Expression of emotions - Chapter 10

62.

Final exams were slowly approaching. Kang-woo focused more on the subjects where his midterm scores hadn’t been great. While he sat at his desk, skimming through the exam material, he suddenly got a call from Seung-joon.

I looked at the time and saw it was past midnight. Usually, if Seung-joon called him after midnight, there was only one reason. So Kang-woo answered, saying, “Yeah, I’m still up.”

Because of his major, Seung-joon often had to stay at school late into the night working on projects or assignments, twice the workload Kang-woo had. On those nights, he would sometimes crash at Kang-woo’s studio before heading back to school.

“You were at school until now?”

— Not because I was studying late today, but… can I come over?

“Sure. You know the door code, just come in.”

— Okay, but sorry, can my friend come too? He’s….

“Yeah, whatever. Hey, pick up some milk on the way.”

— For real?

Kang-woo didn’t think much of it. No, actually, he really didn’t think much of it.

…That is, he hadn’t even considered that the ‘friend’ Seung-joon’ mentioned might be Tae-young. He’d only casually said yes because “my friend” was the kind of phrase you used when referring to someone the other person didn’t know.

63.

The sound of the front door password being entered made Kang-woo, who was sitting at his desk, turn around to look. When he saw Tae-young behind Seung-joon, Kang-woo’s eyes widened in surprise. The “friend” Seung-joon had said he would bring over — was it Tae?

Since Tae-young had said he had plans after Friday’s liberal arts class last week and ate lunch separately, Kang-woo was only seeing him today, for the first time in a while.

Both Seung-joon and Tae-young looked like they had been drinking a bit.

“Well, it’s fine since you already know Tae-young, right?”

Know him well?

Seung-joon grinned as he said it, but Kang-woo didn’t answer. Instead, he just glanced back and forth between Seung-joon and Tae-young—the guy he definitely didn’t know all that well.

“Hey. Sorry to bother you so late.”

At Tae-young’s unusually serious tone, without his usual playfulness, Kang-woo almost laughed. Maybe it was because they were meeting at his place this time, but he felt slightly proud. He only muttered, “Yeah,” then turned back to his open book.

Seung-joon dropped his bag and went straight to wash up. Tae-young sat on the floor, quietly looking around the room. A faint whiff of alcohol brushed past Kang-woo’s nose as he faced his book again.

The silence behind him made him curious. Is he asleep? Kang-woo turned to check, only to find Tae-young staring right at him. Their eyes met, and Kang-woo flinched first. Tae-young just blinked slowly.

“What are you looking at?”

“Your round head. I was imagining what kind of expression you were making… but now that I see you from the front, it’s the complete opposite.”

At that, Kang-woo reflexively rubbed the back of his head. Weird thing to say. Is he drunk?

“What expression were you imagining?”

“Just… a smiley, cheerful one?”

Kang-woo frowned and gave Tae-young a weird look. Smiley? What’s that even supposed to mean? It felt completely out of the blue.

“I’m thirsty.”

“There’s water in the fridge.”

“No, not that.”

“….?”

“……Smile.”

“…Huh?”

Kang-woo tilted his head. He said he was thirsty, and now he wanted him to smile? What sense did that make?

Hey. Smile.

Suddenly Kang-woo recalled the time he ran into Tae-young in the bar bathroom. This guy had a strange fixation with other people’s smiles. Did he do that with everyone? Telling people to smile out of nowhere, even when they weren’t close?

“Haa”

Kang-woo let out a short, empty laugh, barely even a laugh, and kept a bewildered expression. Tae-young, meanwhile, just kept watching him in silence.

“Hey, when Seung-joon comes out, you go wash up too and just sleep.”

It felt awkward to keep holding Tae-young’s gaze, so Kang-woo looked away, pretending to focus back on his book. No reply came from behind him.

And yet he couldn’t concentrate. The back of his head suddenly felt oddly itchy, probably because of what Tae-young had said. But because he was so conscious of it now, he couldn’t even reach up to touch it.

Should I turn around? But then what if their eyes met again? He couldn’t bring himself to.

But… So what if our eyes meet? What is this situation?

Kang-woo, caught off guard by the sudden rush of thoughts, looked flustered and confused. He kept his eyes fixed on a book he wasn’t really seeing, waiting for Seung-joon to come out.

64.

The next morning, Kang-woo got up at his usual time and froze. Of the two who should’ve been on the floor, only Tae-young was there. Seung-joon was gone—probably had an early class. But why was this guy still here without him?

Scratching his cheek, Kang-woo stared at the sleeping Tae-young and sent Seung-joon a message. The reply came quickly: [Taeyoung’s first class is after lunch.]

Kang-woo had a lecture in an hour. Watching Tae-young sleep soundly, he wondered if he should wake him up or just leave him.

Man, his nose bridge is no joke.

He found himself staring at Tae-young’s unmoving face, as though studying it, before getting up to wash. Even on his way to the bathroom, he snuck another glance at the sleeping figure.

After washing, Kang-woo went over and woke him up—by shaking his wet hair all over Taeyoung’s face.

“Hey, checkout time at my place is eleven, so get up already.”

Tae-young frowned as droplets splashed across his face and slowly sat up. As his upper body rose, Kang-woo was startled to see his bare back exposed — at some point, Tae-young had taken off his shirt.

Does this guy seriously work out somewhere? Why does his body look like that?

As Tae-young walked toward the bathroom, Kang-woo’s eyes instinctively tracked the solid, muscular back. The small muscles shifted with each step. It wasn’t anything particularly special and yet, Kang-woo couldn’t stop staring.

“Hey, where’s the towel… what are you looking at?”

And then, suddenly, Tae-young turned around and caught him..

Heat rushed to Kang-woo’s face. He whipped his head the other way and yanked the towel off his own head, pretending to wipe his face with it.

“I said, where’s the towel?”

There was a trace of amusement in Tae-young’s voice, but Kang-woo, embarrassed by his own reaction, couldn’t bring himself to look again.

“….In the cabinet! Where else would it be? Don’t you have cabinets in your bathroom? That’s where towels go!”

“I thought your face would be puffy and round in the morning, with your eyes swollen and cheeks all bloated, but you’re sharp-edged as always.”

Tae-young laughed, shaking his head, then disappeared into the bathroom. Kang-woo squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his brow in frustration. The memory of staring at Tae-young’s back and getting caught, kept gnawing at him. God, so embarrassing.

65.

When Kang-woo was eating a quick bowl of cereal, Tae-young came into the kitchen, shaking out his wet hair. Having always seen him with his bangs styled up with gel, the sight of his damp hair falling naturally was unfamiliar. Maybe that was why Kang-woo thought his usual cocky impression seemed softer, even mild.

“You gonna share?”

“Not if you keep shaking your hair around here.”

So the two of them ended up sitting across each other at the tiny kitchen table, eating cereal together. Normally, when friends came over, Kang-woo would sit with them at the living room table in front of the TV. Sharing a meal at the kitchen table with someone was a first. The already-cramped table seemed even smaller with Tae-young’s large frame filling the space.

When Kang-woo finished and got up, Tae-young looked at him.

“What?”

“Give me some more. A handful of flakes isn’t breakfast.”

The way Tae-young spoke with his cheeks puffed full of cereal made Kang-woo chuckle. Smiling, he pulled out more cereal and milk from the fridge and handed them over.

“Free lodging and free breakfast. Not a bad deal, huh?”

“You call this breakfast?”

“If you don’t like it, put the spoon down and get out right now.”

“Nah, thanks. I’ll eat.”

Tae-young lowered his head, pouring more cereal into his bowl. As Kang-woo left the kitchen, passing by him, he suddenly caught the familiar scent of Taeyoung’s body wash.Without thinking, Kang-woo turned back. And just then, Tae-young lifted his head—meeting his gaze again.

Kang-woo had always thought Tae-young tended to stare at people a little too intently when their eyes met. But this time it felt stronger than usual. It gave him a strange, indescribable feeling. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but it felt….

Normally, he would’ve blurted something like, What? What is it? But this time he couldn’t. All he could say was that it felt strange.

When he noticed Tae-young’s chewing slow to a hesitant, almost absent pace as their eyes stayed locked, Kang-woo finally turned his head away. The weird feeling in his chest only grew stronger.

66.

The two of them left together. On the short walk to school, someone called out to Tae-young.

“Hey, Woo Tae-young~ Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday? Spill it, spill it. Who’d you spend the night with?”

The girl poked at him as she teased. Tae-young just gave a little smirk and pointed at Kang-woo.

“At his place.”

“Eh? Who’s that? A friend?”

“…Yeah, I guess.”

I guess? Why add that?

Feeling awkward, Kang-woo glanced at Tae-young, who only raised his brows at him.

And for the first time, Kang-woo had this thought—

What exactly is a friend? Is he really one? If he’s not now, could he ever be? Why does the concept of ‘friend’ feel so complicated when it comes to Woo Tae-young?

67.

By the time the semester was wrapping up, Kang-woo and Tae-young hadn’t exactly grown close, but between all the bickering and teasing, there had still been something.

Seung-joon invited Kang-woo out for drinks with friends, saying it would be the last gathering before finals hit and everyone went into study lockdown.

Kang-woo fully expected Tae-young to be there. In fact, he kind of wanted to show up just to throw some shade at him. But surprisingly, Tae-young wasn’t there.

He even glanced toward the bathroom a few times, thinking maybe Tae-young had just stepped out, but no—nothing. He was too self-conscious to ask Seung-joon directly, so he tried to brush off his curiosity, drinking and chatting with Seung-joon and his friends.

He thought contacting Tae-young directly just to ask would be excessive. And even if he did, Tae-young would probably find it weird. The truth was, there were still too many awkward gaps between them to be able to call each other friends.

But… Did he really want to become friends with Woo Tae-young?

Why was he even thinking about this now?

Kang-woo mulled it over, lost in thought, in the middle of the noisy drinking party.