closer.

Looking at Kang-woo with a displeased expression, Tae-young suddenly reached out toward Kang-woo’s face. Kang-woo, wary of Tae-young’s action, took a step back. As he tilted his head back in confusion, the back of Tae-young’s hand brushed against Kang-woo’s face. Then, he roughly wiped Kang-woo’s damp eyes. It was just a quick swipe, barely a touch, so the back of Tae-young’s hand only got slightly wet and Kang-woo’s tears weren’t even properly wiped away.

Kang-woo couldn’t understand Tae-young’s behavior and stayed confused. But Tae-young, without any explanation, simply wiped his hand on his pants and looked at Kang-woo again.

“Pathetic.”

“…?”

“Hey. If you were my friend, I’d be so frustrated I’d want to punch you but since you’re not, I’ll just leave.”

Kang-woo couldn’t understand Tae-young’s words or actions at all, so he just stood there, unable to say anything, completely confused. And when Tae-young turned to leave, a wave of embarrassment suddenly hit him, and he frowned.

How much did he see?

No, but seriously, who even is he?

Still stunned by the absurdity of it all, Kang-woo just blinked and blankly stared at Tae-young’s back as he walked away with long strides.

5.

Back in the present, Kang-woo was silently drinking, while Seung-joon was talking with Tae-young. Since the conversation was mostly about people from their department and department-related topics, Kang-woo, who was from a different department, couldn’t join in. Not that he even wanted to. Tae-young glanced at Kang-woo from time to time. Kang-woo fiddled with his chopsticks, half listening to their conversation while drinking his beer.

No, but seriously, why did Kim Seung-joon even invite me today?

Kang-woo frowned in dissatisfaction. With Seung-joon, who had been more like family than family for almost his whole life, meeting up never needed a reason or condition. But now, Kang-woo thought that next time Seung-joon tells him to come out, he should definitely ask who’ll be there and what they’re going to do.

As Kang-woo sat there doing nothing in particular, Seung-joon suddenly stood up, saying he was going to the bathroom. As soon as Seung-joon disappeared toward the restroom, the space quickly grew quiet. Kang-woo, who had been stabbing at the side dishes for no reason with his chopsticks, grew curious about the silent Tae-young and looked up. And the moment he lifted his head, his eyes met Tae-young’s.

“What.”

Kang-woo asked, looking at Tae-young with an unfriendly expression.

“What, what.”

“Why are you looking at me?”

“You’re looking too.”

The conversation couldn’t have been drier. When Kang-woo spoke irritably after their eyes met, Tae-young replied with a baffled look. Kang-woo immediately looked away. He didn’t want to keep talking with Tae-young.

Feeling uncomfortable, Kang-woo turned his head toward the direction of the bathroom where Seung-joon had gone.

But Kang-woo couldn’t keep staring in the direction of the bathroom forever, so he met the gaze directly facing him and made a displeased expression. He kept his frown. It was because he didn’t like the Tae-young sitting across from him.

“Hey, is Kim Seung-joon your only friend or what? You two are always hanging out like this. Are you dating or something?”

“Well… I think I have more friends than you. And since you’ve been hanging out like this all the time lately too, does that mean I’m dating you?”

Looking at Tae-young’s face as he spoke with a slight smile, Kang-woo furrowed his brow even more than he already had. What the hell, how does that make any sense?

Then Tae-young reached out his finger toward Kang-woo’s face. He tapped Kang-woo’s wrinkled brow and let out a soft chuckle. Kang-woo scratched the spot where Tae-young’s finger had touched his brow and jerked his head back roughly, clearly annoyed.

“Hey. I might not know you that well, but it seems like you haven’t changed at all since before you joined the army. “Neither your face nor your personality.”

“…”

“The face is a compliment. The personality…”

Tae-young trailed off and curled his lips into a smirk, like he was mocking him. Kang-woo stared at Tae-young with a displeased expression, as if offended by his words.

“What about my personality?”

“…”

“Hey. What?”

Kang-woo asked again, but Tae-young just smiled annoyingly with his mouth tightly shut, as if he had no intention of answering. Kang-woo couldn’t help but frown even more at Tae-young’s smiling face.

“Hey. I said, what.”

He asked again, but Tae-young shrugged his shoulders and didn’t answer. He simply picked up the beer he’d been drinking, lightly clinked it against the bottle Kang-woo was holding, and took a sip.

6.

Kang-woo felt extremely uncomfortable and irritated by Tae-young, who was smiling in front of him. So he made up his mind to avoid running into him as much as possible from now on.