Flame War Anthem: Beyond the Galactic River (GL) - Chapter 19

 The cemetery was enveloped in silence, broken only by the steady patter of rain.

Time may bring fading memories or deep wounds—different people make different choices.

Naturally, Yan Yu chose the latter. She had no desire to forget, perhaps never truly letting go until the moment she ceased to exist.

“Xiao Xi, tonight they suddenly started talking about you. Just like your comrades from the Dragon Combat Unit, they all praised how incredible you were. I wonder if you still remember the female soldiers you once trained. I’m now in the same squad with them—they’re all remarkable young women. When there’s a chance, I’ll bring them to see you…”

She took a deep breath, trying to ease the sorrow knotted in her heart. “Don’t worry, your family, comrades, and friends are all doing well. I’m fine too, though sometimes work keeps me busy day and night. You’d understand that better than anyone… Back then, I used to resent you in my heart—why did you never reach out? If I hadn’t called you, weeks might have passed without hearing your voice. Now I realize I can’t blame you entirely. You really were swamped. I’m sorry for being so narrow-minded back then.”

Yan Yu spoke as if chatting casually, yet waves of longing surged from deep within. Gradually, heedless of the damp, cold stone steps, she leaned her head against the tombstone and sat down.

The smile had vanished from her face. Tears streamed down, heavy with grief, as though countless needles pierced her body and soul—an agony beyond endurance.

“Do you know? I regret it. I regret not telling you how I felt sooner. Why did I wait? Why didn’t I speak up? Even if you didn’t feel the same, even if you only saw me as a good friend, I shouldn’t have kept tormenting myself… If fate had already decided this would be the outcome, why was I so afraid? I was such a fool…”

But time could not flow backward. No amount of regret could change what had passed.

“You promised to protect me, to stay with me for a lifetime. Why didn’t you come back? Why did you leave me alone? Xiao Xi, I can barely hold on anymore. I really… don’t know how to face the future…”

Before the silent tombstone, she poured out her anguish unrestrained. She never considered herself someone who loved her country or people to the core—it seemed she was born to live for Xiao Xi.

To stay by her side, Yan Yu had chosen to study with her all the way until graduation from the military academy, when separation became inevitable.

It wasn’t that she lacked a sense of self, but the quietly nurtured feelings had come to dominate most of her life.

How could she not understand? Xiao Xi would have wanted her to live well, to find happiness.

Yet the weight of her longing had once made her weak and selfish, entertaining countless reckless thoughts—to abandon everything, to end it all…

Who could have imagined that someone who appeared radiant and invincible could harbor such despair?

Love could be grand, but it could also be narrow and small.

Throughout history, countless souls had perished for love.

For her, this unrequited love was not only forbidden by the world but also unknown and uncelebrated. Even if she wished to remain true to her feelings as a lover, she could not defy the shackles of convention.

Any gesture beyond friendship would invite bewilderment—even from her family and friends, who would deem it wrong.

“I know I’m weak, lacking courage. The longer I’m without you, the more I lose my way to carry on. Without you, all the joys of this world hold no meaning… Tell me, what must I do to stop this pain? What must I do for you to return to me…”

The word “return” was both heartbreaking and filled with endless regret—a hopeless fantasy she kept clinging to, dreaming of again and again.

Tears long held back fell like a cold night’s drizzle. Her heart, though already dead, ached profoundly in this moment.

Sometimes she even feared that if she waited too long, she might never meet Xiao Xi again in the next life.

She asked for nothing else, only that Xiao Xi might wait for her, not leave her behind again.

In their next life, they would start anew. Then, she would hesitate no more, would confess her feelings without leaving any room for regret or remorse.

In the silent depths of night, before countless fallen heroes, her unspoken love existed in another form.

She smiled bitterly: “All my friends urge me to find love, to marry, saying I’m not getting any younger. My parents often pressure me too, but I have no desire to, can’t even pretend… Xiaodan always teases me—her son is already old enough to run errands, while I still haven’t found anyone. Do you think I’ve truly grown old? Or perhaps it’s just my heart that’s aged. I wish I could return to our childhood, to those carefree days spent together… Those were the best times…”

Fortunately, as a soldier stationed in the barracks, she could avoid much of the unnecessary hassle surrounding marriage.

Her voice grew even quieter as she seemed to recall something: “Xiao Xi, if one day I really marry someone else… would you blame me?”

But perhaps she was being presumptuous. If Xiao Xi had never loved her, had only seen her as a dear friend, then blame would hardly matter.

After all, Xiao Xi had once said that when she found the right person, she would bless her, even personally place her hand in another’s…

The thought only deepened her sorrow.

Could love unspoken even be called love?

She had always assumed the role of a lover, but who knew what Xiao Xi truly felt? Whether she had ever loved her at all remained a mystery.

The rain fell steadily, the night grew darker, and the bone-chilling cold threatened to freeze her through. The mountains were too cold, the icy air seeping into both body and soul.

How long had passed? She had spoken many words alone, then lapsed into long silence, her clothes soaked through in multiple places.

When she finally tried to stand, she found her legs numb. Bracing herself, she rose, stamping her feet to regain feeling.

Once somewhat recovered, she managed a faint smile, wiping away what might have been tears or rain. Bending down, she pressed a lingering kiss to the photograph: “Xiao Xi, I must go now. I’ll visit you again. Goodnight…”

By the time she emerged by the roadside, her umbrella offering meager shelter, the taxi was still waiting.

The driver spotted her, rolled down the window, and called out: “Miss, let me take you home…”

The kindness of a stranger brought a sliver of warmth to her frozen heart.

Having wept her fill, she felt somewhat unburdened, the weight in her chest no longer quite so suffocating.

Though she missed Xiao Xi terribly, she wasn’t someone who would give up easily. She would live well and protect everything Xiao Xi had wanted to safeguard…