For The Sake Of Your Smile - Chapter 4

Starting the next day, Suzuka began to laugh more frequently.

Koji devoted himself to catching insects every day.

She experienced a strange delight in killing the bugs. But that wasn’t to say Suzuka was abnormal.

Children innocently pull off insects’ legs and tear off their wings. It’s the same thing.

Suzuka simply grew up while remaining in that innocent state, and that’s all there is to it.

As people grow, they eventually stop killing bugs. But it’s not because they’ve learned to value life. It’s simply that they encounter other things that capture their interest, and before they know it, they stop. It’s just that they grew bored.

Suzuka, who can still enjoy playing with insects, may, in a way, be purer and more single-minded than anyone else.

Even I, having met Suzuka, find myself remembering the innocence I had forgotten.

Yes. We are kindred spirits.

Suzuka, for the sake of your smile, I wouldn’t even hesitate to give up my life.

I truly felt that way.

One day, after a month had passed since we started living together.

Suwazaki Koji’s other identity, Hazaki Soichiro, was about to experience a turning point.

He received news from his editor that his new work had been rejected.

Is this still not enough? Koji felt as though the world in front of him went dark.

“I’m sorry for the disappointing result. As you said, I could definitely feel the immense energy in the new work… but the editor-in-chief said, ‘Isn’t this just a rehash of your debut work?'”

It felt like they were saying, “You have no value anymore.”

Koji cried.

In that moment, Suzuka came over and stayed close to him.

Then Suzuka asked Koji to let her read his new work.

“…Koji-san, why did you want to become a writer?”

After finishing the work, Suzuka asked him that.

“Th-that kind of question means… means it was a bad, right?”

Koji gave a self-mocking laugh, and Suzuka gently shook her head in response.

“That’s not true. I told you, Sensei I love all of your works.”

“Haha, sensei, huh… then why ask such a question?”

“Just somehow, you know… I’ve had that thought… ever since I came across your works.”

“The reason I wanted to become a writer… it’s probably because I had my own complexes.”

“……”

“As you can see, I look like this. Of course, I wasn’t this fat when I was younger, and I had a little more hair. But… I didn’t even have the bare minimum of appearance to communicate with others.”

“Koji-san… not again with that…”

“I-I believe you don’t see me that way. Your words have saved me, and I’m really happy. But… I… I hate myself…”

“……”

“I-I hate my face, my ugly, fat body. I also hate my high-pitched voice and my… self-loathing personality. I think these complexes turned into energy for my creations.

In my world of creation, I can make everything as I want. Not just my appearance, but even my personality is exactly how I want it. In a way, I pour all of my desires into my creations.”

“…I think I understand now.”

Suzuka said that and let out a small sigh.

“…Suzuka?”

“I think I’ve finally reached the answer with those words… I really love your works, it’s not a lie, and that hasn’t changed. This new piece was truly wonderful. My heart was filled with joy.

But… I’ve always thought this. No matter how many happy endings there are, no matter how much the protagonist finds happiness, I always felt like… there was some sadness engraved in it.

That’s why, whenever I read your works, I always cried. I felt just as much sadness as I did joy.

For me, that was the charm of your works. That’s why I wanted to meet you. I wondered, what kind of person is the one who makes me feel like this?”

“…It’s disappointing, isn’t it?”

“Sensei. Do you remember the words I said when we first met? ‘That’s not true, I like you even more.’ I’m sure I said that.”

Koji blushed at Suzuka’s words, then said, “Yeah… that’s right…” and smiled awkwardly.

“This is definitely a masterpiece. If the editor can’t see the appeal of this work, then they’ve got to be blind.”

“Haha, thanks…”

“But… nothing will change that way. No matter how much you create from now on, I don’t think it will be rewarded.”

“Y-Yeah… actually, I was thinking that if this didn’t work, I’d quit writing.”

“That’s no good.”

Suzuka rejected Koji’s words with a strong tone.

“At least, I’m captivated by the world you create, Koji-san. Please, don’t say such sad things.”

“……”

“You said you hate yourself, right, Koji-san?”

“I did say that…”

“That complex has become the energy behind your creativity.”

“Yeah…”

“Koji-san, would you try stepping into that?”

“…W-what do you mean?”

“Koji-san, you’ve denied yourself. You’ve denied the world. That’s why you’ve drawn the world you wish for in your creations.”

“I think… that’s true.”

“I accept you. Or rather, I’ve always done so. Since the day I met Sensei at the café, from when you first loved me… I love everything about you, Koji-san.”

“……”

“Koji-san, you are not the person you think you are. The woman who loves you just as you are is right here. If you weren’t the Koji-san you are now, I wouldn’t love you.”

Tears began to overflow.

I had always wanted someone to say it. That they liked me just as I am.

I had always wanted to be acknowledged. That it was okay to be just as I am.

The woman I love more than anyone in the world said those words to me.

The tears eventually turned into sobs.

Suzuka hugged Koji tightly.

“You said you hated it, Koji-san… but I like this soft, warm body of yours. It’s so comforting, I want to keep touching it forever.”

“Suzuka… Suzuka…”

“It seems like you’re worried about your thinning hair… but to me, it’s nothing but cute.”

As she said that, she patted my head, and I broke into tears.

“Koji-san, who hates himself, has been unhappy all this time. I think you’ve been suffering, I think you’ve been sad. But…

The unhappiest people are the most sensitive to others’ pain. Koji-san, you are the kindest person in this world.”

“Uwaaaah!”

“It’s because you are the way you are that I wanted to dedicate everything to you.”

The tears poured out like a flood.

Those tears.

It felt like those tears were cleansing me of all the darkness I had been harboring.

After some time.

Koji wiped his tears and gave an embarrassed smile.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this…”

“No, you were cute.”

Suzuka’s words made me blush.

“And you know, Koji-san… I love everything about you. No matter how much you deny it, no matter how much you despise it, this feeling won’t change.”

“…Thank you.”

“That’s why, Koji-san… I want you to learn to love yourself.”

I was shaken by those words.

For the past 40 years, I’ve hated myself.

Could someone like me really come to accept themselves? To like themselves?

For Koji, that was an unimaginable suggestion.

But. However.

Suzuka’s eyes seemed to tell me that it was the right thing to do.

“If not… it would feel like my feelings are being denied…”

A shock ran through my heart.

That’s right. Suzuka loved someone like me.

And yet, here I am, denying the person Suzuka loves—myself?

Just as Suzuka said, that would mean rejecting her feelings.

That… is something that can’t be forgiven. That’s what I thought.

“If Koji-san, who learns to love himself, were to create… I feel like a new door would open.”

Her words struck like a sword, piercing deep into Koji’s chest.

No matter how much I change the world view, or how much I change the characters.

There are things that will never change.

That is myself.

And the stories I write, just like that, were all completely rejected by my editor.

Even this new work, which I brought in with confidence, is the same. I just changed the approach, but it’s fundamentally an extension of the “Hazaki World.”

And that’s what’s being rejected.

Even so, if I want to cling to this world, don’t I have to change myself?

The god who rules the world, Hazaki Soichiro himself.

The confusion fades away. In front of me, a new possibility is shining brightly.

Koji smiled and quietly nodded.

“Thank you, Suzuka… I feel like I’m starting to grasp something. I-It’s all thanks to you.”

“Please, learn to love yourself.”

“Yeah… I think it’ll take time. But… for you, who loves me, I’ll make a change. No, I want to change.”

“Yeah… Koji-san, I love you.”

“I love you too… I love you, Suzuka…”

A single tear ran down Koji’s cheek as he tightly embraced Suzuka.

After that, Koji locked himself in his study and continued writing.

His hands wouldn’t stop. This was the first time this had happened.

Nodding at Koji’s smile, Suzuka stayed close to him and kept supporting him.

Several days later.

He had Suzuka read the new work he had finished writing.

The first person to read it was someone other than his editor.

Koji nervously watched Suzuka as she read on.

“……”

Suzuka finished reading and exhaled softly.

“H-how was it…?”

Koji was surprised.

Tears streamed down Suzuka’s cheeks forming multiple lines.

“…S-Suzuka?”

In the past, even if the stories had a happy ending, they always left Suzuka with a feeling of sadness. That’s what she had said.

Was it no good? Was it the same as always?

A sense of despair squirmed within Koji.

“I-I’m sorry… that’s not it, it’s not like that…”

Suzuka wiped her tears away.

“…This is the fictional world Koji created. And still, my heart is trembling… I can’t stop my joy…”

“You mean.”

“I’m so happy to have encountered this story… I’ve never felt anything like this…”

Koji let out a sigh of relief, then smiled and embraced Suzuka.

“Thank you, Suzuka… it’s all because of you…”

“Congratulations, Koji-san…”

Afterward, he called his editor and sent the work via email.

The editor’s response was lukewarm, but an hour later, he called and excitedly said, “I’ll bring it to the editorial meeting right away!”

Koji loved Suzuka with all his heart.

The days when he was lonely.

He hated the world and despised himself, his heart was battered and exhausted.

Suzuka wrapped him in her warmth, healing him.

And she saved the writer, Hazaki Soichiro, who had fallen into a dead end.

My angel.

For her, I would even sacrifice my life. That’s what I thought.

Chapter length 4749 characters.

TL Note: This is where I dropped the novel. Here it can be considered a happy ending. I have no desire to continue this novel. The only way I would do so was if someone donates to my Ko-fi with the message of this novel’s title. 1 dollar per chapter as I really don’t want to translate this any further.

For those of you interested in the novel or maybe considering donating, I will give a small hint/spoiler of the next chapter. Bloody feathers and the insides of the sky.