Expression of emotions - Chapter 12

71.

Lunch was at Seung-joon. Not because he’d finished his exam later than the other two, but because he owed Kang-woo for providing room and board during the exam period, and Tae-young for helping him with an assignment.

Even after lunch, Kang-woo was stuck with Seung-joon and Tae-young, who were both heading to the department’s end-of-semester gathering that evening. It wasn’t like he ever went to department events anyway, so all he wanted was to go home and take a nap. He really did sleep a lot. Or, even if he didn’t sleep, he just wanted to go home and rest.

But Seung-joon cut off Kang-woo’s excuses about being tired, saying, “Like you’re more exhausted than us.”

Annoyed by Seung-joon’s remark, he spitefully grabbed Seung-joon’s iced Americano and gulped it down. Then, grimacing, he chugged the apple juice he’d bought for himself. He couldn’t drink coffee without syrup in it.

“Hey, you guys spent a whole semester together. Isn’t it about time you got a little closer? You’ve drunk together plenty, even slept in the same room. You’re basically best friends.”

Even after they moved to a café, Kang-woo and Tae-young didn’t exchange a single word. Tae-young was quietly scrolling on his phone, so Seung-joon, looking between the two of them, suddenly spoke up. His words flustered Kang-woo, who waved his hands in protest.

“He’s not my friend.”

“Then what, am I your boyfriend?”

“Ugh, don’t say stuff like that, that’s seriously creepy.”

Kang-woo turned to Tae-young with a serious expression.

“I’m just saying, even if I were gay— what, do you think gay people have no eyes? You think they’d go for you, you pushover?”

“Stop calling me a pushover.”

“If I can’t call a pushover a pushover, what should I call you then, Mr. Seo-Push-over?”

“Hey!”

“What?”

Seung-joon, who’d only said one line about them being best friends, stared at the two in disbelief as they bickered again.

“You two are gonna end up getting attached at this rate.”

When Seung-joon said that with a smile, Tae-young let out a quiet, awkward chuckle and spun his drink with his hand. But Kang-woo snapped at Seung-joon, saying to stop talking nonsense, his voice a bit louder than necessary. Seung-joon just kept laughing at his reaction.

Despite the conversation barely feeling like one, Kang-woo stayed in the café with them as Seung-joon insisted. Now and then, when Tae-young threw in a teasing comment, Kang-woo snapped back irritably. Seung-joon just chuckled at their back-and-forth, clearly entertained.

When it was time to head to the department gathering, Seung-joon and Tae-young both got messages, probably from their group chat, at the same time. Seung-joon got up first, tidying his seat.

As Seung-joon carried his tray away, Kang-woo stood up too, but Tae-young, still sitting, suddenly spoke.

“What are you doing over break?”

It was such an ordinary question, yet Kang-woo looked at Tae-young warily, as if he’d been asked something completely unexpected.

“Wait, are you talking to me?”

“Yeah. Can’t I?”

“No, it’s not that… I dunno. I’ll do something, I guess. You already got your plans all set?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Right. Figures.”

Was he asking just to brag about his summer plans? Kang-woo stared at Tae-young, dumbfounded, but before he could say more, Seung-joon—who had walked ahead—turned around, puzzled that the two of them hadn’t followed. Noticing his look, Tae-young slowly stood, and Kang-woo turned toward Seung-joon, as if ready to leave.

“Hey.”

“Huh?”

“….”

Tae-young called him again. They’d barely spoken except for his occasional nitpicking all afternoon, so it felt strange that he’d say something just as they were leaving.

“Have a good break.”

“Huh? Out of nowhere?”

Kang-woo blinked, thinking he’d misheard. Tae-young smirked at his surprised expression, then walked off without another word. Kang-woo stood there a moment, staring blankly after him, he was still bewildered.

Seung-joon, waiting by the door, caught Kang-woo as he stepped out.

“Hey, you really going straight home to sleep? Should I call you later for dinner?”

“No, I’m seriously just gonna sleep. Starting today, I’m gonna do nothing but sleep for like three, four days straight, so don’t call me.”

Kang-woo shook his head lazily, clearly uninterested. He thought about saying, “Have a good break,” like Tae-young had, but the words wouldn’t come out. So he just gave a quick farewell and walked past them.

As he walked down the dim path toward his studio apartment, Kang-woo thought about Tae-young’s sudden “Have a good break.” The more he thought about it, the stranger—and somehow ticklish—it felt.

Maybe it felt awkward because they weren’t close enough to say stuff like that? But then again, what is the kind of relationship where you say things like that? Should he have said it back? Why was he even thinking about this? Ridiculous.

By the time he reached his studio apartment, he was still thinking about Tae-young’s “Have a good break,” and even found himself wondering what exactly a ‘good break’ was supposed to be.

72.

It was a vacation.

Seung-joon and Tae-young went abroad for a volunteer program organized by their department, while Kang-woo enrolled in an English academy. He also went on a Naeilro ¹ train trip with his friends. He exchanged the occasional message with Seung-joon, but not with Tae-young. They hadn’t met or contacted each other all break.

Still, maybe because they’d seen each other so often last semester,Tae-young popped into Kang-woo’s mind from time to time. He’d teased him until the very end of finals, calling him a pushover, so whenever he thought of him, he couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief.

They weren’t even close, but somehow Tae-young got on his nerves more than his actual close friends. Then again, close friends didn’t usually try to get on your nerves.

Before Seung-joon went abroad, Kang-woo had confronted him about it.

“What’s wrong with your friend, seriously? Every time I see him, he says something annoying. It’s like he can’t go a single conversation without picking a fight or saying something pointless.”

But Seung-joon just tilted his head, saying that Tae-young wasn’t even that talkative and rarely started conversations with anyone. That made Kang-woo even more annoyed—was he seriously defending him now? Seung-joon, trying to make him understand, lavishingly praising Tae-young.

“First of all, he’s good-looking… I mean, there’s nothing lacking about him appearance-wise, so people naturally try to get close to him first. But he doesn’t talk much, and he doesn’t act all flirty or shallow just because he’s handsome, so people actually find him kind of intimidating…”

Out of everything Seung-joon said, the only part he found believable was ‘he’s good looking’. That guy was nosy for no reason, not quiet at all, and loved to show off when it suited him.

He thought it was absurd that he, who’d only gotten to know Tae-young properly for one semester, knew him better than Seung-joon, who’d been close with him since freshman orientation. Actually, it was so absurd that Kang-woo wondered why he even knew such things about someone he wasn’t close to.

“But now that I think about it,” Seung-joon had said, “Tae-young didn’t even mess with me like that.”

“….”

“What, are you saying he does it because he wants to be friends with me?”

“Maybe. He might actually be trying to get closer to you.”

Seung-joon’s eyes had gone wide with realization, but he had just laughed at him.

What was this, is he an elementary school student? Who picks fights to get close to someone?

That reminded Kang-woo of something Tae-young had said back when he showed up at the neighborhood pub where Kang-woo was meeting high school friends.

“I don’t plan on being friends with pushovers.”

That’s just how he was.

So Kang-woo decided that although they’d seen each other constantly last semester, they’d never really been friends.

They hadn’t met or texted since break started, and Kang-woo didn’t even have Tae-young’s number anyway.

73.

About three weeks after Seung-joon left for volunteer work abroad.

Kang-woo was out drinking with his local friends when, out of nowhere, he got a video call from Seung-joon.

They’d exchanged a few messages here and there, but it had been a while since they’d actually seen each other’s faces. On screen, Seung-joon was visibly tanned from the sun. The moment the call connected, he was grinning ear to ear, buzzing with energy. He talked excitedly about how exhausting yet fun the volunteer work was, and how, once the day’s work ended, he and the other students spent all their time hanging out.

“Hey, I’ve been posting tons of photos on SNS, so go take a look!”

After a long string of updates, Seung-joon ended the call with that.

Kang-woo didn’t usually check social media, he had an account but never used it. Still, when he got home that night, he remembered Seung-joon’s words and logged in before bed.

When he opened Seung-joon’s page, the first thing he saw—and it genuinely startled him—was Tae-young. As usual, Tae-young was in nearly every photo Seung-joon had uploaded. They must have been inseparable even there.

Three weeks had passed since the start of summer vacation. It had also been three weeks since Kang-woo had last seen Tae-young—now, only through Seung-joon’s SNS. They hadn’t spoken once during this time. Kang-woo had no reason to reach out, and clearly, neither did Tae-young.

Sure, they’d worked on assignments together and shared drinks, but without Seung-joon as a go-between, they really had no reason to talk. And honestly, if they were real friends, Kang-woo wouldn’t have kept wondering every time he saw him, “Are we even friends?”

Still, why had Tae-young always picked on him and tried to mess with him?

As he scrolled through the photos, Kang-woo found himself thinking back to Tae-young’s behavior last semester, still unable to make sense of it. Seeing Tae-young smiling brightly next to Seung-joon—looking as cheerful as Seung-joon had during their video call—made his mood oddly unsettled.

What’s his deal, seriously.

Maybe it was as hot there as it was in Korea—there were even some shirtless pictures of Tae-young. Of course, he’d probably posted those on purpose, showing off because he knew he had a good body. He shook his head at the thought.

Then his eyes froze on one photo showing Tae-young’s bare back.

He suddenly remembered the day Tae-young had stayed over at his apartment, how he’d seen that same back when he got up to go to the bathroom. And how, when he was leaving after breakfast, their eyes had met for a brief, strange moment.

They’d locked eyes plenty of times before, but that one… that one had felt different. Hard to explain, but weirdly strange.

Thinking about it now, he tapped his chest, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that had welled up.