I Ended Up Cross-Dressing, My Secret Relationship with a Handsome Guy (BL) - Chapter 1

I don’t remember exactly when I first realized it. That vague sense of discomfort—the understanding that I was different from everyone else—probably began in elementary school.

As the years passed, the girls around me grew more mature, while the boys, though slower, gradually began to take notice of them.

Friends who had once spent entire days excitedly talking about games, manga, and anime suddenly turned their attention to girls. They started speaking louder than necessary, trying to stand out during gym class, and teasing girls just to get their attention.

“…She’s cute, isn’t she?”

A childhood friend whispered that to me. I followed his gaze to the girl he was referring to.

She really was cute. Her light brown hair had a soft, airy quality. Her limbs had grown noticeably long and slender as she entered the upper grades. Her voice had the clarity of a bell, and her smile revealed slightly crooked but charming canine teeth.

“…Yeah, she’s cute.”

“Right?! You think she already has a boyfriend?”

Boyfriend.

That word took me a moment to process.

Even as an elementary schooler, I vaguely understood that it had something to do with romance.

“If you became her boyfriend, do you think you’d… you know, do it? L-Like, kissing and stuff?”

As I watched my friend, his face flushed with excitement, I still remember the chill that ran down my spine at the thought that flashed through my mind.

“…I guess you would.”

Because in that moment, the image that appeared in my head wasn’t me kissing a girl.

It was me kissing a man.

Even as a child, I instinctively understood that wasn’t “normal.”

So I decided I would keep my abnormality hidden.

But I couldn’t just ignore it either.

I needed to understand what I was. So, with the utmost caution, I searched the internet.

And that’s when I found out—I wasn’t alone.

There were plenty of people just like me.

I was gay.

Staring at those words on the screen, I quietly closed the tab.

So, I was gay.

I muttered it under my breath, but the words didn’t really sink in.

It didn’t feel real.

Because in my world, there was my mother and father. My grandparents, who would visit during long holidays, or whom we would visit. Family gatherings with aunts, uncles, and cousins.

In all those scenes, men and women fell in love, got married, and had children.

That was how the world was supposed to be.

I had never felt any romantic attraction to girls, yet I had simply assumed that one day, I would naturally follow the same path.

But that illusion shattered one evening over dinner.

“We’re so happy.”

“If our marriage can help others see that love comes in different forms, even just a little, then that would mean the world to us.”

On the television screen, two men stood side by side in matching white tuxedos, beaming at the camera.

The subtitle read: “A Look at Same-s3x Marriage.”

I was so shocked that I dropped my chopsticks.

Two men—getting married.

It wasn’t just something I’d read about online. It was happening. Right in front of my eyes.

They were promising their love to each other.

And they looked so happy.

So radiant, so sacred—it felt almost like a religious painting.

There were people out there who could be together like this.

If that was real… then maybe, just maybe, I could—

“I don’t get it. Mom, change the channel.”

“I think it’s wonderful, but if I imagine myself in their shoes, it does feel… complicated.”

“Oh, today’s a music special! Go get yourself a new pair of chopsticks.”

I don’t remember how the conversation went after that.

But I do remember one thing.

That night, I reaffirmed a fact I had already known deep down.

My sexuality isn’t “normal.”

Yukiho Saito, 17 Years Old, Second-Year High School Student

It’s been years since I came to terms with my sexuality and decided I would hide it for the rest of my life.

Since I realized early on that I was gay, I worked tirelessly to keep it a secret.

Thanks to that, neither my friends nor my family have ever noticed.

To avoid any slip-ups, I gradually distanced myself from people, speaking less and reducing my interactions.

Luckily, I was never a particularly outgoing person, so no one found it strange.

And because my friends also preferred their hobbies over socializing, my school life remained relatively stress-free.

It was summer.

Outside, it was raining.

The evening sky was a murky mix of black and gray, darker than usual for this time of day.

Through the slightly open window, I could hear the sound of rain.

The faded curtains fluttered with the wind, occasionally letting droplets slip through and land on an empty seat in the classroom.

The student who sat there wouldn’t be back today.

By tomorrow morning, the seat would be dry again.

I liked the smell of rain drifting in with the breeze, but I hated the sticky humidity that clung to my skin.

At least the rain had cooled things down a bit.

If only summer could always be like this.

I didn’t like summer.

I hated wearing light clothes.

I hated having swimming classes.

I hated summer vacation.

“Ugh, the rain is crazy today!”

A high-pitched voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

It came from the direction of the entrance.

I recognized the voice—it belonged to a girl from the sports club.

It wasn’t particularly high or low, but it carried well.

Though I couldn’t hear a response, I could occasionally catch bits of conversation.

She was probably chatting with a friend. Or maybe a junior from her club.

Since it was raining, I figured their practice ended early today.

As I idly watched, I spotted a single transparent umbrella moving toward the school gate.

Beneath it were two figures.

A classic shared umbrella scene.

They were standing so close their hair could touch, yet the boy’s shoulder stuck out slightly, getting wet in the rain.

Meanwhile, the girl was completely covered by the umbrella, staying perfectly dry.

Maybe it was just the weather, but they walked slowly.

Even though the rain should have made them want to hurry home, they deliberately took their time.

How envious.

I wanted to be loved like that too.

I wanted to walk under an umbrella with someone, not caring about the people around us.

I wanted to stand close, talking about nothing, ignoring the fact that my feet were getting wet.

I wanted to feel that kind of happiness.

But I knew better than anyone—it was impossible.

That was a world I had no part in. A scene I had given up on.

And yet, sometimes, I couldn’t help it.

Sometimes, I wanted it so badly it hurt.

“…I wish that were me.”

“You like someone?”

“⁉︎”

The words I had expected to disappear into nothingness were suddenly met with an unexpected response.

Startled, I whipped my head around—only to be completely stunned by the person standing there.

“Oh, that girl? Yeah, she’s cute. A lot of guys were heartbroken when she got a boyfriend.”

The guy casually walked past me, heading to the window to look outside.

He nodded to himself as if confirming something before turning back toward me.

And as his gaze met mine, I felt my throat tighten.