For some reason, the saint of our school drops her façade when she's with me (GL) - Chapter 19

The next day, and the day after that, pass by in emptiness.

Even Mizuki, who rarely voices her concerns, has noticed the dark circles under my eyes—a clear sign of sleep deprivation.

Fearing that Her Holiness might notice, I attempt to conceal them with an uncharacteristic touch of makeup, just enough to avoid drawing attention from others. But I don’t truly believe it’s foolproof.

After all, no matter how much distance separates us or how little we meet face-to-face, I can never keep secrets from Her Holiness.

“Are you sleeping at night?”

A message arrives.

“I am.”
“You’re lying.”
“Does it seem that way?”
“It does.”

Even without meeting in the clubroom, even from across the classroom, her sharp gaze pierces through my feeble attempts at deception.

Lately, the only place we’ve seen each other is in class.
The only conversations we’ve had are through text messages.

That fact alone makes my nights feel longer.

Like a last-ditch effort, I spend my after-school hours alone in the clubroom, killing time before heading home.

Even though I know she won’t come—can’t come—my pathetic self still clings to the hope that she might.

I wait, knowing full well that she won’t arrive, and then walk home alone, feeling emptier than before.

I expected another evening spent idly, lost in pointless, intrusive thoughts.

But that day was a little different.

When I arrived home, I found a familiar figure waiting by the entrance.

“Uncle…”

“Hey. It’s been a while.”

Towering in height with a broad frame, he hardly looks Japanese. His sharp features give him an intimidating air, but the softness in his eyes and his gentle tone create a curious contrast.

He is my guardian.

The kindest man I know—and the most unlucky.

Seeing me, he ruffles my hair lightly, his touch full of warmth, and says,
“For now, let’s head inside.”

Even though I had given him a spare key, Uncle was standing properly outside the door.

As he put it, “Even with family, a man shouldn’t enter a woman’s home uninvited.”

He truly is a gentleman.

“Uncle, is work okay?”

“Yeah. I have the day off.”

“…Did Mizuki call you?”

Though he claims to be on a break, the timing of his visit is just too perfect. I picture my best friend’s face and ask.

Did she call him as a safety net, worried that I might push myself too far?

“I was planning to check in on you soon anyway. But it’s true—when Mizuki told me that Yukie was struggling and might collapse at this rate, I rushed over.”

Smiling, he adds, “I’ll cook dinner tonight, so look forward to it.”

“I wanted to cook…”

“Just this once, alright? I used to think I was a decent cook, but before I knew it, you had completely surpassed me.”

“That’s because I had a great teacher.”

At that, he chuckles, then pauses, as if considering something.

“Before that, though… how about a nap?”

Judging from my complexion, he seems to have figured out my lack of sleep. He insists I rest before dinner.

Even when I protest, Uncle gently guides me to lie down. The moment I do, he starts patting my head, just as he did when I was a child, softly humming a lullaby.

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’ll always be my precious child.”

With that warm smile and soothing voice, for this moment at least, I forget everything else.

Before I know it, I drift into sleep.

I wake up to Uncle’s voice calling me for dinner.

A little embarrassed by how unchanged I am from childhood, I sigh. But there’s no winning against him.

Uncle doesn’t ask questions.
Uncle doesn’t know the details.

And yet, as always, he simply stays by my side, offering quiet reassurance.

“How is it, Yukie?”

“It’s delicious.”

“I’m glad.”

Like a parent welcoming a child home, Uncle talks about his recent experiences.

Just idle, everyday chatter.

And yet, somehow, it lightens my heart just a little.

“The other day, a steel beam nearly fell on me. Almost got injured. And two days ago, I was mistaken for a molester.”

…Correction. Hearing about his never-ending misfortunes only makes me worry more.

ncle never tries to ask what’s troubling me.

Maybe he thinks that even if I were to talk about it, it wouldn’t change anything.

If it were something that could ease my heart just by sharing, he would listen in silence.

But even if it weren’t, he would still listen.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes. I have work tomorrow.”

After dinner, Uncle begins preparing to leave.

He must have made time for me despite his tight schedule.

“…I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“Yukie, you’re too good of a girl. It’s okay to let yourself lean on someone once in a while.”

Smiling, he then says to me:

“Yukie, it’s alright to hesitate and struggle. Just don’t let yourself regret it.”

His usual gentle smile carries a weight, as if he’s speaking not just to me, but to someone from his past.

“No matter what happens, I’m on your side. I may not be the most reliable, but you are never alone.”

“…Yeah.”

“You have friends far more dependable than I am. There will be times when you feel like you can’t share your troubles. But don’t stop moving forward, don’t shoulder everything alone, and most of all—don’t let yourself be consumed by regret.”

Uncle ruffles my hair and smiles.

“Choose the path that feels right for you.”

With those parting words, he steps out of the room.

“Sometimes, it’s good to be honest with your heart.”

“I’ll visit again. Stay well.”

His voice, along with his retreating figure, lingers in my mind far longer than usual.

“Be honest, huh…”

Unconsciously, I recall the message from Her Holiness.

“I want to see you, Miss Suzuki.”

After talking with Uncle and taking a nap, my heart feels just a little lighter.

Before I even realize it, I find myself following his advice.

It’s late—too late to be wandering alone—but I’m not following Uncle.

I’m heading to Her Holiness’ estate.

Despite only a few days apart, the sight of the grand mansion feels strangely nostalgic.

As I stand before the gate, a familiar figure approaches from inside.

“Hey. I thought you weren’t off work today?”

“And you, Head Chef? Should you really be out here?”

“Even I’m allowed a cigarette break.”

Chef Hasegawa mutters, placing an unlit cigarette between his lips.

“Should I go fetch the young lady?”

I almost say “Please.”

But if I see her now, I know I’ll lose myself.

“How is Lady Aizen?”

“You see her at school, don’t you?”

“We haven’t spoken.”

“I see.”

Tapping his lighter against his palm, Hasegawa replies.

“She was quite upset, you know. Kept getting interrupted during your time together.”

“I see…”

“And… if I may say, she seemed a little lonely.”

After saying that, he glances at me with a knowing look.

“If you see her now, she’ll be happy.”

“Would it be alright to meet her?”

“I don’t know. But I don’t have any reason to stand in the way of someone who wants to see her.”

Of course.

That’s just the kind of person he is.

I do want to see Her Holiness.

To speak with her. To be with her, like before.

But then, a thought strikes me.

I’m no longer the same as before.

I’ve come to recognize my special feelings toward her.

Things can’t go back to how they were.

The towering walls and gates of the mansion suddenly feel even higher.

This is the distance between Her Holiness and me.

I slowly reach out and place a hand on the gate… then clench my fists and force myself to step back.

“I can’t see her yet.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Because I’m not worthy.”

My feelings for Her Holiness.
Her current situation.
Her family circumstances.
Her world.
And most of all… myself.

There’s too much I don’t know.

Time is running out.

That arranged marriage is approaching fast.

Wasting time sulking won’t bring back lost moments.

And that’s exactly why I need to control my impatience and frustration.

I don’t know what I can do.

But first, I need to sort out my own feelings—my own resolve.

That’s why…

“The next time I pass through this gate, it will be only after I’ve faced Lady Aizen and myself—no matter what that means.”

Speaking the words aloud, they finally settle in my heart.

I lack resolve.

The resolve to face everything.

“I see.”

Hasegawa neither agrees nor disagrees.

But for some reason, he looks at me with an expression that’s both wistful and admiring.

Then, instead of lighting his cigarette, he pulls out his phone and sends me a map with a red circle marked on it.

“What’s this?”

“Go there after school tomorrow. You’ll find someone who can give you more answers than your guardian.”

With that, he turns and walks away.

Left alone, I look up toward the room where Her Holiness must be.

I gently rest my hand against the gate once more.

Please wait for me.

I promise—I will return once I’ve made my decision.

“Lady Aizen.”

I don’t say “I miss you.”

Instead, I quietly step away from the gate.

This feeling—this ache in my chest—this must be what it means to have a heavy heart.

And yet, strangely enough, I feel more capable of looking forward than when I was lost in uncertainty.

As I walk away, for just a moment, I sense a gaze on me.

If it’s hers…

The thought alone makes me want to turn back.

But I know that right now, we cannot meet.

First, I must prepare myself.

Whether time will wait for me or not, I need to do what I can.

“Don’t let yourself regret it.”

Uncle’s words burn in my mind.

I don’t know what regrets he carries.

But if those words came from his own experiences…

Then all the more reason I must face this.

No matter how it ends, I will not let myself regret it.

That is my one, absolute truth.

For Uncle.
And for myself.