Expression of emotions - Chapter 9

53.

On the way to eat, Tae-young kept getting phone calls. They were from his classmates. Kang-woo thought, Why doesn’t he just go if he’s going to get calls like that, and watched him deal with it the whole time.

“Yeah. Something came up with a friend so I…”

Friend?

Kang-woo froze at the word “friend” in Tae-young’s conversation and turned to look at him.

Tae-young soon hung up and met Kang-woo’s gaze.

“What.”

“Hey, that ‘friend’ with the problem, don’t tell me that’s me?”

“As if. You’re my friend’s problem.”

At those words, Kang-woo let out a dumb “Ah” without realizing it. Embarrassed, he scrunched his nose. Tae-young looked at him and snickered.

“What. You wanna be my friend?”

“If you’re going to talk nonsense, just go home or to your department meeting.”

“I don’t want to.”

Kang-woo hated that smug look on Tae-young’s face. Why did he have to get dragged into this, to the point of even buying him food?

54.

Kang-woo was planning to just eat and head home.

But Tae-young ordered four dishes. Even if he tried not to think about the cost, Kang-woo couldn’t help recalling the menu prices he’d seen earlier. This was a pricey Mexican restaurant, and watching Tae-young happily eat made Kang-woo scowl. Does he think we’re close enough for this? Or is he just here to bleed me dry, this bastard.

During the meal, the two of them barely spoke. The silence made Kang-woo’s thoughts race, and suddenly he remembered what had happened at the cafeteria last time. What if I run into my ex again? He glanced around just in case. Whenever Tae-young was around, something troublesome seemed to happen. And whenever Kang-woo was in trouble, Tae-young always showed up. Tae-young was becoming that kind of presence for him.

Had he ever gone out to eat and said this little, focusing only on the taste of food?

As his stomach filled, the silence between them grew more uncomfortable.

“Hey, don’t you feel awkward being with me? If it were me, I’d just have gone to the department meeting.”

“That place is more uncomfortable. Full of guys, plus seniors too.”

“Don’t gays like it when there are lots of guys?”

At that, Tae-young stopped eating and looked at Kang-woo with an exasperated expression. Kang-woo shrugged as if to say, So what? I’ve been called a pushover so many times, one more won’t kill me.

Having eaten his fill, Tae-young grabbed his bag and stood up without a word. Kang-woo, bewildered at how he could just stand up like that, got up too.

“Hey, did you get mad cause I said….”

“You’re buying the drinks.”

As Kang-woo tried to speak while following him out, Tae-young cut him off. Kang-woo blinked. Wait, wasn’t I already paying for everything?

But I was planning to go home after dinner…

55.

To Kang-woo’s surprise, Tae-young walked straight to the cashier and handed over his card. A couple of steps behind, Kang-woo rushed up, startled.

“Hey. What the hell.”

“What.”

“Why are you paying?”

“Because I want to.”

The cashier glanced between them, sensing the tension, while processing the payment. Kang-woo frowned. If he pays for dinner, then that means we really do have to drink after all…

Still, the fact that he’d saved money put Kang-woo in a good mood. He was simple like that.

So in the end, they went for a drink too.

Once at the bar, Kang-woo gave a hollow laugh. How the hell did I end up having both dinner and drinks with Tae-young?

“Hey, if you’re paying again this time, tell me first. I won’t stop you.”

“What shame does a pushover have?”

Oh great. Got called a pushover by the gay again today.

“So I do your assignments, buy you food, and now drinks too. What are you going to give me in return?”

Ah. So that’s how it looks.

Kang-woo had no words. He just grinned, lifted his beer bottle, and clinked it against Tae-young’s.

Sorry. I wasn’t thinking, bastard.

56.

The atmosphere wasn’t exactly awkward, but it definitely wasn’t friendly either as they drank. Suddenly, a server approached their table. They hadn’t called anyone, so both looked up, confused.

“The boss just came in and asked us to check your IDs,” the server explained, looking at Kang-woo.

Though he’d already finished his military service, Kang-woo still had a boyish face that made it natural to get carded.

He casually pulled out his ID. After confirming it, the server turned to Tae-young.

“Isn’t it enough to check just one?”

“Ah, but the boss said to check both…”

Kang-woo scratched the back of his head as if to say, Just hand it over, what’s the big deal? while eyeing Tae-young. Slowly, Tae-young pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He held onto his ID tightly, reluctantly handing it over.

There was something uneasy about the way he moved.

The server compared his face with the card and tried to hand it back, but it slipped and fell to the floor, closer to Kang-woo. Kang-woo bent down and picked it up, his eyes landing on it just before Tae-young quickly snatched it away.

“Hey, let me see.”

Kang-woo wiggled his fingers at him.

“Why? Why do you want to see someone else’s ID?”

“Just lemme.”

“No.”

As Tae-young gripped the card tightly, Kang-woo snatched it away again. Tae-young scowled.

“Ha! So that’s why you were hiding it? You’re twenty-two.”

“Early birthday.”

“That’s basically just twenty-two. And you’re nearly a whole year younger than me.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“March 2nd.”

Kang-woo grinned as he spoke. Tae-young shut his mouth. Kang-woo thought his behavior was unusually amusing, and the big age gap made him feel smug for some reason.

“…So you’re a Pisces?”

After a pause, Tae-young looked at Kang-woo and suddenly asked.

Why bring up constellations out of nowhere?

“Me too.”

What?

“Then we’re friends.”

Excuse me?

Tae-young said that and chuckled to himself.

“What the hell are you talking about? Hey, call me Hyung.”

“As if.”

There are 365 days in a year, but Tae-young might as well have been born 360 days later.

Even though Kang-woo had been born in early March and was technically considered to have an ‘early birthday’ among friends born in the same year, he had never really made a fuss about that sort of thing. After all, if you were in the same grade, it didn’t really matter.

But with Tae-young, he just felt so damn annoying that he wanted to argue about something as childish as birthdays. And besides, since Tae-young didn’t like it, the more he wanted to hear it.

57.

“Hey, but…”

“Hyung.”

“…? Oh. Yeah.”

“I told you to call me Hyung.”

“Nice try.”

A useless sense of competitiveness rose up in Kang-woo. Just because Tae-young wouldn’t call him “hyung,” he became obsessed with making it happen.

The drinks kept coming, but their argument over how to address each other dragged on, and the conversation went nowhere.

So they just sat there drinking in silence.

58.

“Hey, what the hell are we doing right now?”

Unable to stand the pointless back-and-forth anymore, Tae-young finally spoke up.

“Call me Hyung.”

“Cut it out.”

“Ah, Come on, just once.”

Kang-woo thought he could let it go, but somehow he really wanted to hear it at least once. Even as the words left his mouth, he flinched at himself. What the hell was he doing just now?

He’d actually raised his index finger to his cheek and asked Tae-young for a favor. He wasn’t completely drunk, but he had had enough to loosen up.

Tae-young looked at him like he couldn’t believe this, then laughed. Kang-woo, for his part, only pressed harder as if determined to hear it now.

“If it were me, I’d just say ‘hyung’ once and be done with it.”

“Then you call me Hyung.”

“Are you crazy? You’re younger than me. Fine—‘Tae-young-hyung.’ Happy now? Then you say it twice.”

It was getting more childish by the second.

But the more Kang-woo insisted, the more awkward Tae-young seemed about actually saying it. And when Tae-young hesitated, Kang-woo’s eyes on him were different than usual.

Usually, when Kang-woo looked at Tae-young, his eyes were narrowed, full of irritation, always carrying a look that said he was annoyed or displeased. But now, his dark eyes sparkled with a strange anticipation, his expression looking almost innocent.

“Hey, you looking at me like that makes it harder to say.”

“What do you mean, How am I looking at you?”

“I dunno. Like a desperate, clingy look. It’s uncomfortable, you know?”

At Tae-young’s words, Kang-woo quickly straightened up from leaning forward and scratched the back of his head, embarrassed.

“What’s so important about hearing it anyway?”

“If I want it that much, can’t you just say it once? I already did it.”

“Which makes me even less want to. Kang-woo-hyung.”

“…Holy sh1t.”

“Happy now?”

“Yeah.”

Kang-woo nodded with a grin. Tae-young stared at him in disbelief and laughed.

“Wow. Never seen anyone this happy about being called hyung. Not even ‘oppa,’ but hyung.”

Kang-woo couldn’t stop smiling after finally hearing it from Tae-young.

“Are you gay?”

Tae-young couldn’t help but spoil the mood again.

“Oh, fvck off. That’s you.”

Kang-woo instantly scowled, and Tae-young chuckled to himself.

Even now, it still seemed like the two of them would always spend more time scowling together than laughing together.

59.

In the end, they bickered until parting ways.

Kang-woo returned to his studio apartment, and when he lay down to sleep.

“Which makes me even less want to. Kang-woo-hyung.”

Maybe it was because he didn’t have any younger friends he was close with, or because he grew up as the youngest in his family, he’d never been called “Hyung”. Was that why he liked it so much?  But thinking about it now made him embarrassed.

But only for a moment. Then he remembered Tae-young’s smirk when he’d asked, “Are you gay?” and his face twisted.

Seriously, Kim Seung-joon’s friend is a weirdo.

Though the sense of strangeness and discomfort had lessened compared to before, Tae-young still didn’t leave a particularly good impression on Kang-woo.

60.

They got full marks on the assignment. With the burden of finals lessened, Kang-woo was in a good mood. Maybe that was why Tae-young, whom he hadn’t seen in a few days since helping him with the assignment. He suddenly recalled the way Tae-young had focused while solving the problems, even down to the neat fingers gripping the pen. The fact that he remembered such details left Kang-woo a little flustered. Why the hell do I remember something that detailed?

Anyway, I bought him drinks, so when I see him Friday, I’ll just say thanks.

That’s what he thought—

“Hey, didn’t the assignment score come out?”

“Yeah.”

When they met Friday, it was Tae-young who asked first. Kang-woo bristled at even the simple question, ready for him to boast. Not wanting to give him that chance, Kang-woo just replied flatly. But Tae-young didn’t seem to care much either way.

Though he didn’t express it at all, for the first time, Kang-woo thought to himself that he was actually grateful to Tae-young.

61.

By now, Kang-woo had met Tae-young several times, so when he saw him, the memories he wanted to forget about his ex-girlfriend no longer surfaced.

Because of that, seeing Tae-young recently wasn’t so uncomfortable. Does that mean we’ve gotten closer?

Still, something about it felt like they were far from being able to call each other friends.