For some reason, the saint of our school drops her façade when she's with me (GL) - Chapter 17

Even after that, we continued visiting different stores.

I had originally planned to be home in time for dinner, but ending this day felt too wasteful. Before I realized it, I found myself inviting her to dinner as well.

Whether the Saint felt the same way or had predicted this from the start, she accepted the invitation as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Since she hadn’t contacted her family, it was probably the latter.

Though, I suspected it was the former as well.

I didn’t trust my own judgment enough to be certain.

“That was delicious.”

“Yeah. A full day of eating out now and then isn’t so bad.”

After finishing dinner at a family restaurant, we stepped outside to find the sun had set.

I rarely stayed out this late.

But more than that, I had never felt so reluctant to part ways before.

“Suzuki-san, before we head home, can we make a little detour?”

“Sure.”

I didn’t even hesitate before agreeing.

The Saint glanced at her phone’s map, then, as if she had memorized the route in an instant—or maybe she had already known it—she began walking without a shred of uncertainty.

The place we arrived at was a familiar park.

“Have you been here before?”

“A long time ago.”

The playground equipment was rustier than I remembered, and the sandbox was unnecessarily large.

I had been here a few times in the past, but I hadn’t realized it was this close.

After my mother took custody of me, we moved so many times that even the ones I could recall exceeded the fingers on one hand.

This park was near the place where I had lived the longest during that time.

When my mother wasn’t home, I would come here occasionally.

She had a habit of disappearing for irregular periods.

Even as a child, I vaguely understood that it had something to do with my father.

Telling her not to go wouldn’t have changed anything.

Trying to stop her would only lead to pain.

“This place was kind of special to me.”

When she was around, I had to stay close—if I didn’t, things would only get worse for me.

But being home alone when she was gone felt unbearably lonely.

Looking back now, I must have been completely dependent on her, despite everything she did.

“What about you, Aizome-san? Have you been here before?”

“Yes. Only once.”

Since she had specifically chosen to stop here, I had suspected as much.

But her next words caught me off guard.

“I met a boy here.”

Her eyes softened, as if she were recalling something dear to her.

For some reason, the mention of this boy stirred an uncomfortable feeling in me.

The Saint, as if sensing that, continued.

“It was summer, but he was wearing long sleeves, and his hair was long for a boy.”

…Huh?

“He was a bit odd, but at the time, I thought he was a boy.”

Something about the way she was phrasing things felt oddly familiar.

“Are you saying she was actually a girl?”

“That seems to be the case.”

The Saint gazed at me meaningfully.

“I didn’t come here on purpose—it was purely by chance.”

She continued reminiscing, her voice carrying a distant nostalgia.

“I was tired of my lessons, I wanted freedom, and I was starved for affection from my parents, who were rarely around. I suppose it was a kind of rebellion.”

She let out a small chuckle.

“I made things difficult for Kondo and the others back then.”

During one of her lessons nearby, she had thrown a tantrum and run away.

She had hidden from the adults chasing after her and, before she knew it, ended up in this park.

“I didn’t play with the other kids. I just sat in a hidden spot and cried alone. And that’s when he found me.”

A long-haired ‘boy’ in a tattered, seasonally inappropriate long-sleeved shirt had approached her.

“He asked me, ‘What’s wrong?’”

“I told him, ‘Leave me alone.’ But he didn’t seem to care and just sat down beside me.”

She laughed as she asked, “Annoying, isn’t it?”

“When I told him, ‘Go away,’ he just said, ‘I’ll think about it when you stop crying.’ He was such a strange kid. I got irritated and ended up venting all my frustrations at him. Even when I lashed out, he didn’t react—he just sat there and listened to everything I said.”

Why did this story feel so familiar?

It was as if I knew this scene from another perspective.

“And when I started crying again, he gently placed a hand on my head and said—”

‘You’re lonely, aren’t you? I understand.’

“For the first time, I really looked at his face. The wind shifted his long hair for just a moment, and I saw his eyes.”

The Saint continued, her voice calm.

“They were dark, yet strangely kind. And when I saw them, I realized they held the same feeling I saw in the mirror every day.”

They had shared the same loneliness.

Neither of them spoke much after that.

They had just sat together in silence.

“He really didn’t say much at all. He only comforted me when I cried. Other than that, he just stayed beside me. Like he was trying to fill the emptiness by being there.”

She smiled at the memory.

“But for the first time, I felt a little less lonely.”

They had stayed like that until evening, when her guardian eventually found her and took her home.

“I never saw him again after that. But knowing I wasn’t alone… that was enough to save me, just a little.”

She had returned to the park a few times afterward, but she never saw him again. Eventually, she forgot about him.

“Then, in high school, I met a strange girl. A girl who, unlike everyone else, preferred my genuine smile over my Saintly one.”

She turned her gaze toward me.

“I had this odd feeling of déjà vu around her. It never felt like we were meeting for the first time. And more than anything—her eyes. I had seen those eyes before.”

…So that’s what this was about.

“Suzuki-san. Was that boy… you?”

“…Yeah, probably.”

I remembered now.

A long time ago, in this very park—

A girl in expensive clothes, crying all alone.

That strange sense of familiarity I had felt with that child—

The way I had instinctively sat beside them, as if filling my own loneliness by sharing in theirs—

I finally understood it.

“So, it really was you.”

The Saint smiled, a sense of relief evident in her expression as she nodded.

“Did you hire me to confirm that?”

“No. Whether you were that child or not, the result would have been the same—I would have taken an interest in you either way.”

Hearing that, I felt an unexpected sense of relief.

“Suzuki-san, has your loneliness been healed?”

“…More than before, at least.”

“Same here. I suppose we’ve grown up a little. But it’s still not enough.”

“I see.”

“Don’t you feel the same?”

“…Yeah, I do.”

My mother and father had died, and my uncle had taken me in. I had met Mizuki.

The person called Suzuki Sachie was no longer as lonely as before.

And yet, an unfillable void still remained inside me.

My uncle and Mizuki had both helped ease my loneliness.

But the deepest, ugliest part of myself—the part I never let anyone see—still yearned for something.

I wanted someone who could accept all of me.

But that was an impossible wish.

Because anyone who accepted that part of me would surely be miserable.

I would inevitably become like my mother.

“I want someone who can accept the real me.”

I had spoken the words without realizing it.

I moved to cover my mouth, but the Saint caught my hand before I could.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”

She smiled.

“I feel the same way. I want someone who can accept me for who I am—not as the ‘Saint,’ but as Karen Aizome, a lonely, selfish woman who becomes possessive of anything she likes and never lets it go.”

We were the same.

The Saint and I.

“Suzuki-san. Thank you for meeting me—both now and back then.”

The Saint—no, Karen Aizome, the girl herself—smiled at me.

I couldn’t look away.

My heart pounded wildly.

I had always wondered—

Was it okay for me to exist?

My uncle and Mizuki had both reassured me that it was.

And I had been happy.

But this was different.

Hearing these words from her, as if fate had brought us together—

It shattered the last of my resistance.

“Aizome-san, I…”

I was about to say it.

I was about to let my feelings slip out—

When the shrill ring of a phone cut through the moment.

“…Really? Now of all times?”

The Saint sighed in frustration, rejecting the call as she always did.

But the ringing continued, persistent.

Unlike usual, it didn’t stop.

She let out a sigh and, as if suppressing something within her, reluctantly answered.

“…I already said no.”

“No, I told you—I’m not interested.”

“Tomorrow? You’re coming back just for that?”

After a brief pause, she ended the call.

She looked at me, as if about to say something—then hesitated.

“Aizome-san… That was your mother, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. She’s coming back tomorrow.”

“Oh…”

“And… next week, an arranged marriage meeting has been scheduled.”

…Huh?

Wait.

What?!

A marriage meeting?

What was she talking about?

“Suzuki-san.”

“…What?”

“While my mother is here, I won’t be able to come to work. And most likely… I won’t be able to go to the clubroom for a while.”

…What?

No.

Why?

“My mother is arranging this meeting with someone I won’t be able to refuse. It’s practically a done deal—I won’t be able to turn it down because of my status.”

That meant—

“Are you… going to leave school?”

“It depends on the person they choose.”

“So… you’ll be engaged?”

“It’s a possibility.”

A sharp pain stabbed through my chest.

It felt like someone had doused my newfound feelings in ice water.

As I stood there, stunned, the Saint spoke softly.

“Shall we head home?”

I didn’t know what to do.

Confusion swirled in my mind, and before I realized it, I had reached out and grabbed her hand.

“Suzuki-san?”

She looked at me, surprised, but there was something else in her expression—hope.

I—

I cared about Aizome Karen.

“I love you. I want to be with you.”

The words that had nearly left my lips—

The same words someone had once whispered to me—

The same words that now felt like shackles binding me.

“…I’m sorry.”

“…Is that all?”

“…I’m sorry.”

How pathetic.

I was acting like a coward, afraid of facing the end of a first love.

Deep inside, I was being held back by the ghost of my past.

“…Suzuki-san.”

After a brief silence, the Saint squeezed my hand gently.

She looked at me—her gaze neither angry nor sad, but filled with something far more painful.

“If it comes to that… please forget about me.”

I didn’t know what she meant.

But before I could ask—before I could say anything—

I was escorted home in her family’s car.

My thoughts spun in circles.

Dreadful possibilities flooded my mind.

I couldn’t speak.

“See you in the clubroom.”

As I stepped out of the car, her quiet words echoed in my ears.

But I couldn’t bring myself to respond.

I stumbled through my front door, dragged my feet to my room, and collapsed onto my bed.

I had finally realized it.

I had finally been ready to face it.

And yet—

The sharp pain in my chest forced me to acknowledge the truth.

I—

I loved Aizome Karen.