He is not my Alpha! - Chapter 17

The rain beating against his face, the phone vibrating constantly in his hand, the faint pain in his waist.

Ji Yifei remembered feeling very afraid to look in the mirror during that period of time.

Memory is a lock; if you don’t touch it, it will be drowned countless times by nights and tears in the most humid and darkest places. It begins to rust and emit an unpleasant smell.

But it is always in his mind, unable to be taken away, and too afraid to touch.

A long time seemed to have passed. At that time, he had an argument with his family and ran away, returning to school in a fit of pique, met with inexplicable ridicule from the teacher and inexplicable indifference from his classmates.

The phrase, “Because I am your mother, you eat and drink what’s mine, so you must obey me!” was deeply etched in his mind.

Memory is annoying like this, wanting to abandon it but unable to.

He had thought about giving up, about just being obedient.

He didn’t hate dancing, but he hated being arranged like this. He didn’t want to do things he didn’t want to do in the future, didn’t want to be firmly tied to “hobbies” that were forced upon him for a lifetime.

Ji Yifei always thought he was an obedient child; he thought so, and the people around him said so too.

But he didn’t want to be like that anymore.

Something incomplete in his heart was sobbing and screaming. The voice was very small, but enough to pull at him.

It was weak, yet full of power. He clearly remembered that voice hardening along with his heartbeat at the time.

He shouldn’t be arranged by anyone, and he would not agree to it.

Ji Yifei sat at the dormitory desk with a pen in his hand. The faint desk lamp shone on the desktop. He clenched the pen, unsure of where to start writing.

Many scenes and memories played in his mind, like a chaotic movie.

He saw himself rushing to the barbershop, closing his eyes, pointing to a random hair color, and starting the dyeing process.

He saw himself rushing into the tattoo parlor, telling the lady that he wanted a tattoo.

He saw himself walking into the restaurant, asking the boss how much the pay was for a day’s work.

…

Finally, he saw his Omega father crying and hugging him, constantly apologizing, and he also saw his always-arrogant Alpha mother turning her back to him, but accidentally revealing her slightly red eye corners.

He started writing, writing about the argument with his mother, writing about dyeing his hair, writing about skipping class…

But he didn’t write about getting a tattoo, didn’t write about what he encountered while working, and didn’t write about what ultimately made them change their minds.

He said: Maybe they saw how stubborn I was; they agreed I could take the entrance exams on my own.

He didn’t mention the rampaging scent gland, the police siren, or the plates shattered at his feet.

Some things are best never known to anyone. He would just hide them forever, letting them rust and rot.

When he finally lay back down on his bed, he felt his scent gland was a little uncomfortable.

Shang Yan’s face inexplicably floated in his mind. He reached out and touched his nape. The teeth marks didn’t seem to have completely faded yet.

He had promised his mother to study well and behave, but it seemed he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he wasn’t a very good child to begin with.

The next morning.

Chen Ken and Jiang Jie accompanied Ji Yifei downstairs. Lin Ling had recently become somewhat ambiguous with an Alpha and had gone down early to eat with him.

As soon as Ji Yifei got downstairs, he saw Han Dongjun waiting below. He wasn’t wearing his down jacket outside, instead wearing the winter school uniform and school pants with his hands in his pockets. Ji Yifei’s eyes met his as he came down.

“Hey, isn’t that Han Dongjun? Yifei, is he waiting for you?” Jiang Jie leaned into Ji Yifei’s ear and asked.

Ji Yifei responded with a faint “Hmm.”

“Then are you still eating with us?” Chen Ken asked. He took off his glasses because the temperature difference between inside and outside caused the lenses to fog up.

“No need, you guys go eat first,” Ji Yifei replied. After saying this, the three had already walked downstairs. Ji Yifei said goodbye to them and walked towards Han Dongjun.

“Stop trying to look cool, hurry to the cafeteria. It’s cold standing here.” Ji Yifei felt cold just looking at what he was wearing and quickly suggested taking him to the cafeteria.

Han Dongjun looked up at him and stretched out his hand.

Ji Yifei understood what he meant, sighed, and replied, “You’re not allowed to cry after reading it,” then handed over a small square neatly folded and placed in his pocket.

Han Dongjun unfolded the paper and read the contents. Although he was mentally prepared, it clearly wasn’t enough.

The content made him feel somewhat distressed. He knew that Ji Yifei had argued with his mother that year he was away, but he hadn’t expected Ji Yifei to be so rebellious.

No wonder Ji Yifei was teased as the school bully when he returned. No wonder those people said Ji Yifei was pretending to be a good student.

That blurred photo seemed to become clear.

After reading the contents of the paper, he sighed. He was Ji Yifei’s lifelong friend. After so many years, he was not there when Ji Yifei went through such a major ordeal.

He folded the paper and put it in his pocket. Ji Yifei noticed his poor expression and asked, “What’s wrong? Did you really cry?” He then reached out and waved his hand in front of his face.

Han Dongjun suddenly reached out and hugged him, patting his back hard. His voice was slightly choked as he said, “You didn’t even tell me about such a big thing. Are we even brothers?”

Ji Yifei knew he was at fault. He patted the Alpha leaning on him. “Alright, alright, it’s all in the past, okay? Didn’t I tell you everything? We’re still brothers.”

Fortunately, Han Dongjun was not an overly emotional person. The two quickly separated.

He looked at Ji Yifei in front of him, reached out and punched his shoulder, and said, “Tell me everything in the future! If I ever find out you dare to hide things from me again, we won’t be childhood friends anymore.”

Ji Yifei replied with “Okay,” but his hand involuntarily touched his nape.

This matter… is better kept a secret for now.

The two walked to the cafeteria, chatting along the way. After buying their food, they walked to the area where Class One usually ate.

Ji Yifei scanned the area but couldn’t find Shang Yan.

He and Han Dongjun sat down opposite Li Jiang and Zhou Tian. Ji Yifei asked, “Where’s Shang Yan?”

“Missing,” Li Jiang replied while gnawing on a bun. Zhou Tian next to him had already finished, resting his head down with his eyes closed, seemingly asleep.

Ji Yifei picked up the porridge in front of him and took a sip. He then looked at Xue Xi, who was also Shang Yan’s roommate.

He asked, “Xue Xi, have you seen Shang Yan?”

Xue Xi was peeling an egg with his head down. He replied, “Haven’t seen him. He woke up very early today. He was gone when we woke up. He’s probably finished eating by now and is sitting in the classroom working on practice questions.”

Han Dongjun chimed in, “Indeed. After all, he’s the top student in the whole school. He must be under some pressure.”

Ji Yifei replied with an “Oh” and lowered his head to continue drinking porridge. But soon after, he felt someone sit down next to him. He turned his head and saw it was Shang Yan.

Before he could speak, Xue Xi asked first, “Shang Yan, didn’t you leave early? Why are you just coming to eat now?”

Shang Yan lowered his head, drank a sip of milk, and replied, “Forgot to eat.”

At this point, Li Jiang glanced at him and joked, “See? This is the price of studying. His brain is fried, he even forgets to eat.” After saying that, he poked Zhou Tian.

When Zhou Tian opened his eyes, Li Jiang said, “Let’s go,” packed up his tray, and left with him.

Xue Xi beside them watched the two leave, then glanced at Shang Yan. Feeling he couldn’t wait any longer, he took his tray and went to dump the leftovers.

Ji Yifei watched the people next to him leave, then looked at Shang Yan and asked, “Did you two… argue?”

Shang Yan was eating a sesame flatbread. He replied, “No.”

Ji Yifei felt Shang Yan’s tone was strange, feeling that his temper had been a bit erratic lately.

Boys generally ate fast. Soon, everyone at the table was done. Only Han Dongjun, Ji Yifei, and Shang Yan remained on the boys’ side.

Ji Yifei had actually finished a while ago, but he still didn’t leave.

So, the mark really could sense a partner’s emotions.

He could clearly feel the Alpha’s emotional fluctuation now. He turned to Han Dongjun and said, “Are you done eating?”

Han Dongjun had just finished the last sip of milk. He replied, “Hmm, let’s go.” He then stood up.

But Ji Yifei didn’t follow suit, waving his hand. “You go first. I’m still not full.”

Han Dongjun found this person inexplicable, but he didn’t question it. He nodded and left.

Ji Yifei just sat next to Shang Yan, watched him finish eating, and walked out of the cafeteria with him.

“You this morning…”

“You this morning…”

The two surprisingly asked in unison. Shang Yan stopped talking: “You go first.”

Ji Yifei thought for a moment but felt suddenly speechless. The question he wanted to ask clearly reached his lips but then twisted and ran away.

He had a feeling of powerlessness, like forgetting something right as he was about to say it. In the end, Shang Yan spoke first.

“You and Han Dongjun hugged downstairs by the dorm this morning?” Shang Yan asked. This question had been in his mind all morning.

“Ah, yes. I told him something. He was a bit emotional, so we two brothers hugged to comfort each other.” After saying that, he nodded firmly to add conviction to his words.

His firm gaze made Shang Yan smile. “I understand,” Shang Yan replied. He continued to ask, “What did you want to ask just now?”

“Huh?” What did I want to ask… I forgot myself, Ji Yifei thought.

“Oh, I was going to say…” His words were cut short when the person next to him suddenly pulled him, causing him to lean to the side.

“Watch where you’re going,” Shang Yan reminded him. His eyebrows unconsciously furrowed. He noticed that every time Ji Yifei spoke, he always failed to look where he was walking.

Ji Yifei saw the ping-pong table they almost bumped into and replied to Shang Yan, “Thank you.” He turned his head and met Shang Yan’s gaze, finding him looking at him with furrowed brows.

Shang Yan often frowned. Paired with his glasses, he had a bit of an “elite feel.”

The two turned and went up the stairs. Ji Yifei explained that he was just asking why Shang Yan woke up so early this morning.

“How did you know?” The two walked up the stairs side-by-side. He glanced at Ji Yifei with his peripheral vision, hoping he was seriously watching his step.

“Oh, I saw you weren’t there during breakfast, so I asked Xue Xi.” Ji Yifei seemed to have learned his lesson this time, staring at the stairs.

“Exams are coming up. I woke up early to study in the classroom,” Shang Yan replied coolly.

“Hey, don’t worry too much. You’ll definitely do well. Have some confidence in yourself.” The two had reached the fourth floor. Turning around led to the classroom. They returned to their respective seats and sat down.

Just as he sat down, Ji Yifei noticed Shang Yan smiling. He asked in confusion, “What are you laughing at?”

Shang Yan took out his English book for morning reading, opened it, and looked into Ji Yifei’s eyes, asking, “If I do poorly on the exam, will you comfort me?”

“Huh?” Shang Yan’s inexplicable question left him bewildered. He felt the gaze fixed on him was somewhat fervent.

He felt something was wrong. His scent gland was vaguely itching. He lifted his hand to scratch it, then lowered his head to look for his English book, but his slightly red ears betrayed him. The Alpha took in his flustered look completely.

“If I’m sad, will you comfort me?” Unfortunately, the Alpha was very persistent and curious about the answer to this question.

The words “sad” and “comfort” triggered Ji Yifei’s memory. He recalled this morning’s event.

“He was a bit emotional, so we two brothers hugged to comfort each other.”

Shang Yan was still staring at the person next to him. His ears were getting redder. He knew Ji Yifei could understand the subtext of his words.

Ji Yifei quietly answered him, “Yes.” After saying that, he felt his demeanor was too strange. It was clearly just comfort between brothers; what’s wrong with a hug?

His voice got louder as he replied, “I would give a warm hug to any of my brothers who were sad. After all, brothers hug and share what’s in their hearts.”

After saying this, he happened to find his English book. He pulled out the book and continued, “But you have to believe in yourself. You’ll definitely do well on the exam and definitely won’t need my comforting hug.”

Shang Yan watched Ji Yifei flip the book to the vocabulary list, still looking down as he replied, “You go, Teacher Shang.”

This time, it was Shang Yan’s ears that started turning red.

At this moment, the bell for morning reading rang. The English teacher walked in with a book tucked under her arm. The students all stood up automatically and began to read.

“Holy sht, holy sht, holy sh*t.” Li Jiang cursed as he returned to the classroom during the big break. Unfortunately, no one around paid him any mind.

He returned to his seat and poked the person in front who was studying intently. Ji Yifei didn’t even turn his head, replying, “What’s wrong? Speak quickly if you have something to say, fart quickly if you have gas.”

“Brother, do you know that the school confession wall is all about you right now? Pictures of your performance yesterday were taken and posted in the grade group chat, and a bunch of people are confessing to you on the confession wall.”

The person in front still didn’t turn his head. He said “Oh” and continued to work on his calculations. Li Jiang felt slighted. He sighed and also buried his head in his studies.

But unfortunately, this wave grew stronger. At noon, on the way to the cafeteria, a girl with a high ponytail blocked the path of a group of people.

A group of people froze in place and automatically retreated. Finally, only Shang Yan and Ji Yifei, who was following him, remained.

Ever since walking behind Shang Yan last time, Ji Yifei found that Shang Yan was practically a human shield, capable of blocking the wind and helping him watch the road. So, this time when the group went to the cafeteria, he subconsciously followed behind Shang Yan.

Ji Yifei liked to walk with his head down. When he noticed the footsteps in front stop, he looked up and saw that the people around them had subconsciously retreated.

He turned his head and looked at Li Jiang. Li Jiang pointed to the front. He looked up and saw this “aggressively approaching” girl.

He noticed the person standing in front of him wasn’t retreating. He immediately realized she was here for Shang Yan, so he also consciously stepped back. However, before he could take a few steps, the girl opposite called out his name.

“Student Ji Yifei! Can I be your Alpha?”