Expression of emotions - Chapter 6

31.

“Hey, but…”

Kang-woo was about to say, “Aren’t we being way too quiet?” to Tae-young. But he stopped mid-sentence. Tae-young, in the middle of picking up a piece of pork cutlet, looked at him.

“What?”

Tae-young seemed about to ask what was wrong, seeing Kang-woo suddenly freeze up.

“Kang-woo… did you come back to college?”

And then, as if the awkwardness between Kang-woo and Tae-young wasn’t already enough, someone approached their table hesitantly.

It was Kang-woo’s ex-girlfriend—the one person he’d hoped never to run into during his time at college. Seeing her, Kang-woo just stared blankly without saying a word. Tae-young seemed to recognize her immediately, maybe because he’d seen her once before. Looking between Kang-woo and the woman, he set down his chopsticks.

The woman looked at Kang-woo as if waiting for an answer. Tae-young quietly watched her.

“Yeah. Been a while.”

Kang-woo lifted his eyebrows, relaxing his flustered expression as he answered. He even managed to smile at the end. He didn’t know if it was the right move, but he just wanted to act cool somehow in front of her.

“Have… you been well?”

She asked cautiously, looking at him. Kang-woo nodded and muttered, “Well…” It had been two years, seeing her face, and it felt familiar yet unfamiliar, and incredibly awkward.

“Seeing you after so long… it’s nice…”

“Ah… yeah?”

“…Is that your friend sitting there?”

The woman, still oddly shy in a way that felt unfamiliar, looked at Kang-woo as she spoke. Then, turning to Tae-young, she even asked if he was a friend. She sure is interested in all sorts of things, Kang-woo thought.

Tae-young met her gaze for a brief moment but turned his head away without answering. He picked up his chopsticks again and went back to eating. The woman looked flustered, then glanced at Kang-woo. He also didn’t answer—he couldn’t exactly say “He’s a friend of a friend.”

Seeing no response from either of them, she gave an awkward little chuckle to herself. Kang-woo simply watched her, as if studying her expression.

“If we run into each other… Can I say hi?”

At her words, Kang-woo raised his eyebrows and nodded. She smiled, told him to enjoy his lunch, and even gave his wrist a light squeeze. Then she nodded slightly toward Tae-young in a gesture of greeting. Tae-young, however, didn’t respond at all—he simply looked at her and kept chewing his pork cutlet.

The woman seemed embarrassed again at his reaction, then turned to leave. Kang-woo looked down at the spot on his wrist she’d touched and sighed.

“Wow. Applause for the genius pushover.”

Tae-young said mockingly, and Kang-woo ran a hand down his face.

“If you were actually my friend, your head would be on fire right now.”

That meant Tae-young didn’t think of Kang-woo as a friend either. Kang-woo also figured there was no chance they’d ever become friends.

He had wanted to look fine, unaffected in front of his ex but instead, he felt like an idiot. And it had happened in front of Tae-young of all people. Feeling thoroughly stupid, Kang-woo left the cafeteria. Tae-young followed behind him and spoke again.

“Hey. Are you seriously a pushover?”

Kang-woo turned his head to the side and looked at Tae-young with a look of intense irritation. Right. He wondered why he hadn’t said anything, but that didn’t make it any less irritating.

“Why are you even talking back? You’re going to say hello to her every time you see her now? No, even if you call me a meddlesome person, I have nothing to say, but I really don’t understand and I’m just curious.”

Tae-young was suddenly talking as much as he had that night he was drunk.

“Hey. Cut it out and just go your way already.”

Kang-woo, clearly annoyed, told him off and walked faster.

He had failed to ignore an ex-girlfriend who should’ve been easy to ignore, had a pointless conversation with her, and even agreed to a ridiculous suggestion about saying hi.

If she really felt guilty toward him, would she have been able to approach him so casually? Maybe I really am a pushover, just like Woo Tae-young says. And why, of all times, did it have to happen when he was with Woo Tae-young?

Kang-woo’s mood sank in an instant.

32.

Kang-woo and Tae-young had never really been close or warm with each other, but after that day, they started acting like complete strangers.

Before, if they ran into each other on the street, they might not greet each other warmly, but they’d at least make brief eye contact, smirk, or frown—a bare minimum acknowledgement. Now, even that was gone.

Even in the same class, they only listened to whatever Seung-joon said; the two of them didn’t exchange words.

Tae-young’s attitude made Kang-woo feel as though he didn’t want to get to know someone who’d done something so stupid, and Kang-woo felt like Tae-young was looking down on him. His pride was hurt.

33.

On the day midterms ended, Kang-woo made a sudden evening plan with two male groupmates he’d gotten close to in a liberal arts class, plus three other guys from the same group. After dinner, they decided to head to a hof to keep talking.

And there, Kang-woo ran into Tae-young again. Tae-young was with a woman. Spotting him first, Kang-woo quickly looked away, worried Tae-young might notice him.

Kang-woo and his friends found a table and sat down, talking nonstop.

They talked about the military, the girls in their liberal arts class, and girls, and more girls…

One senior, a year above them, was a good storyteller, and with six people at one table, the place was lively.

After a while of drinking and chatting, Kang-woo got up to use the bathroom. On the way, he glanced over at the table where Tae-young had been. The woman was fixing her makeup, and Tae-young wasn’t there. Kang-woo thought maybe he’d left her to go smoke. With that attitude of his, it’s not hard to imagine. He opened the bathroom door.

34.

Why didn’t I think he might be in here?

Having just finished at the urinal, Tae-young was heading to the sink. Kang-woo stopped in his tracks when their eyes met, feeling awkward immediately. They hadn’t spoken in a while. What if he thinks I followed him? The thought crossed his mind suddenly.

Kang-woo went to the urinal, wishing Tae-young would leave quickly. But even by the time he finished and turned around, Tae-young was still at the sink, washing his hands.

It wasn’t until Kang-woo moved to the next sink and turned on the water that Tae-young turned off the tap at the dink.

“Hey.”

Instead of leaving, Tae-young leaned on the sink and turned his head toward Kang-woo.

“What.”

“…Do you really hate me that much?”

The question was so unexpected that Kang-woo couldn’t answer.

“You were laughing a lot earlier.”

“….?”

“You always frown when you’re around me—like right now. I thought you didn’t even know how to smile.”

I was wondering what he was going to say but it was another sarcastic comment.

Have we ever even had a reason to smile at each other? Isn’t it the same both ways?

He kept those thoughts to himself, just looking at Tae-young.

“….”

“…Then why do I feel so shitty right now?”

Tae-young frowned slightly, then gave a small, scoffing laugh. Kang-woo kept looking at him, wondering what on earth he was talking about?

“Hey. Smile.”

Kang-woo furrowed his brow and darted his eyes around, as if he couldn’t understand Tae-young’s sudden words. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“…Are you drunk?”

He examined Tae-young’s face suspiciously. Telling me to smile, out of nowhere? Has he lost it? But he kept staring at Tae-young, and Tae-young kept staring back. Eventually, though, keeping eye contact with him in a bathroom started feeling too awkward, so Kang-woo looked away first.

“Don’t frown.”

Tae-young spoke as Kang-woo averted his gaze, and then reached out with his wet fingers toward Kang-woo’s brow. Kang-woo pulled his head back immediately, wary.

Feeling slightly embarrassed by Kang-woo’s reaction, Tae-young lowered his hand, let out a short laugh, then turned around and walked out of the bathroom.

What the hell was that?

Kang-woo let out a dry laugh in disbelief.

35.

The more Kang-woo got to know Tae-young…no, the more he saw of him, the more he felt like he couldn’t figure him out. Bringing up his expression like that made Kang-woo wonder what kinds of faces he’d shown Tae-young until now.

Then he remembered the way Tae-young had looked at him. It was half mocking, yet also seemed like he was looking at him with pity. That might have been an exaggeration born of Kang-woo’s own inferiority complex, but he didn’t think it was entirely an exaggeration.

And for some reason, the things Tae-young had said when drunk kept popping into his head, making Tae-young all the more irritating to him.