I Ended Up Cross-Dressing, My Secret Relationship with a Handsome Guy (BL) - Chapter 16

There aren’t many things I’ve learned from observing Yukiho Saito. Not many, but still, I might be the one who knows him best in this school.

The books he reads often have dark endings. He’s serious and never sleeps during class. Even when his partner for the daily class duties slacks off, he doesn’t complain. He has a mature personality. And it seems like he prefers being alone.

Yukiho Saito is usually by himself. Sometimes, I see him talking with friends, but even they seem like quiet, reserved people. Maybe birds of a feather flock together, because they also seem to enjoy being alone. I was surprised at first—his way of life was so different from mine, someone always surrounded by people. I even wondered if he ever felt uneasy living that way.

After all, I’ve always believed that humans naturally form groups.

If you’re isolated, people start looking at you strangely. They label you as the poor kid who can’t even make one friend and treat you like some untouchable thing. When I first started high school, an old friend from middle school suggested we gather our classmates for a reunion. But in the end, only the upper half of our social triangle showed up. The ones at the bottom weren’t invited—probably didn’t even know about it.

Loneliness must mean being unable to enter that circle.

Even if someone chooses to be alone, others still see them as “pitiful” and exclude them for not fitting in with the group. Maybe it’s some kind of superiority complex, but people move forward without hesitation, pushing out anyone who doesn’t align with their standards.

That idea always made me uneasy.

Even though, based on experience, I knew it was unlikely I’d ever be excluded, that vague fear still lingered at my feet. Maybe that’s why I found Yukiho Saito so incredible.

He goes through his days quietly, calmly, in a kind of silent solitude. That’s what I admired about him.

“Do You Want Me to Write the Journal Instead?”

One day, during that time of year when the bright green leaves turn red and yellow before gradually falling, I was suddenly spoken to by a voice I only recognized from a distance.

For a moment, I froze.

“…Ah, sorry for speaking so suddenly.”

When he talks to someone he isn’t used to, he has this habit of pausing between words. I bet he runs through a hundred different scenarios in his head, but when it’s time to speak, the sheer volume of information overwhelms him.

“…No, it’s nothing.”

That was probably the worst, lamest response I had ever given.

What even was “nothing”? I had the urge to grab myself by the collar and demand an explanation, but that wasn’t the important thing here.

Yukiho Saito had spoken to me.

Someone who rarely speaks to anyone unless necessary—someone as cold and quiet as winter—had actually initiated a conversation with me.

Honestly, I was over the moon. The mix of excitement and nervousness felt similar to what people must feel when they meet a celebrity up close.

“…Um, never mind. Sorry for suddenly talking to you.”

He must have taken my “nothing” the wrong way. His eyes wavered uneasily, and seeing that made my chest tighten.

“W-wait.”

God, how embarrassing. How much lamer could I get?

“Why…”

It all happened too fast—I couldn’t process what was going on. I wanted to say something, but my thoughts were so jumbled I stammered like an awkward, inexperienced kid. Seriously, how pathetic.

Even so, he seemed to understand what I was trying to say. After briefly glancing away, he looked at me again with eyes as calm as a quiet sea.

“…Your club practice is important today, isn’t it?”

His soft voice caught me off guard.

I wasn’t part of any particular club, but like in middle school, I often helped out various teams. This time, I had been invited as a temporary player for the basketball team. They had brought in an external coach to prepare for an upcoming match, and since they asked me for help, I wanted to spend as much time as possible training with them.

But, of course, today of all days, I was assigned as the class duty officer. And, of course, today of all days, the other person on duty was completely unreliable. That’s why I had been feeling anxious and irritated.

Yet all that frustration vanished the moment Yukiho Saito spoke to me.

“…I overheard you talking about it during break. I’ll tell the teacher, so let’s switch.”

Apparently, my emotions were written all over my face.

He gave me an answer before I could even ask. All I could do was nod. And when he took that as my agreement, I saw the corners of his lips lift ever so slightly.

At that moment, my heart felt like it had been shot.

Before I could process that feeling, my phone vibrated on my desk. The screen showed a call from one of my basketball teammates. I hurriedly answered.

“Sorry, I’m stuck with class duty, but—”

“It’s okay.”

In a voice only I could hear, he whispered, then picked up the class journal and returned to his seat.

It would be rude to refuse him after all this.

“I’ll be there soon,” I told my teammate, then hastily packed my things and rushed toward the door.

Just before stepping into the hallway, I stopped abruptly and turned back.

“—Thank you!”

“…Yeah. Do your best.”

It felt like he was pushing me forward.

I ran down the hallway and headed for the gym where the volleyball team usually practiced.

I had been told to “do my best” so many times before that it should have lost all meaning. But somehow, his words made me feel warm inside.

Maybe it was because he had acknowledged my efforts.

That thought came to me surprisingly easily.

But I had been in this situation countless times before, so why did Yukiho Saito’s words feel so different?

If I had to give a reason, maybe it was because he had been my subject of observation. It made sense—I had been watching him all this time, and suddenly, he spoke to me. If I thought about it in terms of fan psychology, my reaction wasn’t strange at all.

Being chased rather than chasing—actually, I had never been the one to chase after someone before. Yukiho Saito was an exception in my life.

Ah, so this is what a fan’s mindset feels like, I thought as I pushed open the gym doors.

It would take me about a year to realize that this feeling wasn’t just admiration.